I Can't

In The Beginning

In the beginning

I was on a road

That was headed toward only good things In the beginning

I did not realize that it was

Only too good to be true All it took

Was one

Night And now I don't 

Even remember what

The beginning was like Just a few hours deceased

And they killed my naive stupidity with them

For thinking about sunshine and rainbows I want to be

So far in the end

That all is forgotten

Similar All The Same

I'm a little punk

A little rebel

I used to be the opposite

But similar all the same

Then I fell in love with something I can't have and my heart sunk

My heart is a devil

The burn causing flame in my brain got lit

The beast of my heart I couldn't tame I used to feel guilt like hell

It had complete control over me

Therefore I had nothing hidden

Dealing with the devil, my guilt was a good idea to sell

I broke free

I became guilty ridden The free rain ran over me and cleaned my obedience away

I broke them damn chains!

I began to hide during the day

Some of my fears I told to go fuck themselves, went down the drain So now I'm everything that screams courage and fearless

Every word that I write helps me to be tearless But I am still similar all the same

What Summer Is To Me

Summer has helped me almost fully recover

From being brainwashed

I almost lost me

But

I'm back to dreaming

About shoeshine and smiles

Back to the taste of salty sunflower seeds

Back to the smell of chives

Back to fires

And stars

Back to believing that shoeshine and smiles

Have more value than the realists could ever understand

Back to almost being able to feel the child in me playing

As if responsibilities and time do not exist

Back to smelling sunscreen and sweat

And loving it

Back to laying in cool grass

While staring up at the clouds

Back to feeling a little bit lonely in a unique way

In a Stargirl sort of way

Back to being as chill as

A flower girl

Living barefoot

Is the way it should be

Watching plants grow and cheering them out of the dirt

Bare, raw emotions bursting out of us like our acne

Warm sun feeling so good on your skin

Dreaming sweet dreams

All the while never wanting to sleep because life is more interesting

And secretly believing in the magic of shoeshine, smiles and the healing of summer

Shoulder ache

Shoulder ache

Stomach ache

I'm drowning in a lake

I am not

What you thought

And I never will be

Beautiful

In your world

And now you seem so fake

I'm going

Away now

Just to avoid the pain

Come

Back

Limited Old times

Not

All

Is always okay

Please just talk

I will gawk

Please let us be alone

I'm not great

Do not hate

I know I come on strong

I know that

I’m awkward

But I know I love you

I will dance

In a trance

If you give me a chance

You’ve Got Me Running These Loops

You’ve got me running these loops girl

Yeah running these loops

You’ve got me looking for a hole or an oops

Like magician’s rings

You like finding cracks in my writings on the wall

But you don’t lie to me and tell me that everything will be okay

Even if I'm screaming mayday

You are my Peter Gabriel sledgehammer,

As you skillfully knock down walls

With your golden retriever attitude

That possibly brightens my mood

Sometimes I feel your obnoxious positive vibe

But what you don’t know…

Is that I'd kill the king for your laugh

It seems like a fair trade for a mental photograph

That could soon be lost

Your smile lightens up the room

You make me feel like I can do anything with you by my side

You make me feel like I shouldn’t have any reasons to hide,

From you at least

I'm not afraid of all the king’s horses and all the king’s men

You believe that I could take them because I'm strong

And I know that we don’t have long

And I'm used to people coming and going

I've had years and years to get used to that,

The arms that I could die for

Could disappear and make it pour

That’s why you have to enjoy things now

While they last

And maybe that’s all she wrote for us

But we just have to trust

That our paths were only meant to be crossed

And maybe its better that we made an x out of each other

I won’t forget how you made me feel

As you tried to help me to heal

With your Potter spells, you powerful witch!

December Embers

December

Embers

Don't add light let me burn bright

Put me in the spotlight and I’ll turn grey

I want to hide from the light of day

Oh December

Embers

I'm going to use the heat for the long cold night

I'm burning out

But glowing in the dark is what I'm all about

Babe, December

Embers

Don't touch me when I'm hot

Don't fret

I'm not done quite yet

December

Embers

Blow on me to help

But that will only speed up the end

Just simply be my friend

December

Embers

From my eyes the crusty ash falls

I make myself pretty in the dark

I dare say my beautiful campfire smell will leave a mark

Dark December

Embers

Babe, I’ll be there when you wake up

When my light goes out don’t be afraid

I never let you fall, when I belayed

December

Embers

I'm going for the risk

Run your fingers through your hair

You can tell that I was there

Don’t desert December

Embers

No sugar just chalky

Just as long as you say we will always be a pair

I dare

Decimal December

Embers

I trust one and only one

Babe just communicate

Before I'm ugly, grey lets date

Depressed December

Embers

I hope you won't need it but...

I burnt the wood you knock on

No worries I got you, I'm strong

December

Embers

I don't know if I'm ready to jump

Keep it dark so you can see me glow

Please don't leave me out in the December snow

Misfit

I am tired of being a misfit

Fitting in everywhere

But wandering from group to group

From the orchestra cult

To the theater people and the bookworms

To other misfits

Once one group or relationship ends

I move on to the next

Always crashing into new souls

I’m tired of it being this way

I am a nomad

But I’d like for some people to stick with me

I can never find a tribe

That I can call my life

Because part of my heart often belongs in multiple places at once

I sometimes get bored of people,

Outgrow them

No one seems to care enough to hold on as hard as I try

So I simply let them go and I carry on soul surfing

I should trying crashing hard into another one

Then maybe we’d get stuck like shards of glass you can’t live without

Mistreated Millennials

What’s the point of living if I can’t be myself?

I'll be homeless and unhappy

And destructive

You'll continue to be sappy

You'll continue living your life complaining about everything

While I’ll keep my mouth shut because according to you, my problems don’t matter

Baby boomers being controlling yet again

Thinking I owe you when you made me into this bitter, broke, batter

I'm a millennial who lost hope

I'm seen as spoiled and lazy because I see that there’s no use

All I ask is that you don’t take the last thing I have to my ugly name

You get away with it and I'm so tired of the emotional abuse

I need to get old quick

So that I can take control of my life, my world, my planet, my states

I want to take care of this planet and make life better for future generations

You only cared about you; you’re going to go through Hell’s gates

I'm not going to have kids

Well at least not when you’re alive

You are more offensive than a confederate flag or a swastika

If you set eyes upon your gorgeous grandchildren they could break out in hives

I don’t want my offspring to have to see this society you’ve created

A world of tests and pressure

Setting us up against our own generation, giving us trust issues

I can’t wait for you to become extinct for a refresher

You won’t be able to barge in

Testing us to see just how much we can endure before we break at the bones

And when we break, you leave us alone to suffer with the deformities

When you hear our groans,

You convince yourself that we don’t have any problems that are worse,

Than yours

The millennial generation work themselves into insanity

While you insult us, pampered, careless, narcissistic, your words contaminate our pours

We are forced to wear those insults

We wear them like expensive designer clothes,

Because we don’t have any money

Baby boomers look for special millennials to overexpose

Footsteps

Footsteps rattling the house like thunder

Demanding to be felt

Whispers of scraping bare feet

Demanding to be heard

Demanding for my valuable attention

Your distinct smell of deodorant smelled by my denying nose

Your yells for me to come out and play,

Demanding to get under my skin and to my heart

I'm not going to tell you that you are wasting your energy

I hope you will use your energy all up and wither

I have no heart

That's why I'm smart

I've got my back against the wall

But I can feel you banging your fist from the other side

Parading and patrolling the halls

I'm stuck in jail on my bunk

You seem to clomp,

With a pair of clogs

What the hell are you doing?

Demanding attention

And stealing glances

That's nothing new

About you

And your lazy master feet

I’m annoyed as a slave

And you’re running around the house like an aristocrat

You want to be close

And I want to be far,

Because I know I could end up with feathers and tar

You always have to dominate everything

This might be why I’m a control freak

In this house with slammed doors and loud footsteps

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention”

Two Types of Fallen

Have I fallen out of love?

I hope not

Love is what I for so long have sought

Have we gotten out of the honey moon part of a relationship?

Maybe I should have stayed in doors with penny, used napkin and chip Or is it my depression and you trying to get over Alex?

I'm not giving up on our love yet

Will Wednesday solve our problems, when we have set?

What you don't know and might not understand is that it is normal for me to disappear

I will always come back, never fear Hopefully you'll be there

My heart beats like a drum

Sometimes I go numb

I wish that you could understand more

I don't complain to you because I don't want to be a bore When I become numb

Your love will be the first thing I'll feel

For now I must deal

I refuse to let you go

I love you, I want you to know No I'm not just saying that

Let's not forget that us and our double dates are a band

Let's not forget what it feels like to be poor but own all of earth's land

With my music

I won't totally lose it.