I scrub and scrub until my body bleeds, convince myself I'm coming clean, forget and ignore who I used to be. That kid is never coming back.
135 posts
Latest Posts by tatemcallisterr-blog - Page 2
theprodigalsoldier:
jaxon tucked his hands into his leather jacket, a Marlboro Red cigarette hanging from his lips, as he waited for tate outside McCormick’s. the text and the request came somewhat as a surprise to him, especially considering tate’s history. he’d always regarded the man as a serial monogamist. and he was pretty sure tate agreed. after the heartbreak of his high school sweetheart that dear john’d him, tate hadn’t ever been interested in going out to bars with jax. but now… he was. jax was trying to be optimistic about the night, rather than worried about what it really meant that tate was going out just to get laid.
“ hey, man, ” jax smirked, taking the cigarette from his mouth and reaching out to grasp tate’s hand. “ want a cigarette? ” he offered, wanting to feel out tate’s vibe before they headed in.
@tatemcallisterr
Was Tate maybe a little too intoxicated for his own good? Now that he was on his way to meet Jaxon at the bar, he was realizing that he was very, very much too intoxicated for his own good. In the past, Tate had never been one for hookups. But everything in his life was shit right now and dammit, he wanted to get laid. Is that such a crime? He shouldn’t have to explain himself. Every other guy on earth goes out to bars and meets women only to spend one night with them. Deep down he knew this wasn’t him, but he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care about much of anything anymore.
“Hey!” Tate dragged out his greeting, a small smile on his face as he slapped his hand against Jaxon’s instead of shaking it like a normal, sober person. Nodding in response to his friend’s offer, he smiled. “I would love one.” He held out his hand.
theprodigalsoldier:
while there was a large part of him that still really enjoyed fighting… he didn’t enjoy getting “caught”. but he could breathe easy, and his thoughts didn’t feel unmanageable. with all of that, it was hard to regret the decisions he made and the actions he’d carried out. despite the bleeding. jaxon scoffed at tate’s comment, licking at his split lip and screwing the cap back onto his flask. “ some think th’ blood makes me look tough, ” he shrugged. “ and girls jus’ wanna patch me up. so. ” he chuckled dryly, sitting up a little straighter despite the ache soreness in his shoulders. “ supposed to. and yer not supposed t’ be drinkin’. yet here we are, ” he pointed at, offering up his flask to tate. “ will it help if i tell you th’ guy was a creep? ”
Tate could understand why Jaxon fought. He probably got about the same feeling Tate did when he got into an occasional bar fight. Relief. Although Tate didn’t have nearly as much to lose as Jaxon --- his job, for one. He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head. “Or dumb.” He didn’t mean to say that out loud, but it was too late now. He was definitely drunk already. “Maybe I should get in fights more often.” He joked, leaning back on the bench and letting out a heavy sigh at the mention of the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be drinking. “Fair enough.” He shrugged, accepting the flask from Jaxon and unscrewing it. “Sure, I guess.” Tate paused. “I’m the last person who can judge you, man. Fight whoever you want, it’s your face.”
beautifulburnout:
When Tate agreed to his offer Jonny was just about ready to launch into a speech about taking help when you needed it but instead he ended up blinking in surprise. A smile slowly spread across his features and the artist set his coffee mug down with a soft thud. “Well, alright then.” He dug into his wallet and set some cash down on the table, giving Tate’s uneaten and now cold breakfast a nod. “My treat. C’mon.” Jonny stood to head outside and pushed through the door with a jingle of the bell. He didn’t want to give Tate a chance to change his mind, especially when he really though that this would end up helping him. “I walked, I don’t live far. Ya on your feet or are we taking your rig?” His hand slipped into his pocket and Jonny placed a vaping rig to his lips before blowing out a big cotton candy scented cloud. “We might wanna stop and get some munchies either way. Ya might not be hungry now, but ya will be.”
It was pretty clear that Jonny was surprised Tate had agreed so easily. Not that he blamed him, he’d be surprised too. Although Tate hadn’t expected to be leaving right that second, he wasn’t going to complain. It wasn’t like he had any plans. Plus, there wasn’t exactly anything left for him in the diner. No appetite kind of made staying there any longer redundant. So he mumbled a ‘thanks’ when Jonny paid for his meal and followed him outside the door. Tate shook his head in response to Jonny’s question. “I took a cab here. Too tired to drive or walk.” He glanced over at Jonny and then thought for a moment. “Do you want to just order a pizza? Or is that not a normal thing to do?” He shrugged. “Or we can stop somewhere, I don’t really care.”
violence (vi·o·lence) behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something see also: savagery, cruelty, sadism they raised me they made me good at it they didn’t expect me to like it they’re afraid of me now and i can’t turn it off maybe it’s better this way
sometimes i believe that if i’m not angry, i won’t be anything at all (via mymouthisfullofstars)
Oh I’m in pieces it’s tearing me up but I know A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved
perfume: if you could make your own signature fragrance, what would it smell like?
perfume: if you could make your own signature fragrance, what would it smell like?
“Well fuck, I don’t know. I like the smell of nature. Ya know, just like the smell of trees and fresh air. And when you’re sitting next to a river and you take a nice deep breath — that smell. It’d be pretty hard to bottle that up though. And it also might not sell so well. People probably don’t want to smell like dirt and trees and shit.”
silver: do you have any obscure hobbies? what are they?
silver: do you have any obscure hobbies? what are they?
“I like to play chess. I used to play with my mom all the time. Although it’s not all that obscure, I played with the guys while I was overseas all the time. I like to read, not a lot of people really know that. Mostly biographies and stuff. I like cooking — I’m not the greatest but I can make a mean homemade pasta.”
pearls: what's something about your personality that surprises others?
pearls: what’s something about your personality that surprises others?
“I don’t know, my personality isn’t very complex. It seems to surprise people when I joke — and not in my usual asshole sarcastic way. I don’t think anything about my personality is really very shocking. There aren’t many sides to me, I’m not too complicated.”
crushed velvet: have you ever used your charm to get something you want? (lmfao)
crushed velvet: have you ever used your charm to get something you want?
“When I was younger I was a lot more charming. I’d more so use it to get out of doing things I didn’t want to do. Like homework — mostly homework. I’d also occasionally use it to get girls to like me. It usually didn’t work as well as I hoped it would. Now though, I’m pretty sure that’s the last word anyone would use to describe me.”
🌹 luxury asks. 🌹
bubble bath: do you have any routines before bedtime? like skin care, etc. what are they?
champagne: what topic could you talk about for hours?
crushed velvet: have you ever used your charm to get something you want?
diamonds: how do you feel about excessively spending money?
faux fur: describe your wardrobe.
glitter: describe someone special to you.
gold: describe what you would call the most perfect meal.
jazz: name a song that resonates with you and your emotions. explain the reason why.
lace: what is something in your life completely different from last year?
lingerie: do you consider yourself a promiscuous person?
lipstick: do you enjoy talking to strangers?
pearls: what's something about your personality that surprises others?
penthouse: what would you consider your dream home? describe it.
perfume: if you could make your own signature fragrance, what would it smell like?
robe: how do you prepare for an evening alone with a loved one/date?
roses: If it had to be winter, autumn, spring or summer for the rest of your life, which would you choose?
satin: what is your most favorite article of clothing?
sheet mask: what's your favorite lazy activity?
silk: do you have more inner or outer beauty?
silver: do you have any obscure hobbies? what are they?
sparkling water: what are your top three songs for the summer?
wine: what kind of drunk are you (happy/affectionate, angry, sad, fun/wild)? if you don't drink, what kind do you think you WOULD be?
theprodigalsoldier:
jaxon fully expected that reaction. even their issues in the past couldn’t erase the countless nights they spent on patrol together, and jaxon knew tate. then and now. they’d both changed in ways they hated to think about. he sighed to himself, and sat up a little straighter, leaning his elbows on the table and closer in. “ look, man. i get it, okay? i don’t talk to them about my shit either. ‘cause i really don’t fuckin’ wanna drag all that shit up. but… they got counselors, who just give you suggestions, ya know? like they recommended me to a training program for my dogs, so they can help when i get overwhelmed. and they gave me a list of things to try when i’m in a bad place. jus’— somethin’ to think about, ” he shrugged, trailing off as he leaned back and sipped at his iced tea. it wasn’t something he wanted to pressure tate into. but he also didn’t want tate to blindly block out everything that had a possibility of helping. “ well i hope yer liver relaxes, ” jax replied, just barely smiling, hoping to get tate to relax some too. “ yeah… we were best friends all through high school. remember i told you, how he went away to art school, got involved in sketchy shit, and we had a falling out. that’s jonny. same jonny you know, apparently. but smoking does help with the sleep thing. while your liver is healing, ya know? plus, i’d pay good money t’ see you stoned out of yer mind. ”
“I don’t need suggestions, alright? Especially not from people who don’t know shit about what I’ve been through.” Tate snapped, his tone coming off a little more harsh and a little more loud than he had originally planned. Of course getting all worked up so quickly about the mere suggestion of a little bit of help didn’t exactly make it seem like he didn’t need the help. But nonetheless, it was true. How could anyone who had no idea what it was like to go through the things he did make any kind of suggestion on what to do to help? Tate closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and leaning back in his seat. “I’m fine.” He said, this time a bit more calm. “I haven’t been back that long. I’m still adjusting.” That’s what he kept telling himself anyways. Every night that he was jolted awake by a nightmare or every time something brought on a flashback, he convinced himself it was just because he hadn’t been back from the hospital but a few months. It was easier than admitting he might really need the help and suggestions everyone kept offering. “Yeah, me too.” Tate replied softly. As Jaxon went on he started to remember the stories the older male had told him about Jonny. Although he never assumed it was the same Jonny he knew, it did make sense now that he was thinking about it. “Right right, I remember. You been hanging out again then? I mean, now that he’s back?” Tate wondered, rolling his eyes slightly. “I feel like it wouldn’t be as entertaining as you think. I mean, you’ve seen me eat and sleep and that’s probably all I would do high.”
shvdykiid:
When the male looks at him, (with that stupid movie star look to him) he swears if he wore panties, they would be dropping. He needs to snap himself out of it because Ollie is pretty sure Mr. Happymeal is trying to communicate.
“I know a few places you can take it. I had to get the screen repaired before and there’s actually a kiosk kinda deal. You leave it for a few hours and you get a new scree,” was he babbling? Possible.
If Tate wasn’t so shit with technology perhaps he would have tried fixing the screen himself. But he was sure that if he did try it, he would only end up breaking the phone even more. The younger male was looking at him in a sort of strange way but Tate tried to ignore it as much as he could.
“It takes a few hours just to fix the screen?” He questioned, as if he was some kind of busy person with a job or something. Tate had nothing but time to get the stupid thing fixed, he was more so annoyed that it had broken so easily.
shvdykiid:
Finally taking another look at the male and Oliver stops. “Are you fucking photoshopped? “ Oliver gets the feeling this guy leaves broken hearts all over the damn place and Ollie-kins ain’t mad. “Uh– look I’ll give you my number. I could pay for the repair, just let me know where you’re going to get it done.”
Tate looks down at the other, momentarily confused. “--- Excuse me?” He sighed before shaking his head when he looked back down at his phone again. Even if he wanted to fix the damn thing, he didn’t know anything about where to take it. “It’s fine, I guess. I probably won’t even get it fixed, don’t worry about it. Thanks though.”
shvdykiid:
“Fuck– I’m really sorry and hopefully it’s not broken?” He spoke with a sheepish tone.
[ @tatemcallisterr· ] liked this for an intro starter.
“Fucking hell --- “ Tate cursed, picking up his phone and inspecting it for damage. “The screen is broken. Piece of shit phone can’t even take one fall.”
beautifulburnout:
In a lot of ways Tate was like the second younger brother Jonny never had. He was the polar opposite of Henry, of course, but it didn’t mean that Jonny cared for him any less. It was hard for him to see Tate like this. He was clearly suffering and Jonny knew that the stubborn ass wouldn’t be taking any advice any time soon. But that didn’t dissuade him from trying to look after the younger man either. After mixing the sugar into his coffee he sipped on it but he was glad he piqued Tate’s curiosity. “It’ll actually help you sleep and make you wanna eat.” He knew that Tate wasn’t open to a lot of suggestions right now, he was pretty resistant to most things lately, including taking care of himself, so Jonny wasn’t sure how he’d take the suggestion. “Weed,” he replied matter of fact as he took another drink. The artist sighed when he heard about Tate being unable to sleep, but he wasn’t surprised. He couldn’t imagine what he was going through right now but he could at least try to help. “I know it sounds like hippy bullshit, but it’ll make you feel better. Relax you at least.” Jonny paused as if he was considering something. Yeah, it was early as fuck but it wasn’t like either of them were going to sleep any time soon. “If you want you can come over. Have a joint, play with my puppy and chill by the koi pond. I know you haven’t felt up to much lately but it’ll just be you and me. No pressure.”
Tate should have been grateful that he had people like Jonny and Jaxon to try and look out for him. But every time either one of them tried to cheer him up or give him a suggestion he just sort of shut down. Taking suggestions meant that he had a real problem. And god damn, he did not want to think about having a real problem. Honestly, since Jaxon had suggested smoking days earlier the more he had thought about it, the more he thought maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. After all, he wasn’t enlisted anymore. No more drug tests, no more having to worry about what could go wrong if he did do it. While Tate seriously weighed the pros and cons of Jonny’s offer he continued sipping on his coffee. Honestly, what the hell else did he have to do today? And what if it did end up helping him? His doctor kept telling him to get out of the house more and do whatever he thought would help. Maybe this wasn’t exactly what the doctor had in mind, but who cares? “Yeah, I haven’t felt up to much lately.” He replied before setting down his now half empty coffee cup and letting out a quiet sigh. “What the hell -- why not? It’s not like I have anything to lose, right?” He shrugged.
