Sordidsass-blog - Sordid Sass

“so you usually stay at home because of your mental illness?”

yeah.. but don’t think it’s boring…i have several intense mood swings in an afternoon and sometimes i dissociate for hours

You should share this for people in DC and close to you!!

Black Community we have to be careful. Protect our Girls! Spread this! 

I am deceased

10/23/16

What do you do when you begin to feel numb again? What do you do when you’re sitting in class and suddenly it’s like a dark cloud is sitting over your head and everyone’s smiling and laughing but in your eyes it looks like everyone’s laughing at you, smiling at your pain. What do you do when the people you love ask if you’re okay and you try to explain but all that comes out is “I’m fine, just tired” and they nod and smile and the dark cloud begins to rain because you can’t.fucking.open.yourself.up.to.love. What do you do when everyday you wake up and it’s like what next? What else is there until I feel okay again? What do you do?

Your secrets are safe here (via thelovewhisperer)

Things we've figured out about BPD on this blog

So like, i feel like we’ve made some progress conceptualizing some aspects of bpd, a lot of which arent really stated as symptoms officially, so im just gonna summarize some points that’ve been more or less deemed collectively relatable. 

 no concept of units of measurement, applies to time, weight, distance, etc. cannot determine sizes without reference point 

 General no concept of time, memories are not stored linearly, incapable of determining passing time without a clock 

- ‘thought cloud’ thinking, mostly abstract/conceptual where conclusions are drawn from general ideas rather than formulatic logical reasoning, meaning:  A -> ???…C-B-> A -> ??!! AD->B…. = D VS. A -> B -> C = D 

 no object permanence heavily related to relationships with other people, relationship and concept of person vanishes when not interacting, incapable of manifesting a mental image of person when trying recall them, may recall them more as a concept or idea

  maladaptive daydreaming, escapist tendency to live in an elaborate fantasy world instead of real life, often related to a ‘story’ you create of how your life should go where you may play the ‘tragic hero’, confusion results when real life doesn’t line up accordingly to this story 

psychotic symptoms more common than initially believed, including delusional thinking, illusory/hallucinatory things, paranoia, etc. tactile hallucinations, shadow people, insects, dots, etc.

 default perception of vision may be different than normal, colors are brighter, sounds/tastes/all senses are slightly amplified, static or ‘snow vision’ common, objects can warp or melt in peripheral or blurred vision, patterns and textured surfaces glitter, move, or go all trippy, solid colors or empty spaces are perceived as multiple colors simultaneously

 sense of hunger is nonexistent or dysfunctional, hunger based heavily on emotions instead of a physical body response 

  tendency to draw the following: swirls, sky imagery, eyes, trees, circuits, dots, floaty and abstract subject matter that reflects ‘living in your head’, not being grounded, and have an intangible/fractured or ever-morphing sense of identity 

wanting to be sick or clinging to self-destruction as a consistent quality to base identity off of is common, suffering is so ingrained into identity and sense of self that recover is undesirable, wanting to present the image of being fucked up because at least you know how to do that right - black and white/all or nothing thinking is present in literally every aspect of life and logic processing, instinctual way of processing conclusions, thoughts, and feelings only exist on two extremes with no concept of a middle ground, this conflict leads to not being able to decide any aspect of yourself which leads to nonexistent sense of self

dissociative symptoms work on a spectrum, may include varying degrees of depersonalization/derealization, may occur episodic or chronically, and can range from a ‘not entirely there’ permanent mental state to a temporary state of panic where you’re completely detached from reality. the range and frequency of these variations are dependent on the individual 

psuedohallucinatory voices or people in head, may be described as facets, alters, or some other mystery category, can be percieved as seperate entities or different parts of you, conversations with these voices are common and may happen out loud frequently. headmates

“imposter syndrome” very common, where you question the validity/existence of your disorder, question whether or not you may have a completely different disorder, worry about faking it or exaggerating symptoms, want to prove the existence of your illness by getting worse, etc.

lack of sympathy results from excess empathy, because of our ability to feel others emotions strongly, we must put up a wall and refuse to acknowledge other’s emotions at all, for fear of feeling them too strongly and getting hurt in the process. for example, refusal to help comforting someone emotionally, because allowing yourself to do so would make you secondhandedly feel the exact misery they’re feeling that lingers long after the interaction

As many of you know, I recently purchased an Uruk-Hai scimitar.

Well let me tell you, it was quite the pragmatic purchase. It has endless uses in my morning routine.

Such as making the bed:

Making toast:

Getting things off high shelves:

Making coffee:

Reaching the remote when it’s too far away:

And assisting me when I ran out of toilet paper:

I don’t know how I survived life without it.