Tomatomustache - I Like Pencil Sketches

I chose to read this book while hiking the Camino de Santiago for two weeks with my mom. I’d Googled “famous books that feature the Camino” and this was the top result. While I read some Hemingway in high school, I realized I’d never covered this one. Despite what Google promised, I was disappointed that the characters do not hike the Camino?! They spend time in North Spain and the Basque Country, visit Saint Jean (where many start the Camino Frances), and drive (drive!) to Pamplona. In spite of feeling mislead by Google, there was so much that was evocative of setting in this novel; the descriptions of the countryside are evocative, luscious, and it felt an immense privilege to read these surrounded by the landscape I internalized day-after-day while hiking through it. 

When I picked up this book on the first day of my hike, I read first the non-fiction essay about Hemingway’s trip to the bullfights in Spain and I loved this; Hemingway is funny and likable and the way he refers to his wife as “Herself” both made me laugh and respect his awareness of his wife’s presence and charisma. This essay also demonstrated a self-deprecating humor I didn’t expect from Hemingway. His line about the appeal of bull-fighters made me laugh out loud: “The only way most husbands are able to keep any drag with their wives at all is that, first there are only a limited number of bull fighters, second there are only a limited number of wives who have ever seen bull fights.” Similarly, he ended the essay with a punchy, humorous knock at himself for having dishonored his family through no real bullfighting aplomb: “There is always that room at 5 Calle de Eslava, and a son, if he is to redeem the family reputation as a bull fighter, must start very early.” From my high school education, I recall Hemingway as “uber masculine,” a product of hyper-masculine tradition that spills over into and informs his punchy prose. But, reading this book as an adult, I found him to be—both in this non-fiction essay and in the novel—far more nuanced, far more self-aware in his discussions of gender and gender roles. His writing, too, is so more engaging than I remembered from high school: tight and confident in a way that does not feel like black-and-white thinking, but, instead, like numerous sharp observations of human complexities. 

I feel I didn’t appreciate Hemingway’s prose in high school; he’s a remarkable writer on the level of the sentence. Hemingway is doing something that seems simple, but—in that—is very, very difficult to achieve. The naturalness of Hemingway’s dialogue and scene-setting is key to his craft. Conversations occur naturally to the point of the reader’s confusion, as various other characters and events are referred to in a scene, and adjustment is not made for exposition or the reader’s understanding. This approach, therefore, feels like authenticity, like truly dropping us “in medias res.” I can’t think of another writer who does this as well as Hemingway. Yet, he pairs this authentic world-building with some (likely very authentic to the setting) blatant sexism and anti-semitism, which I struggled to parse as the opinions of the characters or of Hemingway himself. While Brett’s character is perceived by other characters through a time-period accurate sexist lens (women come out to gawk at her; Pedro Romero wants her to grow out her hair), it’s the comments about Jewish character Robert Cohn that most baffled my ability to separate the author from his characters. And while body shaming is directly stated (by some characters), the nature of main character Jake’s World War I injury remains consistently vague to the reader. It seems, I deduce, that he lost his penis fighting in the war, but this is always said in a slant way, that captures the emotional impact of the injury (and its impact on his potential love affair with Brett) more than the physical impact. 

The choice of a protagonist whose “manliness” is so fundamental challenged (in his own eyes, in the eyes of others) brings in an inherent and consistent complexity about gender and what is means to be masculine. From Jake’s injury to Brett’s characterization—Brett comfortably hangs out with all male friends, while calling them “chaps,” and occasionally the men refer to collectively to their group as “men,” while Brett acts as she wants, following her sexual and financial desires, wears her hair cut short and her shoulders bare, and she is labeled with a masculine name—the novel’s concept of gender continues to distort and tangle. When Pedro Romero, brilliant young bull fighter appears on the scene, much is made of his beauty and of his tightly-fitting flamboyant clothes (much in the way we might expect a young female person to be received). Brett wonders if his entourage had to “shoe-horn” him into those clothes. The original description of Pedro Romero, alone yet surrounded by his entourage, was my singular favorite image and moment of the novel: “He was standing, straight and handsome and altogether by himself, alone in the room with the hangers-on as we shut the door.” It’s a moment in which it is easy to deeply identify with Pedro Romero. In a novel where emotional evolution is communicated through what is noticed, focused on, and discussed, given the level nature of the prose, gender nuance takes on importance through repetition. Even though the conclusions about gender aren’t obvious, it’s clear that “something is going on with gender” in this novel. And the piling up of moments and details of gender nonconformity shifted my perspective about Hemingway’s relationship to gender in his literary oeuvre. 

Another shift in my perspective throughout this book was on bull-fighting itself. A staunch vegetarian, I know I would be quick to recoil at the cruelty of bull-fighting. But the depiction of the community’s buy-in and risk—everyone running ahead of the bulls, rather than non-implicated spectators out for a bit of entertaining bloodshed—the descriptions of the matadors, particularly the injured fighter and the kid who takes on all the remaining bulls in the essay (he is likely the inspiration for Pedro Romero’s grace and purity in the novel)—made the tradition of bull-fighting appear in a different light to me. What is it that is so alluring about a person rising to the occasion? About someone showing fortitude and brilliance beyond what we expect possible of humans? It’s incredible feats, like the Olympics, that move us: the grandeur and fascination of transcendence, the highest pinnacles of human physical and psychological acts—these capture our hearts and imaginations. And I could see bull-fighting, in its artistry and rigor, in this light. 

The beauty of bull fighting—its pure form, the version embodied by Pedro Romero—is placed in relief against the background of meaningless extravagance and frivolity of the characters who take center stage in this book. The novel begins in the decadence of Paris, as Jake, Brett, Robert Cohn, and their other friends—hilarious Bill and predictably pig-headed Mike—drink, eat, dance, and wile away the time. In spite of the seeming purposelessness of their lives, we see the hollowness Jake feels within this. We also see glimpses of the hollowness Brett feels within this, as she seems to seek over and over again the fulfillment, the thrill of love, while finding nothing of substance to sustain her. This is showcased in her “relationship” with the affluent Count, who buys her extravagant things and doesn’t pressure her into marriage or conformity along similar lines.

The novel’s plot is kicked into motion by arrivals: Michael (Brett’s finance) shows up in town; Bill (who I found hilarious, and read aloud lines like “the road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed animals” and “caffeine puts a man on her horse and woman in his grave” to my mom) shows up in town; Robert Cohn (who falls in love with Brett) returns. These arrivals spark a joint adventure as Brett and Michael choose to join the other three on their fishing trip to Spain, which spirals off-track as Robert Cohn falls for Brett, and Brett falls for Pedro Romero (or at least desires him and his innocence, his freedom), upsetting the stasis in which their lives operate. Through multiple lenses, community and isolation are examined and questioned. In Pamplona, Jake goes to church, and an extended (this is rare!) sentence builds Jake’s anxiety at being a poor Catholic, piles prayers on top of prayers, mapping the circuitousness of his thoughts. The arc of the novel seems to exist more inside Jake than outside of him, as he seems to seek toward some transcendence and restoration without understanding what these might possibly be. We feel this suffering in many of the characters, as they make choices so clearly against their own best interests—but this clarity is the privilege of the observer glimpsing a life, and not the clarity, Hemingway seems to say, of the one who lives it. 

it is very flawed but it's been 4 hours, i think i won't do any better and will just redraw everything piece by piece endlessly :')

first draft below, provided by posting shitty drawings policy

guysguysguys hear me out

doesnt this look a little like...Liquid Snake'!??!

new ultrakill death screen is fan service to both masculine fantasy of becoming your role and feminine fantasy of making the protagonist/favourite character suffer

mgs women...

she’s in your dream

Used an ancient draft for practice

#1 gray fox fan is nice, he might be the #1 fan of solid snake but i'm the #1 fan of his own

stupid fucking metal gear stamps.

made by me

@/the-crooked-library write that lilacs are ellen's favourite flowers and there are even more mansions of them than i remembered writing this. now i see, when thomas gifts a lilacs bouquet to ellen, he does so bc it is customary expression of love, but for ellen it is killing the beautiful flowers, and she doesn't want to put them in water since they will wither soon anyway or are already dead (i don't remember which of these it was). i assume that their views of marriage are similar to their views of the lilac bouquet, her being the flowers, and that remark (as well as the mentioned user's assumption she died from blood loss bc of asking her lover to drink more of her blood) reinforces my assumption that she did want to die with nosferatu more than live as the wife of thomas.

upd: also lilac means first love which makes sense since the movie is about ellen's first love.

my impressions about the new nosferatu movie (spoilers ahead)

first of all, i see it as a movie about a woman who didn't get enough love and appreciation from society and whose wishes weren't prioritised by her husband (and society in general) as much as she liked, so she got herself a powerful demonic lover whose sole purpose for being in this world is to please her and he is ready to sail the sea in a coffin and kill entire city with plague to get her to willingly (as much as possible under aforementioned things) consent to be with him, and dies a hero saving everyone when no one else could, rather than lives a life of a person disregarded and deemed hysterical and of secondary importance. she is the most informed and in control in this situation (the doctor finds out a lot too but she already knows everything he knows), as opposed to before the plague, when her worries were disregarded and she was considered hysterical. her wishes and her role in defeating the nosferatu seem to be different from a typical male oriented fantasy, so i wasn't the assumed target audience and the most relatable character was friedrich harding who was unable to adapt to the irrational and occult stuff, got exhausted and died lol, but i still enjoyed the movie. i am not a woman and only know about feminine traditions in horror genre from youtube videos on "wicker mag" channel and podcasts by the same person, so sorry if i am misinterpreting it.

second thing is the vampire metaphor. rather than being an image of a feudalism related class fears, in this movie (in the first half of ot) nosferatu rather seems to embody immigrants related fear. i am not xenophobic and haven't moved out of my country of origin myself but i assume that this correlates with some real and popular fears: a guy goes to a foreign country that is considered less civilised and is frightened by local customs, he then meets a person who he must invite to become his neighbour, and is even more terrified by him. despite the count being not fond of local scary customs too, it's not hard to imagine the guy might think now that there's a reason behind them. after arriving to the other country where everything seems to be going well, the immigrant then immediately contaminates it with plague and tries his best to have sex with the guy's wife. looks like exaggerated real fears about immigrants that i don't personally have or approve of but that might be popular enough to be reflected in a movie.

third, the cat was in the room during the final epic hot kamikaze sex, very funny, i laughed aloud in the cinema.

fourth, ellen hutter reminded me about real person behaviour. when a person was unable to get the love they need and safe reliable relationship, and it has effect on them (in the movie it was her summoning the demon) which helps to cope at first but becomes not fun later, and when they finally meet a person who loves them and wants to be with them, they get very close (like the movie character wanted her husband to disregard work and chill with her) and the next moment they push them away (like she said she's unworthy of his love bc she sinned or smth). it's a cruel irony, people being unable to maintain a relationship with no complications precisely as a consequence of needing it very much and that need being unfulfilled for a long time. this was probably the scariest part of the movie for me personally bc although young husband tried better than me he failed anyway, either being unable to protect his wife or being a less preferable partner for her than the vampire depending on how you interpret her decision.

fifth, epic of nosferatu to disregard the impending sunrise to get his partner off for the 9999th time. and funny that there is a scene of him literally bouncing on a man's pelvis (clothed) and moaning. it is also amusing that in this movie nosferatu seems to be an incubus (yet the ladies sitting next to me seemed to find him unattractive lol - although i'm sure there are people who disagree)

also could anyone tell me what lilac means in the movie? thomas hutter brought a bouquet to ellen hutter in the beginning, nosferatu said ellen's hair lock smells like it and the doctor put it on the bed in the end. is there some symbolism in this flower?

i hope this post was interesting, feel free to engage in any form, share your own thoughts or criticise or correct me

i can see i'm subscribed mostly to western people bc the posting rate was higher on christmas than it is tonight, thus indicating they seem to have the awkward family celebration on 25th rather than 31th

wip/practice au where monsoon is anatomically equipped to eat soup

waow could it be i slowly learn to draw and am becoming capable of drawing things i like? unbelievable, will see how it turns out