Romantic Bingqiu With Queerplatonic Liushen And Eventual Queerplatonic Bingliushen, Pretend Relationship

SV Malevolent AU where, due to a system error (Shen Jiu not actually dying from the qi deviation? Mu Qingfang being present and resuscitating him in time maybe?) Shen Yuan ends up only half-possessing SJ by gaining control of his eyes.

SJ, of course, fully believes that he's been possessed by a demon and wants to evict the creature in question as soon as possible. However, he's still a paranoid bastard before anything else, so his first attempt is to just quietly do it himself after chasing Yue Qingyuan and anyone else away from his house. He doesn't want either a reputation for being weak and susceptible to possession, or one for having ties to demonic influence. There's enough grime on his reputation and the ONE thing he has confidently never been at risk of adding to it was consorting with demons, and he'd like to keep it that way.

Except, of course, Shen Yuan's not a demonic spirit, so none of the efforts to "evict" him actually work. Much to Shen Yuan's relief. A blind cultivator is still plenty formidable, but after a few days of deadlock over the issue, and with Shen Yuan fully in control of Shen Jiu's eyesight but otherwise unable to do much, Shen Yuan negotiates with the system (which SJ cannot perceive at all) to be able to tell Shen Jiu some things. Enough to get him to do something other than crack and run out of his house to let the other peak lords try their hands at ousting SY.

He tells Shen Jiu that he's not a demon (not for the first time, not that SJ believed him) but that he IS a spirit from another realm, and that he got turned around somehow on his way to try and warn this world about an impending catastrophe. SJ is naturally still suspicious, but after SY provides him with enough tidbits of information to verify that he's not completely lying, he decides to at least entertain the idea that SY isn't a demon and that a more nuanced approach is called for (also this route is appealing for him because it means he can still avoid telling anyone else that there's anything wrong with him).

Thus, uneasily, the two Shens reach a truce. Shen Yuan offers to help SJ navigate the world by describing things to him (within the privacy of their now-shared mind, of course), and SJ just sort of gives up on destroying him. For now.

Shen Yuan also, of course, tries to stop SJ from abusing Luo Binghe. Both because he would do that regardless, but also because he's now co-piloting SJ's body, which means he has a vested interest in making sure it retains all of its limbs. This has varying degrees of success.

But mainly I think this would be hilarious because Shen Jiu would essentially be held hostage to Shen Yuan's descriptions of things. Flowery, detailed and fascinated descriptions of monsters (at least these are useful because SY also has encyclopedic knowledge of their weak points). Largely vibes-based descriptions of scenery and women. Glowing assessments of Luo Binghe. Constantly bringing up Liu Qingge's beauty. Shen Jiu doesn't need his own shidi described! He knows what the asshole looks like! Go possess his body instead if you like it so much! (SJ was maybe kind of hoping that would happen when the spirit did something during the debacle in Lingxi Caves -- but no, SY just saved Liu Qingge's life, like some kind of not-evil creature. Infuriating!)

I'm actually a huge fan of enemies to lovers because I do think it's hot but to be clear "enemies to I think you're attractive and that's overcoming my hatred of you" sucks ASS the trope is about growing RESPECT and GENUINE AFFECTION the POINT is that they always found each other attractive but it doesn't MATTER until they also have a solid relationship built on trust respect and friendship!!!!! Do you understand my vision!!!!

Silly bingqiu idea: Binghe is worried shizun has someone on the side... CLEANING for him

He knows sqq is super loyal (shizun says in his hometown people don't have harems! They marry one person for life! How romantic!) so he will never worry about shizun looking at another person that way.

BUT. He refuses to let anyone else clean or cook for his husband!! BINGHE is the wife! HIM.

Just thinking of a lot of "cheating tropes" but they're turned really silly and ridiculous. Instead of finding lipstick on shizuns collar, he smells the robe and goes "Who washed this!? I don't use this detergent!!"

He'll see food in the kitchen and start crying "shizun ate another man's cooking!? In OUR HOME!?"

He can't accompany shizun on a mission because he has work in the demon realm, and he's stuck on the throne holding his head in his hands wondering if shizun is using this business trip to, gasp, frequent those terrible establishments. (Restaurants)

Meanwhile shen Yuan feels super bad about binghe having to do everything around the house, so he's slowly been trying to help more. He tried washing his own clothes and cooking a bit, but binghe seems to hate it. He must be really awful at chores! Hopefully he'll get better with practice

AU where, at some point after Bingge gets thrown into the Abyss, SJ decides he’s had enough of the murder accusations and having to listen to teenage attempts to play music and wrote poetry, and decides to fuck off. He tells YQY he’s going into ‘seclusion’ for his cultivation and proceeds to change his clothes, hairstyle, and wear something that covers his face as he starts travelling around as a wandering cultivator under his original name (if asked if he’s related to that Shen, he just tells the truth — he’s an orphan who never knew his family). This eliminates at least 60% of his stress and anxiety since he’s actually able to relax without worrying about insults or keeping his reputation as a cold and elegant immortal master intact.

Time goes on, and eventually Bingge comes back. Hearing that SQQ is away, he figures he’ll just use the time to focus on gathering power and collecting evidence before he can take his revenge. Along the way, he ends up in a small town, where he ends up going to a brothel because Xin Mo is being annoying and he left his wives at home. He steps in the door and — is that Shen Qingqiu???

SJ doesn’t recognise this handsome stranger who’s uncommonly polite to prostitutes. It’s been years since he saw LBH and he was an underfed teenager then, no taller than him. Even the name wouldn’t jog his memory since it’s not like he ever used the little beast’s name outside of the occasional bit of paperwork. So, he invites him over for tea and they talk.

LBH is immediately convinced that this cannot be SQQ because he’s actually being nice to him. He invited him to sit down and have tea! He’s asking for his opinion on the music! He’s smiling! LBH is pretty sure SQQ would rather drop dead than smile at anyone, let alone him! He goes into conspiracy mode: is this a long lost relative? amnesia?? an alternate universe counterpart??? possession????

SJ now has to deal with this strange cultivator following him around, always ‘coincidentally’ visiting the same towns he does and offering to help him on night hunts… because LBH is too curious about this not-Shen-Qingqiu to leave him alone. Eventually, SJ decides the best way to get rid of this stranger is to become disliked by him, something he’s got plenty of experience with. Of course, his entire life story (who’s going to connect it to the Qing Jing peak lord anyway? and it feels surprisingly good to actually tell someone) is the perfect choice.

This has the opposite of the intended effect, as now they’re bonding over their mutually awful childhoods. SJ complains about how at least LBH had a mother, LBH points out that maybe it’s better to never have someone than loose them, and SJ brings up Yue Qi. LBH says he was abandoned in the Demon Realm, because the Endless Abyss is a bit unrealistic for an ordinary cultivator to escape, SQQ points out that he would probably have preferred the Demon Realm to the sect he ended up in, and LBH has to agree. LBH talks about his shitty master and SJ can’t help but compare him to Qiu Jianluo.

Bingge is Bingge, so of course this ends up with them in bed together. In a moment of passion, LBH accidentally calls him Shizun… and SJ realises, and immediately goes into crisis.

Advertising peaked at the Discovery channel “Boom de Yada” commercials

Wanna know what would drive Luo Binghe nuts? If he found out through plot shenanigans that in every universe EXCEPT the svsss one, Shen Yuan gets married to Shang Qinghua and lives happily ever after

While Shen Jiu would initially scoff at “would you still love me if I was a worm?” He would not so secretly love it if Yue Qingyuan said he would still love him if he was a worm and would not so subtly prod YQY for how he would take care of and cherish worm-Jiu

Shen Jiu would declare he absolutely would NOT love YQY if he was a worm because that’s DISGUSTING. but when frantically trying to find YQY after a weird qi deviation and stumbling upon an errant worm, he holds it very gently and says it will be okay and kisses its little head (?), which human man YQY who just stumbled out of the bushes finds soul meltingly adorable.