this week on instagram, part x.
Something you may or may not know about be is that I journal. However, only recently have I gotten the hang of it and stayed loyal to the habit of journaling. Here are some tips and tricks on how you can journal successfully. Hope you like it :)
When I was 13 years old and curious about sex and love, I asked my mom if she had had sex before marrying my father (of whom she is still married to, and has been since before I was born). She said that that wasn’t really a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question. I said ‘sure it is, you’ve either had sex before him, or you haven’t’. She brought me onto the couch and sat me down and told me about the boy she liked when she was young and how one night she snuck into his house while his parents were gone and they were kissing and he said they should have sex and she said that she wanted to save sex for marriage and he laughed and basically took all her clothes off and he raped her and as my mom was telling the story she cried and this was the second time I had ever seen my mom cry. She was 12 when it happened.
In grade 8 I got a call from my friend in the middle of the night and she was drunk in the park crying and told me that she went out that night with some other friends and they drank a little and her guy “friend” starting flirting and yes she laughed at first but then he tried to pull her shirt over her head and she pulled away and he ripped her shirt and it was her favourite shirt and then he pushed her to her knees and HIS BEST FRIEND HELD HER JAW OPEN WHILE HE FACE FUCKED HER. And so I went to the park and picked her up and took her home and slept in her bed with her except we didn’t sleep because she just cried and her mouth bled and this was four years ago but I still have to be the one to bring her items to the till it the cashier is a man, and she still has anxiety attacks and she’ll get a rash all over her body and I just want to kill those boys but instead they are still walking around. And I’m in the bathroom with her, dabbing at her skin with a warm cloth until it returns to its regular colour.
And in grade 9 one of my closest friends was kinda seeing this boy and so they hung out one night and then she said that she really had to be getting back home and he said that she wasn’t going anywhere until she gave him what he wanted and he parked the car and took off her clothes and she said no and he ignored her and so she laid in the backseat totally limp and just cried and it wasn’t even sex, he just masterbated by using her body instead of his hand and she came to school the next day with vodka in her water bottle and she drank all day and I had to fight her to get the alcohol away from her and she just cried and threw up and I skipped class while I held her hair back and that same boy texted me a month later, asking if I ever wanted to hangout sometime.
And in that same year my very best friend who has never even kissed a boy, confessed to me that when she was 9 years old, her 12 year old cousin made her give him a hand job and he told her that was what cousins do and he gave her a chocolate bar afterwards and she told me that he probably doesn’t even remember it but that it’s something that she’ll never have the luxury of forgetting.
And in grade 10 I knew a girl who invited her best friend over to watch Disney movies and then he started to put his hands down her pants and she said no but she is 130lbs and he is 220lbs and he called her a tease while she tried to fight him but he used one hand to hold her down, and the other to put inside of her and i was the one to push her inside of a classroom and stand in front of her while calling the police when he showed up at our school looking for her and she was so damn scared.
And a few months later I skipped class and was in the car with a guy who i had had unprotected sex with in the past while under the influence of cocaine but this time I was sober and I insisted we use a condom but he told me he couldn’t feel anything while the condom was on so he ripped it off and I said I refused to have unprotected sex again and so he just grabbed me and forced himself into my mouth and I was crying and he pulled me onto him and I just came saying “stop” over and over like a broken record but he must’ve heard something different because he went until he came and I just sat naked in the backseat while he drove me back to the school and said “we should do this again sometime”. And I had five showers that night and I scratched at my skin so hard to try and rip his fingerprints off of me, I still have the scars.
And I found out soon afterwards that that same guy had raped a classmate of mine, 5 months earlier and she told me about how he brought her McDonald’s first, and how he said they could take things slow and she told me about how he didn’t listen to her either. And he goes to our school and so after she told me about her incident and I told her about mine, we decided to report it to the police and the trial is currently still going on and he told people about it, except in his version we are just “asking for attention” and all his friends talk about how bad they feel for him. As if HE is the one that still wakes up screaming. As if HE felt like his skin no longer was beautiful, no longer belonged to him. And I held her in my arms as she bawled after giving the police her statement. And she did the same for me.
And I met a woman a year ago in a paint store and she had a service dog and I asked what the dog was for and it turns out that she had been so brutally raped and abused in her life, that the dog is literally trained to keep men away from her.
And I’m so FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS WORLD WE ARE LIVING IN. How many rape victims eyes have I already looked into? How many more will I? And how many more friends will I hold while they shake? Because I don’t know how many more I can take. And who the fuck still has the nerve to make rape jokes? And… Something just has to change. Please, someone just start being that change.
-16 year old girl
HORIKOSHI SNAPPED 🔥🔥🔥
Since I’m not studying at the moment, I thought I’d take the time to make this mindmap to give you guys some suggestions for how to study. Let me know if anything here is particularly helpful! Have a wonderful weekend everyone! 😘
jeno vs. sour juice
[ new message from ‘ jeno ’ ]
‘ i want to get a cat with u. ’
┌ y/n is typing…
‘ but u already have like 10 cats??? ’
┌ jeno is typing…
‘ first of all! i have 3!! second of all,,, ’
‘ i mean. i wanna own a cat w u ’
┌ y/n is typing…
‘ ,,,????? ’
‘ wait u got me a cat???????!! ’
┌ jaemin & renjun is typing…
‘ hes trying to confess LMAO ’
‘ he means he wants to b ur bF y/N ’
┌ jeno is typing…
‘ shiT THIS IS THE GROUP CHAT ’
┌ renjun is typing…
‘ LMFAOOOO ’
┌ y/n is typing…
‘ ???!???!!??’
‘ uh,,, i accept?! ’
┌ jeno is typing…
‘ wait rly??? like u mean yes??? ’
┌ y/n is typing…
‘ lmao yeah ofc i mean yes !!!! ’
┌ jaemin is typing…
‘ well it’s abt time!!! ’
┌ renjun is typing…
‘ yea it was getting painful watching them b totally oblivious this whole time ’
┌ jeno is typing…
‘ STFU ’
┌ y/n is typing…
‘ so jeno, what time do u wanna go to the humane society at tomorrow?? ’
┌ jeno, jaemin & renjun is typing…
kevin nguyen — the og fuckboy: terushima, tanaka, suna
“baby i’m not like other guys, a-ha-ha”; raves/parties every weekend; knows every illienium song by heart; major hypebeast (mostly supreme); sneakerhead, would rather die than wear vans/converse; drives a lexus; dangly cross earrings; “down for boba?”; exclusively dates abgs; pretends he can play basketball, really just mediocre at 2k; diamond on league; goes to the gym, skips leg days; will text you “wyd” at 2 am; probably has tattoos; cannot speak a word in his mother tongue; always at the beach but how??
josh kim — the soft fuckboy: atsumu, oikawa, kageyama
every girl his age in the 626 follows him on instagram; snap score 500k+; has keshi in his “sad boi hours” playlist; at least one pierced ear with studs; permed hair; owns a denim jacket with sherpa lining; ripped light-wash skinny jeans; lives in converse and vans; actually plays basketball; sideways peace sign; “into photography” pls lmfao you just use the c1 filter on vsco; watches anime; mostly listens to rap and r&b; “not to sound forward or anything but we vibe so well”; probably has a dog just for the gram/tinder; lowkey tiktok famous
brandon ng — the unintentional fuckboy: hinata, bokuto, ushijima, iwaizumi, osamu, sugawara, kita
wardrobe consists entirely of hollister, h&m, a&f, polos, knee-length shorts; unstyled, floppy hair; aunties and uncles LOVE this guy; owns a miniature poodle and actually likes animals (lookin at u josh 👀); highly involved in culture festivals; probably works at a boba store; didn’t mean to lead you on–– he’s just too nice/awkward to break it to ya; drives an SUV or honda it’s either-or; wants to be a doctor in the future; probably had his heart broken by an abg once; texts “hahaha” when you make your crush obvious
charles wang — the ivy league fuckboy: kuroo, akaashi, sakusa, tsukishima
student council president; did DECA competitions and debate/MUN; either majors in business or computer science in college; fluent in his mother tongue; mf actually wears a watch; khakis and button-up shirts; your parents compare you to this guy ALL the time; is SOMEHOW connected to the bay area (lives in? interns in? has family there?); goes to the gym 4 times a week (not for gainz but for health unlike kevin); wildest of all the fuckboys tbh how does he not get caught???; all his hookups end up as linkedin connections; instagram empty af
peace of snow