Ultxian - Riya

Finja Brandenburg // unknown

Mitski songs that remind me of enhypen members🌟

Heeseung- 'Why didn't you stop me?'

Not sure why but when I hear it, I think of heeseung🤔. It just goes well with him.

Jay - 'Nobody'

I think it just suits him, the lyrics have a deep meaning and when the song comes on it reminds me of jay :).

Jake- 'Me and my husband'

It just gives me the "happy life" vibes🤷 jake is very energetic and always smiles it's so sweet.

Sunghoon - 'A pearl '

On the outside everyone see's Sunghoon as a cold and introverted person. But we all really know he's much more than that, he's actually pretty soft and I think this song represents that very well.

Sunoo - 'I bet on loosing dogs '

Sunoo is so gentle,peaceful,and just precious. the song just sounds like his whole personality.

Jungwon - 'Washing machine heart'

The song is about a person wanting to be there for someone even if that person doesn't want them. As the leader Jungwon is always there for all the members no matter what. He always tries to cheer them up it's so sweet😭

Ni-ki - 'Two slow dancers'

Ni-ki is so young and it feels like he's growing so fast, the song is about slowing down time and enjoying the moment while you can. I think you can put 2 and 2 together💛

i’ve never needed a wangji more in my life

I just find it beautiful (and heartbreaking) how Wangji immediately takes responsibility for Wuxian as soon as he comes back from the underworld.

He knows by now Wuxian is not that good at taking care of himself and he’s not going to let the same mistake repeat over and over again, so he just decides he’s going to be the one who will take care of Wuxian, whether he likes it or not.

And he does take care of him. Perfectly, in fact. Not only does he take care of Wuxian, he anticipates his needs (like when he fixed his flute) and you can see that Wuxian is confused at times, but also extremely comforted by how protective Wangji is of him. 

Because let’s face it, Wuxian is used to being the protective one, the one who has the weight of the world on his shoulders, even when the people he loves don’t know what he’s done for them (like Jiang Cheng).

This is the first time someone is taking care of him without him asking for help and without expecting something in return. 

Wuxian has known little kindness in his life and certainly none in the years leading up to his death. By that point, he had no family, no clan and everyone would rather see him dead than try to understand him.

The Wen Clan was a found family, but he was the one taking care of them, not the contrary. So no, Wuxian probably doesn’t remember what it feels like to depend on someone else because he never had the luxury to do so. 

And yet Wangji has no hesitation and will not negotiate. He immediately makes himself dependable for Wuxian. He’s not going to lose him again. He lost his chance to protect him once and he’s not going to repeat that same mistake. 

He knows that very well and immediately acts on it without second thoughts, losing all the hesitation and maybe even a little of the discretion he had 16 years before. If Wuxian is wounded he will touch him or undress him, if Wuxian can’t walk he will carry him even if it’s “embarrassing”. Whatever Wuxian needs, he shall have.

And Wuxian’s reactions honestly have me in tears most of the time, because he doesn’t think he deserves any of that. But that’s exactly the point: Wangji knows Wuxian doesn’t love himself. So he decides he will love him enough for the both of them until he does.

thinking about this again

I love you ☆☆☆☆☆

You’re really great. I like you. . . Or in other words, I fancy you, I love you, I want you, I can’t leave you, I whatever you ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

"As if her yearning to be desired, to be loved, was a cancerous ailment which must be uprooted before it spread through the body like wildfire"

~Koral Dasgupta, Ahalya

‘So everything sucks’ mental health toolkit

Hello everyone, I lost half my family last year between March and November, three of whom were elderly, and it was Not Much Fun Actually BUT I have had the horrible thought that many people this year are going to be in the same boat I was in in 2019, so here is how I coped:

Write everything down. I mean it. Anything you’re feeling; the grief, the worry about their health, how much you love them. Put it down on paper. Exorcise it. Don’t just let the bad feelings and the sadness fester. It doesn’t have to be exquisite poetry, just catharsis. 

Call your relatives! Especially the elderly ones. After the first 3 bereavements I got much closer to my grandma. Her passing wasn’t made harder by the fact of having spent more time speaking to her; it was eased because I knew that she knew how much I loved her. 

BE SENSIBLE. You want to see your family now. I get it. My uncle was given 3 weeks to live and I caught norovirus. I couldn’t see him for a week. It sucked. But I had to stay at home, because if he caught it, he’d die. Covid-19 is the same principle. Phone them instead. 

Talk to your family and friends about how you feel. Grief is a really, really lonely place sometimes. I didn’t know anyone going through what I was going through. This time, we’re all in it together. Share your feelings. Reassure each other that you’re valid and heard. 

Be kind to yourself. There’s going to be days, especially with all this social upheaval, where you just can’t. This is OK. You’re a human who has worth beyond your productivity. Let yourself feel sad if you have to. Eat a bit of chocolate. Have a bath. Then do the laundry.

Keep being human, in all the ways you can. Keep cleaning the house. Get up every morning and get dressed. Go to bed at a sensible time. Eat healthy, regular meals. Keep yourself strong, not just in case you get the virus, but to remind yourself that you can and will endure. 

As clichéd as it is, remember that you have survived everything in your life up to this point. You can get through this. There will be a time when it’s over. I thought 2019 would never end. It was funeral after funeral. I thought I wouldn’t make it out the other side. I did. 

Check in with people and ask them to check in with you. My friends literally got me through 2019, even though I wasn’t always up for seeing them in person. We phoned and texted. Build a support network. Being socially isolated doesn’t mean being lonely. 

I think that’s pretty much it, but a final reminder that we humans can endure so much more than we think we can, even when it feels like it’s relentless and it will never stop. It will. The only way through it is, well, to go through it. I hope everyone is staying safe and well!!

scarlet.

I'll stick to my single-log bridge until it's dark