This is going to be very long and sound a little crazy at first, and maybe a little mean but please hear me out…
We all have seen some version of this with bearding songs like London Boy, a simple bop whose lyrics were immediately detected as sounding disingenuous, even with the general population (the locations she was signing about were the most touristy and too far away from each other to visit on the same day, etc, basically implying that she doesn’t actually have a long term local bf there that she spends a bunch of time with exploring the city with, etc).
But just like everything else on the album, I think she’s doing maybe a more in your face version of that. No holds barred.
So High School is an obvious example of this, with all of the early 2000’s hs imagery, she seems pretty blatantly to be mocking the idea the public has of her “living out every American girl’s high school fantasy” of dating the tall popular football player. With lyrics like “touch me while your friends play grand theft auto” (barf), etc, shes being clear enough that this is not a serious song.
This is the possibly controversial part, but I’m so curious to see what others think about this - I think another iteration of this on this album is the title track, The Tortured Poets Department. Hear me out.
(First, I want to reassure you that there are lines in this song that I really like and think are well written, like: “you’re in self-sabotage mode/throwing spikes down on the road” and “but you awaken with dread/pounding nails in your head/but I’ve read this one/where you come undone/I chose this cyclone with you”. And I fully agree with the idea that these sentiments are from Karlie’s perspective. Basically, when you take out the chunks I’m about to talk about this song makes way more sense and has a beautiful sentiment of undying love behind it - which makes the following parts stick out that much more!)
The first time I listened through the album, and this was the second song, I got terrified because I didn’t understand its place in the whole narrative and when I heard the first clunky line “scratch your head like a tattooed golden retriever” I got the ick. Then the bridge with no structure and no wit and no clever turns of phrase, no metaphor, just “you put my ring on the finger people put wedding rings on” and “that was the closest I’ve ever been to my heart exploding”. So over simplified and cheesy, and doesn’t sound anything like her writing, especially the caliber of her recent lyrics
I know art is largely subjective, but I insist there is no way that the same person who wrote Cowboy Like Me wrote these lines into her title track if she didn’t have a reason and a point to make. To make it clear that this isn’t a matter of genre personal taste, because I know CLM is a very specific sound and a style that music snobs often take more seriously - I love SO many of her candy pop bangers, they are infinitely more clever, articulate, and overall works of art by a true wordsmith than this. Karma, The Very First Night, etc are all a master classes in clever words and tight writing being tucked into an “unserious” pop song.
The lyrics I cited above to me sound like what haters believe her writing sounds like, even fans who make little jokey TikTok’s about her and make up a spoofy something to sing while in character - that’s what these lyrics sound like.
Im worried im being too harsh, but please stay with me because the more I think about the more genius I think it actually is.
In the context of the themes of rest of the album, (her being trapped, miserable, manipulated, ready to burn it all down, screaming to be seen) this theory became clear to me. I think she’s leaning into her public persona (in more ways than one, we’ve already seen it with the stunting), in a way setting a “trap” for her fans and the public, that will essentially call them all out on how they ignored the real her in favor of her pr narrative, making the album about paternity tests, etc, all of which I’m guessing will become very clear in retrospect, possibly after she comes out? (Of course it’s already clear to us now, which is another purpose of the beard songs including clunky writing - to signal to us that these are not serious and that she knows that we know that she knows (like Phoebe on friends lol))
Ultimately, this is (along with So Highschool) a classic beard song. When she writes in this voice, she embodies the most extreme versions of her public persona, not just the one she has cultivated on purpose, but also the one that people have of her that don’t know her (as she did in Blank Space), including those that don’t take her seriously - because her identity as a boy crazy psycho ex girlfriend is directly tied to people dismissing her art as vapid because, they’ve only ever heard her singles, they don’t know the full her.
That voice is the straightest, the most boy crazy, the most one note, and sometimes the most unsophisticated writer version of her that people have in their minds, including her fans - the fans that refuse to see her as a whole person, the real, that believe she is head over heals for big football boy, that believe “he knows how to ball, I know Aristotle” is a romantic line about how opposites attract, the fans that say they don’t “get” some of her most beautiful and well-written songs, the fans that don’t see her and haven’t been seeing her.
They didn’t see giant Taylor on the eras tour, they refuse to see all of her queer signaling, etc, and I think she’s making the bearding songs obvious to underscore the difference between her Taylor(TM) and Taylor(person) personas.
She knows that despite the fact that the lyrics don’t even come close to measuring up to the rest of the album, the public, and many of her fans, will make this song one of the most listened to simply because they are looking for evidence of her relationships from the past year. We’ve all commented on how insane it is that this layered, complex, devastating album is being reduced to the usual paternity tests. This is currently one of the top songs precisely because it is “about Matty”. And of course, So High School is one of the tops songs along with it because it’s “about Travis”.
The juxtaposition of the bearding songs alongside her beautifully written poetry of Prophecy, Peter, Whose Afraid of Little Old Me, Cassandra, How did it end, The Albatross, etc mirrors the juxtaposition of her two selves during the Midnights era.
She has proven the point that if they think she wrote every line of this song completely in earnest, then they see her largely no differently than her haters do, as a subpar writer who writes absurdly cheesy love songs praising trashy to mediocre, problematic men. By eating it up they tell her that’s what she’s good for, for being the subject of tabloids and warring fans who make this entire album about two (purposefully) mediocre songs and the men who “inspired” them.
She has proven her point - that a subset of her fans will be distracted by a lesser song simply because they think it’s about one of the greasy men that’s she been seen holding hands with. That they will ignore once again all of her pleas to be seen, that she’s in pain and caged, and has been driven insane by their willful ignorance. That they don’t appreciate her full potential and talent, that they don’t even see it, and just want to be confirmed in their ideation of her.
This song is essentially the “forget him(her)” pill at the beginning of the fortnight mv, but it’s a sedative for the fans, who are addicted to her straight narrative. Similar to Willow’s 13 chants of “that’s my man” that started off evermore, casting a spell of heteronormativity over everyone who wanted it, so that they could choose to just completely ignore the following 14 gayest songs ever written. Don’t pay no mind to her singing directly about women with zero male perspective - she said “that’s my man!” We’re good! She’s still straight!
Taylor in the fortnight mv had to a take a sedative to be able to go into the next room and write her bearding songs - ie she self medicates to deal with keeping up the straight persona and to get through having to release dumbed down songs to feed the masses. (I also see the pill as something forced on her, I think it represents both layers)
From the first time I watched the music video I thought the writing Taylor looked so miserable and the bearding songs are why.
In this room she’s trapped, churning out the songs that her fans expect of her, the songs that make her team money, the songs that make her money, but that she has to compromise her truth to create.
But when she frees herself she’ll burn the stories that weren’t true, the filler that doesn’t represent her.
I’m curious to hear other’s thoughts on this - have you ever felt like Taylor purposefully inserts off-sounding lyrics that are written in a different voice to make a point?
I want to reiterate that it’s not the entirety of either song that I think is terrible, I genuinely love bopping along to both So High School and TTPD (track). Like I said above, when you remove the clunky lines from ttpd (track), the song has another layer and likely gives voice to some Karlie insight that is beautiful and tragically profound. It’s the red herrings, the pieces specifically meant to tie this song to a bearding narrative, that I’m dissing, and the only reason they are suspicious in the first place is because I know how gifted Taylor is with the written word.
Taylor is such a skilled writer that she can embody the voice of the bad writer that dismissive ignorant idiots believe her to be, just to make a point!
I even wonder if maybe there is a second version of this song locked away in one of those drawers in the fortnight writing room that leaves out the red herrings and is a thousand times better than the bearding version we got.
I hope one day we get to hear it.
To the clouds, forever, with you
merry christmas @itsacruel ; from your secret santa!
Midnight album cover is her sparking a lighter - getting ready to burn it down…she gave us a heads up for what’s to come.
The breakup was obvious from the album and timing, Joe the Beard did his work and can be let go now as she moves into the next phase.
I see this PR strategy with Matty as the next step in this era. It almost feels to me like when Miley went wild to shatter her association with Hannah Montana.
Is Taylor stepping out with Matty akin to this…a clear message to the fans that she’s not concerned about their opinions as she once was, by “dating” someone as controversial as Matty?? Is Taylor stunting with Matty the equivalent of Miley’s beige clad ass disaster of a twerk??
After all - Midnight is the technical end of the day, or - the end of the era. Al the clock imagery…time’s up on the former TS brand???
I say, this is just the beginning.
I’m somewhat surprised Matty’s involved, but leads me to believe they are scheming something BIG.
They’ve been baiting us. There are parallels in their work for years (Paris and Paris, Happiness and Happiness). Recently, Being Funny in a Foreign Language and Midnight came out SAME month. Both have seventies motifs - I noticed the similarities instantly. And then of course, the 02 performance in London.
What’s going on here?? Secret best friends with vigilante plans?? Or, are they truly in love? I’ve wondered for years if they’ve secretly been together, that the bearding was for them and not actually Karlie.
What are the two genius pop stars up to?
Let’s wait and watch and look for the clues. My Tatty instincts say things are about to get fun.
And my guess - this stunt lasts a few months at best. Taylor is knowingly tarnishing her reputation by letting herself be seen with Matty. Let the public slander her for that, and when there’s a messy breakup around the end of summer…
Maybe she’s setting the stage for an undoing of the brand she’s built in the last 20 years 🤔🤔
Who really knows, probably not even our girl. 🤡
I do hope Tay’s team is looking after Joe rn
Never a dull moment and I’m here for it 🤗❤️
I was in line at Aldi and this girl with two toddlers in front of me had her card declined and she looked so fucking sad and said “let me call my husband real quick” and it was only 18 dollars, so I just paid for it, and she was very sweet and then as she walked off, the lady behind me said `”You know that was probably a scam, right?” and like, even if it was, like what a sad fucking scam, right? 18 dollars at the Aldi. If you’re “scamming” me for some Tyson chicken and apple juice and cauliflower, then just take my fucking money.
“A scam” people are fucking wild.
Another reason I really like Marie Kondo is that in other cleaning shows the host will looked shocked at the mess and the camera will flash to different piles with dramatic music stings. When Marie sees a draw filled with clutter she smiles from ear to ear and goes “I love mess, I love tidying”. Its just so wholesome and you can see the clients are relieved that she didn’t have a bad reaction.
When I actually think about it, the idea that most celebrities-- who are often just the world's most successful theater kids-- are primarily monogamous and straight is patently absurd.
You've got some of the most attractive people in the world, who often have significant access to wealth and substances, and their jobs very often involve congregating together while scantily clad (and under the influence). Many are paid to convincingly feign falling in love with one another, and often, the line between showmance and romance is incredibly thin.
Many of these celebrities can and do make enough money that they do not need to marry someone to keep a stable roof over their head.
Many of these celebrities also do eventually write tell all autobiographies, where they detail lives that include multiple lovers, often same gender ones.
And every time someone comes out of the closet, they tell a shockingly similar tale: at at least one juncture they have been told they need to present as straight and monogamous to continue having a career. Their management recommended arranging a pr or lavender relationship, and very often, they did participate in at least one pr relationship. Many also admit that they've had a number of famous same gender partners who they can't disclose the names of because those partners are still in the closet.
And realistically, if you've read even one book about the sewing circle or scotty bowers or hollywood's queer history, the patterns become impossible to ignore.
I also need so many more people to understand that Whitney Houston's close friends believe she would still be alive today if she would'nt have been forced to break up with her longtime companion Robyn Crawford. That allowed Bobby Brown and all the terrible harm he caused Whitney into her life.
I think about what Chely Wright said, too; about how many closeted celebrities end up as suicides, where no one ever figures out the motive. I also think about how common it is for closeted people to turn to substances to self medicate, and how common that is in celebrities too.
We are oh-so-quick to blame a celebrity's lack of willpower or addictive personality or familial propensity for why they struggle with substances or end their own life, but rarely do we stop and think: how many more beloved celebrities would still be with us today if they didn't have to pretend to be someone they're not? If they could freely and openly be with the person or persons they loved (or just play the field if commitment isn't their thing), how much shorter would the list of famous suicides and famous drug-related deaths be? How many fewer cases of alcohol-linked cancer, or accidents where alcohol was a key contributing factor?
How many queer heroes have we been denied, both by never knowing they were part of our community, and by having their life terminated prematurely?
This woman is pure love, and classy af 💕🌈✌🏾
“I could dance to these beat forevermore” ✌🏽😎💜
Hellooooooo
taylor swift, the archer
dusty springfield, all the king’s horses
This makes me think of when she hits the bullseye for track 5 🎯
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