This Cannot Be Natural

You Should Be A Crime

You should be a crime

And I would love to watch you put your hands in the air and get caught

That’s not true, no,

I just want your time

I would like to watch you struggle to open locked doors

You’d fight and fail to maim the doorframe

No,

I just want to be yours

I hope you age like fine wine

Slow and always with such grace

Yes,

I just want you to stay, my silly valentine

I want to be with you while you shine

You’ll always shine; you're the shooting star of my life

Yes,

I just want you to be mine

18

The age of adulthood

And as my birthday makes its arrival

I wish you would I am scared for the future

The one that doesn’t include you

Coming undone is my suture I don’t know how long I can dream

It seems like a waste of time

When I’m oh so close to breaking at the seams 0 to 18

So far it’s been mostly pain, anxiety and depression

I’m so sorry babe, that your face is turning green A simple question, yes or no?

I shall never dare to be rude and just simply ask

Either stay or go I’m not an adult yet

People do say that I’m really mature

But I don’t even have a set I’m scared but full of grit

And yet I sit

Never quit I don’t know why

But sometimes I wish I wasn’t born

And other times I wish to die I don’t know why

I almost forgot my birthday for once

Babe, you shouldn’t fly with that sty in your poor, blue, eye Swollen, bloodshot eyes

That have been accused of not working hard enough, after an all-nighter

Babe don’t believe the lies Happy birthday

To the one with the story of bad gut and disease

Baby please, you made it all this way

Thank

Thank you for saving me another night

I now see a little bitty light

At the end of the tunnel

I'm just starting the loooong climb out of the funnel

That drains into the black, empty hole of eternal sadness

My parents just think I'm full of badness

Depression is like a black hole that is always going to be tapping on your shoulder

It makes sure that you know if you trip it will come back and hit like boulder

Maybe you were lying

If you were and I find out, you might find me slowly dying

And sliding back down again

I'm not writing this with a pen

You are my idol

My mom wants me to believe in the bible

But she can’t make me believe in something that I'm not so sure about

This is why I sometimes pout

Well I'm writing this to you so back to it

I love you, I have to admit           

Not in the creepy way

You’ve brought me back to bay

I think that is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me

I'm not kidding, you now have my secret key

I hope you don’t lose it

Please don’t quit

Everyone who has told me they would be there for me, forever

Always ended in a never

I'm slightly scared to love you

I might end up, not just blue but dark blue

It almost seems every time I love someone

I always get shunned

Thanks

For putting some of your spare change in my vacant bank

I've been staring at what you wrote in complete disbelief

I'm as lonely as a shrived up leaf

However, I do have many sides just like you think 

Everyone who only sees the quiet side really needs to blink

Or get better glasses

I hope that their phase passes

This poem has finished quickly

I hope you don’t find it sh*tty

When It Came To Life

When it came to life

They had their tires spinning

But I like to believe I was somehow the one who was winning

When it came to life

They made me feel unwanted in theirs

They are the heirs with the mean stares

I would like to believe

That I’m going to shine brighter

But I’m not the one who owns a lighter

I would like to believe

That I’m the one who is going to get around

But I’m stuck in the background

When it came to life

It seemed like they are naturally smart

I on the other hand, don’t even know where to start

When it came to life

They always managed to get luck and look good

I, on the other hand, look like a girl made of wood

I would like to believe

That someday I will be above all of this

Instead of being traded like baseball cards, I’ll have a person to kiss

I would like to believe

That none of this will matter

And I’ll be on the mound tauntingly saying, swing batter batter swing batter batter

When it came to life

They gave no real shits about my existence

And yet I kept with my foolish persistence

When it came to life

They had their own group

And I wasn't really part of the loop

One Summer Night

One summer night

With my brother

Blowing up balloons and letting them fly

Mom came outside

Time to go inside

Time to take a bath

Time to go to bed

No thanks

She says that I haven’t taken a bath in a few days

She also says I have dirt all over my legs,

Like it’s a bad thing

She asks me if I like being dirty

I respond with a yes

I like the feeling of the cracked dry dirt on my legs

Chipping off with time

I ended up taking a bath

And I felt like I had lost some of myself

I was too clean to be me

I guess, I’ll have to start again tomorrow

Leaving

When I was three

I met a boy

He was my brother, just from another family

We split at 12 and now I look at him, and he looks at me,

Like we are strangers

When I was a little older

I didn’t know how to play solitaire

Pop pops would tell me what cards were “no good”

And without him not neglecting me as memere did, my world has grown colder

I wonder with no way of knowing what he was truly like in all of his strength

When I became a teenager I like to read I like to learn

My aunt taught me, about cancer

She asked me the questions that I still need

But now I only get asked about school or if I have finally caught a boyfriend

About two months after she left

So did my boyfriend and

He was a fuckboy

He was a theft

But I was so in love

When I got dumped

For another girl, I wrote a poem and sent it to him

Someone said that I pulled a Taylor Swift

I took that as a compliment even with my feelings lumped

Then I just never saw that person again and I still think of her and how she saved me from my nightmares

And you think

That you leaving is hard?

Nah man, I've gotten pretty used to this thang and I'm not mad or sad

I'm not scared to blink

Because in life people come and people go like waves in the sea

Save Me?

Why must time stand still?

The longer I wait here the more it kills

Come on

Just because I’m no longer your student, are you gone?

You have to still care

Before I sent it, I told myself to beware

My hopes have shattered

Heart tattered

Why do I never learn?

I guess It’s still not my turn

When will I be saved?

My roads are never freshly paved

Don’t you dare leave me hanging

By a thread I’m already dangling

My head is a complete mess

I don’t know how I’ll ever confess

Sometimes I think that life is a game

How much can I hold in until I go insane?

What you don’t know

Just promise not to go

But I don’t trust

This is a must

Are you still here reading?

Well I’m still sitting here bleeding

If you thought I was strong

You were wrong

I used to be

But along the way I lost me

I don’t know who I am

I don’t know how to get my old self back, damn!

I used to hate writing

But now I write lots of poems while lip biting

I don’t even know if I miss my old self

My high hopes I will put back on a shelf

That way they won’t shatter

Does it even matter?

Colitis

Proctitis

Don’t be a buttcrack

And just write back

I just can’t take it anymore

I’m running for the door

I just can not

Ever since I was little I’ve been through a lot

All I do is fight

But I now have no more might

A fight that will last a lifetime

I’ve given up on the climb

A fight that I’ll never win

Complication after complication that’s all it’s ever been

I’m just really tired of it all

Just exhausted of being fate’s rag doll

I can’t keep everything in, everyday closer to exploding

Me you’ll never be able to decode

Why must time stand still?

The longer I wait here the more it kills

I’m Done!

I no longer hope youwould just text me

Have you known the whole time that all of this was to happen?

Fallen out of love is exactly what I have done

Out of the k-i-s-s-i-n-g tree I have run

Of course in the back of my head I knew

Love, I do not miss you

With this relationship, I'm done!

You knew, didn't you?

But I was naive enough to let myself fall

I don’t have a hard time when I see you in the hall

Still, I can’t believe that I got over you

Hope is how I know I can do

You'd better not stay with her or,

Text her and tell her that you love her

Me without you is like a bladder without piss

Like it or not, it doesn't get better than this

You were such a bad boy

Did you never realize that I wasn't just a toy?

With this poem

Alex won't be upset

Anxious Anxiety

I want anxiety to be anxious of me

I will hold my ground without being an earthquake myself

I will stand still and strong; there will be no such thing as a shaking knee

When the time comes I will weigh so much you will not move me with anything

Beating the ill out of illnesses; it will be the one in need of an amputee

I want depression to be happy for me

Everything should watch out for me because here I come

I might look cute but that’s just my disguise

“I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” I hum

There’s strong and then there’s Taylor strong

I am the cherry bomb

No longer will I fall into your guilt trap

Not everyone is there for you and sometimes you are alone

But I don’t need anyone when I have myself; if you think otherwise you’re thinking crap!

I’m writing this cheese for my future self to not cut

You like tigers so don’t be a donkey without a tail

Don’t forget that you’re hungry for success

Don’t forget that it is good to fail

I think you learn more and go farther in life,

When you are done fixing the hole in dear Henry’s pail

I am a train chugging on broken tracks and I love it

With my emo black boots it feels like I can go anywhere in the world

It keeps me interested in where I am going to go and where I’ll find that I fit

I can’t stay curled

I cannot stay still and sit

Screaming About Nothing

Lately everybody has been screaming about nothing

While I have been thinking about something

I write too much

And say too little

But maybe my words were just meant for paper

Lately it feels like my only friends

Are my colorful pens

Lately it seems like relationships are just dead ends

That die as fast as well spent weekends

I hang on like a loose tooth

That doesn’t believe that the tooth fairy afterlife is the truth

I feel like I stick around like an old cold

That’s got a gnarly hold

And I tell myself to

Put down the needle

Put down the thread

And stop sowing this tangled web

But I've got spiders in my hair

Arachnids are everywhere

I'm cursed

But I will wait

Until you become my prey

Someday