#thank You For This Brilliant Analysis #raven Is The Best

#thank you for this brilliant analysis #raven is the best

This is minute and not really well-thought out as I’m still trying to process some things that have happened in the last episode, but can we talk about how Raven does not only grow as a person the way she once told Sinclair she would, but actually comes to terms with Sinclair’s death through that?

The thing with her line “You’re always with me” and her deciding to choose life over pain is that it brings attention to one very particular emotional scene between them that took place way back in season 3 (3x03).

We all know that Raven’s need to hide her pain becomes very hard in the beginning, most notable when she tries to fight her physical disability by lying about it, but also visible through the emotional toll the traumatic experiences she’d been exposed to have taken on her by keeping a certain distance from the people she loves. It becomes clear that she can’t think of happiness or self-acceptance as a possibility at that time - driving herself to the point wherein she can’t even work anymore (which usually represented an escape for her).

When Sinclair breaks through Raven’s barrier and notices that she is a bundle of neuroses who purposely refuses Abby’s help (even though there is a way for her to get it with the medical equipment in Mount Weather) as she thinks she deserves the pain for all the things she’s failed to do and treats it as a sort of self-punishment for every person she couldn’t save while also believing that she is broken and therefore not fixable it’s him who let’s her know that she deserves more than any of this. That she is more than her pain and the losses.

I think I will never get over the motivation Sinclair brought out in Raven in this show, because this is something that he always made clear to her. That he always saw her awesomeness in a way no one else ever did, giving her the chances of a lifetime because he understood that she’s always been special - a little heart-murmur is nothing to him if it means that she can be who she wants to be. He’s come to represent the hand on her shoulder that grounds her, the one person who never once stopped believing that she is able to pull it off.

And while Raven wants to believe the things he says she doesn’t come to that understanding in 3x03 - not just because it is a process in itself, but because right after this conversation Raven fails to save more people - including a friend, Gina. So, diluted by that loss and fresh pain, Raven spirals deeper into darkness and isolation and becomes an easy target for none other than ALIE.

She takes the chip after convincing herself that she’s got nothing to lose and gets rid of everything, stripping her body and mind from who she actually is.

The fact that, for a while, Raven seems to be okay with what the chip does to her doesn’t escape anyone, even when we, as the audience, know that ALIE isn’t to be trusted since we know what her “key” does to people. She finds the solace in it that she hadn’t been experiencing for a long time, so she let’s that feeling wash over her and affect her to the point that she forgets about things - not just her pain, but also the things and people she loves (e.g Finn).

When Raven gets rid of the chip the first thing she experiences is death again. And it’s not just a simple death, but it’s her witnessing Sinclair dying on the ground, a fight she faces and can’t overcome, because she can’t save him.

While many people have made clear that Raven doesn’t let Sinclair’s death distract her from saving the world, working day in and out (Monty says that she hasn’t been sleeping for days - the circle under her eyes certainly tell the story) trying to find a way to defeat ALIE with her friends, there is a part in her that refuses to accept it. The difference this time is that the ALIE-upgrade - that she isn’t aware of in season 3 - and being able to focus on work/a fight give her the opportunity to not think about it (something she didn’t have before she took the chip), but the loss doesn’t go by her. Instead it hits her straight in the heart.

The first time we come to that realization is in 4x02, when she mentions Sinclair while she believes that she can’t run the repair of the ship alone, not able to place any trust in her skill-set as the awesome Raven Reyes she is:

And In 4x11, when she literally manifests him during another seizure, seeing her heart fight the remains of ALIE’s code in her brain for the first (and last) time:

The thing with 4x11 is that Raven does all the things she thought she couldn’t do before. For example, to win the fight against the brain damage (ALIE’s upgrade that Jasper first noticed about Raven way back in 4x01) - especially alone. Or the fact that she can and should place trust in herself and her talent, because she does not only come to realize that she, in fact, can save herself from dying in Becca’s lab or somewhere up in space, but also that she can be who she has always been at her core - the Raven Reyes who doesn’t quit, but keeps fighting. Live for herself without punishing her being with pain or the losses of the people she loves  “I don’t choose pain. I choose life”.

And when she says “You’re always with me” she, for the first time, genuinely accept the loss of someone without blaming herself - Sinclair’s death. For the first time she does not distract her mind or delves into pain or isolates herself in yet another room only to end up looking out of the window because she hates being alone, but she focuses on getting to her hearts true desire, to drive her body forward so that she can come out of this situation un-dead, to reach out to her friends through the radio and say “This is Raven Reyes, and I am alive”.

I said it before, but I will say it again. Raven’s story line this season has catapulted my love for her into a whole new sphere and the character growth (especially the emotional progression) is off the fucking charts.

Yes, Raven couldn’t save Sinclair back in Arkadia, there was just no chance, but there is no blame either. Instead, she tells him that he has been and will always be with her, because at her heart she never forgets.