As Much As Wei Wuxian Lacks Any Sense Of Self Preservation And Just Like The Bare Minimum Level Of Self

as much as wei wuxian lacks any sense of self preservation and just like the bare minimum level of self worth required to value himself and his own safety/comfort I don't think he actually like. hates himself. at least not in the traditional sense

I often see him characterized in fanon as constantly and very Bluntly being like "oh I'm a bad bad man who doesn't deserve any love or affection" even tho that... doesn't really match his character? like the man obviously has self worth problems and values his life and comfort below literally everybody elses, often to a harmful and deadly degree, and the way he treats and thinks of himself is clearly by no means healthy, but I certainly don't think it manifests in the way people like to depict it where wei wuxian actively has these desperately tragic self depreciating thoughts that literally Spell Out his lack of self worth to himself

he spends So much time and effort really driving home the whole "I'm just an arrogant shameless genius" act and being in complete denial of any negative emotions he has that it would be incredibly out of character for wei wuxian to sit around thinking "oh I'm so terrible and I don't deserve love or kindness because I'm such an awful awful man" much less to Say That Outloud To A Loved One

wei wuxian KNOWS that he's talented. he KNOWS that he's a prodigy and a genius and near unmatched in his skill and, even after his resurrection when he's a little less arrogant and a little more humble, he certainly is not afraid to say as much to other people or to show off. he doesn't doubt his abilities or his charm or his cleverness, it's not even that he doesn't value them, he simply doesn't put Worth to any of it. he doesn't see himself as undeserving of love and kindness and affection, just Less deserving. anything else in the world is more deserving, above him and his desires and his comfort and his safety. he doesn't hate himself, doesn't even dislike himself, he simply doesn't care for himself

even when he accepts harsh punishment too quick and without protest, it's not a form of blatant self hatred or self harm, it's a manifestation of his feelings of not being worth the effort of being spared. it probably even comes from a place of valuing himself "Too Much". because wei wuxian is very talented and very smart and he is the very best at everything he does, so if somebody he places any value or trust in decides to punish him, well, then he really must have done something terrible ("at least I could be killed by you - that would be worth it" and all that) he simply has no affection or tenderness to give himself. that is not synonymous with hatred or even with apathy

wei wuxians lack of self worth does not manifest in self depreciating thoughts or monologues about how nobody can or should love him, because for as much as wei wuxian talks, he is a man of action

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will provoke wen chao and accept a beating and a night in a cell with grace if it keeps others safe. everyone else at the wen indoctrination camp remaining unharmed is worth one night of his blood and tears

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he is so very prepared to let madam yu cut off his hand, so very prepared learn to use a sword with his left, if it will spare yunmeng. everything he loves and wants to protect is worth more than a hand, no matter how unfair that punishment may be

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will give jiang cheng his core. because jiang chengs happiness is worth more than everything he has dedicated his life to, everything he has spent countless hours becoming the very best at. to see jiang cheng smile again, to see jiang yanli stop worrying and simply be able to rest again, that is worth far more to him than anything a golden core could offer

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will let the world believe he has been cast from his family to spare them. wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will not tell wen qing he is injured, because his blood is not worth her worry

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but when the wen remnants die for him, when jiang yanli perishes by his hand, however indirect, well. those losses and those crimes are far too heavy and far too abhorrent for his life to be worth anything in the wake of them

and wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will let the world believe for a second time that he is a liar and a villain and a monster if that will spare even just lan wangjis name. wei wuxians reputation is worth far less to him than lan wangjis

wei wuxian does not hate himself, of course wei wuxian does not hate himself. he loves himself, actually. it's just that wei wuxian does not love himself back, and he certainly loves everybody else far more

More Posts from Ultxian and Others

ultxian

3 years ago

About the Russian invasion - how is everyone feeling there? What can we do to help?

Thank you so much for asking!

A little bit of history: it's actually been 8 years since russia first invaded our country. But for the last years it was getting more and more quiet. And now BOOM again

Many people evacuated from the destroyed by war cities in 2014 and some still live there even though they support Ukraine. It's hard to leave your home. So it's emotionally different for everyone. There was a joke that people from Kyiv worry more than people from Eastern Ukraine. Because they have experienced a similar thing in 2014 and now they're more prepared than ever before.

Personally, I'm panicking from time to time, because, yup, it's stressful. Most people don't really speak about the war and evacuation because it's scary. But I feel like everyone's trying to be prepared for the evacuation or fighting. Every night does feel like a last one, after all.

Since the beginning of the war, our people have been giving money to military charity. One of the most famous military charities is "Return alive" (Povernysya zhivim). Many Ukrainians donate here every month. Here is a link for Facebook page of the charity, let me know if it translates to English or if i should make a post with translation:

facebook.com

Повернись живим - Posts

There is also a charity that helps military. Yana Zinkevych, a Ukrainian politician and a commander of the Hospitallers Medical Battalion, leads this charity. In 2015 she was paralyzed during a mission and since then she has been using a wheelchair. She has personally saved more than 200 soldiers and she's awesome.

https://www.facebook.com/100020149602229/posts/914756185872693/

In her post here she makes a list of needed ammunition and the needed money.

I tried to write about the charities that Ukrainians trust in. They are famous, they have been trusted by people all these years, so as far as I am concerned, they can be trusted.

Here is a post by @everlasting-burnout who provided more links. They seem trustworthy.

It matters now.

Places you can donate to to support Ukraine and Ukrainians against the Russian aggression

All links are from these threads by Ukrainians: https://twitter.com/bluegreymoon/status/1495165689220505606, https://twitter.com/olgatokariu

Thank you so much for reading and I encourage to reblog. Just to remind you, I'm trying to tell about Ukrainian situation as objectively and as truthfully as I can

17K notes View Post

ultxian

2 years ago

and maybe i am a little bit in love with all of my friends. how could i not be when they place their whole heart in my hands and trust me to carry it safely home? lazy days spent in comfortable silence, tearful nights spent giving each other a reason to live. the exhilaration of learning your little quirks melting into a future where i know you better than the lines on my open palms. mutual understanding to be forever gentle with one another. inside jokes that follow me long after you've gone, reminding me to slow down and laugh a little more. your eyes are the lens through which i can see the world with love. your embrace is the shelter under which i find strength to continue on.

14K notes View Post

ultxian

4 years ago

♡ 6 COLORING PSDS FOR KPOP CONTENT CREATORS ♡

♡ 6 COLORING PSDS FOR KPOP CONTENT CREATORS ♡

hi my friends! lately, i'm feeling our content creator community has been going through some challenges. for me, coming across a new resource can get me excited & inspired, so i wanted to offer a resource of my own to all of you - i can't do much as a still-fairly-new cc, but i am sharing 6 of my fully adjustable, made-from-scratch colorings (original is in the circle, with PSD on the outside for each example). i hope they may provide some inspiration to someone here.

credit is not necessary, & adjust these as much as you want! however, if you find these useful, i'd love if you would reblog so other ccs may also be able to find them. and i'd really love it if you would send or tag me in your creations so i can see !

download here // details on each PSD under the cut // feel free to reach out if you have any questions!

I LOVE YOU (bright-1) is a vibrance-boosting PSD for brightly lit scenes. it utilizes gradient maps to tone done magentas while maintaining warmth.

FEVER (gentle-1) is a warming PSD that utilizes levels & exposure layers to boost contrast, best for under-saturated scenes.

MIKROKOSMOS (natural-1) is a contrast-boosting, basic PSD. nothing too fancy here - use as a base or on its own for a slight boost!

CLOVER (warm-1) is a low-contrast, warm tone PSD best for bright & cool-toned scenes. adjust the gradient map or remove it for other types of lightings.

PUMA (glow-1) is a warming & enriching PSD for those washed out, cool-toned scenes. gradient maps & levels add depth & contrast.

CINEMA (gentle-1) is a no-frills PSD similar to MIKROKOSMOS, but with lower contrast to give more versatility and a natural glow to your scene.

133 notes View Post

ultxian

3 years ago

Seiji Amasawa.

That's it. That's the post.

(he's one of my favorite Studio Ghibli characters )

594 notes View Post

ultxian

4 years ago

the way I was just sitting there like :0 when they showed this part like it couldn't be any more obvious

Fellas Is It Gay To Stare At Your Almost Lover Longingly From Afar

fellas is it gay to stare at your almost lover longingly from afar

1K notes View Post

ultxian

3 years ago

evening sky, paint exercise.

151 notes View Post

ultxian

3 years ago

22K notes View Post

ultxian

3 years ago

Welcome back to me being inactive lol

Last month I got into Enhypen and started stanning them... Turns out they became my second ult really fast lmao

And here is my first fanart of Ni-ki because I like him a lot <3

This took me so much time because I am not familiar with his face and at first it wasn't looking like him at ALL. But with a lot of work I finally ended up having a nice-looking portrait of this funky vampire fella and I'm happy of how it turned out.

15 notes View Post

ultxian

4 years ago

i just think that li chengze