Taiisdelusional - Titled

thought this was neat

me when they call my name at mcdonals (i am approaching the counter)

you know how some people go to parties and befriend the pets there like the dogs & cats? whenever i go to social functions i somehow end up randomly in charge of children. i don’t know how it happens. people are always just foisting children off on me in public places.

and the thing is it never stops at one child, because once you have one with you, another child approaches, and then parents start to think you’re perhaps some sort of hired childcare at the function and they don’t ask you. more children appear whose parents pointed at you and the other children and said, “oh look! that’s where all the kids are! go over there!”

I was at a work picnic once and a man from another department asked me to hold his 5-month-old while he filled up his plate. Then he got distracted talking to friends and didn’t come back for thirty minutes. I stood there with this baby whose name I actually didn’t know, chit-chatting a meeting new colleagues, and everyone assumed it was my baby and kept asking about him and what was I supposed to do? Say, “oh this isn’t mine” ?? Because then they’d ask whose it was and we actually hadn’t exchanged names. So then what would I say, “I don’t know” ??????????

I started wondering if I needed to make up a fake backstory for this baby.

The baby’s MOM eventually showed up looking for her husband, saw me, and said, far more pleasantly than she needed to, “hi! You seem to have my baby????”

I was just like, “indeed. so I do.”

I once volunteered to run the bubble table at a local festival. The point was to come get bubble wands & soap to use around the festival, but people just started sending their children over en masse. The festival ended, and I still had like 17 unattended children. I needed to go home.

I had no idea what to do. I needed to find an event organizer but I couldn’t leave them alone? So I started walking around the festival with a line of hand-holding children to find an authority I could give them away to like some sort of reverse Pied Piper

once I ended up in charge of a 3 year old at a funeral and she realized what death was and that she was going to die one day. I was holding her & she was crying while I was desperately trying to locate her parents.

Idk where I’m going with this.

I need to find a way to seem less approachable so no more strange toddlers have mortality crises in my arms.

I'd like to introduce everyone to this horrid thing I created about a year ago but haven't shown many people yet (probably for the best).

This is Baby. AKA The Monster. AKA Sight Tremendous and Abhorred, AKA Vile Insect, AKA A Thing Such As Even Dante Could Not Have Conceived, etc, etc. It's made from bits of scrap fabric I scrounged from various sources and is roughly the size of a human toddler. Its design is based on Mary Shelly's original descriptions of Frankenstein's creature.

But that's not all! Behold!

You can dissect this little abomination to reveal a full set of crocheted, knitted, and scrap fabric organs, all hand-stitched by yours truly!

It has a heart, stomach, lungs, liver, small and large intestine, kidneys, bladder, and, of course, a brain! So it can ponder the horrors of its own existence!

I used this pattern by Less Than Three for the heart. I ended up felting it because I screwed up most of the stitches (I was relatively new to crochet at the time). The result was a bit of a blobby mess, but oh well.

So yeah. This thing lives in my house now (my family hates it). I have yet to reap the full consequences of my hubris.

I think it's hilarious that hands down the worst way to learn magic is the actual rulebook. Please do not read that. It's just there for reference when something weird happens

Yes clown feet

What do you guys think is she into me 😳😳