This Man's An Expert

-Hey Ghost! -Ay up Johnny!

The Human Fucker Community on Monster Tumblr: Christmas Special

🦇EVIL-Empoaroar👑 Follow

Update on my human hero step-son via seducing both parents: we had a nice bonding moment over a mutual hatred of bicyclists who think traffic laws don't apply to them and the like. Got him porn and a license to kill for Christmas. I think I'm getting the hang of this human dad thing.

(64,234 Notes)

Hooman-hugger🤗 Follow

Out of the way orc lover, I'm getting me some hussy.

Hooman-hugger🤗 Follow

Just learned that hussy is an actual word so it's not clear I was just doing the 'part of word + ussy' joke with humans. Wait maybe I can still save this.

Hooman-hugger🤗 Follow

Out of the way orc lover, I'm getting me some humussy.

(343,244 Notes)

Or-gir👹 Follow

Hey guys, what are human rights? The human I just snatched was saying something about how what I was doing was against it.

🦇EVIL-Empoaroar👑 Follow

They're not important, don't worry about it.

Or-gir👹 Follow

Got it, thanks.

🐉Dragevening Follow

Human rights are important. It's not right to just grab up humans and force them to love you.

Wish the human fucker community (tired of this name tbh) had more basic respect for human autonomy and interest in actual consensual relationships. They're not pets or cheap sex toys. The most rewarding parts of my human romances have been the quiet tender moments together just talking. But some of y'all don't seem to want any of that.

🐺 HereWolf Follow

Why would you say something so controversial yet so true?

🧛Vampy-Vevito Follow

But like if you hypnotize the human to be okay with it then it's not really a problem because now they're consenting to it.

🐺 HereWolf Follow

Most self aware vampire.

(982,344 Notes)

Bog-bitch🧙‍♀️Follow

Hey guys I know it's Christmas time but I got a great idea for a horror story.

Bog-bitch🧙‍♀️Follow

What if there was a sexy human you asked out, but they turned you down because they're in a h4h relationship and not into monsters. And their partner was bland as hell.

🐻 Beard-Toucher Follow

I'd scream and cry and never love or leave my home again. Either that or take out the collar.

(809 Notes)

🧝Elfeven Follow

Anti elf bigotry always gets so much more frustrating this time of year with the unfunny jokes about the toys and the north pole, but my human SO and their family hasn't done any of that and I'm really grateful for it.

(20 Notes)

Experience the original trilogy: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Big rough butch hands... big rough butch hands.... big butch han.... butchm....

Bacteria do have souls, but binary fission doesn’t produce new souls 99% of the time, so most single celled organisms share these sprawling souls that just get bigger every time they divide. Over time they compact down into these big mats of soul get compacted into geological layers that gradually accrete to the world soul. Sexual reproduction creates new souls but they’re much shorter lived as a result, and rarely make it into the bedrock, so most of the world spirit is from the Proterozoic.

how to k1ll yourself without disappointing anyone no borax no glue

I love you butches. I love you butches that smoke. Butches that wear flannels and leather. Butches that carry a knife in their boot. I love you butches that are messy with gender. I love you.

my femme called me a "monster" while pretending she's not enjoying being pushed down into the mattress with my entire weight on top of her fragile little body while (yet still) humping down my thigh with no breaks and i've been rock hard since

sincerely,

an incredibly sadistic butch

Google show me butch4butch homoerotic playful wrestling