Tatemcallisterr-blog

Have you ever asked yourself, do monsters make war, or does war make monsters?

Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone  (via thequotejournals)

Oh I’m in pieces it’s tearing me up but I know A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved

theprodigalsoldier:

jaxon fully expected that reaction. even their issues in the past couldn’t erase the countless nights they spent on patrol together, and jaxon knew tate. then and now. they’d both changed in ways they hated to think about. he sighed to himself, and sat up a little straighter, leaning his elbows on the table and closer in.  “ look, man. i get it, okay? i don’t talk to them about my shit either. ‘cause i really don’t fuckin’ wanna drag all that shit up. but… they got counselors, who just give you suggestions, ya know? like they recommended me to a training program for my dogs, so they can help when i get overwhelmed. and they gave me a list of things to try when i’m in a bad place. jus’— somethin’ to think about, ” he shrugged, trailing off as he leaned back and sipped at his iced tea. it wasn’t something he wanted to pressure tate into. but he also didn’t want tate to blindly block out everything that had a possibility of helping. “ well i hope yer liver relaxes, ” jax replied, just barely smiling, hoping to get tate to relax some too.  “ yeah… we were best friends all through high school. remember i told you, how he went away to art school, got involved in sketchy shit, and we had a falling out. that’s jonny. same jonny you know, apparently. but smoking does help with the sleep thing. while your liver is healing, ya know? plus, i’d pay good money t’ see you stoned out of yer mind. ”

“I don’t need suggestions, alright? Especially not from people who don’t know shit about what I’ve been through.” Tate snapped, his tone coming off a little more harsh and a little more loud than he had originally planned. Of course getting all worked up so quickly about the mere suggestion of a little bit of help didn’t exactly make it seem like he didn’t need the help. But nonetheless, it was true. How could anyone who had no idea what it was like to go through the things he did make any kind of suggestion on what to do to help? Tate closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and leaning back in his seat. “I’m fine.” He said, this time a bit more calm. “I haven’t been back that long. I’m still adjusting.” That’s what he kept telling himself anyways. Every night that he was jolted awake by a nightmare or every time something brought on a flashback, he convinced himself it was just because he hadn’t been back from the hospital but a few months. It was easier than admitting he might really need the help and suggestions everyone kept offering. “Yeah, me too.” Tate replied softly. As Jaxon went on he started to remember the stories the older male had told him about Jonny. Although he never assumed it was the same Jonny he knew, it did make sense now that he was thinking about it. “Right right, I remember. You been hanging out again then? I mean, now that he’s back?” Tate wondered, rolling his eyes slightly. “I feel like it wouldn’t be as entertaining as you think. I mean, you’ve seen me eat and sleep and that’s probably all I would do high.”

beautifulburnout:

The fact that Tate was having a hard time lately wasn’t news to Jonny, but it was still hard to see his friend like this. He knew that he was lost right now, a feeling Jonny knew all too well. He didn’t totally understand what Tate was going through but at least he could be here for him. Maybe even bring a spark back to him, even if it did involve annoying him slightly.Jonny finished the toast and folded his hands on the table as he looked across at Tate. He could see how warn he was and he had to wonder when he last got a good night of sleep. “Yeah I guess not.” He didn’t want to mention how it looked like Tate could use a good meal because he knew that this could be a delicate situation but he did want to encourage him to eat something. “I know something that would make you hungry, “he gave the man across from him a little smirk as he took a sip of the hot coffee brought to him. He shrugged at Tate’s comment, not at all concerned about himself. “Yeah insomnia is a bitch but it ain’t nothing new for me…” He set the coffee down and grabbed about 8 sugar packets and started dumping them in one by one. “I could say the same about you though. Get up early not to eat?”

A full night’s sleep was something Tate couldn’t even remember. Whether he was jolted awake by his dreams or he just had incredible insomnia, five or six hours was considered a good night’s sleep in his eyes. He had a feeling that next time he went to see his doctor for a checkup she would have something to say about his current state. He was also sure that Jonny had a few things he wanted to say to him about how he looked, but he wouldn’t actually say them. Part of him was glad for that and the other part of him was annoyed that not only Jonny, but most of his friends were treating him so delicately. But honestly he didn’t want to hear them lecture him on what he needed to do anyways, so he should really be grateful. Tate took another sip of his coffee, holding the warm cup in his hands. Arching his brow at Jonny’s statement he could only imagine what that meant. “Yeah? What is it?” He asked, genuinely curious about what he had in mind. Shaking his head as he watched Jonny pour an endless amount of sugar into his coffee he held back a snide comment about the ratio of sugar to coffee in his cup. Letting out a soft sight he shrugged. “I just couldn’t sleep. Which is a pretty normal thing for me these days.”