Tatemcallisterr-blog

I am troubled and harsh and hopeless. Though I have love inside me. But I don’t know how to use love. Sometimes it scratches like barbs.

Clarice Lispector, tr. by Elizabeth Lowe, from Água Viva / The Stream of Life (via violentwavesofemotion)

why should i resolve things peacefully when i can fucking punch you in the face

theprodigalsoldier:

they’d been through a lot together— overseas, fighting side by side, and abroad, fighting each other. but after years, and months of trying to repair things, tate was coming around, and their friendship had slowly started to rebuild. thank fucking god. jaxon folded his arms on the tabletop, giving tate a quick once over. he knew the look well. on tate, on himself, on other veteran friends. it worried him. but even more, he worried that he wouldn’t be able to help.  “ she looks much better in a skirt than me, i can promise you that, ” he teased gently, trying to fight the sympathy from his smile. tate didn’t need that.  “ couldn’t sleep, because…— ” he trailed off, but the tension in his expression spoke enough. it was the reason jaxon worked graveyard. those nightmares were easier for him to deal with when he slept during the day. but he knew tate’s nightmares manifested worse than his did.  “ does anything help? ” 

as much as tate hated to admit it, jaxon knew him better than probably anyone else on earth. they had been through a lot together throughout their friendship, quite a bit more than a normal friendship could handle. tate knew that jaxon had been through and still dealt with some of the same things he was currently going through, maybe not as intensely but still. he knew it was why jaxon preferred to work at night and sleep during the day. even when tate tried to sleep during the day he was jolted awake by the nightmares. finally setting his fork down he rested his elbows on the table and let out a heavy sigh as his gaze met jaxon’s. “because every time damn i close my eyes i’m back over there. except it’s fucking worse.” he shook his head, putting his head in his hands. it made him angry when he thought about it --- it made him feel weak and god, he hated feeling weak. “alcohol helps. i’m not supposed to be drinking though.” 

beautifulburnout:

When Tate agreed to his offer Jonny was just about ready to launch into a speech about taking help when you needed it but instead he ended up blinking in surprise. A smile slowly spread across his features and the artist set his coffee mug down with a soft thud. “Well, alright then.” He dug into his wallet and set some cash down on the table, giving Tate’s uneaten and now cold breakfast a nod. “My treat. C’mon.” Jonny stood to head outside and pushed through the door with a jingle of the bell. He didn’t want to give Tate a chance to change his mind, especially when he really though that this would end up helping him. “I walked, I don’t live far. Ya on your feet or are we taking your rig?” His hand slipped into his pocket and Jonny placed a vaping rig to his lips before blowing out a big cotton candy scented cloud. “We might wanna stop and get some munchies either way. Ya might not be hungry now, but ya will be.”

It was pretty clear that Jonny was surprised Tate had agreed so easily. Not that he blamed him, he’d be surprised too. Although Tate hadn’t expected to be leaving right that second, he wasn’t going to complain. It wasn’t like he had any plans. Plus, there wasn’t exactly anything left for him in the diner. No appetite kind of made staying there any longer redundant. So he mumbled a ‘thanks’ when Jonny paid for his meal and followed him outside the door. Tate shook his head in response to Jonny’s question. “I took a cab here. Too tired to drive or walk.” He glanced over at Jonny and then thought for a moment. “Do you want to just order a pizza? Or is that not a normal thing to do?” He shrugged. “Or we can stop somewhere, I don’t really care.”

https://youtu.be/uY6dWKpq1Sw

beautifulburnout:

Jonny hands tucked into his pockets and he hummed in thought. He could see the tiredness in Tate’s eyes and when it came to munchies Jonny wasn’t choosy away. He just gave a grin and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah man, I’m good with pizza. And if that’s not enough I’m sure I have enough junk in the house to get us by.” He took a couple steps and paused. “Don’t worry it’s a short walk.” After a couple short blocks they arrived at Jonny’s (and Pono’s) place and he pushed in through the gate rather than using the front door. The backyard was huge. The soft bubbling of the pond seemed to erase all outside sound. It was surrounded in plants, there was a turtle enjoying a leafy veggie and a dog sunning himself on the deck. He hopped up and ran towards them on three legs and came to sniff at Tate’s feet. “We can chill on the deck. What do you like on your pizza by the way?”

Tate nodded in response to Jonny, staying silent the rest of the way to his place. He was tired and he really wanted to sleep, but he knew that even if he tried a nap wouldn’t last long. He had given up on naps a while ago. When they arrived and went into the backyard, Tate could already feel himself relax a bit due to the surroundings. He had only been in the backyard a handful of times, but it only took one time to understand why Jonny and Pono liked it there so much. It was tranquil and quiet compared to the rest of Vegas. In fact, it felt like he had left Vegas and gone to a peaceful island somewhere. When he was greeted by Jonny’s tripod dog, a small smile formed on his face and he reached down to let him sniff his hand before scratching the top of his head. Tate nodded when Jonny spoke up again and started towards the deck, thinking for a moment before he responded. “Honestly, I’ll eat anything. But it’s the best when there’s a lot of cheese. So a lot of cheese and whatever you want, man. I’m not picky when it comes to pizza.” He replied with a shrug before taking a seat on one of the chairs on the deck, letting out a soft sigh.