— Me (ice Frog) // Is There A Right Way To Feel?

merry christmas to the people who have to pretend to be someone they’re not for their families, who don’t have family to celebrate with, who have bad past experiences with the holiday, who are having a rough year and just want to reach the end of it, who couldn’t afford gifts this year and feel guilt over it. merry christmas to everyone but especially those of you who are feeling down.

your life is not meaningless, you just haven't seen the sea in a while

Healing is also realizing you're going to have trauma reactions even after you decided to be healthy. That even after saying: "I want to heal, and rest, and I'm going to try to get better," you still let yourself reject help, struggle with trauma reactions, and unhealthy habits. That it's okay, and it's a part of healing. As long as you try to get better.

It's not going to happen immediately. If anything, at first, it's going to get way worse, horrible, even. And then better, and then bad again, and then you'll start getting relapses. And that's okay.

Relapse is a part of healing. Feeling all the bad stuff is a part of healing. Allowing yourself to be traumatized is a part of healing.

-host

Cat Series a series of cats placed on flatbed scanners

2024 LESSONS

jan: being alone does not have to mean being lonely

18

Maybe they’re right. I am too much, too abrasive, too irritating. Too foolish, too clueless. I try to communicate and to understand where I’ve gone wrong. I try to learn and to do better. Instead, I feel like an idiot who isn’t ever going to get it.

oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too. 

one more round of coffee. the days are so short, and you are so lovely.