Should I Eat First Or Shower First *has Phone In Couch Time For Another 3 Hours Due To Choice Procrastination,

I mean fuck, I like gills, I like slugs, I like gettin' chummy, I like flippers, I like the muck, I like squid inking and tsunamis and sea creatures, I like doin' sea creature shit, swordfish , probably would

no i don't want you to redirect me to your app i want to look at recipe

in the year 3620 BC your ancestor set alight a field belonging to my ancestor, destroying near half an acre of good barley and causing much misery in our house. delete thy blog wretched saboteur

Can we run away together

Are you a philosophy major, or does Tumblr just really know your target audience?

I never went to college.

little kids make me laugh. i was at a party yesterday and a kid was there and she noticed that i have a long straight cut along the length of my thumb and asked about it, so i told her it was a cat scratch, almost healed, didn't hurt. and then she was sorta staring and touching it for a bit and went "you had bone surgery. because there were termites in your bones."

so i played along and went "oh man, i hope they got em all!" and she went "no. they put in more." lmao

"I killed another houseplant bc of executive dysfunction"

Mundane

Evokes helplessness

Kind of a bummer

"Plagued by demons as I am, my crops have withered yet again"

Powerful imagery

Frames you as a gothic protagonist

Emphasizes that you are hounded by demons

How fucking cool are demons???

Love when my cat wants to cuddle and decides polite asking time is over. Like oh hi little man how’re you doing and then he flops his whole body onto my chest???? This is the best. You’re so right my computer doesn’t in fact matter, those emails can wait ur so correct it is cuddle time above all else. Thanks little man. Fantastic. He has his little head on my big human heart rn this is incredible whoever invented cats needs a raise double their salary right now

*picks you up and tosses you gently into the foam pit*

When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written