A Sexual Predator Castrated And Force Fed His Own Genitalia. — Art By Eliran Kantor

“I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.”

— Unknown

⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 29/01/24

dear diary,

fear is such a weird thing? why do i care about what other people are doing and if i see them or if they perceive me,, i really shouldn't be having such limiting thoughts, i want to conquer all my social fears this week, i'm going to make it my goal.

today was very all over the place but i think it fell in place beautifully? even if it's not what i wanted. i think these days theres just comfort thinking in the air, as in how my clothes feel against my body or how the wind flows outside, the sound of the train station every morning, the squelchy noise my boots make every time i step on the pavement.. like that, is there a word for that? is it mindful thinking? i also want to focus on the present a lot this week.

my train ticket ended up declining this morning and for a moment it felt so humiliating but i then realised that it wasn't, i just had to put more money into my account and just move on, i now want to live like that. if it doesn't serve me i just move on with it.

i had mentoring today and it was so freeing to finally be able to discuss with a teacher why i struggle in certain lessons and how i can combat them,, now i just have to actual put that in practice

i also finally submitted a poetry piece into a college comp and im pretty proud of the piece ♡ i hope i have a chance of winning it but i also know that if i believe in myself i'll get the outcome that is most ideal

today was slightly anxiety inducing but mainly due to my own fears and self esteem, gives me something to work on~ i hope tommorow is a better day for myself.

My roman empire

oh my gosh, when i was in treatment for an eating disorder i was so scared to tell the people around me for this exact reason.. at one point i would frequently speak about diet culture and weightloss to the thinner girls without even clocking because i was so stuck in my head that these girls were thin and i wasn't. it was lowkey triggering to even be friends with one of them, which isn't something that's even her fault. after a while she figured out that i had an eating disorder and she would make comments sbout the way i looked (she told me to get a nosejob, told me i ate a lot, would make comments about wanting my "big thighs") she now goes around telling people that i said something sour about her appearance. the truth is, i ate so little during that period of my life that i was so fatigued all the time so i genuinely do not recall saying anything about her appearance, it's all a blur to me. i can't help but feel guilty about it.

people calling girls with eating disorders "spoiled brats" and "attention seekers" as if these conditions aren't life threatening; when u have an eating disorder that induces starving, you think of only yourself and how people are perceiving your body. you think that you need to be a skinny dainty princess 24/7 and immediate panic sets in as soon as you are forced to eat something or go over your caloric limit because the mindset is that you will gain a large amount of weight if you have that food/calories right then. however the people that hate, don't see this as mental illness taking action, they take it as a deliberate action of disgust against other womens bodies.

i remember discussing eating disorders in a group therapy session not long ago and a girl who was plus size, said that a lot of the anorexic girls are so scared of gaining weight and it had a huge toll on her cause she knew she was a lot bigger than them so she took it as a deliberate fatphobic action against her because no one wants to be fat. she said that if these girls would hate on bigger bodies, how is it any different if bigger women do the same back?

both parties are insecure

and what these girls fail to realise is that when girls with eating disorders think about being thin, they don't compare themselves to bigger girls. they crave for the validation of control, controlling hunger. they compare themselves to the version of them before where they had no control over their hunger. it felt like the one thing you were doing right in life because if you had the will to starve yourself for however long you wanted, that would conform to your sense of self control and knowing you could control a part of your looks despite constantly having a distorted view of your own body. at a certain point you even become addicted to the feeling of hunger, that control is taken away when you are made to eat over a 'safe' amount.

point is, developing an eating disorder has become something that is looked down on in a manner of disdain, when in reality these girls need all the support they can get without judgement.

ppl rly hate girls with eating disorders tbh. did anyone else notice this

leonard cohen’s note to marianne ihlen, 1963.

when the very religious conservative hardcore homophobic girl asks you how you knew you were bi, and you didn't even tell her.. "how did you know, i haven't told anyone" and watch the panic and confusion set in

oh to be a pretty little ginger cat snoozing in the dappled shade of the wild mango tree

240824 CHENLE IG Update

"Rains in Heaven🔥"

she does love a spectacle, huh?