Somegrayleaves - Some Gray Leaves

i'm always looking for new ways to forgive myself, to let myself down gently, to feel disappointment without feeling rage. i'm not very good at it. kindness toward the self feels like an excuse.

gentle reminder that it's not too late to get into the habit of wearing masks again 😷

Plot twist for all the "I'd kill myself if I was as disabled as you" crowd:

If you were in my position, you wouldn't BE spending all day in bed. You'd be abusing your body by forcing yourself to work a job and just "tough it out" when you make yourself sicker. If you had to put up with the level of medical abuse that I do, you'd just swear off the medical field entirely and claim "big pharma" is good for nothing and only wants your money and to keep people sick.

No one actually tells you to stay in bed and rest when you're disabled. Overcoming internalized ableism comes in many phases, one of which is making the radical decision to stay in bed and rest if you're disabled.

You wouldn't kill yourself if you were me, because with your attitude, you could never BE me, and that's really fucking pathetic.

Illustrations for Yasunari Kawabata's The Sound of Waves | Shiosai | 潮騒, by Lâm Tùng Nguyễn.

I’m sick of just trying to get through things.

I want to enjoy things. I want to look forward to things instead of just dreading being tired and in pain.

Came across this in a report at work

Beatrix Potter

Writer, illustrator, conservationist, natural scientist

For the inaugural Arcade Feature, I'm excited to tell you about Beatrix Potter. Most people (including me) know her best for her picture books-

-which have sold over 250 million copies since they were published in the early 1900s.

Fun fact: In 1903, Peter Rabbit was the first fictional character to be made into a patented stuffed toy, making him the oldest licensed character.

But what really caught my attention is the work she was doing before Peter Rabbit came along.

Beatrix Potter had a scientific eye for detail, and was able to faithfully depict the world around her. In particular, she was interested in mycology.

In 1897, she put forward a paper to the Linnean Society in London... but as a woman was not allowed to be a member of the society nor attend the meeting when her paper was read. When the society's members did not pay much attention to her work, and fearing her samples to be contaminated, Potter withdrew her paper, which became lost. Only after Potter left hundreds of mycological artworks to a museum in the Lake District, UK, on her death in 1943, were her scientific talents recognized... Potter's precise and beautiful paintings and drawings of fungi are now helping modern mycologists in their efforts to identify species.*

Potter eventually moved away from books in favor of land management and farming. She was a prize-winning sheep breeder and a prosperous farmer, and bought several farms surrounding her own to preserve the unique hill country landscape. Much of that land now constitutes the Lake District National Park.

Keep an eye out for more Beatrix Potter throughout the month of February.

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* Fry, C., & Wayland, E. (2024). Introduction. In The Botanists’ Library, The Most Important Botanical Books in History (1st ed., pp. 9–10). introduction, Ivy Press.