I Hate The “Thoreau’s Mom Did His Laundry” Criticism So Much, It Drives Me Crazy.

I hate the “Thoreau’s mom did his laundry” criticism so much, it drives me crazy.

Henry Thoreau did not go to Walden Pond because he thought it would be a fun adventure. He went into the woods because he was deeply depressed and burnt out. He was running from the horror of his brother and best friend recently dying in his arms, and the haunting memory of causing the Fairhaven Bay fire. His friend Ellery Channing literally gave him the ultimatum of either taking some time off to write and think, or else be institutionalized.

I think Thoreau’s mother saw her depressed son choosing to retreat into a small cabin in the woods, and was worried about him. Of course she did his laundry - just as Ralph Waldo Emerson probably brought him firewood and bread. These were not chores of obligation to support a “great” man, but services of love to help their deeply depressed 28yo son and friend.

And if you ask me, there’s a lesson in that - to “suck out the marrow of life” and “live deliberately,” one must also accept help offered from the people in your life who love you. There is no true transcendentalism or individualism without love and friendship behind it.

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More Posts from Sparklingsilvermagnolias and Others

some essays to fill your time

Just a bunch of things I've read recently.

The Authoritarian Roots of India's Democracy by Tripurdaman Singh

Why is Everything So Ugly?

Casual Viewing by Will Tavlin

“You are Next”: Unmarried Urban Women in India and the “Marriage Talk” by Shilpa Phadke

Crossing Days by Thomas Dai

Inside the Indian Manosphere by Lhendup Bhatia

Optimism and Desperation by Camilla Grudova

Everyone is Cheating Their Way Through College by James Walsh

Blunt-Force Ethnic Credibility by Som-Mai Nguyen

When My Authentic is Your Exotic by Soniah Kamal

The discontent of Russia by Joy Neumeyer

On anti-political projects by Kat Rosenfield

'Correcting' historical wrongs is a slippery slope by Manu Pillai


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money is such an underrated accessibility option.

like people want to think any disabled person who is after money is morally suspect some way, because they're not asking for "treatments" or "accommodations" like a lot of our issues can be fixed way more easily with money. can't drive? paying for a taxi is often one of the more accessible alternatives. can't cook? you can pay more to have prepared food delivered to you. food restrictions? that food straight up costs more money. can't clean? you can pay for someone to do that. house inaccessible? having (lots) of money can help with that, you get the gist.

having money won't make us abled. it also won't stop our symptoms from being distressing, painful, or debilitating. but there's a huge gap in experience between the average poor disabled person and someone who's actually wealthy. you can buy your way out of some of the difficult situations most disabled people are left to rot in. wanting money, needing money, asking for money is pretty natural when it's such a useful tool. why get so weird about disabled people wanting money like i'm pretty sure everyone wants money anyway


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When inventing a fantasy religion a lot of people a) make the mistake of assuming that everyone in fantasy world would worship the same gods and b) assume that polytheistic religions see all of their gods as morally good


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the look of love (for writers)

"it's all in the eyes i was once told"

catching the stare of someone across a crowded room

subtle furrowing of eyebrows beyond a blank facade

coldness easing into warmth

a fond mothering gaze

corner of the lip nudged upward

forced glower/glare as they break underneath

batting their lashes, playful

a boisterous laugh

intrigue piercing the stoic

proud smugness at the other's success

lingering glances

a childish joy bursting through

pupils dilate

eyelids shut in a look of peace, calm and trust

look of longing/betrayal

"there was once a time when they were mine"

terseness

features fold into a scowl

an urgent flinching back

coldness returns (as though the warmth had never come)

lips part then purse

invasion of shock

slow stare at the floor

the ripple effect of a swallow

frustrated breath/sigh

bitter laugh in reminiscence

dread tearing through the seams of their composure

look of hatred

"darkness"

mean smirk- teeth bared grimace- scowl

dismissive gaze

gaze of contempt/impatience

threat lowering the voice

sardonic goading grins verging on manic

rolling one's eyes

flicker of irritation in the eyes

stares stubbornly ahead despite distraction

gritted teeth, clenched jaw

fierce biting remarks

even measured complexions betraying no thought

strangling oneself back from violence

utter apathy

murderous silence hanging in the stare

snobbish laughter

smiling at another's downfall


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Small fantasy worldbuilding elements you might want to think about:

A currency that isn’t gold-standard/having gold be as valuable as tin

A currency that runs entirely on a perishable resource, like cocoa beans

A clock that isn’t 24-hours

More or less than four seasons/seasons other than the ones we know

Fantastical weather patterns like irregular cloud formations, iridescent rain

Multiple moons/no moon

Planetary rings

A northern lights effect, but near the equator

Roads that aren’t brown or grey/black, like San Juan’s blue bricks

Jewelry beyond precious gems and metals

Marriage signifiers other than wedding bands

The husband taking the wife's name / newlyweds inventing a new surname upon marriage

No concept of virginity or bastardry

More than 2 genders/no concept of gender

Monotheism, but not creationism

Gods that don’t look like people

Domesticated pets that aren’t re-skinned dogs and cats

Some normalized supernatural element that has nothing to do with the plot

Magical communication that isn’t Fantasy Zoom

“Books” that aren’t bound or scrolls

A nonverbal means of communicating, like sign language

A race of people who are obligate carnivores/ vegetarians/ vegans/ pescatarians (not religious, biological imperative)

I’ve done about half of these myself in one WIP or another and a little detail here or there goes a long way in reminding the audience that this isn’t Kansas anymore.


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Ways I Show a Character is Emotionally Burned Out (Before They Even Realize It Themselves)

I love writing characters who think they’re fine but are actually walking emotional house fires with bad coping mechanisms.

They stop doing the things they used to love and don’t even notice. Their guitar gathers dust. Their favorite podcast becomes background noise. Their hobbies feel like homework now.

They pick the path of least resistance every time, even when it hurts them. No, they don’t want to go to that thing. No, they don’t want to talk to that person. But whatever’s easier. That’s the motto now.

They’re tired but can’t sleep. Or they sleep but wake up more tired. Classic burnout move: lying in bed with their brain racing like a toddler on espresso.

They give other people emotional advice they refuse to take themselves. “You have to set boundaries!” they say—while ignoring 8 texts from someone they should’ve cut off three emotional breakdowns ago.

They cry at something stupidly small. Like spilling soup. Or a dog in a commercial. Or losing their pen. The soup is never just soup.

They say “I’m just tired” like it’s a personality trait now. And not like… emotionally drained to the bone but afraid to admit it out loud.

They ghost people they love, not out of malice, but because even replying feels like too much. Social battery? Absolutely obliterated. Texting back feels like filing taxes.

They stop reacting to big things. Catastrophes get a blank stare. Disasters feel like “just another Tuesday.” The well of feeling is running dry.

They avoid being alone with their own thoughts. Constant noise. TV always on. Music blasting. Because silence = reckoning, and reckoning is terrifying.

They start hoping something will force them to stop. An accident. A missed deadline. Someone else finally telling them, “You need a break.” Because asking for help? Unthinkable.


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Questions Your Character Is Too Afraid to Ask

(But desperately needs the answer to) Because these are the thoughts they won’t say out loud, but they shape everything they do.

If I stopped trying, would anyone notice?

Do they actually like me, or do I just make their life easier?

Am I hard to love?

What would they say about me if I left the room?

Would they stay if they saw the real me?

What if I’m only good at pretending to be good?

Was it actually love, or just obligation?

What happens if I fail again? What’s left of me then?

How long until they get tired of me?

What if I deserve the things I’m afraid of?

Am I healing or just hiding better?

Why do I feel more myself when I’m alone?

Do I want to be forgiven or just forget?

What if I never become the person they believe I am?

Am I still angry, or just numb?

Why can’t I let go of them, even after everything?

If they hurt me, and I stayed, did I hurt myself more?

Am I building a future, or just distracting myself from the past?

Is this what I want, or just what I’ve been told to want?

What if I was never meant to survive this, but I did anyway? Now what?


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a list of 100+ buildings to put in your fantasy town

academy

adventurer's guild

alchemist

apiary

apothecary

aquarium

armory

art gallery

bakery

bank

barber

barracks

bathhouse

blacksmith

boathouse

book store

bookbinder

botanical garden

brothel

butcher

carpenter

cartographer

casino

castle

cobbler

coffee shop

council chamber

court house

crypt for the noble family

dentist

distillery

docks

dovecot

dyer

embassy

farmer's market

fighting pit

fishmonger

fortune teller

gallows

gatehouse

general store

graveyard

greenhouses

guard post

guildhall

gymnasium

haberdashery

haunted house

hedge maze

herbalist

hospice

hospital

house for sale

inn

jail

jeweller

kindergarten

leatherworker

library

locksmith

mail courier

manor house

market

mayor's house

monastery

morgue

museum

music shop

observatory

orchard

orphanage

outhouse

paper maker

pawnshop

pet shop

potion shop

potter

printmaker

quest board

residence

restricted zone

sawmill

school

scribe

sewer entrance

sheriff's office

shrine

silversmith

spa

speakeasy

spice merchant

sports stadium

stables

street market

tailor

tannery

tavern

tax collector

tea house

temple

textile shop

theatre

thieves guild

thrift store

tinker's workshop

town crier post

town square

townhall

toy store

trinket shop

warehouse

watchtower

water mill

weaver

well

windmill

wishing well

wizard tower


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umm do you have any good gateway books into second wave feminism 😓

So if you want to read some of the defining books of the era I'd say

Sexual Politics, Kate Millett

Ob/Gyn, Mary Daly

Dialectics of Sex, Shulamith Firestone

Intercourse; Right-Wing Women; Woman Hating; Pornography; all four by Andrea Dworkin

Against Our Will, Susan Brownmiller

Ain't I a Woman, bell hooks

Sister Outsider, Audre Lorde

I haven't read it but I've also seen The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer recommended a lot.

These are all good starts for second-wave feminism imo. upon reading them you'll also find some recommendations to other books as second-wave feminists referenced each other pretty often.

I would also advise reading history books written about the second-wave on the side. For example, Jewish Radical Feminism by Joyce Antler shades some light on Firestone's, Brownmiller's and Dworkin's life and political perspectives that helps put their work in context. Another really good one is Battling Pornography by Carolyn Bronstein, you can read this in a series with Pornography by Andrea Dworkin and Against Our Will by Susan Brownmiller. And then you also have The Trouble Between Us by Winifred Breines, about the tensions between white and black, straight and lesbian, upper and lower class second wave feminists. Also a very interesting read that puts some works in context and still has strong relevance nowadays


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i think people (men and men-simps) miss a crucial aspect of women hating men.

the harm it inflicts.

if a woman hates men and is vocal about it, the worst that happens is she alienates the men in her life and hurts some feelings.

but that's the extent of it. our society doesn't discriminate against men. our society doesn't value women's contributions over men's. our society doesn't sexualize men the way it sexualizes women. men aren't generally viewed by society as a commodity or a prize at the end of the battle or a reward for being a decent person. our society doesn't view men as tools for sexual gratification and nothing more. "misandry" is low-stakes.

and it's borne of misogyny. men hate us, men oppress us, men violate us, men have built the world to tear down our self-esteem and minimize our worth, men assault us, men are in charge and then they pay us less and don't promote us, men control our bodies and send us to prison if we don't act as incubators against our will, men view us as free maids and mothers and shoulders to cry on before using our holes for their own enjoyment. we don't know which man will hurt us like this by looking, we act suspicious and they tell us we're paranoid we trust them and get hurt and they tell us we should've known better.

of course we hate men. men oppress us in all facets of society and despite decades of progress we're still suffering under them, and it's getting worse with the overturn of Roe v. Wade and the election of a rapist into our nation's highest office because America hates women more than it hates rapists. it's to be expected that we would hate men.

when we hate men, we hurt feelings. when men hate us, we are murdered and violated and exploited and imprisoned.

and before the terf accusations pile on, i do not count trans women as men. i support anyone joining Team Woman. my goal is to smash the patriarchy, not other women.

yeah, it’s like that atwood quote about how men are afraid that women will laugh at them while women are afraid that men will murder them


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