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It's the simple things in life. I want to live.

How to be a good person regardless of your BPD:

1- Evaluate why you’re feeling abandonment anxiety as it comes. Is it reminding you of a past time you were abandoned? Don’t place blame on anyone. Ask for validation if you need to, have a conversation. But do not place blame. It may just be *perceived* abandonment. (Often, it is.)

2- Don’t always trust your gut feelings, they have been damaged from the trauma and can’t always make accurate predictions. Make a pro-con list, what will come if you act on impulse? Make good decisions. You may be splitting right now and regret this later.

3- Make a list of your dreams, values, and goals. They may change slightly day to day, but you will have a reference point so you can evaluate how they’ve shifted. You can find an explanation as to why those views have changed, so others don’t start to see you as “two-faced.” (Which they will, if you don’t explain.)

4- Separate yourself from situations that are leading you to emotional extremes. I know that it’s not satisfying, I know you think you’re right. You may be. But in the heat of the moment, you might be undergoing a loss of contact with reality. Go somewhere else; a friends’ house, your bedroom, take a shower, go on a walk. Actually say “I cannot continue this conversation right now.” to the other party. Do not stay in the same situation. It will improve nothing.

5- Don’t do anything risky. It will not help you. It will only make things worse. Gambling and spending sprees will just make you go broke. Reckless driving will kill someone innocent. Unsafe sex could result in an STD. Drug abuse will likely end up as an addiction. Try to find a guided meditation instead. I know it’s not satisfying, but it’s better than ruining your life and endangering others.

6- If you’re feeling particularly moody, explain that you’ve been feeling grumpy that day when conversations start. It’s not fair to the other party for you to snap at them when they’re just trying to talk.

7- Please reach out for help if you feel the need to self-harm or commit suicide. But do not reach out for help from someone who you’ve hurt, it will ruin that relationship/any chance of recovering it. It may cause them to lash out, depending on what they have going on. It’s seen as manipulative by the other party, regardless of intent. There are people who manipulate others with threats of suicide, don’t be that person. If it’s at a point where you’re seriously considering acting, call your local emergency services (I know hospitalization is oftentimes scary in and of itself, but as long as you’re respectful to the staff- you won’t stay longer than 2-3 weeks. You can find support there, I promise. If you get a bill, it will eventually fall off of your record.)

Most of this is what you were supposed to learn in childhood. But we just didn’t, for whatever reason. Maybe our parents didn’t know it themselves. Maybe we were alone most of the time.

Either way, you can still learn. You can absolutely teach an old dog new tricks.

I know this disorder feels like it’s taking your life over, but I promise that it’s not.

You can turn things around. You can still have healthy relationships. It all just depends on how you learn to manage it.

I love you guys, stay safe and stay sane. 💖

um being a person? exhausting at times. but still there is breakfast to make

rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)

this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.

signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):

you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities

you find ways to avoid the responsibilities

every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again

when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).

you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.

you are a walking ball of anxiety

you have a fear of being perceived

there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences

below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7

some things u gotta remember

shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.

your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.

shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.

instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.

shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself

shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.

what should u do?

basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.

examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.

why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?

reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.

remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.

calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.

now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.

WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.

train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.

ok hope this helps.

⚠️ emergency links

this is a list of resources for when you're in crisis, whether you're suicidal, triggered, having a panic attack, or any other mental health emergency.

this list will be updated with new resources as i find them.

emergency numbers for your country

helplines for your country

Australia: lifeline 13 11 14 & other helplines

managing flashbacks

quick helpful tips for suicidal feelings

you feel like shit interactive self care guide (alternative site)

reassurance masterpost

Get Self Help

psychosis coping strategies

grounding techniques

dealing with trauma triggers & OCD

DBT options for solving problems

self-soothing ideas

how to check the (emotional) facts

TIPP grounding skill (temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, progressive muscle relaxation)

ideas for soothing impulses (urge surfing)

tips for when it feels too much

why am i feeling bad? flowchart

looking after yourself (particularly tolerating distress)

staying safe in a crisis

crisis support (particularly for dissociation & dissociative identity disorder)

safety tools & resources

dealing with PTSD triggers

grounding & containment strategies

I just want to take this moment and say I'm glad you're here. As hard and as terrible the world might seem, it is equally majestic and beautiful, and I'm glad you have a chance to be here and see it and be a part of that beauty. Thank you for being you. Thank you for continuing to be here. I am immensely proud of you and all you've done.

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

Quote of the day

you can start anytime.

you can brush your teeth in the middle of the day. you can wash the dishes at 2am. you can do things outside the normal times assigned by society.

Recovery is a conscious choice. Life might feel really hopeless. It might even feel like everything is falling apart. Sometimes you have to take really small steps. Celebrate the tiniest victories, like taking a shower or leaving your apartment. You don't have to wait for the circumstances to be perfect to start changing your life for the better.