"Brain Damage" Only Sounds Like A Harsh And Offensive Way To Describe Brain Injuries Because People Constantly

I see a lot of posts about how shitty it is to film disabled people in public and to make jokes when someone is having a medical emergency, and while in general I absolutely agree, there is a degree of nuance.

I have seizures, (most likely psychogenic/nonepileptic, I'm still going to be working with a neurologist to confirm my brain is intact though) and sometimes my friend @corypaws films them so that I can show my doctor. They have expressed guilt about doing this, but here's the thing: not only did I consent to this, it was my idea.

I had a seizure yesterday, and another friend, @thosegoodbois , made a joke about Caesar salad during it. They also felt guilty about this, but it was still incredibly helpful for me. On certain rare occasions, I'm fully conscious and aware for seizures. This was one of those times, so I heard everything. The people around me staying calm helped me stay calm too.

If a disabled person outright asks you to film them, you should really consider doing it. If a disabled person asks you to stay calm during a medical situation, you should at least try. Videos can be a very helpful diagnostic tool, and help make sure we are believed by doctors*. Freaking out when we have a medical problem might cause us to freak out too.

So basically I agree that in general filming disabled people and making jokes during medical emergencies is bad, but it's fine if you have consent.

Remember: disabled people are not a hive mind. At the end of the day, it should come down to what the individual wants.

*you probably shouldn't post it online though

Why “It Was Just a Question” and “It Was Just a Joke” Are Not Defenses For Ableism And Why Your Reaction Is the Most Important Thing

When someone is disabled, neurodiverse, etc people can sometimes ask really ignorant, invasive, or invalidating questions that take emotional labor to answer. And sometimes there is a lot of pressure to answer. This is even worse if it is a joke instead, and the options are to ignore it or say something and risk being yelled at because “it was just a joke, gosh.” Confronting people and setting boundaries gets you called over-sensitive, over-reacting, childish, etc.

I’ll make this clear: it isn’t about your questions or jokes - it is about the assumptions you made when you opened your mouth and the reaction you had when you were corrected.

Let’s Talk About Questions.

I first want to say, I started this blog because I wanted to. You are more free to ask me questions than random blind people on the street. The questions I receive here are also good, researched questions where I can tell someone has read my blog or some articles. I’m not posting to give my followers or anyone else anxiety. The whole point is that these people don’t have an interest in learning, doing any of their own work, or challenging their false beliefs. They want me to endure them and confirm them. I haven’t had to do that here and if I did, it would be easier than in real life because I can choose not to answer a question by deleting it. My followers are also already respectful of and educated on blind people, and so if I have a response that is less than perfectly polite, readers will know why. That is not true outside of this blog.

Now let’s talk about questions and why they can be used in a bad way. What makes a question bad? What is the difference between a genuine and ignorant question? What if you don’t have time to research?

A Bad question here is one that is based on a usually false assumption that prompts a desired answer. An example would be, “Are you really sad that you can’t read?” or “Why would a blind person need a phone when they can’t use it?”

I see a lot of these on tumblr. For example, one blog I followed received an ask that basically said blind people couldn’t be in the orchestra because such and such limitation. These questions have, at best, an obvious assumption along with, at times, a confrontational tone. This person does not want education. They want to defend their belief. A better way to truly ask such a question would be something such as, “I read that people in orchestras and choir have to sight read music. How do blind people navigate this?” No assumption is made about a blind person’s ability. The question is asked in an open manner. The asker has done some research.

Now, in real life, people don’t always preface it with how much research they have done. And let’s be real, it usually isn’t much. But someone asking, “Do you prefer Braille or do you use a computer to read?” shows at least some knowledge. They aren’t trying to put me into a box or use me for confirmation bias. It isn’t so much about getting the perfect wording. It’s about not expecting the blind person to confirm something for you, argue with you, or educate you without you putting in any effort. Even “I was wondering how you do assignments,” is open and allows for my response. If you aren’t able to research in the moment, make your question open or be transparent. To be honest, I feel better about people not doing research in person than online, because being online usually shows you have some time and tools to research. If resources are not available to you and you don’t have the internet for long periods of time, preface your question with that and acknowledge that the person does not have to respond if your question is offensive. Again,it isn’t about getting it 100% right, but truly trying and prioritizing the comfort of the person you are asking.

When I confront people for asking a question with an assumption, I often receive an angry response. The fault is placed on me for not educating people, for not being cooperative, for being mean. This happens whether I answer or not. If I try to explain to someone assuming I can’t read that I, in fact, can read or use a phone or whatever, this is seen as rude or not cooperative. Even confrontational. This person comes away from the conversation now believing blind people are rude and angry. Usually they assume the blind person is jealous of them for being able to see. Which, in that instance, would not be true.

Making assumptions that a person cannot possibly do something because of their disability, especially when you are ignoring what that person says, is ableist. Pointing this out is not attacking you or even, necessarily, judging you. They are not calling you any other name, no matter what else you claim it means to you. (I once had someone claim that when I said the word ableism or ableist she heard the word bitch.)

Let’s Talk About Jokes.

This one is much harder to navigate, especially because blind people often make jokes themselves. However, I want to continue to consider the underlying assumption and judgement some jokes can contain. The joke is usually bad when it contains an ignorant assumption and falls apart when that assumption is corrected.

One example is that picture that often goes around with a person holding a white cane is using a phone. The joke asks what’s wrong with the picture. The problem is not that it’s a joke, as most people assume. The problem is the assumption underneath this particular example, which, by the way, can result in blind people being harassed and even hurt. Read my post here.

But it isn’t even the joke that is the problem. The reaction is. Instead of being accused to attacking someone for an innocent question, someone who points out the problem with a joke or even that it was hurtful, gets someone accused of not having a sense of humor or being mean. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that in real life, not outside of this blog. It is, honestly, too difficult and too uncomfortable.

The reaction people sometimes have is one of defense. They aren’t ableist, it was just a joke, can’t you take a joke?, why are you so serious?, you are ruining the joke, etc. People also assume disabled people can’t tell when someone has made a mistake and when they are genuinely asking a question or trying to call attention to something by making a joke. Disabled people are not trying to take all jokes away. They just want to point out when something is harmful. Doubling down about how that person can’t take a joke is a big problem.

Again, it isn’t that someone made a joke about disabled people. It’s the assumptions inside the joke itself that are harmful. For example, jokes about blind people going to cinemas don’t land because blind people do watch movies. The joke falls apart when you remove the assumption - and not knowing that it was an assumption is part of the problem in the first place.

What Now?

Again, this post was never about not asking questions or not making jokes. It is about ways they can go wrong and how people can make it worse by getting defensive instead of being open to learning and moving on. Everyone makes assumptions or repeats jokes sometimes, and whether or not it becomes an argument is about being open to learning.

Disabled people aren’t out there looking for people to confront. Most of the time, they just want to go about their day or have a nice time with friends. If someone corrects you, no matter the setting, treat it as an opportunity for your growth and to make others feel more comfortable. Listen, apologize, acknowledge your mistake, and change your behavior.

My aim here is not to complain or to make people feel bad or even worry excessively. My goal was simply to share my thoughts on why these things can be a problem and offer suggestions on how to avoid them.

I hope this helps.

-BlindBeta

Note: I provide sensitivity reading for blind characters. See my Pinned Post for information.

another mental illness meme i made out of boredom

people be like "oh so killing disabled people because there should be less disabled people in the world is EUGENICS now? smh what has the world come to"

Sick of Kleptomania being treated as the punchline of a joke or as a quirky character behaviour in media. Like "oh here's our klepto friend, at some point in the series we're going to need a maguffin and whaddaya know, klepto over there will have stolen it!"

It's not funny. It's not a chekhovs gun or a magical maguffin. It's a mental disorder.

Just like how we're sick of autistic stereotypes, ADHD stereotypes, OCD stereotypes in movies, can we also get over the "Cute Klepto" character.

seeing supposedly 'neurodivergent friendly' creators (who are usually Autistic/ADHD) stigmatize NPD, ASPD, and any PD under the sun makes me so angry. like they think 'neurodivergent' means 'Autism and ADHD' when the creator of the term meant for it to be a term for anyone with a different neurotype INCLUDING PDs, schizophrenia, psychosis, and all the disorders people love to treat horribly. i've had people tell me that the term was originally intended for AuDHD only so people are just using that definition but... definitions change. i thought autistic people knew that. i thought we were familiar with this. but not when it comes to demonized disorders... ok.

(p.s. it's really easy to just say Autistic, ADHD instead of 'neurodivergent' when you're only catering to Autistic and ADHD individuals)

*guy with an undiagnosed disability voice:* haha it’s kinda crazy how everyone just deals with the constant unending pain but we just keep trucking per usual 💯💯💯

Once again, leftists are forgetting disability in their activism.

The vast majority seem unable to acknowledge how dangerous a Trump presidency will be for disabled people along with other minorities.

I hate hate hate hate hate aspie supremacy rhetoric I hate it so much. So many fucking people on here say they not aspie supremacists but the only difference is they don't say asperger they still believe that all autistic people are low support needs and only need help because society is bad and wouldn't be disabled if everyone was autistic and it's not true. Think that autistic people who can't take care of themselves aren't autistic at all and don't actually exist and I hate it.

Heads up: If you consistently CANNOT do tasks unless they are at the “Must Happen Right Now” stage, then you have a disability. 

Most people CHOOSE to put stuff off sometimes, but abled people do not consistently feel UNABLE to complete tasks without threat of consequence.

Maybe it’s an executive dysfunction issue, maybe it’s fatigue, maybe it’s chronic pain– doesn’t matter why, what matters is acknowledging it so that you can move forward. Reach out to resources that are there to help disabled people! Ask for accommodations! They’re there FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU NEED THEM! Understanding and accepting that you have the limitations you have, and learning what can be done about them, will lead to a much more fulfilling life which you absolutely deserve.