Make It Last...

The benefits problems with chastity

If you are into male submission, it isn’t hard to find lists upon lists of the benefits of male chastity. As someone who loves the game of chastity there are some very serious side effects of chastity that some men experience that they don’t tell you about on those lists. Instead of a fun and kinky game, it can get dark and bitter FAST. This happens when chastity is done wrong.

I am here to help. What I say won’t apply to every situation or person. But if you as a keyholder (or someone with a keyholder) isn’t having fun with chastity then this might help you.

But first some highlights of these list of which I speak. Here are some common benefits I found when browsing through a dozen or so such lists (type Chastity Benefits or similar terms in your Tumblr search bar or your favorite search engine)

1. His desire for you will skyrocket 2. His libido doesn’t crash 3. Male masturbation is evil and this stops it 4. He’ll stay faithful to you 5. He’ll be more helpful around the house

etc, etc, etc

This is a sampling but you can easily find more. I will go through each of these examples and explain why I think they are flawed, and how to make it better. But before that I am going to let you in on the basis of every problem with chastity right now. 

IGNORING HIM RUINS EVERYTHING

Yep. If you want chastity to work it means a lot more sex. A LOT more. But it isn’t the traditional type of sex. It is talking and tasks and receptive sex on his part. If as the keyholder (mental or physical keyholder, it makes no difference) chastity is some kind of sexual oubliette where you throw your partner and forget about them then you are begging for problems and pain. The benefits of chastity only happen when you replace what you have taken away from him, with something more enticing than orgasms. And remember, that for most guys, we are biologically wired to do almost anything to cum! Mother nature dedicates whole parts of the brain to sex and desire (for most all people) so you are working with some strong bio-magic. Be aware of what you are getting into. It has the power to raise sexual skyscrapers you didn’t know were possible but it can also ruin and destroy people and relationships. You know the phrase…. “With great power there must also come –  great responsibility”. 

So on to how we make those benefits a reality.

5. This won’t happen with chastity. Period. If you lock up his dick and then expect him to just start doing more house work you are a fool. Taking away a joy in life isn’t going to make someone more helpful. And it is just an abuse of the kinky relationship. Kink is about fun, house work is about necessity; it is everyone’s work. If you don’t think your boy is pulling his share, or would like them to do more, then JUST SAY SOMETHING. It is that simple. You don’t bring kink into. If he doesn’t help when asked, a few grams of steel, or a mental command, isn’t going to change that. And if you don’t feel like asking every time, have a conversation where you explain your needs and wants and then work it out between you. Don’t expect kink to magically fix things if you can’t talk. The same holds true for getting flowers, cards, romantic dinners, etc. OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

Now, how to do it right.

If you are in a D/s relationship, which playing with chastity automatically makes it a D/s game, make it part of the fun. Be explicit about what you expect and why. And tell him often…. more than that…. even more than that… Yes, daily, hourly. You get the idea. And then give him reasons to do more chores that relate to chastity. Trade time out or release for the floor waxed. Or Don’t remember the dishes and it is a ruined orgasm for you. Or You gave up your manhood so now you do a woman’s job. Play with the power he has given you and tailor it to the way the two of you play. Examples?

Your boy into sissification? Great. That little thing has no place being out in the world were it could be mistaken for a man’s cock. Lock that shit up and go get your gurly ass dressed and in the kitchen where gurls belong. (Because dishes are more fun panties and heels.)

Your man’s a pain slut? Sit in a chair behind him with a single tail and give him a lick every sixty seconds until the dishes are done. If he drops one or doesn’t do it to your satisfaction, he starts all over again… with the strokes every thirty seconds. 

Is he a service sub? When you get home, inspect every dish and point out how disappointed your with every mistake you find. Let him feel bad for failing you.

etc, etc, etc.

You get the idea. Whatever your style looks like, use it. But for the sake of all that is kinky, play with it! Don’t ignore it. Don’t make them wait in silence for a someday. Follow through on what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it. And if that is more than 48 hours away, your are doing it wrong (more on that in a bit). An inconsistent or forgetful dom is a bad dom. And bad doms make very bad subs.

Oh, and for those that have missed the earlier point on equality but immediately took the role-playing comment (woman’s work) as sexist … go away and quit messing up the fun for everyone else who gets it. Sexism is sexy (for most). That statement means, as an example, that we know that corsets where torturous devices that women were forced to wear at one time. Women died from wearing them! But today we love them because WE DON’T FORCE WOMEN TO WEAR THEM ANY MORE. We have taken the torturous and made it fun. We do that with physical pain. Ever spanked a … SLAVE? We do the same thing with emotionally painful topics. In fact, it is by playing with these outdated ideas, turning them on their heads, and making fun of them that we remove the power they once had to hurt. As I said above, house work is everyone’s work. Kink means that putting a cage on a man and making him do ‘women’s work’ is just fun because it is role-playing, not a forced reality. 

4. If you believe that a small bit of metal and a lock that can be popped off with a screwdriver or small cutters is the only thing keeping a cheating man faithful to you then you are not just a fool, you are an idiot. Sorry to be harsh, but think about it. There are men who will throw away safety, power, wealth and even the lives of themselves and others just to fulfill one of our strong biological urges. If your man isn’t strong enough, or loves you enough, or respects you enough, or isn’t civilized enough to not fuck someone else without the consent and discussion of all parties involved then I promise you that your little cage isn’t going stop him. He is a jerk to start with, don’t play with him. Period.

Now, how to do it right.

Use your words. Make a role-playing game out of it. Talk to him, often (see above) about how you love the power over his orgasms he’s given up, or how you can play with others but as sub he can’t, or how as a sub he hasn’t earned the right to play a top role, or how he’s the bottom bitch now, etc. You know your man and what buttons to push to make him excited. Use it. And use it often. If he isn’t getting to play with his dick then you need to play with his head. And far more often than he ever played with his dick. Whatever you do, help him remember why he made a vow to you and why you are worth the chastity.

3. This is some amazingly anti sex thinking going on there. Listen to sex advice shows or read non-sex positive help books for couples and you will hear the lamination of the women (not being sexist, being Conan) over how awful his masturbation is. He does it many times a day and he doesn’t want to play with me and its like he’s cheating and… and… and… BULLSHIT. Masturbation is something most every higher animal does and most every person does unless there has been trauma. Emotional, physical, cultural or religious trauma but it takes some kind of trauma to make someone give up the benefits of masturbation. Male masturbation is not evil. 

Now I will admit that like any activity, it can be over done or become all consuming. But that is a discussion of addiction and not one of kink. There is a difference. And if you can’t see the difference you need some education on what addiction is.

And I will also admit that there are those that chose masturbation over their partners but this is because of … trauma! If your bed has become so painful to be in, difficult to obtain, tricky to navigate, or he feels to shamed to join you, or random to the point of no longer being a realistic option then yeah, he might rub one out… often. But that isn’t because he prefers it. It is because it is ‘that’ or the relationship ends (going separate ways or it loses what it once was). He has needs that occur at a duration or time that you cannot or will not meet. And he has found a way to meet them that saves your relationship. This isn’t true in every case but it is in more cases than people want to admit. :-(

How to fix this?

Welcome to the reoccurring theme of a fun, positive and kinky replacement. You are locking him up and taking away the right of orgasm. And like anytime someone locks up a natural animal you become responsible for their care and maintenance. You get to control when, AND HOW, he releases. It could be never. In that case, you have to find a suitable replacement that is applied at least as often as what you are taking away (i.e. masturbation… which can be multiple times a day for some guys). This replacement could be submissive acts, kinky words, edging, etc. And then the occasional ruin or miliking or prostate release. Whatever you do, make it fun (even in an evil way) and make it very frequent. And if it doesn’t result in frequent releases (kinky talk, submissive tasks, etc) then it has to be as frequent as his normal masturbation schedule (if not more so).

2. Nope.

This might happen in the first few days as he gets horny as hell. But if you keep ignoring it, keep his sex drive in that sexual oubliette, you know what happens to that powerful, biologically fueled, drive? It changes to something much darker. It could be anger, depression, sadness, rejection, violence, etc. Whatever your man’s dark nature is, being forgotten and ignored will bring it out and bring it out amplified. When you forget him, the best you can hope for is to crush his spirit to the point where he doesn’t care anymore. In any case, you will kill the spark that made you love him in the first place. That darkness will cause the game to come to an end in a miserable failure and might put in place lasting emotional trauma that you can’t fix.

How do you do it right?

DO NOT IGNORE HIM. Don’t forget him. Absence DOES NOT MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER. Constant teasing and torture and playing and edging and whatever other fun kinky things you do will. If it is done often it WILL make his libido skyrocket and bring out the fun, kinky side of him. He may get super submissive. He may beg. Plead. Claim he’s dying. :-) But he won’t be mad, depressed, violent or feel forgotten. He will feel loved, owned and played with.

1. You know what? This is the same as the last one. Go re-read that again.

In the end, chastity is an awesome game so long as the keyholder (as always, physical or mental) doesn’t take a fire and forget approach, or the ‘absence will make the heart grow fonder so if I forget to play with him one day, two days, a week, two weeks, he’ll really be ready to play when I do finally grace him with the merest crumb of play time’ approach. If you do that, it will backfire spectacularly. 

Chastity can do all those wonderful things the Tumblr blogs say it can. It can make your man feel, and be, much more submissive. He can find a renewed spark in you. He can feel loved, cared for and not shamed for want to play with the person he loved. So long as you don’t ignore your dominant role and don’t forget to play more often than the activity your are replacing (his desire to orgasm) then it will work.

If you want to read some full articles, here are places to start from.

http://flrreding.tumblr.com/post/155699679122/the-following-is-an-insightful-piece-written-by 

https://plasticchastitydevices.tumblr.com/post/170104656799/to-10-benefits-of-male-chastity

WHY IS YOUR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND INTERESTED IN CHASTITY?

The concept of being denied sexual pleasure for the privilege of pleasing you is highly arousing for your lover. We all have secret fetish dreams, fantasies and hopes and male chastity is just one of those.

It’s a secret fetish that your man finds highly provocative, arousing and very sexy, to the point that even just an image of a chastity device could cause the beginnings of an erection.

It links in with the sexual fantasy of surrendering himself to you in erotic submission.

It’s not just concerned with physical sensations, but the mind, body, emotional and inner most self. He will understand chastity as all encompassing desire, fetish or kink, that’s an intellectual, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual experience.

From his sexual fantasy perspective the allure is that his loving wife or girlfriend holds the key to his penis. His cock becomes yours, it’s freedom is dependent upon you releasing him. You hold the key to this release. You become his Keyholder.

Your lover believes that he’s masturbating far too much and would like your help to control this by making him wear a chastity device to prevent him touching himself.

He longs to be “Loved, Locked and Owned” by you, and he believes that wearing a chastity device will demonstrate his commitment and faithfulness to you.

He longs to escape from every day realities and to allow his submissive desires freedom. This is a “need” for many men who long to set free their sexual submissiveness in the safety and security of their own homes and with their loving wife or girlfriend.

Orgasm denial is highly arousing to him.

He believes that you are superior to him and needs to demonstrate his acknowledgement of this by wearing a chastity belt or device.

A highly sexy aspect is that your husband will aim to seek his pleasure in pleasing and pleasuring you, thinking of his keyholder’s needs above his own. Wearing a chastity device help him to sexually achieve this.

If he’s found the courage to tell you about his desires and sexual fantasies he’s probably done so because he believes it’s something very special he can share with you, and feels that, in being his keyholder, you may really enjoy and relish it just as much as he.

They seem to be getting smaller!

I Edge My Husband...

I edge my husband because:

-It’s what his body wants, whether his mind knows it or not -It’s more pleasurable for him to be edged and denied than for him to cum – simple biology -I can do this every day, and he’ll stay aroused and excited every time -He makes the sexiest noises when I edge him -I love watching his mind go numb with pleasure -He gets so stiff and hard for me, I can’t resist touching it, and I want him to stay that way as long as possible -He stays in a hypersexual state, always eager to pleasure me any way I want -It arouses me to see him lost in bliss -Edging him is so easy, and it gets easier every day I do it -I want him to be happy, and he’s obviously happy when he’s on the edge -I love that he trusts me with his most intimate, natural reflex, so I trigger it as often as possible (or almost-trigger it!) -He fucks me so hard after I edge him for a few days – he’s like an animal, I fucking love it! -He thinks of me all day and texts me the sweetest things -He works hard, doesn’t get enough respect, and deserves to “zone out” for a -while in my hands or mouth -It makes him dream about me, so I’m part of literally every moment of his life

And more, and more…

Thanks to HealthySexyMarriage