You Reposted In The Wrong Tobey McCallister

“Well Your Honor, my client literally never asked to be born so…”

Defense attorney’s closing statement from a 1918 burglary case I’m working on.

The Tumblr App Sucks But Here’s How To Format Posts In It

All right, kiddos, gather ‘round for a little tutorial on the wonders of Markdown, you can access the whole documentation here, if you’re interested, this is only a small introduction on how to use it in the Tumblr App.

What’s Markdown?

Markdown is a language that makes it super easy to turn normal human-readable syntax into HTML. You know, HTML, the things websites are made of? Yeah. Cool as all hell, I know.

How can I use it in tumblr?

You can use Markdown whilst making a tumblr post by simply clicking on the litte settings wheel, and changing your text editor from Rich Text to Markdown, and just get writing! If you click Preview, you can see how what you’re writing will look on everyone’s dashes!

What about on mobile?

If you’ve ever used the Tumblr App to make a post, you’ll know formatting is nigh impossible, literally impossible if you use the default Rich Text editor. So if you want to do some formatting (and I’m talking almost everything tumblr allows you to put into a post) you’re gonna want to use our friend Markdown.

Just click on the settings wheel on the bottom-right corner of your screen to change the settings of your post (the same way you’d change a post to be Drafted, or Queued) and scroll until you find the option EDITOR, and just change that bad boy to Markdown. Click the back arrow, and just start writing! Once you’re done, just click post, and your Post will be fully formatted!

So how can I do cool stuff on Markdown for my dank ass posts?

All right, let’s go through the basics:

NEWLINES

One important thing about Markdown that might be hard to get used to, is that you need to press Enter twice for a newline to actually appear. If you only press it once, the text will show up on the same line!

BOLD

To make your text bold, put it between two asterisks, like this: **text**.

ITALIC

To make your text italic, put it between underscores like this: _text_

H TEXT AKA TITLES

To turn your text into a bigger text (the H option), put a hash and a space in front of it, like this: # text. The space between hash and text is important!

LINKS

Maybe the most annoying part of tumblr’s formatting ways, this is ridiculously easy in Markdown, if a bit hard to remember. The link’s syntax is this: [text](the_actual_link).

An example of this would be [this is a link to a cool blog](http://holomoriarty.tumblr.com/) which will show up like this: this is a link to a cool blog

STRIKETHROUGH

Sadly Markdown’s syntax doesn’t support strikethrough! This is a real bummer, but you can always use the traditional HTML tag strike, like this: < strike > text <\ strike >. Just without the spaces in between the angles and the word!

LISTS

List syntax is super organic in Markdown. In a new line, use - a space, and your text. To create another element in the list, just press enter, and repeat the process! You can think of the dashes as the bullets in your list, as with the hash, the space between the symbol and the text is important!

NUMBERED LISTS

Same as the latter, but instead of using a dash you need to use a number, and a period, like so 1. again, don’t forget the space!

BLOCKQUOTE

To put your text in a blockquote (or indentation) just put one > in front of the line you want in the blockquote! The blockquote will extend until you press Enter twice (meaning it’ll put the whole line in blockquote).

IMAGES

Yes, you can insert images on your posts with Markdown, if you have a link to them. Just use this syntax (it’s pretty similar to the link one!) .

An example of this would be  Which would show up like this:

HORIZONTAL LINES

This recently introduced feature of tumblr.com will put a divider between two lines of text, and in Markdown it’s as simple as using 3 or more dashes in a line like this - - -.

READ MORE

So Markdown DOES support Read Mores, which I didn’t knew when I first posted this, excuse me lol. Just put a [[ MORE ]] WITHOUT THE SPACES BETWEEN THE WORD AND THE [ SYMBOL on the new line where you want the Read More to go.

VIDEOS AND TUMBLR SEARCH FEATURE’S GIFS

Not implemented! A real shame, but there are some things you might just need the full Tumblr PC experience for!

So where do we go from here?

Now that you know how to write Tumblr Posts on Markdown, USE IT EVERYWHERE. Markdown is something I use literally every day of my life. To work with it you might need to download a special editor (Atom is SO recommended, it’s ridiculous) but usually these are also a hundred times better than writing on Microsoft Word. Markdown’s your friend, use it!

The Courier-Journal, Louisville, Kentucky, November 4, 1951

i can't do this anymore! i mean i can, and i will, obviously. but i can't fucking do this anymore!

“I have been reasonable.”

(source: The Junction City Daily Union, December 21, 1914.)

in loving memory of tumblr's april fools' pranks 💐 2014 - 2024

icymi, tumblr used to do an elaborate april fool's prank every year, but this year they suddenly stopped. here's a somewhat detailed recap of everything they did over the decade:

2013 - mishapocalypse (honourable mention): tumblr staff didn’t start doing april fools until 2014, but the mishapocalypse happened on tumblr in 2013 and i feel like this list would be incomplete without it

2014 - tumblrpro: upon opening your dash you were greeted by an “inspirational” video, that ended with the option to get “tumblrpro (for free)”. all it did was put a top hat on your icon.

2015 - tumblr executivesuite/coppy: a copying machine appeared in the corner of your dash. it would offer tips on how to use tumblr, like clippy the paperclip used to do in microsoft word. as the day went on, it slowly broke down and died right in front of your eyes. many people hated him (but not me). you could also make a (small) spreadsheet. @executivesuite2016 is the official blog.

2016 - this is decision/lizard election/tumblrdecides: a parody of the 2016 US elections. there were 4 lizards (well, one of them turned out to be a salamander in a scandal) to vote for. the dash looked different and there was a live news report with election updates, as well as an election blog for each lizard. they all had their own slogans and you would get an "i voted" button after you voted that would get slapped next to your icon. there were built-in functions to make an election poster for your favourite lizard and to create a text post that supported your lizard of choice that autogenerated a statement for all your followers to read. imo tumblr’s april fools peak. @thisisdecision2016-blog is the official blog, @mop-2016-blog @wretchedtooth @timefordeborah-blog were candidates. rick also had a blog (rick-official) but that now seems to have vanished because he ended up dropping out of the election. mop won, if you're curious. by far the most elaborate prank tumblr ever did.

2017 - horse friend: a tamagotchi-inspired game where you had to take care of a little horse in the corner of your screen. it came with a randomly generated name, and you had to feed and clean up after it. if you didnt take good care of it, it died. you could then hatch (yes, hatch) a new one. there was also an option to look at the names of all your dead horses. this is now available to buy in the tumblr shop. @horse-friends is the official blog.

2018 - tumblcoin: a parody of cryptocurrency (this was the year bitcoin took off). you could ‘invest’ in tumblcoin, with which you could in turn buy things with to spice up your dash, including last year’s horse friend, coppy from 2015, and a frame for around your icon. you could share the amount of tumblcoin you owned in an automatically generated gif post which would be tagged #tbc2018 and #tumblcoin. @tumblcoin is the official blog.

2019 - @memories: this blog still functions the way it did on april fools itself! it's like mad libs, where it takes post templates and then adds in tags you use a lot and users you frequently interact with on your main blog. like a personalized shitpost bot.

2020 - group chat prank/@storybot: it was so hard to find info on this because it was contained entirely in the now-defunct group chat function, which no one used. i had to go through the notes of this post for information because no one cared enough to actually write anything explaining it. turns out, you could write a story with your mutuals by adding storybot to your group chat. it also kept working after april fools (well, up until the group chats were deleted) just like memories. many people missed out on it entirely because they did not use the group chat function.

2021 - tumblcryptids: tumblr allowed you to adopt “non-fungible tumblcryptids”, a parody of NFTs. clicking a button that said "Summon thy Tumblrcryptid" would spawn an image of a little blob-shaped creature with a short description, which would always read "Hi! My name is [randomly generated name]. I love [thing most people like]. I hate [thing most people dislike]. Like my parent, I can't get enough of #[tag from your main blog]." you could share them in a post, which would automatically add the tag #NFTumblcryptids to your post. and yes, people on the piss on the poor website freaked out about it because they thought they were real NFTs harming the environment. @tumblcryptidadoptioncenter is the official blog.

2022 - click-a-thon: when you clicked a light switch on your dashboard, a bunch of colourful things showed up, like a sponge you could move around, an "engagament meter", clickable buttons, and a “Summon Crab!” button, which would summon a crab when you clicked it. you could. the crabs, like horse friend, are still available in the tumblr store as of 2025. here's some screenshots. there were various ways to share your crab activities, which would all get tagged #april fools 2022. the prank was presented as a marketing technique created by Brick Whartley, a fictional businessman character created by tumblr, who (afaik) originated in a post on the official blog of the 2018 april fools prank, albeit originally in a different role. around this time he also started functioning as the mascot for tumblr's shop ( @emporium )

2023 - abstract reactions (emoji reacts): buttons were added to every post that allowed you to add emoji reactions, many of them based on tumblr inside jokes (horse as a reference to horse plinko/horse friend, vanilla for the vanilla extract meme, pikaman, bug for bug race, and brick whartley, who wasn't a meme but staff really wanted him to be). if one specific emoji was used a certain amount of times it would add an effect to the post, eg many cheese emoji reacts would cover the post in cheese. this was also attributed to Brick Whartley ("his" blog @brickwhartley also documented the day)

2024 - boop-o-meter: allowed you to “boop” other users who had opted in to the booping, like facebook’s poke feature back in the day. depending on how long you held the button, you would either boop, super boop, or evil boop. on the dashboard there was a counter for both how many times you had booped others and how many times others had booped you, as well as how many boops were given side-wide. when booping someone, an image of a cat paw appeared. you would get badges (which can still be used) for booping 1, 100 and 1000 times. if you got more than 999 boops, the counter would simply say “WOW”. this was brought back for halloween 2024 (as BOOp-o-meter. get it), with a ghost, skeleton and mummy paw. no official blog, but here's an official recap for april first from staff. i believe this was the only april fools prank that was mobile user friendly.

2025 - @fandom is running some polls, i guess

The Tampa Tribune, Florida, July 25, 1913

Are u going to/is there already a way to access your transcriptions of those letters with Rachel/rat, Jack, will, & co? I love them so

I would love to eventually, but it would be a huge undertaking and I would probably have to make a separate website for it. There are over 1000 letters, and my first draft transcription (which I still need to proofread) is over 1200 pages typed single space.

I'm so glad you're enjoying them!

Bertha Boronda (from the first San Quentin photo set I posted) was sentenced to five years in prison for “Mayhem” in 1908.

What’s “Mayhem” you ask? Apparently in Bertha’s case, it’s cutting off your cheating husband’s penis with a straight razor, disguising yourself as a man and fleeing by bicycle.

Straight people: Just because they enjoy the others touch doesn't mean they are gay

The "straight" people in question: