Neon Leon

I couldn’t hold back || J.K.

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: Mentions of death, bad language

“The name of that good friend of yours, that one you told me about. Oh right, it’s Marco.”

Your eyes bored into the bowl of stew held in your hands, doing your best to remain calm through this conversation.

“You said Annie was involved in his death, didn’t you?”

You didn’t need to look over at Jean to know he was scowling. Marco’s death had taken a toll on both of you, finding out Annie was involved was even harder.

“Have you asked about it yet? The truth behind his death.”

Your head flashed up, eyes snapping between Yelena and Annie quickly. You hadn’t, truthfully, You didn’t think Jean had either. Up until now, you weren’t sure you really wanted to know. The point of it was Marco was dead, you didn’t need to know the details.

“I took off Marco’s ODM gear.” Annie spoke before anyone could inquire more information. “That’s why a titan ate-“ Reiner cut her off.

“Annie was only following my orders.”

The anger in your chest burned, bubbling under the surface. You could’ve assumed he’d have something to do with it as well, but hearing the words come out of his mouth was a different experience entirely.

“Marco overheard a secret conversation I had with Bertholdt. In fear of our cover being blown, I thought the best way to silence him was to have a titan kill him. I slammed Marco into a roof while in the air. And while I held him down, I had Annie take off his ODM gear. Marco was stuck there until a titan ate him.”

It was deathly quiet as Reiner finished, no one quite able to believe what they were hearing. You felt sick, you were furious. You couldn’t bring yourself to look back at either of them, knowing what they’d done to Marco.

“Did Marco say anything at the very end?” Jean spoke up, eyes trained at the fire in front of him. His tone was hard, cold, his body language seemed stiff, almost like a wall.

“He asked why I wasn’t willing to talk to him.” You looked towards him then, meeting Reiner’s eyes for the first time in years. There was nothing but pure regret in them, and it made something twist deep within your stomach.

“I think that question still applies. We hardly tried to talk, we all just kept fighting, assuming it had to be to the death,” You said finally. Your gaze fell back onto your stew as if suddenly uninterested, unable to maintain eye contact.

“I stood and watched the titan as it devoured Marco and then a switch flipped and I couldn’t figure out why it was happening. I just snapped. I flew into a rage, hellbent on avenging Marco. I cut down the titan myself.”

Your grip on the bowl tightened, your body stiffening at Reiner’s words. Anger fired up again in your blood, fueling a burning sensation behind your eyes that made you want to scream.

“We get it, Reiner. You feel guilty and it screwed with your head,” you snapped, your fingers digging further into the bowl, your glare focused only on the blonde man across from you.

“Don’t forgive me. I’m truly worthless.”

It was silent for another few seconds, Reiner’s eyes refusing to meet yours, but the tension was thick. You were on the verge of exploding when he spoke again.

“I’m sorry.”

You were moving in an instant, your half empty bowl of stew thrown to the side, your body moving towards Reiner before you could even register it.

“Y/N!” Hange’s yell fell on deaf ears as you lunged forward, tackling Reiner to his back. You barely registered your fists connecting to his face, your mind buzzing, eyes seeing red.

He made no move to fight back, your hits only stopping when Mikasa grabbed your wrist. “Stop!” You looked over your shoulder, sending a harsh glare up at the girl before yanking your arm out of her grasp.

“Listen to me, Reiner,” you spoke, turning back on the man under you in a flash, your hand roughly grabbing his shirt to force him to look at you.

“You lied to me, for years. You made me fall in love with you and then broke my heart in the worst way possible. You killed how many innocent people? How many scouts? People I knew, people I cared about. And now I can add Marco to that list. My best friend! Now, you’re gonna sit there and try to apologize? After everything you put me through?! I’ll act civil until we stop Eren. But after that, if I ever see your face again, I’ll fucking kill you,” you growled, glaring into Reiner’s eyes, a level of anger you’d never felt before flowing through your veins.

His eyes widened slightly, as he processed what you had just said. The rage inside of you was something you didn’t know how to handle. The need to hurt Reiner overwhelmed everything else, even logic. It was like an instinct. One you could hardly deny.

But you released him, standing and stalking off from the group, ignoring the calls of your name as you did. You needed time alone to process all this. To calm down. Time away from Reiner and the constant reminder of all those you had lost because of his actions.

You hadn’t noticed the footsteps following closely behind you, not until you heard the familiar voice cut into the silence.

“You got him pretty good.” Jean’s tone held a bit of amusement, but there was concern hidden beneath his words. You knew Jean well, if you hadn’t blown up on Reiner, it was likely he would’ve. He cared about Marco just as much as you did, you knew he was angry too. He had just gotten better at masking it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that.” You turned to meet his gaze, his eyes soft, his expression kind. He was worried about you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry,” you replied, shrugging lightly. “I know I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’ve wanted to see him again for so long, just to yell at him. But hearing him talk about Marco, I couldn’t hold back.”

Jean nodded thoughtfully, running a hand though his hair. His gaze wandered towards the ground as he thought. Then he looked back at you. “I thought it was hot, honestly, but that’s just me.”

You met his eyes again, a second passing before a small laugh left your lips. You grinned at each other for a moment before breaking out into laughter together.

The laughter soon died down, Jean’s arms moving to pull you into his chest. You sighed into his body, melting into him as you dug my face into his shoulder. Your heart calmed itself, settling against the comforting warmth of Jean.

“Are you alright?” Jean asked softly. You could feel his breath ghost across your head as he spoke. “Yeah, I think I am. Just exhausted, honestly.”

As Jean pulled back to check on me, you smiled weakly, his fingers reaching up to push back some stray hairs around your face. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours. Your hands moved automatically to rest on his waist and you felt his hands cup your cheeks gently as he closed the distance between you.

Our kiss was light, yet filled with emotion. You could sense the sincerity of it, in the way Jean held you tightly and pressed himself closer. Our lips were moving rhythmically, your breaths mingling together. His thumbs stroked circles over your cheeks, soothing your nerves. You relaxed further into his touch, sinking deeper into his embrace and basking in the moment.

When you finally pulled apart, your bodies remained close, both unwilling to let go. Your cheek rested gently on his shoulder, holding him tight. He ran a hand lightly up and down your back, his touch reassuring.

“Thank you. For being here, with me.” Your voice was slightly muffled, still pressed against his body.

“Of course. Always.” His arms wrapped tighter around you. I could hear his heartbeat slowly starting to steady, his breathing calming once more.

𝗯𝘂𝗰𝗸𝘆𝗻𝗮𝘁 | 𝘄𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘄𝗶𝗱𝗼𝘄 𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻𝘀.

⇢ 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘴𝘥.

✰ㅤ𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘂𝘀𝗲/𝘀𝗮𝘃𝗲.

✰ㅤ𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗼 @𝗻𝗮𝘁𝘀𝗯𝘃𝗰𝗸𝘆 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝘄𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿.

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future

Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance

May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

Bonus:

I was just thinking about how Nero calls Dante a bastard after he called him dead weight, even though Nero was publicly denounced as a bastard child of a prostitute for basically his entire life...and it made me realize something.

Some of Nero’s most painful childhood memories stem from being called a bastard child. Not only was he already considered the lowest of the low in greater Fortunian society, but even the orphans themselves — kids who were essentially outcasts, just like him — condemned him for being the unwanted byproduct of an alleged affair.

And when all you ever hear about yourself is how worthless and unwanted you are...that sticks with you. It lingers in the back of your mind and haunts you for years after the fact. It makes you second guess and doubt yourself, even when you know in your heart that it isn’t true. That kind of emotional abuse can influence a person’s behavior for the rest of their life. It changes you, for better or for worse.

You know how your brain sometimes links certain words, objects, colors, sounds, etc. to certain memories? Well, I think Nero has subconsciously linked the word “bastard” to the coldest, cruelest, most heartless people he’s ever known. This, in turn, means that he would only use it to describe someone who did something equally cold, cruel, and heartless— like Dante calling him dead weight after all the hell he’s been through, after losing his own arm to the demon they were fighting, after all the things Dante did for him to help him get this far.

I don’t personally imagine Nero and Dante being particularly close in the years between DMC4 and 5, but Dante did help Nero start his own Devil May Cry branch, and that ultimately helped him find a much happier life with Kyrie away from The Order. In the end, Nero wouldn’t have gotten where he was today without Dante, so Nero’s bound to have built up a high level of respect and trust for him. But when Dante calls Nero dead weight in the heat of battle, all that respect and trust is suddenly broken.

Who can blame Nero, then, for calling Dante a bastard, when he heard him say right to his face that he was worthless and unwanted — just like he always heard as a bastard child?

((I thought of this earlier today and it’s had me fucked up ever since. Someone please give this poor boy a hug, Nero deserves better 😭💔))

Me when I’m crying over then end of Attack on Titan, but randomly remember the aot x sanrio collab

It’s the little moments that count.

We are one and the same, you and I.