When Will The Day Come Where Somebody Matches My Freak About Falsettos 😞😞😞

Part 13!

-

Evan: Fight me!

Jared, behind him, holding a knife: *Mouths* Do not.

-

Connor: I desire moisture.

Zoe: Just say 'I want water' like a normal human being.

-

Connor, to Jared: Stop calling yourself hot. The only thing you can turn on is the microwave.

-

Evan: What goes up but never comes down?

Jared: The amount of stress you bring me daily.

-

Miguel: How would you like your coffee?

Connor: As dark, and as bitter as my soul.

Miguel: Got it, one cup of milk with extra sugar coming right up!

-

Connor: I could kill you if I wanted.

Jared: Oh yeah? So could any other human being.

Jared: So could a dog.

Jared: So could a dedicated duck.

Connor:

Jared: Your not special.

-

Jared: How the hell are you still alive?

Evan: Honestly, I am just as confused as you are.

-

Jared: *Pulls back the curtain while Evan is showering*

Jared: Did we-- Evan, stop screaming, it's just me. --Did we run out of cheerios?

-

Larry: So what are your political beliefs?

Heidi, trying to sound like she knows what she's doing: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

-

Connor: Stop failing!

Evan: Don't tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!

Evan: *Succeeds*

Evan: Dang it!

-

Evan: I am a responsible adult!

Jared: *Raises brow*

Evan: I am an adult.

Jared: That's much more accurate.

-

Connor: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

-

Jared, trying to impress Evan: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities, but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.

Zoe: He turned it off, and then turned it back on again.

-

Evan: So, Jared is no longer aloud to take the trash out at night.

Alana: Why?

Evan: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

Jared, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

-

Zoe: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.

Connor: Well, that's just your personal opinion. I don't have anger issues. Do you guys think that I have anger issues?

Jared: Well, you see, I wouldn't call them 'issues'.

Jared: Issues are something you can fix.

-

Evan: My dad's name is just mine as well, so technically I'm just Mark Jr.

Jared: But who comes up when you look up 'Mark Evan Hansen' on google?

Alana: That's what I thought!

Jared: One Mark to rule them all!

-

Jared: Hello, it is I, your favorite person.

Evan: Oh actually, Zoe's my favorite person.

Jared, annoyed but holding it in: Okay, then.

Jared: It is I,

Jared: That bitch.

-

Alana: What's it like being tall?

Zoe: Is it nice?

Miguel: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Evan: We live in constant fear of the short ones, who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Jared: It was ONE time!

-

Alana, who just won Evan at armwrestling: I am strong! I beat Evan at armwrestling!

Connor, who has beaten Evan at armwrestling at least 7 separate times: Anyone can beat Evan at armwrestling.

Evan, who really just lets everyone win at armwrestling to be nice: Hey-

-

Miguel: Connor's gonna kill me.

Zoe: No, he'll probably just make me do it.

-

Evan: We can't tell you because your not a member of the club!

Jared: What club?

Connor: The Hating Jared Kleinman Club.

Jared: What the fuck? I should be the president of that club!

-

Alana: The clock is ticking! We don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery!

Jared: The unmitigated poppycock?

Zoe: Extravagant hogwash!

Evan: Okay, stop.

-

Evan: How do you tell someone that you want to have sex with them in a polite way?

Connor: Excuse me Mr, would you give me the honour of indulging in sexual activity with you?

Jared: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

-

Jared: *Speaking Spanish*

Evan: I know, I know.

Alana: You speak Spanish?

Evan: No. I just know the phrase 'this is all your fault' in every language Jared speaks.

-

Zoe: The ritual. To perform it requires a sacrifice.

Connor: Sacrifice? I nominate Jared.

Jared: Wait, what?

Connor: Because you're little, you'll fit on a barbecue.

Jared: I'm 5'9, it's like average height in most of the world!

Evan: It's not that kind of of sacrifice guys!

-

Zoe: Connor won't wake up, what do I do?!

Jared: Did you try kicking him??

Zoe: Yes!

Jared: Then I'm out of ideas.

-

Evan: I asked Zoe out.

Jared: Oh, I'm sorry.

Evan: Why?

Jared: I just assumed she said no.

Evan: No actually, she said yes.

Jared: Oh.

Jared: Then I'm sorry for her.

-

Evan: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

Alana: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

Jared: Fuck you.

-

Jared: Zoe, I know you love Evan. I mean, we all do, he's a very nice person and I totally respect him deep down.

Jared: But I think he might be a fucking idiot.

-

Zoe: How high are you?

Connor: Hm, I don't know how to say it in feet.

Evan: No, she's asking you about what drugs your on.

Connor: Oh, antidepressants, why?

-

Evan: Connor gave me a Get Well Soon card.

Alana: Awhh, that's nice of him.

Evan: I wasn't sick, he just thought that I could do better.

-

Evan: Hey Jared, Connor just broke my seashell lamp,

Jared: Neat, I'm gonna die alone.

Evan:

Evan: Okay, you win.

-

[During the 'Evan using everyone and being a fucking asshole' segment]

Alana: You really believe in Evan?

Jared, annoyed: Luckily, he believes in himself enough for both of us.

-

Heidi: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Evan. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Evan!

Jared: Nope.

Heidi: In that case, as the archbishop of Jared's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Evan right on the lips!!!

-

Connor: Go. Let it out. Cry, Evan. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.

Alana: Just when we thought it was safe to add you back into the conversation.

before I actually sleep should we indulge in Mendel/Marvin Monday

on another note do either of them actually deserve a monday?

discuss.

cannot comprehend falsettos fans who hate andrew

a bit spicy, but hilarious nonetheless.

super-duper whizzer centric! third person hovers him the whole time, plus, worrylesswritemore is a damn icon and I have been both cackling and sobbing at their fics (if you want more I can scrounge around).

!!!!! DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY WHIZZER-CENTRIC FANFICS?? istg ive been looking but i cant find any

Random DEH Incorrect Quotes I Found While Poking Around (Pt. Four) :

-

Jared: You know what I've always wondered? How do tall people like you sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you from your shoulders to your toes?

Connor: It's fucking four a.m.

Jared: So you can't sleep?

Jared: ....Is it because of the blanket?

-

Alana: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of items you have lost throughout your life

Evan: Self-esteem! Haven't seen you in years!

Connor: Oh wow, childhood innocence! Can't believe you found this!

Zoe: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Jared: Moral code, is that you?

Alana:

Alana: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mom left me but do you guys need a hug?

-

Connor: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Evan: This knife is actually my magic wand.

Zoe: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a magic wizard duel.

Jared: *Cocks gun* Magic missile.

Alana: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

-

Alana: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Zoe: Have everyone stand.

Evan: Bring three more chairs!

Jared: The most important ones can sit down.

Connor: Kill three.

-

Good For You & Words Fail Be like:

Alana: Looking left because you don't treat me right.

Heidi: Looking right because you left.

Zoe: Looking up cause' you let me down.

Jared: Looking down cause' you fucked up.

Evan: What the fuck is wrong with you guys

William Finn wya

We need you for something

In Trousers revival where all Marvin does the whole time is sob and roll around on the floor and scream that he hates his mother

you die on may 27th at 8

just me ig

who’s up falsetting their os

hey, I'm back!!

i'm back, fellas, and I'm here to make an absurd amount of incorrect quotes

although there will most definitely be a new series for my current hyperfixations.. I may end up updating the dear evan hansen incorrect quotes series, but as I'm a year or so out of the fandom, I'll probably focus mostly on falsettos/in trousers

(props if you know either of those)

tell me if you've got any requests for series if you so please!

thank you for being so patient, I lost my password but now I'm back, sillies

@youraveragemiscellanyenjoyer it has been done