"What If The Tf2 Men Used Modern Slang" Lame. You're All Too Afraid To Learn Period-accurate 60s/70s

I headcanon that Demo fucking LOVES Halloween and it’s the only time he really pulls out all the stops and gets reeeeeally theatric. So lemme jot down a few hcs :]

He has a list of costume ideas he wants to do in the future

He puts a lotta time and effort into his costumes for sure

He really does love theatrics he just doesn’t get into it much and uses Halloween as an excuse (even though he doesn’t need one)

I think he uses magic because that fucking rules and the whole thing about him hating magic is staged because he just wants to be able to give a reason to hate Merasmus other than the fact that he was mean to Soldier

He uses magic to make his and everyone else’s costumes more realistic

I think he also used a little magic to put on a good show for the rest of the mercs once and scared them all half to death. Maybe even all the way to death for some of them

He is no longer allowed to do that

They tell the BEST scary stories and have the added real lore from their experiences with the paranormal

He helps everyone with their costumes whenever he can because he really does enjoy it a lot

He has been directly responsible for at least one of the Halloween events the team’s dealt with and is not really sorry because it’s really fun to him

Hogh I love him... 

You said in the tags something about oc interactions? 👀👉👈

I hear we're doing ocs again? Good. Wonderful. I have seven.

This is Hugo Harvey, the P.I. (Private Investigator !) I don't have too much fleshed out for him as far is his abilities go, aside from the eyes! Funny littol robot eyes that let him see through walls :].

He's a friendly guy, laughs a lot, and has a nickname for anyone he's talked to for more than 5 minutes. And i love him,

Can you write how support class confess their feeling/ask out their s/o. :))) (gender neutral by the way)

I’ve been getting back into TF2 recently and have so many good asks in here, AGH—

Sorry for how long it takes me to get to these, it entirely depends on motivation and how I’m feeling on a given day, haha.

SUPPORT CLASSES & THEIR CONFESSIONS:

Sniper:

Sniper has a lot harder of a time sorting out his emotions than the others.

Seeing his S/O is one of the few things that gets the battle-hardened mercenary’s guard to slip, and he knows it. He finds it hard to come to terms with it, especially with the fear that those feelings might not be reciprocated.

For a long time, he stays silent on it. He’s always tried to keep himself levelheaded, but whenever his thoughts come around to the idea of confessing he feels like he just can’t keep his head on straight.

He eventually manages to figure out a vague plan for what to do, and it immediately flies out of the window when a much better opportunity presents itself.

On a full moon night, the two of you are sitting on top of his camper, stargazing. Without even thinking, he slowly sits up and watches as you follow the movement.

Taking his S/O’s hand, he delivers a frankly wholesome and profound confession. They have to catch it through the amount of pauses and stutters and backtracks, but he cares so much that he becomes overwhelmed.

The two make it official that night.

Medic:

He’s either shockingly closed off about it, or overwhelmingly open before he even confessed it outright.

Communication is important, and the doctor tends to be pretty blunt about how he feels most of the time unless he recognizes that he shouldn’t be in a given situation.

That being said, regardless of how he acts beforehand; the confession itself definitely happens during a surgery or an equally inopportune time for anyone but Medic himself.

He probably doesn’t give his S/O his heart, but he might give them somebody else’s! Or he talks about them much more highly and much more frequently than usual while they work together or one is in the room.

Unless his S/O is completely clueless or oblivious to his cues, chances are they knew far beforehand and he’s just using this opportunity to be absolutely clear about how he feels about them. His doting leads to a true confession, but it’s very brief and to the point—no skirting around the edges.

Spy:

Spy knows himself. He’s had many lovers in his time, he knows how it feels, and he knows how it ends.

Or, at least, he thinks he does.

Having resigned to the fact that he likes his S/O, maybe even loves them, he begins to stay around them a lot more often than before.

Spy doesn’t enjoy being open, especially as someone who can’t always trust another—no matter how blinded by feelings either party is. So while he’s resigned to it, he’s still quite wary.

Instead of confessing with words, he confesses with actions. Gifts, dates, kisses, subtle moves like brushing hands as he moves past or discreetly whispering a compliment while others are nearby—he’s content to do it that way, but if his S/O is still stumped, he may just have to bite the bullet and say it outright.

It takes him a lot of courage to do it, but eventually he brings his S/O into another room, probably his smoking lounge as it provides the most privacy and sits them down.

His speech is slow at first, almost methodical as he tries to keep himself from spilling any details that might be used against him in the future.

It doesn’t work.

Once the floodgates open, there’s no holding it back. He pours his emotions, his love, his thoughts, his compliments out in front of them. His desire to be with his S/O far surpasses anyone else he’s been with before, and it shows in everything he does from that point on.

Around other people, he’s far more subtle about it. But the second they’re not being watched, the second it’s official, they’re both uncharacteristically open with each other. It’s quite wholesome, actually.

How the mercs would cuddle

Really want some soft stuff rn figured I’d share

Not really in any particular order? I just picked some mercs from the pile and put em in there.

Image from tf2gallery

Scout

Touch starved, Scout will melt into any move regarding affection possible!

He’s adamant that he thinks cuddling is gross, but you know he’s a cuddlebug when the two of you are alone.

Prefers to hug facing you while sitting in your lap, maybe leaning against something so you’re more comfortable.

If you’re taller, he’ll probably be attached to your side, arms around your torso.

If you’re shorter, his arms are around your shoulders, head leaning next to yours.

Heavy

Doesn’t mind public displays of affection, though he seems surprised at how confidently you show that he’s your s/o or platonic friend-

Normally when the two of you are together, he has you wrapped up in a bear hug with you resting on his chest.

Other times, if you’re somewhere like a couch, you’ll sandwich yourself between him and the back as if he’s a wall of safety.

But most of all, Heavy prefers to be held. Even if he’s the bigger guy, he’s the little spoon and it shows. He’s always afraid of crushing you in his grip, and he’s always been the mother hen type. Having you there to be his emotional support means the world to him.

Demoman

Being so broad shouldered means hugging can be an issue at times. When cuddling, the two of you tend to be in a sort of sideways position around each other, curled up like cats. The other mercenaries find it hilarious, especially when Demo is drunk and unable to realize he’s even with somebody, holding you to his chest while you just lay there smiling, content.

He is. A sweetheart when it comes to that kind of thing. When he’s more sober, which isn’t very often, he’s much closer and tries to make the best of remembering the moment.

Spy

Being the most well versed in the world of romance, one would think that Spy would be a cuddler. He’s not.

He’s great with giving out compliments, whispering them in your ear as he brings you closer into his arms, but the second you approach him and he isn’t expecting it, he freezes up quicker than lightning.

“Mon cher, what is it you are doing?”

He’s completely flabbergasted by the idea of just. Sitting, and relaxing next to another person? He much prefers to be alone, but you manage to convince him to try after an unbelievable amount of effort.

At first, it started with him sitting, unsure next to you with you leaning into his side, or maybe with your arm wrapped around his shoulder and your head nestled into the crook of his neck.

Eventually he warms up to it, returning the gesture of having one arm around your shoulders and ith the other hand preoccupied with a book, a cigarette or a glass of wine.

After a particularly long battle, disheveled and ready to throw something, he realized just how helpful having somebody there with him turned out to be. No need for any fancy rituals, just being in each other’s company. He’s drooped over in your arms, hung over your shoulder sideways and exhaustedly bringing you both into a laying position, just so you can both talk without the effort of sitting up.

Medic

Medic is a busy man, constantly moving about in the infirmary attending to his latest inventions or tending to his beloved doves.

He hates when he has no say in something, which is why you have to convince him to step away from his projects after two days without sleep by being there with him for practically every second.

He’s the big spoon, no questions asked. It gives him the feeling of having control over a situation, having you in his arms and close to his chest.

Around the base, particularly if waiting for an early morning mission to begin, he loves it when he can use somebody’s lap as a pillow, meaning yours are the first choice.

When he truly cannot step away from his work, you can probably try sitting in his lap. He likely finds it cute, but he’s very absorbed in his experiments. This means he’s on autopilot and might slice you a few times when reaching over to make an incision, so it’s a risky move for both parties.

Sometimes in the evenings while doing paperwork, when warm orange sunlight filters through the window and onto the desk, he can be found conked out in his office chair, with you in his arms, facing against his chest. When this happens, the doves join in, tucked beneath your neck, on his shoulders, on the seat by your legs, some are even brave enough to quietly nest in your hair. You both deny it happened when scout walked in on the sight while looking for a bandaid.

Sniper

Much like Scout, Sniper is hopelessly touch starved and any affection sends him into overdrive.

Prefers to sit straddling your hips, he’s got long, long legs and is NOT afraid to use them.

Speaking of legs, your cuddling positions can get a bit crazy at times. Considering the fact they can fold entirely across your back, his hugs are more like a trap than an actual method of snuggling up to each other.

When lying down, it’s easier for you to lie on his chest than anywhere beside him thanks to how long his limbs are, but you both don’t mind.

Even just sitting beside each other, Sniper practically melts. Hug? He’s jello. Pet his hair? Cries.

The way he holds you isn’t just for his own comfort though. He’d sacrifice it to see you happy in his arms. No, it’s because in the end, he always has to have one eye open and is therefore rather protective of you.

It’s a sort of defense mechanism, really. If you can’t move away, nobody can try and take you or steal you either. He’s too embarrassed to admit it though, or maybe he just doesn’t know how.

Either way, seeing you safe and sound in his arms is enough.

Not doing all the mercs, but if you want to see the others let me know! It’s just getting late and I need to sleep, also don’t really have many ideas for the other mercs hhh-

Hey ya’ll!

Sorry for not posting often! I’ve been caught up in some stuff with the TF2 Suggests universe. Either way, I hope to get back to headcanons soon, you guys have sent in some REALLY good ones and I’m pumped to write them out!

Oh I am in LOVE with these headcanons! I found the mention of wondering how much of his personality at the base is an act as well an incredibly intriguing idea, and a fun one at that.

That, and the description near the end of him being “the friendly face on the other side of the street” or “the guy you run into at the grocery store that turns towards you and tells a bunch of jokes in a row and it’s so weirdly pathetic and charming at the same time you can’t help but laugh” puts him in such a familiar but different light that I had never really thought of him in, but that makes PERFECT sense to his character.

While in the comics he’s portrayed as a bit of an annoying loudmouth before getting a more genuine characterization near the end (or the issue before the end, anyway), the characterization you wrote sort of fits that more developed personality in the later comics alongside him in the games.

I just. Hgh. The idea of him being that good at manipulating people in his most comfortable environment (or is it even manipulating people? More-so himself) is SUPER cool and fitting to me, and also fits the autism headcanon where he’s just learned to mask incredibly well while remaining unfazed by deeper attempts to fit in with his peers since he’s just not interested in it—keeping him genuine and earnest, if that makes sense?

Having written that, it gave me the idea that maybe the longer he spends with the mercs as their unusual mercenary found family, the easier it becomes for him to manipulate on the field.

Thinking about how that’d translate, I imagine that he’s learned how to speak to enemy team members the same way he’s been spoken to for months or even years. He’ll ask questions with a more cutting tone towards the enemy Engineer using vocabulary he picked up from his own. He doesn’t always get it right, but more often than not he can waltz into enemy territory and as long as he’s not posing a threat during an active battle, he can end up making (tense) conversation with the opposite team.

Additionally, my initial idea was that the other mercenaries notice that he’s a little more careful in the enemy base, knowing better what turf is closest guarded, especially since he’s a predominantly flanking class.

Will reblog with more ideas about the above topic.

Scout has incredible street smarts! While it seems irrelevant in the base dropped in the middle of nowhere, he is invaluable during contract missions located within urban areas.

He can notice an undercover cop in a second, distinguish accents, recognize a scam happening, pinpoint a drug dealer who looks like a sweet old granny and see the signs of some group's terf markings. The team is looking for some local hotshot and they have no leads? Scout runs to the downtown and locates the first bodega/laundromat/bar/gas station/pizza parlor, blends in and befriends some entry-position-apprentice who gives him all the info he needs.

South Boston is the top school in the world for the street-smarts and Scout graduated it with honors.

yep! while scout has resigned himself to the position of “the stupid one” alongside a crowd of extremely talented, socially awkward PhD owners, once somebody finally has the idea that he seems good at talking and drags him along on a mission they figure out pretty quick that holy shit this kid is good at talking.

Engie’s usually the negotiator if they need one at all, mostly because he knows how to say please and thank you when it seems necessary, but he still has sort of a… distrustful aura around him. the accent’s disarming, sure, and does a great job pushing through a crowd of white middle-aged church moms, but it turns out there are a lot of parts where a moderately-wealthy-looking fourty-year-old white man with a little bit of a weird glint in his eyes ain’t really that welcome. so they might send scout in, since he really, really wants to go in and they’re all out of options (unless they want to send sniper, and he’d probably leave the building having bitten at least four people on reflex)—and when he comes back out he’s got everything they need to know, plus some free snacks, plus an invite to some teenage boy’s birthday party.

it turns out that little air of authenticity goes a long way—and the team watches him flip from polite upstanding church-boy cashier to poor sad orphan boy on the streets to egregiously annoying emotional armor-shredding “class clown” in what seems like seconds, and I guess it should occur to someone at some point that he’s spent his entire life figuring out how to blend in places like that and get what he wants.

(everybody would joke he got the ‘good actor’ gene from spy, if it didn’t just make them sad. also, a few people see him effortlessly skating his way person-to-person, molding his conversational targets like putty, and wonder exactly how much of an act he might be putting on back at the base, too.)

addendum: of all the characters he is able to axt in, “suave” or “ladykiller” or anything along those lines is not one of them. please don’t get me wrong. he’s the friendly face you see on the other end of the sidewalk, or the guy you run into at the grocery store that turns towards you and awkwardly tells a whole bunch of jokes in a row and it’s so weirdly pathetic and charming at the same time you can’t help but laugh, but he’s still terrible at romance, and as a matter of fact most things Involving charisma in general. he just takes advantage of that sad wet kitten energy, you know? it works out

Hmmm, OH, how about heavy with an s/o who’s also Russian, and can’t speak English very well?

Source: Unknown. Could be Tf2gallery?

Heavy with a Russian S/O who is not fluent in English:

- Absolutely adorable together, while he doesn’t prefer his mother land of Russia, having his S/O be from there is incredibly comforting for him. It reminds him of his mother and sisters, and is like bringing a piece of home back with him.

- On the other hand. The language barrier can get a bit annoying at times with the other mercs, as his S/O is easily overwhelmed by their questions and comments, especially if they get frustrated when trying to respond, but not knowing the words to do so.

- They constantly fire off back and forth between each other when in private, though! If one stumbles across or into Heavy’s little “library” area, (a repurposed side room meant for housing tapes that have since been burned, the shelves are lined with books that he’s collected over the years), they’ll often find Heavy and his S/O deep in philosophical conversation with each other, far swifter in Russian than in English.

- Medic, Heavy, and Spy all do their best to help teach them English, to varying degrees of success. Spy is incredibly helpful, but isn’t around enough to make a huge difference. On the other hand, Medic isn’t quite as helpful, but is a better teacher and is more than enthusiastic to help where he can. He’s often too caught up in his experiments to be there as often as Heavy, though; although his S/O is perfectly fine with being in the med bay, so long as things don’t get too hectic.

- Heavy and his S/O are virtually inseparable, though. Heavy is either glued to their side, or they’re glued to his at all times. If they’re separated on their own terms, it’s for a very good reason. If not, and you’re the reason behind it, then you’d better run. They’ll find their way back to each other no matter what cost.

I love the idea that friendly fire is enabled and mercs of the same team can hurt eachother so to spy check they're just really tactile with eachother.

Like big pats on the back when passing, hugs as greetings, gripping eachothers shoulders alot y'know?

another post about tf2 scammers

about a week ago i made a post about what types of tf2 specific scams are floating around steam, how to avoid them, and how to identify a scammer. a scammer literally just added me and to a newer player/steam user, their profile could come across as legit so i'd like to go through it and pick apart some of the red flags i look for when people like this add me on steam. hopefully it'll help some people lol idk

this is the profile of the person that added me. it seems normal enough at first, they have a decent steam level and their profile is personalized with artwork and a background. they've also written a bit about their hobbies and favorite tf2 maps in their description. initially, i thought this person knew me from tf2's steam forum and added me from there, but i did some snooping around just to be safe.

here is their full description. i know this might seem pretty normal, but for me personally descriptions like this are a red flag in my mind. the first part would be fine if they had any workshop submissions or had posted their work anywhere, but they haven't so it looks more like they just added some random hobbies specific to tf2 to make them look more legit. i've also never seen anybody list their favorite maps on their profile and in combination with everything else it just seems like they're trying to come across as more knowledgeable about the game than they actually are. this isn't enough to get me to block or report somebody immediately, but it does make me raise an eyebrow at least.

next, i scroll down and i see what games they play/own. 7k hours in tf2 is mighty impressive, but there's another red flag here: these are the only games this person owns and has played, and they're both free to play. for someone who has been on steam since 2015 at the very least, you'd think they'd play more than just tf2 and csgo.

another red flag is their friends list: there's only 8 people here. again, if they've been playing tf2 since 2015 as they claim, it means they'd have been on steam since then as well and most people would have a lot of people added in that time. (i've been on steam since 2014 and have 342 people added.) i know some people only like to add close friends or people they trust, but if this person added me out of nowhere and i've never spoken to them prior.

with all this in mind their profile is extremely suspicious, so at this point i've got a good hunch that they're a scammer. let's dig a bit deeper.

private inventories are another red flag as i mentioned in my previous post about scams. you can see the trade history of some items using websites like backpack.tf, and because of this a lot of scammers will keep their inventories private to prevent people from seeing if their items were stolen from someone else. it also prevents you from seeing what they have if they're chatting to you about trading.

this is an absolute dead giveaway. despite having 7k hours in tf2, they have absolutely no playtime on any of the classes. not only that, but every single one of their achievements were unlocked on the exact same day at the exact same time, which is impossible to do unless you're using an external program. it seems like this person used the program to unlock some achievements, then idled on the menu to inflate their hours on their profile. this is also why a lot of scammers won't have their stats visible; it's to prevent you from seeing if they actually play the game or not.

so yeah after seeing all this, i was 100% sure this was a scammer. here's them proving me right by doing the "we need you to play on/vote for our team there's money involved and we'll give you items" scam.

when i'm talking to a scammer i like to pretend to be engaged in order to keep them engaged as well and waste their time a bit, and because of this there's another red flag to add to the heaps of them this guy already has: why would you add a heavy/sniper main and ask them to play soldier or scout, especially when soldier is their least played class? surely someone who is looking for teammates for a tournament where money is involved would also check the stats of the people they're supposed to be playing with.

i sent them a couple more messages and they unfriended me shortly after. i've since blocked + reported them for scamming/phishing.

somebody's definitely made this joke already but i think scout in all his early 2000's whiteboy swag would definitely fucking smoke DDR. he'd be one of those freaks that are straight up just breakdancing on the arrows. breaking it down transgender style. you guys understand what im aiming at