I relied on romantic maladaptive daydreaming for survival as a child, and have been love sick ever since
"i forgive myself for what i did" and "i should not have done that" are two statements that can and should coexist. you can forgive yourself while holding yourself accountable. you can understand that you fucked up while also understanding that you're human.
be busy. busy not checking messages. busy reading those books you never started or finished. busy having a good night of sleep. busy taking care of yourself and your skin. busy moving your body. busy helping your community. busy reflecting on your life and what you can improve. busy doing things aside from the capitalistic viewpoint of “productivity.” busy slowing down.
How to Decay Gracefully / Mahmoud Darwish, from Memory for Forgetfulness: August, Beirut, 1982 (tr. Ibrahim Muhawi) / Etchings for Ulysses, by Mimmo Paladino / Meditation On The Threshold: A Bilingual Anthology Of Poetry, ‘Monologue of a Foreign Woman’ by Rosario Castellanos / Dead inside, Oils, 2021
the best advice i have for trying to figure out who you are outside of your mental illness is to try things. try anything that seems remotely interesting and try not to get too caught up in the consequences or whether you’re going to be good at it. of course, this is all within reason - don’t do anything dangerous or illegal, but trying new hobbies and places and ideas is such a good way to find out what you like outside of festering in front of netflix and crying in the shower.
sing off key, or buy a cheap instrument. draw haphazardly. buy books you’ve never heard of. go to a coffee shop and order a drink you’ve never had. try out that recipe you keep seeing online. buy that shirt that catches your eye immediately.
mental illness often takes away who we are and we can lose so much of what makes us us. you may never return to who you were before your illness, but you can become a new person. someone strong and someone you like. trying new things is a good way to build the foundations of that person. keep your head up, you’ll get there.
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♡ lia she/they bi ace 04’ INFP-T 4w3
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Brian Wilson went to bed for three years. Jean-Michel Basquiat would spend all day in bed. Monica Ali, Charles Bukowski, Marcel Proust, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Tracey Emin, Emily Dickinson, Edith Sitwell, Frida Kahlo, William Wordsworth, René Descartes, Mark Twain, Henri Matisse, Kathy Acker, Derek Jarman and Patti Smith all worked or work from bed and they’re productive people. (Am I protesting too much?) Humans take to their beds for all sorts of reasons: because they’re overwhelmed by life, need to rest, think, recover from illness and trauma, because they’re cold, lonely, scared, depressed – sometimes I lie in bed for weeks with a puddle of depression in my sternum – to work, even to protest (Emily Dickinson, John and Yoko). Polar bears spend six months of the year sleeping, dormice too. Half their lives are spent asleep, no one calls them lazy. There’s a region in the South of France, near the Alps, where whole villages used to sleep through the seven months of winter – I might be descended from them. And in 1900, it was recorded that peasants from Pskov in northwest Russia would fall into a deep winter sleep called lotska for half the year: ‘for six whole months out of the twelve to be in the state of Nirvana longed for by Eastern sages, free from the stress of life, from the need to labour, from the multitudinous burdens, anxieties, and vexations of existence’.
— Viv Albertine, To Throw Away Unopened.
how it feels when i instantly get who one of my moots is trash talking