Horny Ghost AU:

Juane and ruby go missing for a year only to show back up to tell yang she’s an aunt and ren is The Godfather

*At the newly reopened Beacon Academy, a large groups is congregated in front of a new statue inside the school, currently covered in tarps. Of this group consists the remains of team ®WBY, (J)NPR, SSSN, CVFY, C®D(L), FNKI, Ace-Ops, (S)TRQ, Penny and Pietro Polendina, Maria Calavera, Winter, Willow and Whitley Schnee along with their butler Klein, Ghira and Kali Belladonna, the redeemed Illia Amitola, Mercury Black, Emerald Sustrai, and Neo Torchwick, as well as the entirety of the Arc Family and Athena Nikos, and the old Beacon Faculty. They are all seated in the auditorium as the newly appointed Headmistress Goodwitch takes the podium.*

Glynda: Good Afternoon everyone, I know for many today may not be such a good day. Today we are here to commemorate the death of Ruby Rose and Jaune Arc, two of Remnant’s greatest heroes. They sacrificed their lives today precisely one year ago at the final battle against Salem. You here are the many who know what the war was like and what it has cost. ‘Sigh’ I knew both Miss Rose and Mr. Arc, I want to say that they were two of the most exceptional students during their time here, but that would obliviously have been a lie.

Everyone: *Laughs*

Glynda: While they may have not been the most prominent of their peers, they held the most promise. I know for a fact that Ruby Rose was born to be a huntress, but it was her heart that made her a great one and Mr. Arc….I knew when he first came here that he was wildly unprepared for the trials that were to come before him. He did not excel in any subject he was in, and at the time he wasn’t particularly strong, but he more than made up for that with his desire to learn and to support his team. They were…..

*The Audience saw that Glynda took a moment to compose herself. Those who knew Goodwitch always aware that she cherished her students very much. After the Fall of Beacon, she had to count the amount of students had been slain by Grimm, Atlesian Knights and White Fang Insurgents. It was difficult for her to keep her emotions hidden at times but kept a strong front for many years, but she wasn’t perfect. As she recomposes herself she continues.*

Glynda: They were wonderful students and showed us all that even the most simple souls can conquer great forces. As such, we are here to commerate them and those who have fallen throughout this conflict by adding this monument to our newly reestablished Beacon Academy, so that others may know of their heroic deeds and ultimate sacrifice for all mankind.

*With that the tarp is removes and showcases a statue of Jaune and Ruby together in similar poses to the statue at the front of the school. Behind it is a large marble wall to serve as a memorial to those who had fallen at the fall of Beacon and its reclamation.*

Yang: ‘Sniff, sniff’ See sis…I told you you’d be the bee’s knees. Just wish you’d be here to see it.

*The group gathered are so preoccupied with the commemoration to notice that the main doors opened and someone walking through. At the stage, Oscar Pine prepares to say his own words.*

Oscar: I hadn’t known Ruby and Jaune as long as many here, but they have had a profound impact on my life. They encouraged me when I was pretty much thrusted into a conflict I was gradually unprepared for. But they were there for me and I will always be grateful to them. Ruby…Jaune if you can hear us, we miss you and we hope you two are in peace.

*The person walk towards the group, while everyone is too busy to focus on the new guest. At this point Weiss Schnee has taken the platform.*

Weiss: Ruby was my partner and team leader but more importantly than that she was my friend and sister in arms. I can’t say we started out that way, I constantly butted heads with her and wasn’t the best teammate at first. As time continued, I saw her for the qualities that made her a great leader and a powerful huntress. But she is more than that…she’s my best friend. Who I miss every day.

*The person stops to take a seat behind everyone else and waits until the event is almost completely done.*

Yang: That was great Weiss, thank you for saying that.

Weiss: I meant every word, I….I just wish Ruby and Jaune were still with us. ‘Sniff, sniff’

Neptune: You did great, I’m sure she would have appreciated to hear that.

Weiss: ‘Sniff’ Thank you. I just miss them so much.

Yang: Me too, Weiss. Me too. *Wipes a tear with her bionic finger, when someone next to her hands her a tissue. Which she takes and blows her nose.* Thank you.

Ruby: Any time sis!

* * * * * ‘Ding!’

*Everyone in attendance does a double take and looks to her right to see her ‘deceased’ half sister right next to her with a box of tissues. One of which she uses herself.*

Ruby: Everyone has said so many nice things it’s *Blows Nose* So beautiful!

Everyone: RUBY?!?!?!?!

Ruby: Huh? Why is everyone so surprised? I mean I was a bit surprised nobody invited me to the reopening of Beacon and a little ticked no one tried to contact me.

Yang: Ruby? You’re here? You’re…YOU’RE ALIVE! *Grabs her sister in a tight embrace that almost turns Ruby blue*

Ruby: Guh…Yang…can’t Breathe!

Yang: Wait a minute! *Lets her go* You’ve been alive this entire time? Where have you been?! We looked for you for almost a year!

Ruby: Oh, well I was preoccupied with my-.

Voice: Look I’ve already told you I’m a former student here, now if you just let me through!

*The front door opens once again to reveal another guest, this time in the form of the ‘deceased’ Jaune Arc, with baby carriers strapped onto him. He looks over the crowd and stops the person he’s looking for.*

Jaune: Ruby, there you are I was looking all over for you! Man you won’t believe how rude these new guards are. Barely let me in here without a fight.

Ruby: Hehehe. Sorry Jaune! I just got so excited to see everyone again that I guess I forgot to wait for you.

Everyone: JAUNE?!?!?!?!

Jaune: Huh? Oh hey guys, long time no see!

Nora: F-Fearless Leader? You….YOURE ALIVE!!! *Prepares to glomp him. Making his eyes enlarge.*

Jaune: NORA STOP!!! *Outstreched his arms.*

*Nora almost collided with him when she stops mid air, she falls down when she takes note of the little people on his chest. One girl and one boy.*

Nora: Are…are those…?

Jaune: Yeah they’re babies. Well more particularly me and Ruby’s babies.

Everyone: BABIES?!?!?!?!

Ruby: Well of course they’re our babies, I mean Jaune and I have been married for almost a year now.

Everyone: MARRIED?!?!?!?!

Yang: OH FOR GODS SAKE WILL EVERYONE JUST CALM DIWN FOR TWO SECONDS!!!

* * *

Babies: *Start crying*

Yang: Oh shi-! *Rushes to the two infants sides* No, no! I didn’t mean you two! Oh I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. Please don’t be mad at Auntie Yang…..oh gods, I’m a Auntie!

Ruby: Yep. Also Ren and Nora are the godparents.

Ren: G-Godparents! *Blushes*

Nora: ‘GASPs!’ I. Have. God Babies! *She grabs the boy and holds him above her.* Oh my gods you and I are gonna have so many adventures together! Oh my wittle, shmittle, melittle…what’s this baby’s name?

Jaune: That would be Rowan.

Nora: Rowan! My little man, I’ll take you on all my conquests and together we will rule the lands!

Rowan: *Cute baby laughter*

Jaune: Not even a day and she’s already claimed him. Sorry little guy.

Yang: *Moves towards his side* Annnnd this one would be? *Gestures to the baby girl*

Ruby: This is little Summer.

Yang: *With permission from Jaune she grabs the baby gently and hold Summer in front of her* Summer huh?

Summer: …..*Cute baby giggle*

Yang: *Blushes* ….I’ve only known this baby for five seconds but I would protect her with my life.

Ruby: Yep babies will have that effect. But I’m really surprised that you didn’t know about them until now. Haven’t you been getting our letters?

Yang: Letters?

Ruby: Yeah, the letters we’ve been sending you every month for the past year.

*Everyone looks perplexed about what the young mother was talking about.*

Jaune: Wait you guys are serious you haven’t been receiving any of our mail to you all?

Neptune: Dude for a year we thought you guys were dead!

Ruby/Jaune: HUH?!?!?!

*Both finally noticed that everyone was wearing all black and that the decoration around them was fit for what seemed to be a wake. Including the giant memorial statue in the back of the auditorium.*

Ruby: What the-? JAUNE! Did you not send any of those letters through the mail!

Jaune: Of course I did! You had them all stamped right?

Ruby: …….oh gods I forgot about the stamps.

Jaune: What?! How could you forget about the stamps! That’s the only way to make sure the mail gets to where they’re supposed to go!

Ruby: It’s hard ok! They get so sticky and at the time it was hard to do so without ripping them. I thought they’d make a exception.

Jaune: Ruby, the postal services always check for stamps, otherwise they don’t send the mail!

Ruby: Oh~ I’m sorry.

Jaune: ‘Sigh’ Look it’s fine Ruby, I didn’t check and assumed the stamps were there in the first place so we’re both to blame.

Ruby: ‘Sniff’ Thank you dear! *Hugs Jaune* I love you!~

Jaune: I love you too Rubes!~

Weiss: …..Ruby….Jaune…..

*The lovey dovey couple suddenly stop their affection when they feel an icy chill up their spines. Slowly they turn around to see their longtime friend Weiss Schnee behind them with a shadow overcasting her eyes and Myrtenaster in hand.*

Ruby: N-Now Weiss! Let’s talk about this!

Jaune: Y-Yeah it was a honest mistake!

Weiss: I know…that’s why you get a five second head start. Right now.

*Without a word, both husband and wife race outside the doors and run for their lives.*

Jaune: The kids will be ok right?!! We can trust the others to handle them right!!!

Ruby: Yeah they’ll have a blast!!! Just don’t look back!!!

**Explosion!**

Weiss: YOU DUNCES!!! COME BACK HERE AND TAKE HOUR PUNISHMENT!!! YOU’RE GONNA PAY FOR ALL THE TEARS I’VE SHED!!!

-Fin-

Author Notes:

Yes i made a JoJo reference.

I decided to add my two OC Lancaster babies. This is not canon to that particular AU but I loved the idea and consider it a AU to the AU.

I may continue this for a little if you guys want. Probably nothing too serious but fluff.

I’ll break the mold here and say Ilia/Neo. It can be a play on ‘rocky road’.

It was suggested that I make this its own post. I'm still not sure which ship would be named Rainbow Road though.

I always wanted to write something where Hajime got the ‘Know-it-all Disease’.

As in, he starts getting Kamukura talents back, either at random or whenever he tries to do something, he just knows how.

This would be great for the group, but probably terrifying for him since he’s still feverish, disoriented, and he still doesn’t know how he learned any of this.

What would the rest of the DR2 cast be like with the Despair Disease?

I already did Kaz here so I’ll do everyone else

Ultimate Imposter:

He had the Mirror Disease.

He would mirror the talent and personality of whoever was around him.

It got a bit exhausting after a while.

Teruteru Hanamura:

He had the Anger Disease.

No matter what anyone did, he always got mad at them.

Thankfully it wasn’t a violent anger.

Mahiru Koizumi:

She had the Pride Disease.

She was very boastful and thought she was better than everyone.

It was hard to even get near her.

Peko Pekoyama:

She had the Selfish Disease.

She wouldn’t do anything unless it directly benefited her.

In a way, that was good; she was too selfless.

Hiyoko Saionji:

She had the Responsibility Disease.

Meaning she would take control of literally everything.

She would run herself ragged before long.

Nekomaru Nidai:

He had the Silence Disease.

He couldn’t talk; his voice was robbed from him.

Other than that, it didn’t affect him much.

Gundham Tanaka:

He had the Coward Disease.

Everything scared him.

Even his Devas couldn’t be around him.

Chiaki Nanami:

She had the Energy Disease.

She was so incredibly energetic.

Everyone had a hard time keeping up with her, and she wouldn’t rest.

Hajime Hinata:

He had the Boredom Disease.

Nothing he could do helped his boredom.

It was incredibly awful.

Sonia Nevermind:

She had the Mischief Disease.

She went around pranking everyone and messing everything up.

It was hard to take care of everyone else.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu:

He had the Pushover Disease.

Literally as it sounds.

Anyone could do anything to him.

Ruby: daddy i have a boyfriend

Tai: really?

Ruby: his name is jaune.

Tai:(holding a shotgun) and where does jaune live?

Ruby:…

Pyrrha, with tea: Thank you for inviting me over for tea, Saphron.

Saphron, smiling: No problem. I thought you might be bored since Jaune is our drinking with the boys. How’s the tea?

Pyrrha: It’s really good. It’s actuallymy favorite kind.

Saphron: Yeah, Jaune told me.

Pyrrha: Excuse me, where’s the bathroom?

Saphron: Down the hall to he left.

Pyrrha: Thank you. *walks away*

Saphron: *sips her tea*

Pyrrha’s scroll: *DING*

Saphron, curious: Hmm? Wonder whose that.

*Saphron checks the scroll to see a text message from Jaune*

Jaune, whose clearly drunk: Imma kick your ass when we get home.

Saphron, choking: What the hell?! He’s gonna do WHAT?! What the fuck!? Did he actually send that?! Oh hell no! I’m going to kick his—

Jaune, texting back: *lick 👅

Saphron: Oh......okay then. He’s going to lick her ass. *sighs in relief* That scared me for moment.

Saphron: *starts sipping her tea peacefully*

Saphron: *processing the information*

Saphron:.........*eyes widening before choking on her tea again, this time hot tea spewing out of her nose*

Saphron, choking: JESUS FUCKIN CHRIST! *coughs* OH GOD! DID HE REALLY JUST SENT THAT?! OH GOD! I WISH I CAN UNREAD THAT! *coughs* OH FUCK! *starts pouring alcohol into tea* Just forget what you read, Saph. Just forget about it. Save it for therapy.

Was Winter gonna ask Jaune if he was ‘suicidal’ or ‘single’?

Three live for One

Elm: Trading three lives for one is stupid.

Jaune: But why do you care?

Harriet: Because its stupid.

Jaune: We’re criminals Harriet and we’re basically risking our live to save one of our own. So again, why should you care for what happens to us?

Elm: You’re still young.

Jaune: Yet James, your general, hired us as hunters.

Harriet: But-

Jaune: Plus, if we go in and get Oscar, we might have plenty out time to get the relic we lost. Which has one last question remaining. Do you really want Salem or any her members to use it?

Vine: Hm, I see where he’s going.

Harriet: Vine, don’t be stupid. 

Vine: Harriet, our job was to find Penny.

Harriet: Again, they’re want fugitives. Traitors!

Ren: So why are you bringing us in alive?

Harriet: James order us to.

Ren: Harriet. You know, James will shoot us? Like five of us, he’ll keep Ruby, Yang and Weiss  alive but the rest of us… yeah, not a chance.

Elm: He’s not wrong.

Harriet: ELM?!

Elm: Harriet, Qrow killed Clover yet James, didn’t bother to end his life when he heard what happened.  

Harriet: Well, shit. They win.

Winter: Good. You’re not entirely an idiot. Drop us down Marrow.

Marrow: Yes ma'am.

Winter: And Mr. Arc?

Jaune: Ma'am?

Winter: Are you-?

Jaune: No, trust me, not happening.

Winter: Understood.

Plot Twist: Before they got married his wife happened to be named “Goodwitch”.

Side Quest.

-

Ruby: Okay it's time we go save the world right guys!

JYWBNR: Yeah!

Civilian in distress: wait!*points to Jaune* Oh brave knight! I need your help!

Jaune: I'm sorry but I've held the team up long enough, I have to go help them save the world.

Civilian: Please! If you were to help my family you'd be handsomely rewarded!

Jaune: please sir...my friends need me, I can't delay them any longer.

Civilian: I come from a wealthy family, we can give you money or land!

Jaune: This is more important then money or land!

RWBYNR: Yeah!

Civilian: ...if you help me I'll introduce yiu to my wife's beautiful sister...she has a thing for tall blonde knights.

Jaune: ...

Yang: As if Lady Killer could be persuaded by that when he has (gestures to herself and all the other girls) right Jaune?

Jaune: ...right!

Civilian: she's got bigger tiddies then all of them. *point to team RWBY*

Jaune: *pulls out Crocea Mors* Tiddies it is!

RWBY: JAUNE!

Nora, sniffling: that's my fearless leader.

Ren: truly a man of culture.

Gotta love those Side Quests.

Overaccomodating and lowest-key clingy Winter is fantastic.

Would winter actually cuddle with her one night stands or throw them out immediately?

Adult Winter seems like the type to be REALLY into compartmentalizing and keep different aspects of her life separate, so she’d never take a one night stands back to her place. So probably a hotel so she could leave whenever.

Young Winter would probably revel in her freedom outside the manor and the thought of ‘defiling’ her family name in secret. She does bring her one night stands to her dorm but would def kick them out after. And leave them ass naked in the hall if they tried to break their agreement and stay longer than nessessary.

Right, but you’re missing the bit where Cinder would decide she wants an Arc-Fall baby so that she could have it fight Ruby’s Arc-Rose baby.

Jaune point his sword to Cinder.

Jaune: I'll kill you even it means my own death!

He immediately get jumped by Ruby to the ground.

Ruby: At least impregnate me first before you die!

Jaune: What the hell Ruby?!

Ruby began to undo Jaune's belt.

Ruby: Give us a few minutes!

Jaune: Sorry about this!

Cinder: Oh. I don't mind. Hmmm.

You have to respect the fact that the entire FNDM just agreed Fem!Jaune would be tall and stacked like PowerGirl. But I forgot how cute Fem!Ren usually is.

He’s already tall, and tal and stacked is a wonderful combo. Also, Ren is cute, period.

(that last opinion is sponsored by Nora Valkyrie)