theportraittoldthetruth

Latest Posts by theportraittoldthetruth

This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.

-Philip Larkin

dostoyevsky kinda ate with “your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

are lab coats widely used and easy to get? yes.

has everyone whos been to a conventional high school had to wear one? yes.

do i still wear mine like it's a status symbol, with absolute pride as i walk the uni halls? you bet!

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

Edward Hopper - Notebook

i am every age i have ever been …

tumblr user @blossomfully, tumblr user @wastelandbebe, “Eleven” by Sandra Cisneros, “Untitled” by Franz Wright

˗ˏˋ☕ˎˊ˗

i was going to learn 12 languages, read 250 books and learn 75 new skills this year what happened

"Thoughts on women?" Yeah pretty much constantly

oh my god there are so many books to read and instruments to learn and languages to speak and poems to write and oranges to eat and ideologies to study and songs to sing and films to watch and people to kiss and

"I want a boyfriend," no you want to pin a boy to a wall with a dagger to his throat, don't settle for less.

The Castle by Franz Kafka

“The other day, lying in bed, I felt my heart beating for the first time in a long while. I realized how little I live in my body, how much in my mind”

-Rodger kamenetz, from Terra infirma

dream home

Goncharov (1973)

and a wickeder, wickeder, wickeder witch that never, never was

via 📽️💫

i love books omggg 🫶🫶 what's your favorite book? mine is crime and punishment by fyodor dostoevsky !

dark academia but STEM

- pinning the most difficult equations you solved to your wall. Or just the ones you find beautiful

- lots of plants, their names written in the pots. Trying different ways to grow them.

- always having lab gloves in your bag or pockets.

- writing ideas for projects in messy notes, putting them between the pages of your notebooks and forgetting about it

- hands dirty with black ink because you’ve been writing for too long too fast

- massive books under your arms, laptop full of carefully tagged papers while the printed ones are a total mess

- insane eyes and absolute euphoria when you finally understand not only the concept, but where did it came from and how it applies on your daily life

- hair always in a bun or ponytails, short finger nails and none jewelry because ~lab rules~

- searching until late at night the exact equipment the scientists used long ago, what methods they used and imagining how would it be to be in their place.

- Feeling as comfortable in the lab as in the library.

- you hate Victor Frankenstein but legit understand why.

- sore eyes from microscope or screen light, aching backs, still not wanting to leave

- looking at people and thinking about how they truly are: organs, cells, molecules, atoms, protons, eletrons, quarks, leptons…. nothing as one would think,  everything, all the same, too big, too little, all pieces from a big puzzle

- dreaming about the topic you were studying last day

- having an idea about a paper while talking to your friends. Remembering that is not your field and going crazy because SOMEONE needs to research it.

- you are crazy to read some fiction but there are too many papers waiting for you 

- You should be used by now but sometimes still get distracted about how graphics changes according to compartments added.

- finishing a big problem and just staring at it, amazed by how it was unfolded and reorganized until you get to the final answer 

- “we don’t know….yet”

- ethics committee?? How about just test it myself, uh?(that new receipt that later comes out a absolute disaster)

- suddenly knowing how to solve a problem in the middle of a lunch

- notebooks margins filled with equations or formulas vs pages almost blank, with just one note or two

- mental breakdowns after classes thay change your perspective completely

- knowing that the truth depends on how further you can see. We’re always getting closer. Never there.

- Looking at an art piece, wondering what kind of ink was used, how it was when it was made, how time has affected it

academia things that genuinely make me happy

large textbooks filled with extra papers which hold the answers to the problems you thought were too brilliant to be thrown away, or the simple short summary of a part you were struggling to understand before

having your textbook absolutely ruined by highlighters and sticky notes all over it, those little tips and ideas you picked up from the lesson. anyone who opens that book immediately knows that you’ve studied the crap out of it and know the concept by heart. “this is the most annotated book i’ve ever seen” is literally the highest form of compliment for me.

solving math or chemistry problems to a soundtrack album or ambient sounds, extra points if it’s in afternoon lol

when you’re so focused and keen on getting to the final answer that your hand physically can’t keep up with your eagerness so you end up with the most incoherent solution. but you’ve finally got the answer right!

being self-taught in a subject or a few chapters of the textbook, and still smashing the quizzes and the exams

coming up with a new solution to the problem, or seeing the problem from a new perspective, and finally being able to solve it because of just that.

confidently walking out of the exam room. 0 doubt in your mind that you crushed it!

actually feeling how you’ve grown academically, and how much more knowledgeable you are compared to the beginning of the semester

casually and confidently having conversations with a professor about your studies, exchanging ideas and discussing the existing theories, methods, on-going research and all

all of this is everything i want in life- god 

Time passes ever so slowly and it reminds me that life is lovely

the botany students

dozens of houseplants growing in your room

a pocket guide to local flora tucked in your backpack

studying the complex anatomy of plants

performing experiments to see how plants grow under different conditions

long walks, identifying the species you see along the way

detailed botanical diagrams

the humid air of a greenhouse

practicing sketches, working to accurately capture each leaf and petal

pressing samples beneath heavy textbooks

understanding the complex nature of ecosystems

wildflowers tucked into your hair

a crumbling stone wall, overgrown with moss and ivy

learning to distinguish edible and poisonous plants

watching a graft take hold

fingertips stained with chlorophyll and dirt

a cup of herbal tea, slowly growing cold as you study for an exam

the smell of earth just after a rainstorm

wandering through a forest, counting the types of trees you pass

knowing what plants to use for home remedies

tending to your garden

cool, foggy mornings, walking through dew covered grass

collecting samples for further study, handling the delicate specimens with care

a sense of awe at the huge variety in plant species

the rare elegance of flowers that bloom only once a decade

Unorganized thoughts; equations written all over a whiteboard; black coffee; determination; cigarette breaks; messy hair; curiosity; not wanting to start and then not wanting to finish; double checking almost every calculation; old wooden desks; having anxiety attacks thinking about the meaning of life; not sharing most of your thoughts with anyone; frustration; appreciating the little things; re-reading the practise questions in hope for a new perspective; notebooks full of chaotic notes; dreams about discovering something new; 

everyone wants to talk about how nice academic validation is until you’re begging that one specific teacher to give you that one ounce of recognition you need because your career, future, and motivation to continue depends on it.

fluorescent store lights, you shine through the night / illuminate my pores and you tear me apart

album moodboard: lush, mitski (2012)