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So my tumblr-bro Mel made THIS POST and then it was four in the morning and this seemed like a good idea for some reason???

(p.s. I imagine this being sung and beat-boxed by whichever members of the pack happen to be present. I bet Erica is a better beat-boxer than me. I bet everyone is a better beat-boxer than me.)

LYRICS: 

You got the power, you do what you want Red eyes and tight jeans You know what that means Gotta go out and bite some motherfucking teens, ya heard?

Right in the side, ‘cause that’s my style, bitch Stick with me and live a life worthwhile, what Got a Camaro and I still can’t smile Hostile, now line up single-file 

Everybody do the Alpha Strut say heeeey 

All the betas in the club go There’s a wolf I can get behind Look at that swagger

Do the alpha strut All the betas in the house now Take a look at my eyebrows I can somersault!

(The kanima was not my fault)

EDIT: To properly dance to this, put on skintight pants and walk like you’re suddenly bowlegged and exaggeratedly nonchalant: 

Milkvan is really just the epitome of "do I love them or do I want to be them?" with El looking at all his family photos and Mike idolizing her ability to save the ones she loves from the start.

this is like, over a year old and the second remake of this comic i made, i really don’t want to spend more time on a shitpost at this point + last stray panel is a bonus from the first version that i couldn’t fit in the remake but i still love a lot

Bonus with Peter: 

Peter babysits while Derek and Stiles went on a date.

Senku’s who apparently very open to public display affection when he’s in relationship….. They just go out so Gen didn’t know about this (yet) 😛

Anti anxiety.

the first time i played ace attorney i was so hyped and confident like oh i’m gonna nail this so good i love murder mysteries and then when the first trial started and the first ever question was ‘what is the name of the defendant’ i laughed out like like lol this is even easier than i though. a child’s play. i got this. what a pathetic question. but because english isn’t my first language and i’m still unfamiliar with many words, i assumed defendant=person who defends and with 100% confidence i selected ‘phoenix wright’ as an answer and everyone was like. phoenix you fucking dumbass loser you’re a disappointment to the legal system you shit for brains. and my self confidence has never recovered since

Sterek Modern Odyssey fic where sterek get together and have Eli however it is they manage whether via magic, mpreg, surrogacy, whatever, and then Stiles' paternity leave ends when Eli is a year or so old and he's immediately got assigned an undercover case. "I know it's inconvenient," his surprisingly understanding supervisor tells him, "but six months and you'll be done, and can choose to be reassigned temporarily or move to the research side of things" he's told. But it's not 6 months undercover. It's 10 years, with bigger cogs and moving parts than expected, not just with supernatural creature trafficking but also hunting, torture, "research", it's a mess, and with no communication with Derek other than the mate bond they have which allows for feeling transference, only able to reassure Derek he's okay and not dead, able to feel every proud moment that Derek has of Eli even though it's always tinged with sadness-not-quite-grief that Stiles knows is due to his absence, unable to even know who their son looks more like.

When finally, it's over.

Except it isn't entirely because then he gets kidnapped by a radical supernatural group who want to use him as an example of what will happen to humans when they're "in power" and they don't torture him but they don't exactly ensure he can stay healthy, only letting him keep up hygiene by virtue of some of their sensitive noses not wanting to deal with that side of a prisoner

Most of the group is lost to a pack of sirens who didn't care for domination over humans as long as they had their lagoon and a steady supply of victims, but Stiles escaped by being left far enough away that he wasn't initially noticed and knew he couldn't be won over by sirens, he knew his hearts desire was to go home and it would never be replicated here.

Has to figure out where the fuck he is now.

(Australia? How were they going to take over the human political system from Australia?!)

So now he manages to get to the embassy in Aus and get things started there, as far as getting a flight to Europe which would take him straight to California, once his identity has been checked and confirmed over a week or two there.

Plane goes down, now he's trapped with half the people initially on the plane while the rest are dead, in a country he doesn't know, and people need to stop wandering off. Turns out it was a group if harpies, one of their sisters flew too close and got caught in the engine, so several of this mismatch group get kidnapped, leading Stiles to have to rescue them with strict instructions for the rest of them. Has to kill multiple of them when negotiation doesn't work

(Doesn't tell them his name and where he lives, unlike some)

Now that the group is back together, and have no clue where they are country wise or direction wise, combined with waiting several days for any sign of search and rescue which doesn’t appear, so they decide as a group where to go and start walking, going into the wreckage of the plane which mostly crashed and didn't explode or have extensive fire damage when landing and stripping it for all they could with regards to food and water, emergency blankets and first aid etc, with thankfully decent enough weather that other than having to become uncomfortably close in such a short period due to sharing heat on a night, there is nobody getting sick from extreme weather conditions aside from a few sniffles for a couple of days after it rained

They manage to find themselves a rural town, who only one person of their group speaks a broken amount of Kazakh but combined with that, some broken English from their kind hosts, and a pathetic game of charades, arranges for them to be taken to the closest place with the transport to get them to the embassy

Now Stiles is going through this process again and waiting until last, where most of the people have returned to Australia to finally have time to grieve the loved one they lost in the crash, but some are on flights to various places in Europe

Stiles is alone in flying to America

He hasn't really let it process yet that since he got kidnapped by that first group after his undercover work, he has been gone another almost 2 years. He doesn't even know how so much time was lost

One of the harpies comes looking for him, managing to find him while in the crowded airport and slice his sides open with her claws, causing him to be bleeding out in a foreign airport

Luckily he gets to the hospital in time, unluckily he falls into a coma for another year and a half

Nobody in the hospital knew who he was and he couldn't talk so nobody has been contacted and when he does wake up it takes time enough for him to come around and be able to tell them his info. Again.

The FBI sends his old supervisor out specifically to collect him. He got lost 3 fucking times on what was only supposed to be a six month mission

"I think I want to work in research from now on," Stiles tells him, still kinda groggy from his morning pain meds.

"I think it's best you take a sabbatical for a while and decide if you even wanna come back, or want to spend all your time with your boy and husband from here on out."

It takes 2 weeks of pushing himself enough to make quick progress but not enough to injure himself for Stiles to be allowed to leave, with instructions regarding his need for supervision and crutches/a cane

Anyway, it's been 14 years, and he can finally come home to Derek and Eli.

Eli, all this time, has been aware of Stiles as his other parent and why he's not around, and Derek never wants to admit that there's a chance he's dead, even when he didn't feel anything for the time of his coma. Stiles has always been a presence in his life, that is his tata even if he's never really met him. His dad says it's like he never left with how similar they are clumsiness-wise, how Eli's sass will only get worse when he learns directly from Stiles. How he took photos and videos of every moment no matter how insignificant it seemed so that Derek has a comprehensive timeline he can show Stiles when he gets back. His dad never gave up hope, so he never did either, even when it seemed pointless or the other kids mocked or pitied him.

Derek can feel the bond awaken more the closer Stiles gets on the plane. The FBI hasnt contacted him this time because Stiles didn't want to get his hopes up in case anything happened again. But Derek can feel it and becomes jumpy and nervous the more hours pass, as Stiles gets closer to US soil, before he can feel excitement that's not his own bubbling in his chest and relief, overwhelming relief once Stiles, unknown to him still, lands on the runway, once he's safely out of the plane, and it's almost too much to contain in his body, far too restless, desperate to run so leaves Eli a note for when he gets home from school, and goes into the preserve

Eli returns home and thinks nothing of it, and then there's a knock at the door, and he opens it of course. Stiles promptly bursts into tears, "Eli?" And Eli knows deep in his soul that this is his other dad, even if he didn't recognise him from all the pictures around the house, didn't know all the stories back to front, he can feel it down to his very bones that this man was supposed to have been here to raise him

Derek returns from his run to the open door and Eli quietly crying into Stiles' arms while Stiles himself sobs while still trying to comfort Eli. "Stiles?" He can't quite believe his eyes, locked with Stiles' own, but suddenly all his feelings the past few days make sense.

"I'm home," he whispers

this was originally supposed to just be a xeno shitpost but i like this song too much so i kept adding stuff to it FDGFG dont try too hard to make sense of this <3

Introducing Character Trope: STEBS (Stoic Traumatized Epic Bastard Softie)

I have tried to look this up on TV tropes, but it does not exist. Not officially, at least. So I decided – I'm introducing new trope. It already exist, someone might as well try and give it a name.

And yeah, this acronym SUCKS, feel free to come up with a better one! But let's talk about what a "STEBS" character is for me, because I've come to the conclusion that it is actually my favorite character type.

First, context. Ever since I've read TCF, I have come across other medias and I was often like, "Hey, this character is basically just like Cale!" – which I feel like, it isn't really fair? I mean, Cale is a great and complex character, but making this comparison constantly makes me feel like I'm undermining the complexity of OTHER characters. Just because Cale shares similarities with other characters doesn't make them copies of him.

So, what exactly is a STEBS?

1) Stoic

This character has a very specific way of acting in non-confrontational situations. It can be respectful, it can be casual, but it is neither extremely friendly nor extremely rude. It's in a calm, pleasant zone, where the character treats others like... well, people. The character doesn't make themselves superior nor inferior, it doesn't matter to them if the other is a beggar or a king. They just are, calm and casual. That's what makes them stoic - NOT lack of expressions or emotions, or lack of humor. It's the way they carry themselves on the regular. This character type makes others feel relaxed because of it, and subconsciously encourages trust and friendship (much to the character's confusion). They will also make a great educator because of it, and will likely act as a mentor or a teacher more than once.

2) Traumatized

Despite the stoicism in their behavior, they actually have a complicated background. Commonly an orphan, even though not always, this person has been through a LOT. But, they don't usually express it. Seeing this character cry or break down is EXTREMELY rare and always a very important scene in a story. It's not that they're not emotional or they always try to bury their trauma, although that does usually apply to them; they're just not vocal about it due to their personality. But oh boy, are they traumatized! Wait for that reveal later in the story though, when it actually becomes plot-relevant.

3) Epic

Despite the character being a stoic type, with a backstory that makes them crave very simple things – be it retirement, respect from their peers, a safe house to live in, a stable job, a family, a specific successful career – they are actually freaking epic where it comes to things they do. They either have great knowledge, memory, or skills in a particular field and they always manage to surprise others with just how competent they are. It can be literal combat skills, magic, being a life-saving surgeon, or even a therapist. But whenever they get their chance to shine, they become a real star.

4) Bastard

A trait that adds a surprising amount of charm and humor to their other traits. Being stoic makes them likeable, being traumatized makes them sympathetic, being epic makes them cool – but being a bastard? It actually just means they're mischievous and have a penchant for chaos. Because this character is meant to make changes in the narrative, like an accidental revolutionary or a transmigrator, they have to possess a cunning streak that might seem mean or selfish at first, but actually never crosses the line into making them despicable. It just makes them an occasional manipulator, but it's usually portrayed in a way that still makes it impossible to make you hate them. In fact, it makes you love them more for it. They are not naive, even if they can be oblivious or silly at times; being a bastard to those who deserve it means being able to get out of sticky situations that would be problematic for paragon heroes. It includes stuff like acting, pranks, cheating, manipulation, shady deals, gambling, stealing, and even criminal behavior, that is actually very understandable due to their specific circumstances.

5) Softie

And if all the previous traits haven't convinced you to love this character yet, the last one surely will. This character, despite having a mean streak, is in fact never mean to innocent people. Actually, they are surprising soft and/or sentimental, especially towards the helpless and children. This character will probably have at least one animal sidekick, at least one paragon protagonist type on their payroll, and most importantly an adopted child - if the previous two don't already fill that spot. This character will make excuses of course, they will claim that they are taking care of others for their own benefits. But you will see quickly that they don't treat others like a heartless manipulator, but more of an overprotective mother-hen. This character, no matter their gender, will eventually become the typical Mom Friend. They will make sure everybody eats well, sleeps well, they get their allowance, pack their lunch before heading out to participate in the plot and probably try to sacrifice themselves for them more than once. They will of course become the mentor figure on top of it, and possibly even be a straight up legal guardian and/or teacher to other important characters.

And this, my friends, is what I call a STEBS character. While it outlines a general, it's not a strict definition, mind you. Even if a character exhibit one trait less than the others (for example not being much of a bastard, or not being very stoic), it still counts as long as you still recognize them as fitting in this "category".

Characters in this category include:

Cale Henituse from Trash of the Count's Family

Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars

Aizawa Shota from My Hero Academia

Kakashi from Naruto

Remus Lupin from Harry Potter

Faramir from Lord of the Rings

Kim Dokja from Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

Rimuru Tempest from That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime

Park Moondae from Debut or Die

Won Hwabu from I Reincarnated as a Legendary Surgeon

And many, many others.

Let me know if you have a better name for this very specific character type!