"Some Kind Of Misery Makes You Hate The World, But Some Kind Makes You Hate Yourself"

The story of us:

I’ve been single for over two years now and I haven’t been fussed about getting into a relationship at all. People constantly ask why I am still single, there is not answer just simply because I wasn’t bothered by the fact that I was single, I am happy and I don’t need someone to make me happy because really only I can make myself happy. 

Recently someone i vaguely knew as a child walked into my life, it was very un-expecting and I had no intentions on getting into a relationship. He fooled me as it was Aprils fool, I instantly found myself smiling at the situation because it was so funny. He made me laugh without even knowing even when I was rejected as it was a joke. This moment was the beginning on a journey I didn’t plan.

I obviously had expectations to the person I would want to make a life with, hence why I’ve been single and haven’t let a soul into my life. I’ve always wanted someone who I could openly be myself with, someone who knew my whole life journey, someone who understood my beliefs and values without judgements, someone who had a gentle soul but with strong moralities, someone my family would love, someone not only attractive on the outside but also on the inside. But most of all, I wanted someone who I could potentially spend the rest of my life with. This is why it makes it hard for me because how do you know its the right one? Does the right one even exist?  

I can honestly admit that I’ve never felt love. What is even love? Love really has no meaning because to me love is everything. I wonder where this journey will take us... perhaps I might find the love of my life? 

“Nawww.. Summa, you are the best girl I ve met over my past 24 years. I have never had this kind of relationship b4. The only closest woman in my life ever was my mum. Now you are the second person. I no ur stressed about placement. I feel your sadness due 2 ur sister going to departure and of course ur parent’s disapproval. But you know what, take this as a test. And take me as a your fellow study partner, we ll get through this hardship together and believe in your heart that we will have a really strong unbreakable bond. Life is not always for the most fastest, smartest and gifted. Life is about finding coping mechanisms to adapt to new challenges. Hence we become the most dominant species on earth. Also I am sincerely sorry for the relationship mishaps between you and your older sisters. They dearly love you a lot and it is one of my biggest no go zone to get in between family relationships. Please know that I can not change anything regarding my race, culture and traditions. Stay hopeful and keep the faith my beautiful girl. You will always be in my heart for as long as the sun rises and the moon laminates. Enjoy the time you have your family especially your Saki, you are in a time were hardship is prevailing ur wits but ill be by your side. I will be ur savior, lover and a guide. Enjoy today with new motives and forget wats been said and done. We only live once and we only live in the present. I love you dearly my Summa. Ill catch you around yeh!”

Oh Miranda stop it

Where to now?

You know that saying 'when one door closes, another opens'? Well I'm in this predicament except without an open door of opportunity, not just yet, and don't know when. So I'm just going with the flow. Living within the usual routine. Work, home, see friends, eat, sleep, repeat. The idea of moving on from the last chapter I can't grasp. Maybe I'm just afraid to actually grow up and start making a living. I kind of don't want to yet. The thought of waking up every morning and going to work really is unpleasant. I want to go into the world and grow up this way. I don't know why people go to uni and get into the work field straight away. I'm the total opposite. I just finished my degree and I don't want to work. It's not because I won't enjoy the work, it's because I don't want to start working as of yet, I feel like this may take away the opportunity for me to be gypsie (a person who moves from one place to another). I don't think there's anything wrong with this pathway. The best way to grow up physically, mentally and intellectually I believe is through the interactions with people of different cultures, to be in an unusual environment and to fully seek the unknown. This will be the new door open to me and I will happily walk through it.

The country of my people

It’s almost always worth getting up early. #myanmar on Flickr.

Aminosity towards unknown

The other day, someone broke into my car by smashing my window. This made me furious because all my identity was gone, the thought of someone else knowing my details gave me a nightmare. Not only that but now I am left with the responsibility to get the window repaired. I was full of rage and felt like the world was against me. I wanted to do bad things and prayed that the thief had something terribly absurd happen to him/her/them. I hated the person who did this and I don’t even know the person. 

After so much anger , I realised this behaviour was something I was against. I acted like Emily Thorne from Revenge. The anger was eating up my peace. I took out my anger to the people who are closet to me. I felt so angry at everything. I cried because I was annoyed. Within a week, this behaviour needed to stop. I reflected and knew I had to accept what had happen, and move on. I realised I was being a sook. Why was I making a scene over something I could repair? People are suffering from illnesses, dying of hunger, fighting to stay alive, and I’m over here crying over a stolen wallet.

Bad things will happen but we cannot let these bad things take away our happiness. Some people are raised up with no love, all they see around them are hate and how to survive on a daily basis. I need to not cry over a materialistic item and focus on the real humanity issue.

Flying over South Australia and the Northern Territory was so hypnotic. My fear for flying was excluded from my thought as I starred intently outside the window. 

Food:

Under Single Fin (forgot the name of restaurant) Our first Balinese meal was to die for. I am so obsessed with Nasi Goreng and getting to eat it authentically is what I’ve always imagined to do. In this aspect, authenticity is what we all should do and aim for; imitations aren’t always 100% right on the spot and won’t satisfy.

Although restaurants may serve food to our standard, myself personally feel in love with the street food and little fast food restaurants along the side of the road. For about $1.50-$2, you can get delicious fried rice, noodles and vegetables that will melt in your mouth. Some may feel uncomfortable with street food but let me tell you, I am still alive and didn't get sick once from street food.

I think I understand now why so many artists create out of a place of sadness. Pain is one of the most powerful emotions a soul can feel, and when it holds hands with love, it is intoxicating and overwhelming to the point that such small hearts must project some of that pain into art, music or poetry, or be consumed by it. We can only relieve ourselves of a fraction of that pain though. If we got rid of all of it we would be nothing. Absent. Sometimes our pain, just like our happiness, defines us

Z.M.   (via wordsnquotes)

So beautifully written