Puts Their Face In Your Chest On Purpose:

reblog to pet the sad cat 　　　　　　 ＿＿ 　　　　　／＞　　フ 　　　　　|  　_　 _ l 　 　　　／` ミ＿xノ 　　 　 /　　　 　 | 　　　 /　 ヽ　　 ﾉ 　 　 │　　|　|　| 　／￣|　　 |　|　| 　| (￣ヽ＿_ヽ_)__) 　＼二つ

✦MORE INCORRECT C.o.D QUOTES✦

König: Hell, you could pour soup into my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you- --

Soap: What’s your life motto? Y/N: Hmmm, less a motto, more a general idea. But I run through life with four things in mind. Y/N: Fuck shit up, get shit done, get some glory, and hope for good dick in between. Gaz: *spit take* Soap: *WHEEZE* Ghost: …pretty good motto. Y/N: Thank you!

--

Graves: What are you doing? Y/N, losing their shit: *looking at the sky* Maybe, if I stand here long enough, a FUCK will fall from the SKY and then, I can give it to you. But oh, hey, look, THE SKY AIN’T GIVIN’ NOTHIN! Graves: I- Y/N: NO FUCKS, ANYWHERE, TO GIVE

-- Soap after being insulted by Ghost: ‘do sorta like it when he’s rude to me…hopefully that’s more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.

-- Some dickhead: And what's your job? 141 Whore? Y/N: Oh I fuckin' wish. Do you know how much easier of a job that'd be? No field drills, no paperwork, just be a dick receptacle. A fuckin' dream, that'd be. Price: *dissapointed sigh* Soap & Gaz: *WHEEZE* Ghost: *he's not laughing but he kinda wants to*

-- Ghost: Pretty cool, huh, Johnny? *looks and sees Graves beside him* Oh- Graves: Uh, I thought it was pretty cool. Ghost: I don't give a fuck 'bout what you think, Philip.(derogatory)

--

(TW; Unalive mention; but it's in a Gen Z joke way) Someone: Okay uh, what if 141 just...disappeared. Like your team just vanished. What would you do? Y/N, instantly: Oh I'd just *gun to temple hand signal* Easy. Quick decision. Price: Soldier, no- Y/N: Don't die and we won't have a problem. Think of it as more reason to stay alive. All of you. *Points at Ghost* You, specifically, sir. 'm watchin' you. Ghost: ...noted.

--

Ghost, suffering from blood loss: Johnny...you have beautiful eyes Soap: Damnit where's that evAC HE'S LOST HIS MIND

--

Soap: How d'ya feel 'bout gay people? Male!Y/N: ...I am gay- Gaz: He's dodging the question. Soap: HOMOPHOBIC! Male!Y/N: DON'T SHOUT THAT WHAT THE FU-

--

(I saw DILF!Reader headcanons and made an OC from it, I really like DILF/MILF Readers, we need more of them) Ghost: Daddy issues? Psh, I don't have those. Dilf!Y/N: *pats him on the back while passing by* Good job out there, Simon. Ghost, ready to cry whilst also having a boner: God damnit-

--

(In the idea of Y/N being a complete badass on field, maybe even a lil sadistic) Gaz: Hey, before getting into the military, what did you wanna do with your life? Y/N, cleaning dishes: Oh, I wanted to be a homemaker! Soap: ...huh? Y/N: Yeah! Little house, keepin' it clean, cookin' all day. An apron. The whole thing. Alas, God doesn't hand out opportunities for dreams, I was dealt a different hand in life's game of poker, and I had to make it work. So! Here I am. Gaz, remembering the time he watched them decapitate a man: ...a homemaker...right.

--

Y/N: I'm just sayin', one hug from Captain would probably be the equivalent of six years in therapy. Gaz: So...ask for a hug then? Y/N: AHA! No, no I won't do that. That's asking for problems. (Insert situation where Y/N gets said hug) Price: ...are you crying? Y/N: This! This is the problems I mentioned! Gaz: No, no I think this is proof you shoulda asked sooner.

--

Ghost: I don't have favorites. Gaz: You made Soap a lunch. Ghost: And? Y/N: You cut the sandwich in the shape of a cat...and the fruit is cut into stars & hearts. Ghost: Soldiers need balanced meals.

--

Y/N: Yeesh...Why did god have to give Cap such a tiny grabbable waist...seems unfair. Gaz: *chokes on water* Soap: *wheeze cackle* Price: ...pardon? Y/N: Oh shit, did I say that out loud? My bad, G.

--

Graves: Are you supposed to be eye fucking your captain all the time? Y/N: Hey! I don't eye fuck my captain all the time. Graves: You- Y/N: I eye fuck all my teammates, equal opportunity eye fucking, I don't have favorites on my team. Soap & Gaz: *stifling laughter* Price: Can- *sigh* Can we please focus on the mission now?

--

Graves: Were you dropped as a child? Y/N: Bold of you to assume I was held. Price: Soldier- Soap: Oh, no that's- Gaz: *wince* Ghost: ...heh. Y/N: *points* Ahaaaa, he gets it!

Yup. Breeding, Choking, Overstimulation and more.🥴🥴

PLEASE I WOULD DIE FOR A SLIGHTLY SOUTHERN ACCENT READER BC THATS ME TOO 😭

Omg yes now I have to write this. I’ll just do like a bullet list bc it’ll be easier to read but I’m so glad there’s someone else like me anyway:

141 with a reader who has a slight country accent

Even if it’s slight, the boys can tell that you have a country accent

Sometimes you just say certain words that have a certain drawl or you pronounce them with the accent

All of them have different accents from each other even if they’re from around the same place but sometimes they’re not used to the way you say some things

“What?” Ghost would narrow his eyes and loom over you in frustrated confusion. “What the hell did you just say?”

You’d just roll your eyes and repeat it. If there was still further confusion you would explain what you were talking about and would most likely start some sort of argument about how’s it’s actually pronounced

You actually get into a lot of spats about stuff like that

They probably make fun of the way you speak sometimes. Not out of malice but just to joke around because you’re American and they’re not.

Price would jokingly say southern sayings in a really bad imitation of your accent when he’s teasing you

Don’t even ask Soap to try to do your accent it won’t end well

But they’re not the only ones who get to poke fun. You make it your duty to make fun of them and imitate their accents more than they do for you

It annoys the hell out of them sometimes but they just retaliate by making fun of yours. It’s a vicious cycle

Depending on your temperament, they’ve heard your accent get thicker when you’re angry.

The more angry you get, the thicker it is and while they might think it’s funny they know better than to laugh. They don’t want to be on the receiving end of southern rage

First time it happened though they were surprised and scared

“Steaming Jesus.” Soap muttered as he listened to you yell quick insults in a thick accent as you let out your anger. “And I thought I was the only one who could talk quick.”

Southern phrases (if you use them ironically or not) make them chuckle or confuse them

You’ll probably have to explain a lot of them

Don’t even get me started on the culture from where you’re from. Explaining to them what certain things are is difficult.

“What’s a Pawpaw?” Gaz asked one day which nearly made you joke on your drink.

They’d all be willing to listen if you told them but be prepared for a lot of questions.

Truthfully, they like your accent. It’s nice to listen to especially when you’re telling stories or just talking to them. You’re their southern operative and even if you’re not from over the pond you’re their teammate, their family.

They love you

Love for the southern readers! There probably a lot more about it I could talk about but I can’t think of any right now. I’ve heard from friends over seas that they like country accents so I incorporated that just because. Anyway hope you liked!

Dinner’s In The Oven

Dinner’s In The Oven

Tony Stark X Pregnant!Reader

Prompt(s) from anonymous: Tony x reader where tony is super busy working on new designs in his lab and the reader hints at being pregnant but tony is too busy and oblivious until he puts the pieces together?? Thanks love!

Note(s): This is so freaking cute!! After that clip in the beginning of Infinity War, I know that Tony would be so excited to have a child with the love of his life. I tried to make it fluffy, haha. Enjoy, dearies!

Warning(s): Fluff.

Word Count: 1,105.

(y/n) bit their lip and looked down at the test in their hand for the fifth time. They worried that perhaps they’d read the sign wrong, but nope, there it was, still as clear as day. Positive, it told them.

Without a doubt, as told by the three other discorded tests, (y/n) was pregnant.

J.A.R.V.I.S., ever vigilant, picked up on (y/n)’s anxiety. He knew the way they paced and bit at their lip when something was bothering them. Knowing that Sir would appreciate him stepping in, he said, “(y/n), it would be a good idea to infirm Sir. I believe he would be quite overjoyed at the news.”

A smile managed to grace their lips. Grateful, because J.A.R.V.I.S. knew them so well. “Yeah? I certainly wasn’t going to keep it from him. Any idea how to tell him? He’s down in his lab working right now. Almost nothing can tear him from that.”

“In everything that he does, you are his primary reason. I recommend walking down and sitting him down for a talk. He’d listen.”

(y/n) rolled their eyes but knew that the AI had a point. With a word of thanks, they headed for the elevator. Just the minute ride down to the lab was enough to work up their nerves again. Seeing Tony, however, running from hologram to hologram, soothed every fear that plagued their heart. 

“Hey (y/n)!” Tony called, sparing them a glance before he rushed over to another hologram. There was a fiery spark in his eye. It seemed he was going hard at his current project. 

“Hey honey. What are you working on?”

The grin on Tony’s face widened. “Nanotech! It’s going to be the next step in advancing the Iron Man technology.”

(y/n) hummed as they leaned against the closest worktable. Their stomach brushed against it’s surface, and just the thought of the baby growing inside them brought butterflies swarming again. Good butterflies, though, they knew.

“When can you take a brief break? I’d hate to tear you away from something urgent.”

Tony waved his hand in dismissal. “I can take a break in like, five minutes. I just have to finish polishing the design. Hey, do you know what we’re having for dinner tonight?”

A flicker of an idea formed. Tony liked puzzles, right? And he was obviously still obsessed with working, running around as he talked. If they just dropped a few clues, he’d get it eventually. (y/n) smirked to themselves as they pretended to think over dinner ideas. 

“Uh, I don’t know, but we should make something nice and big. You know, I’ve been so hungry recently. It’s almost like I’m eating for two, haha!”

“You have been eating a lot recently,” Tony mused. “You’ve also been eating some weird combinations, but hey, who am I to argue? Some people are eating pineapples on pizza of all things. Wicked souls!” He tisked, albeit teasingly. 

“I have been eating some weird stuff, huh? Some things just taste good together, you know? Sometimes they make me nauseous though. It’s been happening to me randomly throughout the day.”

That wasn’t a lie. The random bouts of sickness were what had drawn (y/n) to take the pregnancy test anyways. Tony was convinced that it was food poisoning from the combinations. He argued that some foods just weren’t meant to go together. Pregnancy made much more sense, however.

Tony chuckled as he typed away on one of the various computers around the room. “It’s almost like you’re pregnant, (y/n)!” “Seems like it, huh?” They laughed, knowing that he was mere millimeters from the truth. “Could you imagine that, Tony? Waiting to becoming a father, picking out names while we wait, designing a baby room. You’d be so excited when they’d arrive, to have them follow you around the tower.”

Tony hummed, thoughtfully, as he closed down two holograms. He wondered towards the next few to close them too. (y/n) could spot the fond smile that tugged at his cheeks. “Have I told you about those daydreams that often?” 

“Perhaps,” (y/n) said. They furrowed their brows, suddenly doubting something. They glanced over towards their husband as he finished closing down every hologram. “You’d be excited if that were to become a reality… right?”

“Of course!” Tony said, sounding only slightly offended. Finally, he brought (y/n) in for a hug and peppered their face with kisses he meant to give them as soon as they’d come down. (y/n) giggled when he nosed into the juncture of their neck, pressing more kisses where he could. 

(y/n) ran a hand through his hair. Well, it was either now or never. Willing their hands not to shake, they pulled his forehead to theirs and pressed a kiss to his lips. When they both parted they whispered, “So what if I told you I had a bun in the oven for dinner tonight?”

Tony blinked. Then blinked again. A gigantic smile spread over his face as everything just seemed to click.

“Wait… for real? Like, for real for real?”

“Yes!” (y/n) laughed. Tears welled up in their eyes as it finally hit them. They were pregnant. They were going to have a family with Tony. A beautiful child made by the two of them. It was real and happening and no longer a daydream they told each other about. 

(y/n) squealed as Tony picked them up and twirled them around the room. He pressed more and more kisses to (y/n)’s lips, who reciprocated likewise and wrapped their arms around his neck. He was rubbing his hands over (y/n)’s stomach, compulsively, as though he were in a trance. His brown eyes were wide with both disbelief and utter excitement.

“When did you find out?”

“Just a few minutes ago. J.A.R.V.I.S. said I should just come down.”

Tony purred as he placed another kiss on (y/n)’s lips. “I knew I could always count on him. Would you like a celebratory dinner, my darling? Take-out, movies, and cuddling on the couch while we look up names?”

“Tony Stark, that sounds wonderful.”

The inventor picked up his pregnant spouse without hesitation. J.A.R.V.I.S. ordered the take-out as the happy couple settled in for a night of research and cuddles. In eight short but torturously long months, all those daydreams were going to come true. For the both of them, it was most definitely a dream come true. 

petition for tumblr to make the boop feature permanent. reasons:-

so i can shower my affection on mooties and followers without any limits

validates my sense of appreciation and does not make me feel unwanted

every introverts' dream who loves a blog but is scared to talk with them

feels like an actual physical boop

online love language

would you put a discarded fruit sticker on my forehead in whimsical jest yes or no

Breeding as a concept? Amazing

Mentions of breeding/getting pregnant during dirty talk? Outstanding

Real life pregnancy? No. Horrifying. Never. Hard pass. Worst thing imaginable.

ugh, Im so fucking nauseous and im tired of it.🤢🤢🤮🤮