It Had Always Been Eddie.

it had always been eddie.

it had been eddie when richie was seven years old and a small, pale boy started playing with him and bill on the playground. richie hadn't even heard the word "gay" yet, but he knew the way he felt about eddie was special.

it had been eddie when richie was eleven years old, and he made his first mixtape for eddie. there was lots of disco, lots of wham! and george michael, all the stuff richie knew his friend liked. he snuck in a few love songs, hoping eddie wouldn't notice. and if he did, well, he never mentioned it.

it had been eddie when richie was thirteen years old, and they killed a clown over summer break. even when he had forgotten all about derry, about the losers, about eddie, he could remember the heat of eddie's skin against his own, when they clung onto each other in bill's garage, when he cradled eddie's face in neibolt, when he held eddie's hand during their oath.

it had been eddie when richie was fifteen years old, and he got his first girlfriend. she was shorter than him, with short dark hair, and was a clean freak. she wore short shorts and a fanny pack, and richie knew exactly what it meant. they dated for three months before she called it off. she kissed him on the cheek and told him she hoped he figured himself out, and when he did, to call her. she was nice, pretty. but she wasn't eddie.

it had been eddie when richie was seventeen years old, and he started wearing leather jackets and got his ears pierced, while eddie started wearing oversized sweaters and overalls. the sleeves of eddie's sweaters all covered his hands, and richie was mesmerized by the way he delicately rolled them up. they were lab partners in chemistry that year. richie had never been happier about anything in his whole life.

it had been eddie when richie was twenty-one years old, and already starting to forget. he had put states between himself and derry. between himself and eddie. sometimes he would catch himself forgetting eddie's name, having to say it over and over in his head, like a prayer.

it had been eddie when richie was twenty-seven years old, and had his first sold out show. he was still writing his own jokes back then, and, while he didn't know who he was writing his jokes for, he knew there was someone out there that his script was tailored for. someone who would have laughed hysterically at every joke he told. he thought he saw him in the audience, a man with dark hair and a fanny pack, but he lost him in the crowd. he stopped writing his own jokes soon after.

it was eddie when richie was thirty-one years old, and he bought his first house. he owned multiple first aid kits, two on every floor, and, curiously, each one was stocked with an inhaler. richie had never had asthma. but he left them, as taking them out felt so inherently wrong he wanted to throw up. he bought furniture with someone else in mind, always had vanilla ice cream in stock, and kept a plethora of cleaning supplies under every sink. he felt like he was sharing the house with a ghost of someone he once knew. and he liked it.

it was eddie when richie was forty years old, and he remembered. he remembered everything. he saw his friend, silhouetted by the glow of the fish tank behind him, and everything hit him like a truck. he remembered his laugh, his hands, his warm skin, his floppy hair richie had always wanted to run his fingers through. he remembered falling in love.

it was eddie when richie was forty years old, and he lost the love of his life. he felt the claw through eddie's chest like it was his own, prayed to anyone, anything that eddie made it out all right. he clutched eddie's lifeless form to his body, hating the way the warmth of his skin was already beginning to fade. it should have been him. someone, anyone but eddie. he clung on to eddie, even as the cave began to crumble, and would have stayed there with the only man he ever loved were it not for his friends. he left his heart there with him, down in that cave under neibolt.

it was always eddie, richie thought, as he recarved his secret declaration of his love. it always has been, and always would be, eddie kaspbrak.

More Posts from Sublimebakerygoopeggs and Others

sublimebakerygoopeggs

5 years ago

Pennywise when he tries a kid for the 1st time (idk if anybody has done this already)

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sublimebakerygoopeggs

4 years ago

The scene where Snape finds Harry in the pensieve is awful, and one of my favourites. The emotions you can imagine both characters going through??? flawless. Harry finding out his father isnt the angel everyone made him out to be and Snape dealing with the fact that his bullies son witnessed his most humiliating moments… dunno, just heartbreaking stuff.

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sublimebakerygoopeggs

6 years ago

imagine your otp

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sublimebakerygoopeggs

6 years ago

big news, all my venom bullshit has got me reminded of Miles Upshur. - Is journalist - Has ‘demon’ living in him - ‘demon’ protecc

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sublimebakerygoopeggs

5 years ago

Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier. I have always loved their interactions since I read the book. Their relationship is amazing. Richie and Eddie were bestfriend since kindergarden, so they knew each other very well. The thing of their relationship is the fact that Richie costantly teases Eddie, since they were kids. All of you knows that Richie often called Eddie with nicknames: Eddie Spaghetti, Eds, Spaghetti Head. Richie always suspected that Eddie loved when Richie teased him. I remember that in the book he called Eddie cute and pinched his cheek. How adorable. Also in the movie we always sees that Richie and Eddie teases each other.

I always thinked that Eddie and Richie compensate each other: they are the opposite, we can say in a certain way that Richie is the strongest one and Eddie the softest one. Actually not. In my opinion Richie has always felt alone, and he tried to hide this fact with jokes. By the contrast Eddie has never be fragile, because on many occasions we can see that Eddie prove that is the bravest of the Losers Club. We know that he suffered psychological abuse. He always thinked he was different from other kids, but he was not. So many times they proved their affection towards each other, for example the simple fact that every time Eddie is in danger Richie immediatly reach for Eddie. In a kind of way Richie wanted to protect Eddie, always.

I’m happy that in It Chapter Two they gave justice to their relationship. I loved when Richie reminded to Eddie that he was bravest that he thinked. Guess what? He was. He saved Richie’s ass. I remember that the Eddie’s death was differen in book, but in this movie they also gave justice to a character like Eddie. The scene of his death literally broke my heart: he proved his courage to Richie, but much more important to himself, and then he died in the most heartbreaking way possible in front of Richie.

Since they were kids they built a beautiful friendship based on caring and love. Often in the book there are subdle references to their “love” (Eddie likes when Richie call him Eds and I remember once Richie called him my love. I was really freaking out at the time), because in the book we are not sure if Eddie and Richie are actually in love. I think when they are kids it’s difficult to say what kind of love is, but I can say that is the purest kind of love.

In It Chapter Two we see that Richie had feelings for Eddie since when he was thirteen,but he couldn’t admit to himself these kind of feelings. He was afraid. He stopped being afraid when he lost the love of his life. When they came back to Derry they replicated the pure friendship they had in their childhood, and we clearly see how Richie depends on Eddie and viceversa. In the book Eddie dies in Richie’s arms, right after brushing gently Richie’s cheek and telling him to stop calling him Eds. The cutest and the softest thing ever. We can finally said that Reddie is canon, and I’m glad of it. In my opinion their love is a platonic love. They never had to express their love, even in a physical way. Their relationship is based on caring for each other and that is what true love should be. On caring. By the way I don’t ship the actors, Finn and Jack, or Bill and James. I think these actors have a beautiful chemistry on set and frienship, but nothing more. In the end I want people appreciates James Ransone’s job. His permformance was outstanding. I’m in love with him seriously. I really think that this movie was an important opportunity for James to prove his talent.

But Bill and James are such a cuties!

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sublimebakerygoopeggs

5 years ago

How Richie react to Eddie having feels for him:

I somehow dreamed of this

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sublimebakerygoopeggs

6 years ago

Happy Birthday Sanji! - March 2nd 2018

I’m late but I will never forget your day!

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sublimebakerygoopeggs

4 years ago

on narcissa malfoy

i always joke with my friends that the malfoy family is matriarchal, partly because i, personally, would let narcissa boss me around in a heartbeat, but also because i actually think there’s a solid canon backing that she’s like. the Head Bitch of the family. especially later on in the series. (it’s also why i think reading lucius as abusive is a misreading of their relationship, but whatever.)

just in general, i will never understand the reading that she’s meek or timid. we see so little of her character but with what we do see, she defies voldemort twice (lying about harry and going to severus for help), doesn’t shy away from standing up for herself/her family, seemingly holds the family together when lucius has his fall from grace, is not the least bit scared of her sister, and is more than willing to throw hands with her son’s rivals in public. to me, she’s very much lucius’ equal, even if she isn’t a sadist like her husband or sister (and i suppose there’s not a whole lot of canon material on that either way, so you can’t say for sure what she is). her capacity for compassion does not automatically make her kind, nor weak, especially since her compassion does not seem to extend past her family.

personally, narcissa gives me a lot of lady macbeth vibes. particularly the whole ‘look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it.’ (‘s also why i think she’s aptly named—daffodils are pretty and poisonous.) but back to my point:

the example of narcissa’s authority pre-everything going to shit is obviously this:

which is easily passable as an insignificant win in a family discussion, but then

you’ve got

stuff like

this

i haven’t read the books in a couple of years, so these examples are just the ones i can pluck from the top of my head, but i think it’s very interesting that narcissa is generally the one who defends the family, who lucius and draco turn to for guidance, and who is also just. the only malfoy the other death eaters seem to really respect (dh era).

there’s also the matter of movie canon, which i’m pretty eh with, but i do prefer the malfoy family ending in the films to the one in the books. and the fact that it’s narcissa who instigates it—who gets draco to come to them after he’s ignored lucius’ call, who walks away and calls for lucius to follow (and then he does)—is a nice representation of the authority she has in the books, i think. and then there’s also this: