My Hope In Hell (dazai X You)

haii deer i hope you are able to get all your assignments done on time! was reading your tags and aro dazai?? big brain.

so how about aro ace darling? never been in a relationship and never really want to, their friends are more than enough for them !! honestly i just wanna be aro buddies with dazai 🥹

but damn just being weirdo coworkers together, im,,, willing to look past many red flags for him 💔

YOURE JUST LIKE ME FR dazai and i are best friends and we are aro you can ask him yourself also weirdo coworkers.. you get it

"Oh, wait, so you were the latest person hired?" Atsushi's head cocked to the side, looking at you with curiosity. "How long have you been here?"

"My dear here has been with the agency for three months! You know, I was the one that brought them on board," Dazai gloated, a smug smirk on his face and a dramatic hand over his heart.

You were quick to play along, throwing a dramatic hand over your forehead as you leaned back. "Oh, my hero! What would I do without my lovely Dazai?" The sarcastic lilt in your tone didn't go unnoticed by the newest agency member, but he decided not to comment on it.

"Was it like what happened with me? Did you find Dazai drowning?" Apparently a common occurrence, Atsushi had pieced together.

Dazai denied, a smile on his face as he replied with a simple, "Nope!" A few moments of silence passed before the junior realized he wasn't going to elaborate.

Just as he opened his mouth to ask for more information, you decided to take pity on the poor soul and fill him in. "I bailed him out of a holding cell."

No one bat an eye. Atsushi looked around the office, trying to see if maybe someone was holding back laughter, but not a single one of his new coworkers were phased. Did they not hear what you said?

"He got detained for public disturbance in the middle of a case. I told Dazai he'd have to find a way to get out on his own, and he shows back up not even thirty minutes later with them in tow," Kunikida explains, frustration evident in his voice. "I was trying to teach him a lesson."

"I was in the area," you shrug.

"Yeah, being detained as well..."

"I was being released from detainment, actually!" You correct Kunikida, a proud grin on your face. "And Dazai said I should follow him, so I did."

Atsushi laughed awkwardly. He knew you seemed similar to Dazai in your hedonistic pursuits, but this was baffling. "And the president hired you?"

"I had an entrance exam, but pretty much! I had just been fired from my old job the day before so Dazai helped me get set up here. And before you ask: I was fired because I told the boss' kid I wouldn't date him. He got all upset and told daddy to can me," you huff in frustration, still annoyed at your wrongful termination.

Kunikida rolled his eyes. "Don't act like some martyr; You also deserved to be fired. You just messed around on the job like you do here. You barely got any work done."

"You want me so badly it makes you look stupid—"

"I told them to sue and say it's discrimination because they're aro," Dazai cut you off, a pout on his lips like he's annoyed you didn't take his advice.

"What's... arrow?" Atsushi cocked his head to the side. He was unaware of the terminology, having never come across it in this context during his studies at the orphanage.

"Oh, it's shorthand for aromantic. It just means, like, experiencing little to no romantic attraction to anyone. It varies, of course..." You try to explain simply.

Atsushi nods, understanding the basic idea. "But it'd be wrong to lie about your sexuality, right?"

"I'm aro, actually," you shrug. Everyone at the agency is well aware, so Atsushi will likely find out eventually.

"Oh!" The younger employee's cheeks turn pink, feeling a little sheepish for assuming. A moment passes as Atsushi thinks before furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. "I thought you and Dazai..?"

"We're both aromantic," Dazai rests his chin on his hand, elbow on his desk and an amused smirk pulling at his lips. "I've dated a lot in the past, but I realized it's just not for me."

"I've never been in a relationship and never want to," you add in yourself. "Aromanticism is... much more complex than how I explained it. Dazai feels romantic attraction, but doesn't— Is it fine if I tell him this?" You suddenly ask, realizing it really isn't your place to speak on his experience, even as his best friend.

"Oh, I don't care. Saves me the trouble," Dazai waves his hand dismissively. "But yeah, I feel romantic attraction, but lose it when it's reciprocated."

Atsushi nods slowly, beginning to understand. "Oh, okay. So you two are just close friends, then."

"Are we just not going to ask what you were doing in a holding cell when Dazai got thrown in?" Tanizaki asks from his desk.

"I just got too silly, you know how it is."

deer i love ur mind every time i read your stuff i get all giggly and kickin my feet and spinning around in bed heehehe

OH ALSO im gonna be real i thought you only wrote dazai for a bit there then i saw that nikolai thing you did and

tell me ur fav characters ill make sure to send stuff about them in the future 🙏

ok byee

-🩵

omggg hi 🩵 anon!!!! (also happy late new year to you too!!! havent answered ur ask yet but i have seen it and its on my list 💪🏻) TSYM!!!! highest praise i can get is giggling kicking feetsies tbh thats what i strive for

DAZAI AND NIKOLAI ARE MY FAVORITES!!!!!! im not against trying to write for others just be aware they may be lacking in comparison 💀 if anyone rqs characters i dont know v well and am not comfortable writing for i'll just say that lol no harm no foul (feel free to ask if i write for specific charas in my inbox too!)

ive also written small drabbles for others (small yan!levi aot and hawks mha) that r collecting dust rn if anyone would mayb want to see... i put this in a different post of mine (might be in the tags lol) but i was thinking of making a separate blog to spam with other charas maybe? or should i keep it condensed? idk this tumblr shit is hard as hell 😨

jinshi..... you get it.....

LMAOOO i try 🙂‍↕️

miss you mom

MOM????????

scheduled smth for idk 17 hrs from now give or take

it's a draft i've had for a bit now i am still sick and still haven't written anything sorry stuffeddeerers

Perfect | The Apothecary Diaries | Jinshi x reader

cw - you're mute, jinshi calls you perfect a disgusting amount of times, gn neutral but you're referred to as: concubine, doll, toy, flower of the emperor's

i need to feed the tag to revitalize it

Jinshi gently cups your cheeks, palms resting against your face. The calluses tickle your soft skin, making you shiver momentarily.

With a kiss to your forehead, Jinshi lets out a sigh - a long breath, rather. A breath of relief and respite, brought only on by your presence and kind gaze. Unkind gaze. You stare at him in annoyance, bottom lip puffed out as you pout at him. He pays it no mind.

"I find you immaculate; unsullied and... perfect." The purple haired man finds no shame in his words, merely reporting fact like he would to anyone else. Except, maybe without all of the affection and adoration.

The man seems almost obsessed, if you didn't know any better. With a gentle swipe of his thumb back and forth, back and forth across your cheek, you wonder if perhaps he is.

"No flaws on this wonderful face. No flaws on your pretty little pout. I wish you'd glare at me forever." The last sentence is less than a whisper, spoken only to himself that you happen to catch due to the proximity he holds you in.

Your pout loosens, biting nervously on your bottom lip instead after sucking it in. Still, you've yet to say a word to the man. What got into him, possessing him to say all of this? Soft hands cup his, gently tugging them from your face.

"Please," he nearly whimpers, eyes wide in panic.

The reaction makes your eyes widen in tandem, hands stilling as they hold gently onto his, less than a few inches from your face. Head cocking to the side, you silently express your confusion (and maybe concern).

He trembles at your silent words, letting out another long breath; this one more a sigh of embarrassment and acceptance. "You... are perfect. You're like a gift from the heavens just for me, crafted in the image of a thief after nothing more than my heart. I wish to hold you, may I?" The last sentence is tacked on, spoken quickly as his hands move back to your cheeks.

Pursing your lips together slightly, you give him a small pout. The question was merely for show, a courtesy while he did as he pleased anyway. "To stay such a low ranking concubine for the emperor is a waste. You need to be paraded, heralded for your perfection. You— " Jinshi can't stop himself from pressing another kiss to your forehead.

"No. I think I'll keep you to myself. A doll for me to pose as I please, yes? A toy made just for me, as I spoke earlier."

You roll your eyes, an amused smirk tugging at your lips. Jinshi nearly swoons.

"That, right there! Your wonderful reactions. You..." he can't explain it. How is he to summarize everything that makes you you?

A deadpan look is shot at him. Of course you react with your face, isn't that communication? Your hands move to hug at the fabric of his robe, trying to turn his attention back to what you're saying, rather than how you look. Or whatever is on his mind - you didn't bother to learn.

The action works, Jinshi blinking a few times as he sits up slightly. His eyes focus on yours, waiting to decipher your actions. Noticing his obedient change, focusing entirely on you now, you take that as your queue to communicate. So you try.

A neatly manicured finger points to your chest, tapping against the fabric twice. You. Following, you drag both hands up in fists before crossing your forearms. An X..? The action is followed by your hands creating a heart shape, finished by the same pointer finger tapping Jinshi's chest. Heart... Me. Jinshi thinks. You don't heart him. Love? You don't love him? He speaks it out loud, asking if he understood you correctly.

You shake your head, face scrunching up to showcase your disproval. Once again, your arms cross in the shape of an X. So it's not don't, he now knows. "Don't... No...? Maybe unsure? Are you unsure if you love me?"

A smile cracks on your lips, biting one briefly to try and keep it from growing wider. You shake your head - as amusing as his guesses were, they're terribly wrong. This time repeating all the steps, you make the same actions. Point to you, make an X, make a heart, point to Jinshi. Of course, he still seems lost, gazing at you with focused concentration. His eyebrows are knitted together as he tries to unravel your meaning.

For a small moment, your lips part in a mousey sigh. While it's been a few months now since you lost your voice, you still haven't kicked the muscle memory of opening your mouth to respond - or react, in this case.

You hold up your left palm flatly, right hand miming holding a brush as you trace imaginary circles with it. Right away Jinshi knew you were asking for something to write with. He's quick to move. While he doesn't want to be away from you, his hands leave your cheeks so the purple haired man can quickly get you what you ask for - whatever you ask for.

Gently dipping the brush in ink, Jinshi watches you paint characters so delicately onto the paper. You're a bit anxious doing so, knowing how expensive the material is, but knowing you'd just feel worse making him get up again to find something new. That's alright, you'll just write small.

The characters read I can't love you.

He frowns. "Can't... the X," Jinshi makes the symbol with his arms, "meant can't?"

You nod quickly, gently settling the brush down over the paper. Once again, you point to yourself, hold up an X, make a heart, then point to Jinshi.

"You can't love me. You can't love me. But... you can." The eunuch was confused. You can, so easily. He's trying so hard. "Please?" Jinshi whispers.

If you could chuckle - could laugh, you would, but you only pout once again. Picking up the brush, the pads of your fingers gently move down the soft paper. It wasn't the first time you've used it, but so freely felt wrong. Either way, you brushed out more characters.

I'm the emperor's

I'm a concubine

I can't—

Jinshi pouts as well, his hand gently resting over yours to stop the brush work. "You can't love me," he finishes for you. Frowning, you nod.

"He has a habit of giving up lower ranked concubines to those of merit."

You smirk. What merit has Jinshi earned? A mere rear palace eunuch. One with prestige, sure, but not enough to be rewarded with a flower of the emperor. None of this is spoken, of course, but Jinshi easily catches the mirth in your eyes.

Clicking his tongue, his pout deepens. "Teasing me without a voice... only one as perfect as you could accomplish such a feat."

The smirk pulls into a grin, feeling pride at his understanding.

"But, if I may be so bold, I'm sure the emperor will gift you to me. You're mine, after all - I've claimed you."

An eyebrow cocks at his haughty tone, unimpressed and doubtful. The intention gets across as Jinshi huffs, reaching over to pinch your cheek. "Don't be so cruel. You are, you know! And the emperor will agree. He doesn't visit you, anyway."

Insult to injury, but you suppose he's right. You had arrived to the inner court around 5 months ago, and just before your time to finally meet the emperor had arrived nearly 2 months after, you lost your voice. Hearing the news, he decided to meet with someone else while you recovered - something that never happened.

"I hadn't meant anything by that. But it's a good thing now, right? You get to be mine instead. No one else gets to traverse your perfect mind."

You click your tongue this time, the sound one of few you can still make with your mouth. For a eunuch, Jinshi had quite the balls on him. Annoying.

The purple haired man grins at the newly painted characters on the page, unable to hide his excitement at your writing. "Yes! And I'll only be worse once you're finally my spouse."

Unable to keep it at bay, a soft smile appears on your lips. His spouse, huh? Eunuch or otherwise, spending your life by his side sounds very lovely.

Jinshi grabs your hands, pulling them against his chest as he leans in toward you. With a kiss to your forehead, he whispers, "Perfect. You're mine and you're perfect."

I think Dazai would like mess around with your makeup stuffs and pretends he’s you doing your makeup and he’s like HUH how tf do you use this??

you definitely yell at him for wasting products!!! what i know about makeup is that it is Not Cheap.

dazai stares at you like a deer in headlights, your favorite eyeshadow pigment decorating the tips of his fingers. did he have to try and swatch all of them..?

you’d gently sit on the edge of your vanity, telling dazai what each product does, how to properly apply it, and helping him to doll himself up like you do.

he’s all giggly the whole time, not immune to the excitement that comes from making yourself look pretty! but he’s mainly giggly because the one helping him is you ❤️

when it finally comes time for lipstick, you help him pick out a nice shade that works well with the rest of the colors he’s since applied, and he excitedly stops you before you can put it on!

“i know how to do this one, i know!” he’ll say animatedly, swiping the tube from your hand and uncapping it.

you watch in amusement as he lathers his lips, deciding not to mention that sometimes less is more. he looks too cute, who are you to stop him?

Legs swinging back and forth, you watch him from your position on the vanity’s surface. Your hands gripped the edge of the piece, keeping yourself stable as he finally recaps the lipstick tube and sets it on the now messy table, all of your properly organized pieces in disarray from Dazai’s attempt at playing dress-up.

Even though it was applied haphazardly, he looked very pretty with his big brown eyes and now full lips, eyes showcasing an impish glint and lips accompanied by a mischievous smirk. You knew Dazai well enough to know he was planning something, but it was hard to decipher just what.

“You’re gorgeous,” you smirk back, still amused even while silently noting his coy expression. Teasing, you add, “I can’t believe I was able to land such a pretty girl.”

Dazai’s grin doesn’t falter. “Not done! Next you’re supposed to blot, right?”

His words make you smile. “If you want to, yes.” And he definitely should, judging by how much of the tube he just used up. $30 well spent, you suppose.

A yelp escapes your lips before his are pressed to yours, arms wrapped around your neck from yanking you down towards the vanity chair he sat in. Dazai couldn’t help the small smile on his face as he held you close, eyes fluttered shut as he enjoyed the kiss.

Your hands moved from the edge of the vanity to his shoulders, not wanting to topple forward as you kissed back. Yeah, $30 well spent.

Mae Borowski with the lithromantic color scheme !

do u think dazai smokes… imagine if he does you’ll get to take away his cig for a second to give him a lil kiss then returns it back to him thats so cute….

smoking is bad very ew pls dont do it tho

i got this hc that dazai does Not smoke . like he has every other vice known to man but ew yucky smoke in his lungs :( i definitely think he'd be childish about it too like if someone's smoking near him he starts coughing horrifically. he's a bastard i hate him

but if he were to smoke!!!! yes this is very cute :3 he'd probably whine as it gets snatched from his mouth but once you put it back he'd still whine because now he wants kisses!!!! there is no winning w him!

do u have any y!dazai hcs?

it definitely depends on how i want to write him! i really like making him deludedly obsessed with his darling ❤️ like ohhh they love me too,,, they're playing hard to get, they're teasing me, etc - leaves room for eerie fluff (got smth like this drafted btw) where he just dotes on his darling while they're terrified 😳😳

BUT THERE'S SOMEThing about dazai who Knows. like he's a smart guy, he understands what he's doing is wrong and he knows you would rather be anywhere else. You freeze up as he enters his dorm day in and day out, flinching away from his gentle touches. He tries not to force you into anything, staying six feet away and sleeping on the couch. He loves you so badly he just can't let you go, but that doesn't mean he enjoys seeing you hurting. Dazai who tries his hardest to slowly get you to see what he does: that he loves you too much to ever hurt you. Oda had instructed him to be better, to do better, but every time he promises he'll let you go, he'll take you out on real dates... Well, there's always next week.

ALSO IMAGINE a harsh dazai who knows both what he wants and how to get it. he's manipulative !!!! dazai who takes away food privileges until you say you love him back; who pulls away and refuses to talk to his darling just knowing they'll feel so alone without any human contact and come running back to him... ouuugh he's the worst! he'll get a tiny mattress just so your options are his cold, hard floors or to huddle so close to him on the fluffy bed.... i hate him.

these all are if he kidnaps you ofc 😭 i kinda like a possessive loser yandere dazai who hates to see you w others but won't ask you out (commitment issues ⁉️ ) so he just stews from afar. constantly mad. still definitely manipulative, like withdrawing from you because you went on a mission without him (never mind that you don't get to pick..) or spent time with Anyone Else. he has to cradle you closely but if you try to take it further he just gets all pouty because what you have works, but if you look for someone else to date instead....

no matter what i think ada yan!dazai is unlikely to kill! (maybe delusional dazai would pretend he has no choice or he's just putting them to sleep ❤️) he'll definitely threaten, maim, and hinder the lives of those showing slight interest in his darling tho :)

urrrgggg hc that yan dazai pets his darling like a fucking dog or smth. just because he never experienced real love and only sees ppl with their pets so he's like yeah that's enough affection 👍🏻