Spideymanny - Thinking Of Andreil

i need to give neil's description of andrew before their first kiss more attention because the way he says that the look they share is one of deep understanding, it's just that neil is about to fall off the ledge but andrew has already fallen. it's crazy to think about because both neil and andrew never rlly had a home, except andrew made one in columbia and then invited neil into it. andrew as a kid was constantly forced into moving from place to place, and neil from ten on went through the exact same experience. even during the series neil was never going to stay, while andrew agreed to stay somewhere for five years (the longest previously he'd ever stayed being two years) and then asked neil to stay himself. like i always thought of it as neil saying that andrew had already reached his breaking point and broken (see andrew's gutter comment), but it's also that andrew reached his breaking point and now is unable to see the way he's creating situations that will do the exact opposite. if that makes sense.

Nora saying Neil would have stayed at the Nest for Jean. Jean and Neil both hating Betsy on sight. Neil and Jean both being sold to a higher family like a commodity. Neil gently taking the phone from Jean's hands and saying'I've got him coach' to Wymack when Jean starts to panic. Neil asking Kevin if Jean was okay when Jeremy called. Jean wishing Neil had stayed just so someone could be with him during the harshest times of his life. Kevin being sure that Neil will be helped by Jean. Neil giving Jean time to get it together when the agents arrived. Neil protecting Jean from his abuser. Jean silently cleaning up Neil's wounds and speaking to him in french when no can hear them. Jean asking Neil to tell him that Riko is truly gone and Neil confirming without a moment of hesitation. Jean and Neil both automatically resorting to saying they're okay—I'm fine, there's nothing to talk about—whenever someone asks them. Neil originally being a backliner just like Jean. Neil telling Jean it's okay to take off the tattoo. Neil reminding Jean he's worth saving. Neil looking over his shoulder out of instinct thinking Jean would be there near him. Neil being Jean's what-if. The 3 to the other's 4. A broken promise. The misplaced forever partners.

so, another thing about collegiate teams is that they usually have an alumni game.

now the foxes don't have any alumni by the end of the books, but they will eventually.

now this might be different for a sport like exy (I played lax which really dosent have a large professional league, but the big d1 schools i think still do this too) but yk what it usually happens during pre-season anyways and its always a ton of fun.

Because what happens is that it's usually a game of alumni vs current players. and that is hilarious.

(Dan gets back on the court and gets to win against her current players)

(the current players are just like 'this is so unfair' and 'what the fuck do you mean I have to guard kevin motherfucking day' or ' how the fuck am I supposed to score? minyard is in goal???')

Neil has the time of his life btw - because an alumni game is also a chance for everyone to play on the foxes' court again, a chance to come home!

i want aaron to smile. i want him to go to medical school and get his first apartment and live with katelyn and i want them to get an aquarium with a whole bunch of cool brightly colored fish and i want him to get to specialise in the area of medicine he wants to and when they're studying for their exams he and kate have post it notes of terminology and memorizations stuck all over the walls of their apartment. i want aaron to learn how to cook and learn what he likes what his comfort foods are i want him to have a dog, lily, that curls up at the end of the bed at night i want him to call nicky every week just like he promised i want him to have a little fox paw fridge magnet that katelyn got and he didn't object to i want there to be photographs in the hallway of his college graduation, of him and katelyn getting their puppy, of them getting engaged, getting married. i want aaron to get a job and love it i want him to be really good at staying calm when he's talking to his patients i want him and katelyn to drive to work together i want them to babysit kevin's daughter i want them to have date nights and see movies together and spend their anniversary at the beach where they got engaged. i want aaron to send pictures of his dog to the foxes' groupchat, i want him to smile when dan asks to dogsit for eternity, i want him to laugh at dinners with his colleagues, i want him to stay in touch with his friends from med school and spend birthdays with them. i want him to text andrew with just stuff about his life, pictures of birds he saw when he was walking lily that morning, i want him to be able to talk to his family without it hurting. i want aaron to get to life his life without being tied down by his guilt and his grief i want him to stop seeing blood when he falls asleep i want him to smile i want him to laugh i want aaron to breathe easier and start living instead of surviving

People who don’t like Aaron Kevin Nicky for “not understanding Andrew the way Neil does” PISS ME OFF SO BADDDDDDDD bro people have different mindsets. Different worldviews. Andrew and Neil’s align in a way that’s really beautiful. But also Andrew makes no effort to understand anyone else’s perspective. NEIL makes even less. It’s not normal for people to just immediately get why someone would be acting as violently as often as Andrew does! You have to grow up around an insane amount of violence to not see what Andrew does as insane! If any of you ever met someone like Andrew you’d be fucking terrified! Most of you couldn’t even handle meeting Aaron let’s be so fucking fr! Neil and Andrew Understanding each other the way that do is so lucky and so brilliant, but you guys must end this tirade against Aaron Kevin and Nicky for “not trying to understand Andrew.”

Let’s j go through the list, ok?

If you were teenager Aaron and your brother almost killed you by locking you in a bathroom for a week for you to get clean while you were literally clawing at your enclosure (same brother who killed your mom. Btw) would you be so quick to try and understand where he was coming from? I love Andrew truly I do but that was so unfathomably dangerous.

Imagine you’re Matt and you put so much effort into getting clean and staying clean just for Andrew to literally drug you again? Jesus fucking Christ!!!! Imagine being Dan and having that done to your boyfriend!!!

Imagine being Kevin and the person who swore to protect you is choking you, with intent to do serious harm potentially even kill you (three people to get Andrew off?) because you made a promise to the person Andrew is doing this whole bit for. My god

Andrew is incredibly protective and that drives a lot of his actions and as the reader we see that more clearly because it didn’t happen to us and we never actually see these happen on paper. Andrew is not a kind character (none of the monsters are) and that’s okay. We are all attached to unkind people in real life. You can’t just justify every violent action he does by blaming other people for not truly understanding him

i’m ready to admit it. jeremy being a fake blonde is extremely poetic and prophetic to the news that he’s not actually the faultless golden boy that he projects, but is, instead, human like the rest of us. and. can’t believe i’m saying this. i prefer it even! yeah, i said it.

I hate how the booktokification of the “unhinged woman” genre has completely reduced the concept of female rage to just “girlboss” without taking seriously how important it is to unequivocally portray female rage.

Throughout the history of literature, we’ve been given countless instances of women in despair and in sadness but save for a few writers (take Euripides, for example), we’ve rarely ever been given angry women who aren’t the villains or the foil for the perfect poised passive princess. Female rage has constantly been subdued and erased or warped into “she’s just batshit crazy” in pretty much every society.

And now that publishing and media marketing has reduced women showing rage in books to the “white hypersexual girlboss with a knife”, instead of uplifting the way women are allowed to have more dimension and sympathy in their visible anger than ever in literature, the media still isn’t taking this subgenre seriously.

But I remember someone say that, aftg is beautiful in a way that it shows victims as those fucked up people, because trauma can change your brain. Hell, trauma CHANGES your brain chemistry. You can never be the same, some people run, some people refuse to acknowledge their feelings and some are violent, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. That's the way of things. But our society learned to love oppressed, soft and calm survivors since they're mostly silent and hate people who have an actual post traumatic reaction to things So, I personally love that Nora made for example Andrew violent because you can really see how badly traumatic events can affect you. On the other hand we also have Kevin who learned years ago to just shut up and hide from his memories. And then again, we have Renee who is able to be soft after all she went through.

where's the andreil brokeback mountain au i need one

i think an andreil "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" au would be incredible...PLS PLS PLS