Latest Posts by thesapsmith - Page 3

Well it did take her six to even find Grandma.

…you know, it’s honestly just struck me that it’s taken nearly eight years for Little Red Riding Hood to meet the Big Bad Wolf. 

Slow. Burn. 

Jaune: *Telling Pyrrha how very datable he thinks she is*

Pyrrha: *Red-faced, trembling in place, thinking* ‘You’re so fucking close, and so am I...’

The prom episode in Volume 2 was the pinnacle of human evolution.

Little does Jaune know that taming a literal big cat is the traditional way you get permission to marry a Belladonna girl. It's how Ghira got to marry Kali even.

“It’s the law.”

“What law!?”

There was chaos once the news broke. Taming Mittens the tiger cub, apparently, meant that one was eligible to marry a Belladonna.

Kali was adamant about that part, and Jaune’s mom only encouraged her. The pressure was now on their children to make some babies.

Good.

Blake was, suitably, about as embarrassed about this as Jaune was. Pyrrha was angry at her, too.

But!

And hear her out here...

Mittens is shoooo cuuuuute~

Be nice to Hachishaku-sama, she’s not as tall but she can run as fast as a van.

Lady Alcina probably can’t do that...

Hachishakusama (8 feet tall demon woman): That's a big mommy~

RE8 Vampire lady (over 9 feet tall): That's a bigger mommy~

Squeeze a warm coffee mug?

Constant hand cramps... how do I make them stopppp????

Plot Twist: Before they got married his wife happened to be named “Goodwitch”.

Side Quest.

-

Ruby: Okay it's time we go save the world right guys!

JYWBNR: Yeah!

Civilian in distress: wait!*points to Jaune* Oh brave knight! I need your help!

Jaune: I'm sorry but I've held the team up long enough, I have to go help them save the world.

Civilian: Please! If you were to help my family you'd be handsomely rewarded!

Jaune: please sir...my friends need me, I can't delay them any longer.

Civilian: I come from a wealthy family, we can give you money or land!

Jaune: This is more important then money or land!

RWBYNR: Yeah!

Civilian: ...if you help me I'll introduce yiu to my wife's beautiful sister...she has a thing for tall blonde knights.

Jaune: ...

Yang: As if Lady Killer could be persuaded by that when he has (gestures to herself and all the other girls) right Jaune?

Jaune: ...right!

Civilian: she's got bigger tiddies then all of them. *point to team RWBY*

Jaune: *pulls out Crocea Mors* Tiddies it is!

RWBY: JAUNE!

Nora, sniffling: that's my fearless leader.

Ren: truly a man of culture.

Gotta love those Side Quests.

Arson or RASN (Raisin), depending on who you want in charge.

Team arsn at the theme park

Jaune: four tickets please

Vendor: aw. Isnt that cute. A dad taking his kids to the park

Jaune:... these arent my kids

Jaune: i know you're mad.

Weiss: mad? Why would i be mad? Im not mad

Jaune: good. So can you please stop strangling me?

Good points on all fronts. A ton of people say Jaune should have a sidearm, but it just works better if it has an emotional meaning instead of just a practical one. It would be cute if Neo gave Jaune a little boot knife or something.

For Neo, if you were restarting it tomorrow, I’d say to just have her grab a spare cane of Roman’s, or spare parts? Have her rebuild it into a heavy derringer or flintlock thing, would suit her aesthetic more.

I have a question or rather a wish for a secondary weapon for jaune from volume 1 practically ... so if jaune and neo are together I couldn't teach him to use something like a dagger or a hidden weapon in his clothes something like the hidden dagger by assasincred (or whatever you type) or a pistol like the RK5 from COD

I agree Jaune could use some kind of variable attacks. Once I started writing for the characters, I realized how limited he can be. However, Jaune’s weapons have followed his character growth pretty well. 

Vol 1-3, Jaune began with the hand-me-down that his great great grandfather used to ‘fight in the war’ because he didn’t go to a combat school to make his own weapon. He faked his way into Beacon. He had to fake his weapon too, and probably snagged the one thing on the wall he could use. 

Vol 4-6, Jaune uses Miló and Akoūo to reinforce his shield and armor. The weapon can now become a longsword, focusing all of his defense into an offensive weapon. Why? Because he didn’t care about what happened to himself anymore, he cared about fighting Cinder again. He even says in the Vol 5 finale that his life didn’t matter anymore. 

Vol 7-8, we see Jaune shift away from offense (after his talk at Pyrrha’s statue with her mother) and focus on leading his team and defense. His shield can now cover 3 people easily, the gravity dust can repel anyone who gets close, and the shield grenade can protect the people he cares about that he can’t reach in time. 

If anything, I feel like Jaune might take Vine’s suggestion in extending his aura into his weapons. One possibility being what Qrow does. We saw in Vol 4 that Qrow can swing his sword at Tyrian and a building a dozen yards away loses its roof. And those gusts of air as Jaune swung his sword to Pyrrha’s videos might be the start of that

As for Neo  There’s this scene in my fic where she and Jaune go to meet Lil’ Miss Malachite. In my original version, Neo buys an ice dust pistol from her, expecting to have to deal with Cinder’s fire attacks. While expanding her range considerably, it didn’t feel right for her character. I’ve been considering incorporating a dust launcher like Roman had to her repertoire but we’ll see what Atlas has in store for her 

We thought Arcs just fucked that hard, but it turns out that it’s being a Maiden that makes you hyper-fertile.

That’s the real reason Raven had to leave Patch, she found out that she could get laid or get magical but both was too dangerous. She had to leave to avoid all Taiyang temptation and live in the woods.

How else do you think Salem had four kids one after another. None of them look like they’re the same age but they look really close in age.

Magic Chicks man, gotta be careful.

What if now hear me out on this one Jaune’s mom is the summer maiden

Jaune: Guys! This is a terrible idea!

Nora: Oh come on Jauney, it’s not that bad.

Ruby: Yeah! We just have to go visit your mom, ask her to open up vault down in Vacuo, grab the relic, and then we’re on our way to kicking Salem’s butt once and for all!

Jaune: *Twitches nervously* L-Like I said, terrible idea!

Weiss: What’s got you so agitated, Arc?

Yang: Yeah. You kinda look like Blake does when a new smut book is coming soon, but only she can’t get it fast enough. So her whole body does that funny twitchy thing from time to time.

Blake: *Shoots her friend an unimpressed glare*

Jaune: I... may have....not told my family we were coming?

Weiss: *Sighs and pulls out her phone* Well then give them a call. We don’t want to be rude and drop by unannounced. Besides, we’re almost there. I can almost see your hou-

Jaune: *Looking more and more distressed by the second*

Blake: Jaune. When’s the last time you talked to your mother?

Jaune: B-Before Beacon?

Weiss: S-So she doesn’t know about ANYTHING?! You never once thought to call her and tell her you were ok? Wether during school, the festival, or after the fall of Beacon!?

Jaune: N-No?!

Blake: Wow.

Yang: You are so dead.

Ruby: *Patting Jaune’s arm sympathetically* D-Dont worry, I’m sure it won’t be that ba-

*Ruby’s words came to an abrupt end when a flying, magic infused slipper, rocketed into Jaune’s face*

Juniper Arc: JAUNE ARC! Do you have any idea how worried sick I’ve been! To think that my own son, my baby boy, would sneak off and join a monster fighting school without so much as a word good bye!? To not hear from him for MONTHS! Not until the Vital Festival! And then to watch him fight for his life on NATIONAL TV, as waves and waves of grimms came for him and all his little friends! I was absolutely terrified! And do I get a single call afterwards to let me know if my son had survived? Do I? NO! I don’t! I don’t hear a single word from you. Not until your sister, Bless Saphron’s heart, takes pitty on your old lady of a mother and tells me that you are ok and healthy and on your way here. HERE!! Without so much as a TEXT from you! So?! What do you have to say for yourself young man!?

Jaune:

Ren: Uh, Mrs Arc?

Juniper: Juniper.

Pyrrha: Um, Miss Juniper. I.... I think- *Holds up a fluffy bunny slipper* I think your slipper knocked him out?

Juniper: *Sighs angrily* That boy, honestly! Can you all be a dear and drag my son’s sorry carcass back inside. I’ll whip you all up some hot food and drinks while we wait for Mr lazy bones to wake back up again. Come along girls.

*Yang and Nora shrug and carry Jaune towards the large house between the two of them*

(I loved this random idea very much! It’s was very creative and sporadic! 😁)

We desperately need to hear more about Team RASN (Raisin).

Weiss: Ruby, I think the headmaster is making fun of us with that name...

Jaune: Seems fine to me.

Weiss: *Glaring at the 6′ knight* Of course you’d say that...

Nora: Everyone likes raisins!

Weiss: *Glaring at the shortstack* OF COURSE YOU’D SAY THAT!

Can we just take a moment about an AU where Jaune ended up on a team with Ruby, Weiss, and Nora? Just one tall noodle with three smol girls.

...Jaune would deadass hide everything on the top shelves

And also do the koala sex thing with whomever among his team wants to be with him.

Oh, an Ruby sometimes uses him like a jungle gym.

You have to respect the fact that the entire FNDM just agreed Fem!Jaune would be tall and stacked like PowerGirl. But I forgot how cute Fem!Ren usually is.

He’s already tall, and tal and stacked is a wonderful combo. Also, Ren is cute, period.

(that last opinion is sponsored by Nora Valkyrie)

“Why do I suddenly feel like I’m in danger?”

- Pyrrha

Nora secretly switches Jaune’s gummy vitamins for Cum Boosting Pills.

I mean, presumably Tai signed off on Ruby going early, Karen Glass or whatever her fanon name is would never give Cinder legal permission do do anything.

It’s one of those things we’ve never really heard about, and no one ever seems to ask, but this might actually tell us that the Age of Majority is 17 on Remnant.

Emancipation probably would go about as well as calling the cops would, Karen is rich enough to block any attempts, and vindictive enough for Cinder to not risk it.

The chain of events Rhodes was likely going for here would be:

Train Cinder until she’s a legal adult.

Hope that she’s capable by the time she leaves the hotel, since Karen sure-as-hell wouldn’t let her leave with any money, and also:

Have Cinder do what most people assume Ren and Nora did, take some qualification exam since she doesn’t have a combat school record.

Enroll Cinder in Atlas

???

Cinder happy!?

I feel like I should note that I don’t defend this plan, and all the waiting around involved in it, this is just what I think Rhodes plan was.

cinder was told she had to wait till she was 17 to take the huntsman exams but ruby got in early

Oh yeah that was a thing, wasn’t it? Well sadly, Cinder wasn’t a prodigy and I doubt Rhodes would have the balls to argue to Ironwood for her. 

Councilman Arc AU: Juniper Arc had dealt with plenty of trouble caused by her eight children, but honestly, how is she meant to handle the first lady of Menagerie calling her up hoping to sneak a marriage arrangement over their children's heads?

Mama Arc had to deal with a lot of things over her life, particularly ever since she became a mother. The shenanigans of her children, worrying about her only son, especially once he all but fell into his role as councilman of Vale.

She could take solace that Salem promised her she would take care of him, that he would not be harmed.

Though she was not quite prepared for a call from Menagerie, from Kali Belladonna, no less!

“Ah, Mrs Arc, I presume,” the cat lady greeted her jovially, a twinkle in her amber eyes.

“Hello, Mrs Belladonna,” the mother of eight barely got out, blindsided and barely prepared for this. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just call me Kali! And...well, I wanted to know if your son is single right now.”

Now the woman was alarmed. What did she want with her son?? “Yes, he is, but why do you ask?”

“I have a daughter. Single as well.”

Ah, that was a relie- wait.

“Are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting?”

“Maybe?” the First Lady of Menagerie replied playfully. “I do want to set the two up for a date.”

Mrs Arc was still suspicious. “For what reason?”

“Can you imagine the grandkitties?”

Oh.

Oh!

“You and I will get along ju~st fine,” the matriArc laughed.

Why does this sound like a threat...

Anyway, I’ll put my bet on Deery, because someone has to.

Second bet’s on Willow, she arguably wants it most.

….

jaune will lose his virginity soon

Jaune: Food in bed Nora?

Jaune: *Pulls out a ruler* That's a Paddlin'...

Nora: *Laying in bed eating chips* Hehe, Funyuns~

*Eats her chips*

Plot Twist: The scratch marks aren’t from Grimm, they’re from Ruby.

Six minutes of pure and pasionate lancaster love

Jaune spent all night playing and re-playing the RE8 demo, getting hyped up for tall vampire ladies. What does the sleep-deprived dolt do when the first person he sees in the morning is Elm?

Jaune: AAH TALL VAMPIRE MILF!

Elm: excuse me..

Jaune: sorry i just. Been playing this demo

Elm: oooh... so are you into tall women?

Jaune: um

We know Robyn is one hell of a domme, but how would she show Jaune she cared?

Robyn would hold jaune close to her. Kiss his neck and tell him he did such a good job, call him a good boy.

Was Winter gonna ask Jaune if he was ‘suicidal’ or ‘single’?

Three live for One

Elm: Trading three lives for one is stupid.

Jaune: But why do you care?

Harriet: Because its stupid.

Jaune: We’re criminals Harriet and we’re basically risking our live to save one of our own. So again, why should you care for what happens to us?

Elm: You’re still young.

Jaune: Yet James, your general, hired us as hunters.

Harriet: But-

Jaune: Plus, if we go in and get Oscar, we might have plenty out time to get the relic we lost. Which has one last question remaining. Do you really want Salem or any her members to use it?

Vine: Hm, I see where he’s going.

Harriet: Vine, don’t be stupid. 

Vine: Harriet, our job was to find Penny.

Harriet: Again, they’re want fugitives. Traitors!

Ren: So why are you bringing us in alive?

Harriet: James order us to.

Ren: Harriet. You know, James will shoot us? Like five of us, he’ll keep Ruby, Yang and Weiss  alive but the rest of us… yeah, not a chance.

Elm: He’s not wrong.

Harriet: ELM?!

Elm: Harriet, Qrow killed Clover yet James, didn’t bother to end his life when he heard what happened.  

Harriet: Well, shit. They win.

Winter: Good. You’re not entirely an idiot. Drop us down Marrow.

Marrow: Yes ma'am.

Winter: And Mr. Arc?

Jaune: Ma'am?

Winter: Are you-?

Jaune: No, trust me, not happening.

Winter: Understood.

I’m not against Ilia getting a bi-awakening,or demi, or whatever. I think it could be done well and be interesting.

...But this AU is already quick and crowded by design, which is fun. But it wouldn’t give Ilia the sustained focus needed for the arc to come off as much more than a handwave.

That’s just what I think though.

Councilman Arc: Ilia honestly wanted to believe in Jaune Arc but her past left her jaded, not near as much as Adam’s had or in the same way but her scars were still there. So after the assassination attempt she takes an assignment for Sienna to be his shadow and gets to see that Jaune really can be trusted. So much so that she begins to wonder if she’s bi.

real talk? I’m not sure if i should actually do this for the AU.

Making Ilia bi-curious, that is.

Let me know, everyone.

Dog-faunus Jaune and Pyrrha would end up doing some praise-kink petplay shit.

And Blake would keep walking in on it!

Pyrrha: *Gives Jaune headpats* Who’s a good boy~

Jaune: *Blushing but enjoying the praise* Me! I’m a good boy, Pyrrha!

Pyrrha: That’s right. You’re such a good boy~ *Slowly pushes down on the top of Jaune’s head*

Jaune: P-Pyrrha?

Pyrrha: *Licks her lips seductively and slowly slides her skirt up, exposing her soaked panties* Who’s my good boy~ *Pushes down a little harder*

Jaune: *Blushes and drops down on his knees in front of her* M-Me, Pyrrha. I-I’m your good boy... *Let’s his head be guided in between his partners legs*

Pyrrha: *Moans happily* Mmmh~ Thats right Jaune. You’re MY good boy~

Winter, and maybe Emerald:

jaune makes everyone dinner. how do they react?

All three of them, independent of each other, keep gold bullion hidden somewhere, in case Jacques either disowns them or suddenly runs the SDC into the ground.

The only reason Weiss couldn’t take her card being blocked is because her gold is under the floorboards of some piano bar in Mantle.

Whitley gets out least, but he does have a safety deposit box under a fake name.

Winter straight up buried a trunk of it in the tundra, you’d have to get to the spot, likely fighting Grimm to get to it, then carve into 4 feet of snow and permafrost to get to it.

List of Things I Suspect the Schneeblings have Perfected:

Converting card into cash so their father cannot trace their purchases 

Stock market 

Safety hazards of dust and analysis of their molecular components

Politics – each to their own

Lying while smiling 

I’ll break the mold here and say Ilia/Neo. It can be a play on ‘rocky road’.

It was suggested that I make this its own post. I'm still not sure which ship would be named Rainbow Road though.

Both, but also neither.

If you’re born an Arc, or if you’re adopted by an Arc, or if you marry an Arc, Salem’s your grandma now.

Generation doesn't matter, Adrian, Saphron, Terra, the Arc parents, Salem is ‘Grandma’.

Some say she’s been a part of the Arc family since before Crocea Mors was forged, some say she forged it herself...

In councilman arc, is Salem jaune’s grandma on his mother’s side or his father’s?

I...don’t actually care to determine that, honestly.

I don't know about this Greta, but you know who it'd be fun to see still exists? Deery, faunus tension is lowered so she might not have joined the WF, or she did, but she's Eve's plant in Jaune's office.

(Deery yes, Deery very yes. Cutie patootie deer faunus)

“So, there seems to be a gap in your resume...”

Jaune was currently hiring, as Greta had expressed some desire to retire in the near future. Hence Jaune asking her if she would train her successor.

She accepted, but only if he were to choose her. After all, he was the one to be working with her.

“Ah, that.” Deery, full name Deerdra Glas, was a cutie of a deer faunus, with two small antles growing out of her head. She had a pretty smile, but that mattered little to Jaune, even if it was nice to look at.

What mattered was if she could survive the bureaucratic hell.

“Well, I used to work at a charity, but I felt like it was not worth mentioning, since it was a small one-”

“You worke with the White Fang, didn’t you.” Jaune’s bullshit meters were honed well after weeks of surviving meeting after meeting with political sharks, some of which he really wanted to slap through a fucking wall.

“I worked with the White Fang,” Deery admitted in shame.

“Why are you lying?”

“It’s...” She looked down, sadness in her eyes. “It’s not a good look if I would mention it at a job interview.”

“Well,” Jaune started as his eyebrow raised up. “I made peace with Sienna herself, so that’s no excuse. Apart from that, however, your resume is solid.”

Deery nodded glumly, bracing herself for maybe some encouraging words before being sent away.

“When can you start?”

She didn’t expect that. “Bwuh?!”

He grinned at her, showing some teeth at it turned into an amused smile. “You are the first applicant who doesn’t want to sleep with me, so you are basically a shoo-in for that alone. Add to that your overall qualifications, and you are a fit. So yeah, when-”

“Right away!” she blurted out, beaming from ear to ear. Then she realized what she did, and sat back down. “I mean, if that’s okay...”

He laughed at her enthusiasm. “Maybe tomorrow? Today is already very much in progress, and I need to inform your trainer. trust me, she might look really jaded, but once she gets going with her stories, you’ll struggle not to laugh along.”

Deery laughed genuinely, feeling so much gratitude for the young man before him. “I can’t wait.”

------------------------

“Infiltration successful.”

Deery hated it. She hated that she had to apply with an ulterior motive. She would have liked to get to know Jaune Arc, anyway, the man who made Adam Taurus say “He’s a good human”.

She wnated the job for the job’s sake!

And maybe a little to get closer to Arc, because she thinks he’s cool....

But not for this!

“Thank you, Deery.”

to help someone else get laid!

“I hope you will continue gathering information for me,” Eve said, seeming all too pleased with the situation right now.

“I will delay- i mean, relay as much as I can,” Deery replied, eyes steely and expression much unlike the cutely demure woman from before..

Oh, she hated this....

~Beacon, Team RWBY Dorm~

Blake: Girls, girls, hey... Are anyone else's clothes just really itchy? I think, I think I should just leave them off. Just for time in the dorm, you know?

Weiss: BLAKE! STOP! BE DECENT!

Blake: *Shirt already gone, trying to shake her pants off without standing* We should all be doing this, sisterhood, no secrets. I don’t care if my friends can see my ears or my ass or my piercings.

Yang: *Covering Ruby’s eyes* Weiss! Stop squealing and close the curtains! Wait, what’s pierced?

Ruby: Yang let go of my face!

Blake: Ruby please. You need to call Team JNPR over. We’ll need to cuddle them for, for warmth when it gets cold tonight...

Weiss: BLAKE LET GO OF ME!

Blake: *Tugging on Weiss’s skirt* TELL THEM THEY NEED TO BRING FOOD WITH THEM! NIGHTS ARE WAY LONGER DURING WINTER!

Yang: Damn it guys!! Who left the catnip out again!? You know Blake isn’t allowed near it unsupervised!

Blake: *On cloud 69*

Why did she pick a ribbon over this!? They all look so fucking good.

Love how you can just add the respective missing hat to any one of Blake’s outfits to instantly demonstrate which type of formal menswear inspired it.