that-old-man-with-a-shield

Latest Posts by that-old-man-with-a-shield

controversial opinion but ive suffered enough and should get everything i want for forever from now on and also im pretty cute

i think im getting better! :) [another event occurs]

This website is elite. This website is the blueprint, it's the pinnacle. There is no website like it. I lwill never leave this website

Sakura & 𝒩𝒶𝓇𝓊𝓉𝑜♡ mugshot

MultiSaku Month 23 【 Day6 】

Sasuke: Sakura... Sasuke: Not only are you wrong, but you've stubbornly stuck to your guts and insulted me in the process. Sasuke: Congratulations, you've become a true Uchiha.

Naruto *to Sasuke*: Girls like mystery, you know?

...

Sakura: So where are we going tonight?

Sasuke: None of your fucking business

Naruto: Are you okay?

Sasuke: No. This thing with Sakura is driving me insane.

Naruto: I also felt that way when I fell in love with Hinata...

Sasuke: Love? No, no, I've always loved her. But now I... *swallows* like her.

Sakura: You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.." Sasuke: I saw you. Sakura: Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of Naruto in a turkey costume.

*at an awards show* Naruto: Can I carry you on my back like Kakashi did? Sakura: I don't think Sasuke would like that. Naruto: *pouts* *Later* Naruto: *carrying Sakura on their back* Sasuke: What the hell?? Sakura: What was I supposed to do? Say no?

Kakashi: Sasuke, why are you angrily sharpening your sword at 3 in the morning? Sasuke: Sakura wants me to go to therapy. Kakashi: She has a point- Sasuke: Yeah, because it's my fault my love language is acts of service and all I know how to do is kill. Kakashi: Follow up question. What are you planning on doing with the freshly sharpened sword? Sasuke, already at the door: I saw someone talk shit about Sakura on the internet, so I traced their location. Fill in the blanks.

tsunade: i’m quitting as hokage so you have to be the next one

kakashi: what? lmao no

tsunade: you’re the only candidate who would pardon sasuke, if you don’t do it he stays in prison

kakashi: ……are you using the kids to blackmail me into becoming hokage?

tsunade: yep. have fun being in charge.

Sasuke: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake. Naruto: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Sakura. Sasuke, pointing his hot glue gun towards Naruto: You’re on thin fucking ice.

Adrian would panic about COVID because it's a human illness, get Sydney a hazmat suit and insist she wear it everywhere

"Adrian you can not start using spirit again just because of covid, look I have a mask it's fine -"

"okay but we're getting regular check ups from Sonya and that's final"

Adrian saw how much Rose loved her Russian himbo damsel who needed constant saving and thought to himself, I know, I'll make Sydney realise she loves me by being a useless himbo and act like I need saving from my own driving skills

"You bought a car you can't drive?!"

"Oh, no. I can drive it."

"So...you're gonna drive her around in it? I mean, it could work. She was practically salivating in Russia over-"

"Don't talk about her like that."

Rose blinking. "Over the car, Adrian."

"Right. But no, I'm going to get her to teach ne how to drive it."

"I'm lost."

"She can't resist a sexy car. Especially if I'm in it. And teaching someone something? I've checked all the nerd boxes. This is my best idea yet."

*********

Tbh I think my favourite moment between the Chaotic Duo may just be when Adrian quits self defence. When Rose finds out, the phone goes silent. Rose is laughing so hard that she's wheezing. Laughing so hard that she's silent, tears running down her face and body shaking. When she finally catches her breath, Adrian hears wheezing into the phone. "You-had- to-"

"Shut up."

"Because if she- touched you-"

"It's not funny."

"SIMP."

I can't believe the girl who fell in love with her instructor during self-defence classes is laughing at Adrian for quitting self-defence class because touching Sydney was too much 🤣

"You should've just gone for it. It's a turn on. Hot men who can fight."

"So you think I'm hot?"

"No. I think you're an ogre. I'm saying Sydney might think it's hot if you-"

"I really don't need to hear what you and Siberia Boy do in the bedroom. Sydney Sage is more complex than that. It takes more than a simple surprise attack to get her to feel-"

"And yet all it took was her like...holding you and you had to quit."

"I never said I was complex. Keep up."

Sydney: God, give me patience.

Keith: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Sydney: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

Sheridan: How can you choose a Moroi over the Alchemists?

Sydney: Unlike the Alchemists, Adrian fucks me in a way I can really enjoy.

marvel cinematic universe (derogatory) vs avengers assemble (affectionate)

man. i rly think what makes makoharu so compelling is they have every opportunity to be bad for each other, but they’re so aware of the way in which the other is codependent on them, they actively choose not to be.

haru relies on makoto to be his executive function, on some level, and makoto knows it. makoto wakes haru up and pulls haru out of the bath and the pool, and most importantly if they have places to be or things to do, makoto is the one that’s on it and making sure they’re on time (ESFJ boy). because makoto so often speaks for haru in these instances, it’d be easy for makoto to say things he wants haru to say, or to control haru’s time in a nefarious way, but he doesn’t. makoto is always listening to what haru wants for the most part, so his oversteps are typically small, like trying to wipe haru’s face at a restaurant or stopping haru from jumping into an aquarium tank. they annoy haru a lot, as one does when you’ve loved someone for a long time, but it’s pretty standard stuff.

this aspect of makoharu is further explored in season 3 with the foil that comes out in hiyori/ikuya, because that is exactly what hiyori does. hiyori speaks for ikuya not to say what ikuya would like him to say, but what hiyori wants ikuya to say, because hiyori projects the insecurity he has for his relationship with ikuya into every facet of said relationship. interestingly, i think hiyori’s desire to actually be loved by ikuya, while it comes out in a toxic way, has a better overall self image than the one makoto has, because makoto is only able to do right by haru by assuming and accepting that what he gets from haru is what he gets, regardless of whether that’s actually good enough or even fair to him. which i think is where this reverses.

up until the end of eternal summer, makoto would go anywhere, do anything, be anyone for haruka; he just wants to be with haru, and he makes that pretty clear. it would be extremely easy for haru to take advantage of makoto and suck him dry or force him to put up with shitty behavior because he knows makoto is a sure thing—actually, haru DOES do this from time to time: the fireworks fight in season 2 where haru snaps at him unfairly, the first episode of season 1 where haru is being an asshole to makoto the whole way to school, parts of the high speed film where haru is feeling sad about rin so he takes it out on makoto and his teammates. haru is allowed to act spoiled because makoto will allow him that space to do that, because makoto loves haru that much to put up with behavior like that. but the thing is, especially as the series progresses—and especially when it becomes clear that haru could actually lose makoto—haru starts doing the work of walking back and actually apologizing for the bad that he does, and also, tbf, haru does try his best to not push makoto on things that he knows will actively hurt him. he never makes fun of makoto for not liking scary things or for hiding behind haru, and in fact, haru jumps at the chance to protect makoto when it’s presented to him. when makoto is scared, haru always holds his hand through it. when presented with an opportunity to do whatever he wants at makoto’s expense, haru doesn’t take that chance.

i think that’s really interesting, because we’re really walking a fine line here—this doesn’t work in any other iteration. it has to be them. it has to be two people who are so committed to understanding each other that they actually can depend on each other to the degree that they do without destroying one another. and they come right up to that line but they somehow manage to never go over, which is fascinating to me.

Omg how about this...makoharu but Patrochilles AU! from illiad (tho I'm gonna use the tsoa (the song of achilles) ver for this) with makoto as patroclus and haru as Achilles (i know the physical features don't match patroclus has dark hair and Achilles has blond hair and green eyes and looks closer prob to makoto but achilles is also kinda feminine looking??? As he was able to hide for a long time disguised as a girl)

Not to mention achilles was the son of a sea nymph (wow the water relationship yippee and lived by the sea)

Like in the tsoa book patroclus is described as this shy young boy (i mean he was exiled by his own father but that wouldn't happen to our bby mako in canon would it) then he was sent to achilles' kingdom and was all lonely and Achilles was this boy who everyone flocked to but then went to point patroclus and said "him...i choose him" imagine the playground scene from tm

Fast forward to a few years later with a bff relationship too close to have a heterosexual explanation and achilles is hailed as this prodigy (see the parallel?!?!) And patroclus known as his closest companion and they were swimming together in instances in the book

fast forward again to the war where after every raid achilles comes home and patroclus welcomes him (fuck the "okaeri" "tadaima" is strong in this one) patroclus considering himself a weak warrior becomes a healer and manages to befriend the entire army (if this isn't makoto) and achilles goes "how do you know their names?" "They're my friends" "ugh so many" also patroclus is known as the Achilles-tamer like "achilles is throwing a tantrum quick find patroclus" (very similar to "haru-chan is stripping quick mako-chan!) Rin as odysseus the sassy friend who's like "ugh i know you're gay for each other quit with the pda" and sousuke as agamemnon the asshole Achilles refuses to acknowledge (come on we know the beef between haru and sou) and kisumi as briseis who at one point in the book admitted to like patroclus and achilles got jealous over that (haru def got jealous over kisumi during that steal yo mako flashback in s2)

Gosh hiyori as hector who refuses to return helen which would def be ikuya (guys see the parallelism!!!) And let's not acknowledge the lack of paris, or maybe asahi as paris idk then agamemnon does the dick move of taking briseis from achilles due to some spat (honestly rin and kisumi could switch and let the makorinharu shippers go wild since pat, bri, and achilles hung out like a 3some anyway but more makorin instead of rinharu (in other versions the rinharu could be stronger tho since briseis was Achilles' war prize anyway but that's not the point since we're following tsoa)) and here comes the beef between sousuke and haru making its way into the AU

Achilles goes to sulk and refuses to fight hector (tho it was haru who challenged hiyori to a race in canon) odysseus went to patroclus and went "he only listens to you talk the shit out of him" (this would only work if rin was odysseus)

patroclus wanted to fight for him instead (agghh the showdown between makoto and hiyori) and well...patroclus lost and died (is it a coincidence makoto lost that race too?)

Here comes the mcd angst and achilles mourns (imagine if makoto didn't wake up from his drowning and the look of despair on haru escalated gosh imagine the grieving) the gods at the bottom of the sea heard him and he goes apeshit on hector and killed him (he did win against hiyori after all) and fought until he died bc life without pat is meaningless so similar to "it's meaningless without you" (he was really eager to follow him into the afterlife)

That's about it since the later parts arr hard to fill in (no obe would be able to fill up phyrrhus' role that demon child) and it's difficult to find roles for rei and nagisa (maybe nagisa as achilles' charioteer automedon) and maybe sasabe as chiron the centaur their teacher/no. 1 shipper and amakata as phoinix achilles' mentor but anyway all is well and that's all there is thank you for your time reading this

PS: I've been thinking about this AU for makoharu since i read the iwaoi ver of this named achilles wept but I'm not a great writer so i can only indulge myself in hcs

PPS: I'm the anon who who sent the herc and meg ask haha

Oh dang you WENT OFF, modern myth AU anon 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so many great parallels!! I haven’t gotten around to reading TSOA yet but the few things I know about it and some of the quotes I’ve seen… WHEW. One thing I love seeing people explore in different AUs with makoharu is how their love for each other can be so intense that it often borders on impending tragedy. Their devotion to each other is beautiful until something happens that makes it mix with their lack of self-preservation to cause a huge explosion, whether that means self-sacrifice (usually Makoto) or confused, grief-stricken rampages (usually Haru). It’s this complicated but ever-present piece of their dynamic that screams “I know you would die for me, but just this once, could you live for me instead?”

Also while we’re talking about Achilles, may I suggest a makoharu take on Achilles Come Down because that song is always a bop

I'm losing my insanity but take this:

Bokuto: You deserve a reward for putting up with me Akaashi...

Akaashi: You're my reward Bokuto san.

Kuroo: You deserve a reward for putting up with me Tsukki~

Tsukki: Call me that one more time and I will break your spine.

Yamaguchi ominously standing in the background with a bat: No I will.

Langa: hmmmm. Hey google, what's a love hotel?

Google: A love hotel is a type of short-stay hotel found around the world operated primarily for the purpose of allowing guests privacy for sexual activities. The name originates from "Hotel Love" in Osaka, which was built in 1968 and had a rotating sign.

Langa:.... wait....

Langa: *remembers what Reki said*....?!

Later

Reki: *in his room watching jojo or something*

Langa: *slams the door open*

Reki: LANGA WHAT THE F-

Langa: DON'T YOU WHAT THE FUCK ME! WHY THE HELL DID HE TAKE YOU TO A LOVE HOTEL?!

Reki: IT WASN'T LIKE THAT-

Langa: I WON'T HESITATE BITCH!

Reki: I owe you one.

Langa: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

Todoroki keeps getting portrayed as someone who’s quite aloof and detached when he’s about 5 seconds away from serious violence at any given moment

Throwback to the time when he froze the entire stadium cause he was just “upset is all”

deadass created a whole new ecosystem and a second ice age (not to mention poor, poor Sero) cause he was just UpSEt iS aLL

Also when he called the Chief of Police a “mangy mutt” and was an inch away from squaring up with him even though he just entered the room. Literally had to be restrained by Midoriya cause he was about to throw hands

but also like GODDAMN he really called the CHIEF OF POLICE a “MANGY MUTT” like the NERVE

Passive aggressively slurped soba in front of his abusive father

Slurp, slurp, bitch 

“ThATs A nAStY ScAR YoU gOt ThEre” 

SNARKS his teacher when he gets captured during the final exam “You think you’ve caught me? This is nothing. I could burn or freeze these restraints in an instant” like WOWOWOW way to give away that strategy Todoroki and undermine the intelligence of the person who assigns your grades 

 And then when Aizawa reveals the caltrops under Todoroki he goes “You’re pretending to be some kind of ninja?” DID NO ONE TELL THIS KID TO RESPECT HIS ELDERS?? WHO ALLOWED this ROASTMASTER to go unchecked for so long 

Todoroki was put in the back of the class cause he would obviously throw his pencils at Aizawa when he says something Todoroki disagrees with 

Even bakugou doesn’t talk back to his teachers but Todoroki clearly has no fucks left to give

Im just…shook

Todoroki would fight all of us in the UA parking lot and he’d probably win too cause he’s an overdramatic BITCH 

joe: truth or dare?

cherry: truth

joe: i dare you to make out with me

cherry, climbing into joe's lap: you best believe i'm not here to lose

adam:

adam: he didn't even choose dare

Joe and Cherry in JPN: Mutual pining with antagonism as a love language

Joe and Cherry in ENG: These men FUCK. they fuck VORACIOUSLY. They are going to fuck the MOMENT they are left alone. They are fucking RIGHT NOW.

reki and langa, age 17: i love you so much, i want to be with you forever, let’s skateboard together infinitely

cherry and joe, age 20-30-whatever-the-fuck: ......... u are.. stupid and... i don’t like u..... *aggressively pines*

Some sk8 fairy tales ~ 

langa: lists every reason why reki is amazing and why he's in love with him

reki: wait stop this is embarassing

reki: (oh god i hope this doesn't awaken anything in me)

reki: *proceeds to dream about being cinderella and being married to prince langa*