Howdy Folks, The Senate Will Be Considering The First Ever Resolution Blocking Arms To Israel. This Is

can't say that 2023 was my favorite

"Dear germans, stop making Palestinians pay for your parents crimes"

Seen in Berlin-Kreuzberg

50 posts!

Since... Since when do they do this???

Why is Tumblr gameifying my sad little blog space???

Andrea Gibson

A cute guy likes me on a dating app. After chatting with them for weeks, we decide to go on a date. They are very flirtatious and forward over the app, but not when we meet in person. He admits he thought I was transmasc like him, we laugh about it because his mistake is funny and means I'm not passing but in a silly backwards way. I think his sudden awkwardness in person may be nervousness and flirt with him in ways less forward and aggressive than he'd been flirting with me earlier, and they become cold and distant for the rest of the date. By the time I get home they've blocked me on the app we met on. This case of being mistaken as a transmasc on a dating app will happen 3 more times, and in 2/3 times it results in a similar sudden lack of interest where once they were coming on to me. None of these people will be cis.

I am in a self defense class for queer people, learning hand to hand combat as a community. I have been here months. I notice I'm the only transfem in the classes but there are other trans people there so I don't think much of it. Today I have some stubble as I did not have time to shave before the early morning class. When discussing unrealistic action movie and anime fight scenes I describe on of my favorites, quoting the lines as I pantomime the goofy moves. They smile and laugh along until the word bitch leaves my lips in one quote, then the bisexual woman who only ever they/thems me glares at me like I've committed a grevious crime, and the rest of the class looks at me like a freak in awkward silence for a moment before moving on. I learn bitch is not a word a clocky bitch can "reclaim". I am quiet in classes now, and when I go I focus primarily on the training, when I see other trans women try it out they often give me a sad look and do not return for a second class. I get a sinking feeling that if I ever use this training to save my life one day I'd be branded a violent man instead of a strong woman.

I am texting with a good friend of years who was one of the people who helped me realize I was trans like them and even the one who helped pick out my name loves talking about our shared interests and sharing their favorite smut with me. We bond over favorite stories, artists, characters, and kinks as well as our trans experience. Yet they constantly tell me they could never date someone who's AMAB because of the trauma of being "female socialized" and their genital preferences for vulvas. Every compliment they have ever given me on my appearance or outfit is followed up by "but in a non-sexual way, I could never date you". Today I finally have the courage tell them they don't need to say that every time. They ignore this response. We keep talking for awhile, but they start taking months to respond to my messages and respond with a short sentence at most. They no longer share details about their life and shut me out when I ask or share details about mine, even the most mundane and chaste details. I stop talking to them. A birthday gift I bought them months before this falling out happened looms at me in my closet. I cannot use it as it doesn't fit me but can't bring myself to throw it away, just in case we reconcile one day. I feel pathetic for craving friendship with someone who sees me as "abuser-bodied", that so much of my early stages would've been impossible without their help. I feel a little more lost without them.

I am at a queer/trans/enby kink dance party with some friends. I am scantily clad and wearing a skirt and high heeled boots. I do not pass well so this space is one of the few places I feel safe and free dressing like this. It is packed with queer and trans people just like me engaged in delightful debauchery and wearing very little. The music hurts my ears but I'm happy to be here, I feel overstimulated but alive and authentic. I am approached by a beautiful stranger from across the dance floor, she is graceful and stylish, like some modern Galadriel clad in leather, white lace, and industrial piercings with impeccable voice training. She compliments my outfit, I compliment hers. She tells me I need to shave my armpits if I want to look like a real woman. My two friends stand up for me and yell at her. They assure me she was just being an asshole, that women were supposed to be hairy, but I can't help but notice how both of them have hairy armpits and yet the "advice" targeted me. The wide range of bodies that people here tonight find desirable on cis women don't seem to apply to the women like me. I am the only one of us that doesn't go home with a hookup at the end of the night. I realize now she likely spoke from experience. I am still hurt by her words, but realizing the kinds of experiences she must have had herself to feel her words were kind advice hurts far worse.

A local queer photographer who's work I follow is looking for women & non-binary models for a photoshoot. I have become comfortable with getting photos taken of me for the first time in my life since my egg cracked, and had a few small time modeling gigs under my belt. With something like this I could actually have the beginnings of a portfolio. I reach and am told that they are not looking for trans women models, "only women and AFABs". Getting the same line I get from agencies from an independent queer photographer repackaged in "woke" terminology stings. I see many queer and nonbinary models I looked up to take part in the shoot. I have to wonder if they knew that the photographer's definition of woman didn't include trans women, or if like me in my martial arts class they noticed no transfems were there but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there.

It is years ago and I am still an egg. I am with my partner of 4 years. I am exhausted after a long day. She asks me for sex in the voice that I know means saying no will hurt her. I learned from her long ago men have high and insatiable sex drives, therefore saying no meant I wanted to have sex, just not with her. So I say yes. The sex is painful and unsatisfying, and I simply do my best to thrust through the discomfort until she cums. I feel numb and hurt. She enjoys herself but seems sad I did not cum. I assure her I love her. When we hold eachother after my obligation has been met and I finally feel comfortable and safe. We begin talking. She talks about the trashy women she saw on the street today, describing their cringe outfits and ugly styles and bad hair. All the styles and clothes and hair I yearn to try myself in my deepest and most repressed desires. I change the subject and ask her about work and family. She asks if I'd still love her if she were a man and I say yes. She says she would still love me if I were a woman. Something in that statement feels like a lie. It is months later when we break up and I move out. Now that I am a woman I look back and know from our years together that if I were a woman then she'd hate the kind of woman I'd become. That if I were a woman she'd still have the same expectations of me as a man, that her refusal of sex equated an impersonal not being in the mood but my refusal of sex equated a cruel refusal of love.

A lesbian group begins organizing a queer woman's strip night event. A safe place for amateur performers to shine and women to perform and enjoy sexuality away from the male gaze. I see no transfems in the promotional material or leadership team, and I've learned not to think nothing of it just because there are other trans people there. I do not go.

I am talking with my therapist. They are trans too and an amazing therapist, often providing insights and advice only someone else with the lived experience of being trans can. I express distress and suicidal ideation at the fact I feel like I need to pass before I can dress the way I want. That until I get expensive hair removal procedures and FFS I can never feel safe and welcome presenting authentically. I lament how these things are expensive and may never be accessible to me. They tell me I need to deal with my "internalized transphobia", as if these feelings aren't a result of constant rejection and othering by external forces even within queer spaces. As if the scrap of womanhood others sometimes acknowledge in me does not rely on their perceptions of me.

There is a publication accepting works from trans people of all stripes to document trans experiences. It gets flamed for not having a single transfem as a contributor. The people behind it apologize profusely, they say didn't notice no transfems had sent work in and would do a sequel publication that was transfem-centric. I wonder if anyone had noticed there were no transfems but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there. I think about the kinds of spaces I've seen like that, and the implications it has about how they treat transfems, and I am unsurprised no transfems submitted.

One of my closest friends for years is very supportive of me when I first begin crossdressing and experimenting with they/them pronouns. She gives me suggestions on cute clothes to wear and takes me shopping as well as asks for pictures. We had helped eachother discover we were both queer as young teens, come to terms with it, and navigate it in a hostile environment, so I have complete trust. We are close enough we are frequently asking eachother advice on serious life choices & relationships, sending nudes for critique + tips before sending them to our partners, and sharing our most secret and vulnerable moments. She often asks me for tips on getting her straight boyfriends into pegging and crossdressing that make me slightly uncomfortable but I don't mind, she is a loyal friend I would endure a great many discomforts for. I host a lunch for us one day, and come out to her as a trans woman. I tell her my new name, say I no longer use he/him pronouns, and thank her for her support on my journey thus far. She launches into a monologue about how by changing my name I am throwing away all our memories together and spitting in the face of my family. Taken aback by her sudden heel turn after being so supportive of me being nonbinary and GNC, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to get a break and give her some time to process. When I am in the bathroom trying not to cry, she is on the phone. I overhear her misgendering me as she is talking about me being bisexual in a frightened voice. She sounds truly afraid that I intend to be sexually violent towards her. When I leave the bathroom and sit back down I pretend not to have heard. She gets off the phone, saying she was just chatting with her boyfriend. We talk a bit longer, she explains how "the surgery" is dangerous and experimental and she hopes I won't get it. I assure her I won't and do my best to change the subject and hope she comes around after some time to process things, hurt and shocked that what I saw as a natural shift in the path I was already on marked me as frightening in her eyes after knowing eachother for over a decade. That a fellow bisexual suddenly saw my bisexuality as dangerous now that I was asserting myself as a trans woman. I say goodbye to her, and she says goodbye to me using my deadname, I do not risk an argument to correct her. It is months after the meeting we have not seen eachother since and she has not responded to any messages I sent. After reflecting on her reaction further I decide that I don't really want to spend time with someone who thinks these things about me for my own safety and mental health, regardless of our history. A friend of 14 years who supported my queerness and transness gone the instant I crossed an intangible woman-shaped line that marked me as a predator and invader in her eyes.

I log online and day after day see trans women getting banned and harassed. Seeing baseless callout posts calling them groomers and abusers getting taken seriously by other queer and trans people. Seeing proof that deep down so many people I consider kindred spirits see me and people like me as worthy of intense scrutiny and policing to keep "the queer community" safe and united. The blocklist grows but everything stays the same. I treasure the people in my life who don't take part in this and would do anything for them, but it seems they get fewer each time.

I'm not making this post to seek sympathy, I am used to this kind of shit and far worse has happened to myself and others. I just make this to illustrate transmisogyny is not some "online-only" issue like people claim. Even if online issues weren't "real" (as healed is fond of saying, "online is real") this has tangible effects in the way trans women are treated offline as well. By communities, friends, partners, colleagues, systems, etc. That's why we talk about it.

So much of the discussions people have paint transmisogyny as some online oppression olympics maliciously trying to divide the community, smear transmascs, and "reinvent bioessentialism". That is not what it is about. Discussions about transmisogyny is about how we are treated for being what we are, and while related to transphobia and misogyny it is seperate because it often represents doors other trans people and women can walk through that transfems cannot. It has affected me in my most intimate moments when I was with other trans and queer people I felt safe around, and taught me that I need to carefully manage my persona and presentation at all times lest my authenticity be branded "male socialization". I am even terrified to express attraction to people who express attraction towards me because I'm so used to being treated like a predator upon reciprocating or being used and abandoned by people I trusted. I am terrified to be too excited about shared interests with friends lest I be too loud or talkative about it and branded with aggressive male socialization. So I make myself quiet and small, and shrink from the community and people I care about, and become more and more isolated.

Anyways, stop platforming anons who spread lies about trans women, stop hopping on TERF harassment campaigns because the trans gal they're smearing "gave you bad vibes", and maybe consider carefully if in your own life where you draw the line for a transfem's behavior is any different from where you'd draw the line for anyone who's not one.

I can’t believe my most famous post is a shit post MEME about Brennan Lee Mulligan that I made during midnight brain fog...

Y’all want my fuckin memes? TAKE MY FUCKIN MEMES...

"roommate's cat" is the ideal pet. This creature is not my responsibility in any way and I spend zero dollars of my income keeping her alive and she lives in my house and is obsessed with sitting on my lap. Perfect arrangement

I love and adore ATLA but if I have beef it’s the fact that the writers COULD NOT show passage of time.

How long was the gaang in the northern water tribe?

Actually? Like... a couple months, probably

How long did I THINK they were there? 3 days.

And I think that’s something that ontinues throughout the series- where they’d be somewhere for like two episodes but the implication was that they were supposed to be there for a few months and it COMPLETELY went over my head.

Was that a problem for anyone else, or am I just fuckin stupid?...

I was a fencer for YEARS, and this is so beyond disgusting for SOOOOO many reasons FIRSTLY, as many people have pointed out, fencing is *typically* a coed sport. The ENTIRE time I was fencing I was almost always fencing against cis guys, who were older and more skilled than me, who were significantly bigger than me, who were generally stronger than me. You know WHY they let the poor little "girl" spar against the big strong boys?... BECAUSE IT DIDN'T MATTER. IN FACT, my coaches typically regarded it as an ADVANTAGE. The factors that go into making a good fencer, if anything (if you were a bioessentialist in the late 2000's, or a reformative feminist of that time) were more likely to be traditionally "female" traits... Being consistently smaller than your opponents is an advantage. There's less space on your torso for them to hit you, and they aren't used to having to aim so low- while you're always used to aiming high. Up until fairly recently, the narrative was that "women" were better at building lower body muscle- which is what almost all of fencing training focuses on (alongside core strength, but not as much). whether or not that's true, it was widely enough believed that pretty much every sport that focused on leg strength as opposed to arm strength was considered female dominated. The same can be said for speed, another important trait for fencing. being light on your feet, being able to jump, lunge, retreat, riposte in quick succession- speed of movement that is fostered by strength of the thigh and calf muscles. These are... once again... traits that are typically considered easier to obtain for "female" athletes. And this isn't even getting into the psychological aspects of martial sports. Do you know how many training matches I've lost to little kids- who I basically let kick my ass with a foil, and suffered my coaches straight up mocking me for it- because I was afraid I was going to hurt them physically or break their confidence in some way? Do you know how many matches you have to win, as a smaller- and weaker- challenger, before you're opponent starts to take you seriously and will actually spar with you? And for many people, who learned the sport through private clubs and classes, who never had the opportunity to lose their personal biases in favor of competitive edge- they will continue to lose because they will always underestimate us, or they will learn better and finally give us a challenge.

The other two traits that are most likely to give you a advantage as a fencer have nothing to do with the athlete's sex at all. For instance, across most martial sports; no one likes sparring with a fucking southpaw! We're difficult, and force our opponents to quite literally invert all of their training and practice in real time during matches. My coaches used to make their competitive teams spar with me to learn how to properly parry someone with an opposing dominant hand- and it didn't matter how much better trained they were, until they learned how to properly handle me I would almost always win. Are you gonna tell me some garbage about handedness being a gendered trait? HAH! and what about reaction time? Does extra testosterone make you block quicker? Disregarding the fact that testosterone levels vary in literally everyone... The idea is just straight up laughable. Imagine living in the world these people live in for a moment- where being born a "man" makes your eyes track movement quicker. It would suck to be these people so bad... This woman has shown a clear misunderstanding of the sport and the training required to excel in it, alongside everyone who has bought into her rhetoric. I don't even care if she's a grifter. I don't care if she has no actual actionable opinions on trans people, and if it was all "about the money". She has left a stain on my sport and the spirit of competition. She is a hypocritical transphobe, co-opting symbols of resistance from another disaffected minority to draw social and psychological targets onto a group of people that has never wanted anything but to be allowed to live our lives- and if she's doing it for money then I respect her even less than if she truly believed in her actions. and I'm frankly disgusted that this sort of bigotry has managed to infect my sport, which I have always considered equalizing and respectful... With all of my heart, I hope that her cruel, nonfactual, cowardly, unsportsmanlike behavior gets her banned from any subsequent competition- and I hope she serves as an example to the rest of the fencing community and its supporters that bigotry should NEVER be accepted in sport... And mostly, I hope her opponent- who I'm certain has had a social spotlight shined on her in a way that no one deserves- can find some peace after this, that hopefully the community at large can come together to reassure that she is welcome in her sport and its communities...

Fencing is typically a co-ed sport. This is transmisogyny in its grossest form.

But this story gets so much worse. The trans woman who she refused to fence only finished in 24th place. Stephanie, the forfeiter, also beat *multiple* cis men in a regional match just one week earlier! And conservatives just paid Stephanie $5k for her kneel. Why is nobody talking about this?

This is for the support of Gaza's Municipality Services - which help ensure clean drinking water, waste collection, debri removal and sanitation services - life saving services to run a state - reader I imagine wherever you are or how lacking the municipality services in your city is, it's not worse than Ghazza.

Currently it's only at 11% - please donate -

gaza-city.ensany.com

Life For Gaza

Life For GazaDrinking Water, Waste Collection, Debris Removal, and Sanitation Services for the Residents of Gaza City - Gaza Municipality