A Fantasy

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

“When we set children against one another in contests - from spelling bees to awards assemblies to science “fairs” (that are really contests), from dodge ball to honour rolls to prizes for the best painting or the most books read - we teach them to confuse excellence with winning, as if the only way to do something well is to outdo others. We encourage them to measure their own value in terms of how many people they’ve beaten, which is not exactly a path to mental health. We invite them to see their peers not as potential friends or collaborators but as obstacles to their own success… Finally, we lead children to regard whatever they’re doing as a means to an end: The point isn’t to paint or read or design a science experiment, but to win. The act of painting, reading, or designing is thereby devalued in the child’s mind.”

— Alfie Kohn, The Myth Of The Spoiled Child

c a s u a l 

A Mourning dove gets cozy, and settles in, to experience the sunset.

What do the Gods care. They breathe aether not air. They drink ambrosia not water. Their blood is ichor and immortal whilst ours is rusting, slow rotting iron. But here’s what they do not want you to know. Without our prayers and tributes, their mighty Olympus turns into just another ruin. Their aether grows polluted with unrest and darkness. Their ambrosia bitters and their immortality begins to feel like a burden. Ask a God to name his weaknesses. If he is honest, he will tell you they wear mortal skin and go by names like yours.

Nikita Gill, Even The Gods Have Weaknesses

if someone makes you happy, make them happier

The most important words a man can say are, “I will do better.” These are not the most important words any man can say. I am a man, and they are what I needed to say.

The ancient code of the Knights Radiant says “journey before destination.” Some may call it a simple platitude, but it is far more. A journey will have pain and failure. It is not only the steps forward that we must accept. It is the stumbles. The trials. The knowledge that we will fail. That we hurt those around us.

But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fall, the journey ends.

That failure becomes our destination.

To love the journey is to accept no such end. I have found, through painful experience, that the most important step a person can take is always the next one.

Brandon Sanderson, Oathbringer

I had a professor in college who used to start solving every problem with the same dialogue.

Proff: What’s the first step to solving any problem? Class: Don’t panic. Proff: And why is that? Class: Because we know more than we think we do.

I think about that a lot tbh. It didn’t occur to me until much later that he meant for us to apply that dialogue outside of the classroom to any problem. Because we always know more than we think we do. We are all an amalgam of random information that ends up being relevant with surprising frequency.

I didn’t know cheetahs meow I’ve always thought they roar my whole life has been a lie