Hello. I Hope Somebody Is Listening.

Hello. I hope somebody is listening.

I've cried a lot as a child. Too much, perhaps, but as i can remember i was a very quiet and sad kid. But mostly at night, when no one could see me. When i was very small, i cried loud, so my parents wpuld hear me, and care for me. when i got older and my parents divorced, i stopped. I cried quietly, not wanting to get noticed, into my pillow or my plushie. The plushie is called Leo. I still have him, take that little lion everywhere with me. I remember how he catched my tears at night so my pillow wouldnt be wet. I remember how i cut his fur and my own hair, wanting to donate it to children that dont have any. Obviously, that didnt work and my parents just got angry at me for it. I cut my hair a few times as a child. Perhaps that was one of the early signs that i was trans. Either way, everytime i cry, i can taste my tears on my lips and feel them run down my cheeks. hear my quiet sobs, and suddenly im the 7-year old child without friends that was scared of its stepfather again. Suddenly im the child that needed therapy because its family situation traumatised it again. Suddenly im that child that just gets laughed at all the time and that no one wants to play with again. So i was a sad child. but im an even sadder teen. Im a transboy with a transphobic family. I get misgendered everywhere. At school, at home. My classmates make fun of me for it. they talk about me all the time. about how weird i am. not even my irl friends use my right name. when i told my dad, i prepared a PowerPoint. i couldn't even talk, had a full on panic attack so i just skipped through the presentation and let him read. He didnt let me get halfway through before he told me that there was no way he would support me in any way. I keep telling myself that in 3 years i can transition, but i am scared for the city. The goverment already monitors us all, we as queer people are barely legal right now, and it just gets worse ans worse. There are a lot of allies in the city, that try to throw the government over from the inside. but in the end, the government and the bad people are everywhere. We cant get rid of them. And I think it only gets worse. If i didn't manage to escape the city in 4 years, and if in 3 years, the city controls us completely and makes us live under even worse circumstances than we do right now, I'll cut my signal off. I mean it, old sport. I'll remove myself from the system. Because i cant live that way.

Radio out.