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OMG CALM DOWN (i relate)

no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, exponential, logarithmic, while i gasp for air, scream and see the light, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, backwards, sideways, upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, on a chair, being carried against the wall, outside, in a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle, the the bed of a truck, on a trampoline, in a bounce house, in the pool, bent over, in the basement, against the window, have the most toe curling, back arching, leg shaking, dick throbbing, fist clenching, ear ringing, mouth drooling, ass clenching, nose sniffling, eye watering, eye rolling, hip thrusting, earthquaking, sheet gripping, knuckles cracking, jaw dropping, hair pulling, teeth jitterbug, mind blogging, soul snatching, overstimulating, vile, sloppy, moan inducing, heart wr

gifs cc: @apara-dise-penguin 🖤

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life. 

she is so precious

cant find a working stream rn killing myself

Cant forget this

》ғʀɪᴅᴀʏ ɪ'ᴍ ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ《

Mary Ann x fem!reader

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Song: Friday I'm in Love - The Cure Summary: After the events of the failed Pet Wash, Mary Ann gets slightly jealous and R reminisces. Warnings: fem!reader, green-dyed pets, Mary Ann being jealous, adorable, fluffy, no animals were harmed in the making of this one-shot (green dye), is much more different than I had imagined in my mind Requested by: Requested Words: 3.8k

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It was green.

Everywhere your eyes landed as you seemed to turn in a full circle as if in slow motion, was green. You had no clue how they managed to turn Princess Flufferina green or how they did the same to the dog, rabbit, pig and bird but they had all become the vivid colour of green, their colours or lack thereof being completely blended into green.

You looked down at Princess Flufferina in your arms, your eyebrows furrowed. You could've sworn, bet your life on it that she had been a beautiful snow white only a moment ago. You were certain that she hadn't had a speck of colour on her fur, besides the small particles of dirt. You took a moment to glance towards Mary Ann, who had now begun leaning backwards on her heels, looking anywhere but at you. Alfalfa doing the same when your eyes landed on him, but unlike Mary Ann, he had been covered in the dye himself.

The silence was almost deafening as you looked back down at the now green cat, "I was gone for five minutes, how did this happen?" Your glare made its way to Spanky as your index finger now pointed in his direction, your voice coming out sharp, "What did you do?"

Spanky glanced behind him, before pointing towards himself as his eyes returned to yours, "Me?" Spanky's voice squeaked as he lifted his hands in surrender, the hands that were conveniently covered entirely in the evidence, "What makes you think it was me?" You raised an eyebrow at the vivid colour that seemed to stain his hands, causing him to quickly put them behind his back as he smiled innocently, before his eyes settled onto Mary Ann, his face now that of a pleading child.

You were quick to deposit Princess Flufferina into Mary Ann's arms, pointing towards all the animals in the garage's proximity, "Now I ask again Spanky," you glare at the boy fiercely, "What did you do?"

The boy looked away his voice becoming small, "Someone, and I'm not naming names, may have added green dye instead of soap."

"Would that someone happen to be... Oh, I don't know," You stalked closer, pretending to think of the matter, as you tapped your chin before you crossed your arms completely, a glare still adorning your face, "You?"

"Maybe..." Spanky avoided eye contact, afraid of being turned into stone from the fierce glare he was receiving, before squeaking out, "Yes."

You had always been the oldest rascal, having been a year older than the others since you had started school a year later than all the other kids. Your first ever friend had been Mary Ann, who had despite your usual standoffish personality, continued her endeavour to be your friend, which in terms made you closer with the rest of the rascals who were all too happy to have another rascal in their midst, even if you were a bit bossy at times.

Spanky closed his eyes at your potential rath, Alfalfa taking a step back. You had always felt the need to be the responsible one in the group, especially when it came to ideas presented by Spanky, most of his ideas seemingly ending in trouble, the kind that you always had to fix.

You glanced at Mary Ann, who was petting the cat in her arms, causing you to sigh softly, your eyes returning to the slightly frightened boy. "Firestar better not have a speck of green on his orange fur Spanky or so help me god," Your eyes narrowed, "Now where is he?"

The cat purred as it made its way up to you. You were quick to gently pick him up observing every inch of his orange fur for any green dye, before sighing in relief, which in terms made Spanky reciprocate the action. The orange cat snuggling closer into your arms, as your hold seemed to slacken, "See he's perfectly fine," Spanky inputted as he cleared his throat.

You glared at him slightly, your glare less deadly than before, now that you knew Firestar hadn't suffered from Spanky's obviously failed pet wash. "You got lucky," you shook your head in disapproval, "If there had been a speck of green on him, I would've had no problem making you disappear.", You rolled your eyes when he seemed to gulp fearfully, "You better take responsibility for all of this, because I certainly had nothing to do with it."

Spanky relaxed as he sighed heavily, "Fine." Pouting but also relieved he didn't get the whole lecture that he usually got when he did anything wrong, which happened most of the time. He never minded your bossy attitude, even if he never told you so, it kept him grounded, especially when all he did was make stupid choices, that usually got the other rascals into trouble. He liked the fact that even though you knew they were going to lead to nothing but chaos, you would still follow, even if he had a feeling it was only because Mary Ann was involved.

You gently placed Firestar on the ground, the ginger cat prancing directly towards Mary Ann as she continued to pet Princess Flufferina. It was a sight you liked seeing, the way the orange cat never seemed to go to anyone else, your lips twitching in what appeared to be a smile.

Mary Ann seemed to relax at that, as you patted Spanky's shoulder softly before making your way over to her, her dimples showing as she smiled at you. You stuck out a hand as you closed the distance, poking one of her cheeks, the temptation to touch one of her dimples becoming too much, the giggle you elicited from her being all too worth it.

"It's time to face the music," you said as you bent down to stroke Firestar's fur, as the orange cat began to purr. You looked back towards Spanky as you spoke, the boy digging his shoes into the ground, with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. "The worst thing they'll do is most likely ask for their money back." You gave a reassuring smile.

Spanky groaned at that, "There goes the money for Grandma's bakery."

You smiled sadly in return, "Don't beat yourself up," You sighed, feeling a warm hand begin to stroke your hair as you made to get up, only to meet Mary Ann's eyes, "I have faith we will find a way to save it." You smiled softly at the girl.

Mary Ann smiled in return as she leaned in to kiss you on the cheek, "I have faith in us also." Your cheeks heated up at the gesture, the dimples of her smile making your cheeks heat up even more.

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The pet owners were most definitely not satisfied with the new makeover their pets had received. You witnessed it from your position inside the house, your back leaning against the closed door, each kid walking up and getting their now green animal. Mary Ann stood directly beside you, Princess Flufferina still in her arms purring softly, Firestar was rubbing his orange fur directly against your left leg, repeating the process again and again as he purred. Alfalfa and Spanky were in complete panic as they occupied the makeshift counter of their 'business'.

"Come back," Spanky begged as he looked around at the abundance of unsatisfied customers making their departure, "If you don't like green, we can make them any colour you want."

"I don't they wanted them dyed at all..." You grumbled, receiving a slight elbow to the ribs from Mary Ann causing you to wince and rub the spot she had elbowed softly.

Darla had finally made her way to the stand, looking directly at Alfalfa in exasperation "Alfalfa," the boy's eyes widened at his obvious crush, "What happened to you?"

"Oh, just been working hard," his voice trembled in slight panic and nervousness.

Darla smiled with a pep in her step as she looked at the two boys, "I'm here to pick up Princess Flufferina, is she ready?"

"Ehhh, sure..." Alfalfa replied, sharing a look with Spanky as he panicked, before his eyes returned to hers, "And wait until you see her exciting new look."

Darla's smile immediately dropped as wariness took over her features, "What new look."

You took a deep breath as you stopped leaning your back on the door, reaching for the handle, "She's going to have a heart attack," You quickly tugged softly on one of Mary Ann's braids as you gave a nervous smile, "Prepare your ears."

"Let's hope it isn't that bad," Mary Ann whispered, reciprocating your nervous smile in reassurance. You twisted the door handle, pulling the door open for Mary Ann, allowing her to step out first, Firestar following suit as you walked out the door next. "Here you go, one Princess Flufferoni," You felt it coming before it even happened as you covered Mary Ann's ears, as Darla looked at her cat in complete shock, screaming at the top of her lungs; loud enough to make yours and potentially everyone in the proximity of the neighbourhoods, eardrums nearly burst at the octave you thought was impossible for any human to go.

You rubbed your face before chuckling nervously as her scream finally finished, your hands detached from their place against Mary Ann's ears, "It isn't that bad."

"Isn't that bad?!" she yelled exasperated, motioning towards the cat, "She's green!"

You grinned in mock confidence, "Yeah, but doesn't that just make her unique?" you tried to convince, leaning forward with an elbow on the counter you had found yourself against, "I mean who else can say they have a green cat?"

Spanky nodded his head, "Yep and it's all thanks to me" he smiled as he observed Darla who was now looking at him, "Doesn't she look good?"

Your eyes turned sharp in an instant as they landed on him, "Spanky," your voice coming out low, "That isn't what I meant when I said take responsibility."

"Fine." He pouted, crossing his arms sulkily.

"As I was saying," you put your focus back onto Darla, your grin returning, "Imagine how jealous your friends will be when they see you have a green cat, and they don't." You scratched behind Princess Flufferina's ears softly before lifting her out of Mary Ann's arms, who seemed to be reluctant to give her to you as she seemed to be slightly glaring at Darla, Firestar seeming to do the same thing as Mary Ann bent down to pick him up now that her arms had become free.

"You might be right," Darla was deep in thought as she observed her cat.

"Not might, I am," You pushed forward, handing the cat back carefully, the grin never leaving your face as you tried to convince her, "They're all going to want a green cat for themselves after they see Princess Flufferina."

Darla nodded her head, a bright smile now taking over her face, "You're right," she rubbed the cat's green fur, her eyes shining now that they met yours again, "Thank you, Y/N" She leaned forward and placed a kiss on your cheek as she smiled. You heard a slight hiss in the background, as your cheeks heated up. It didn't help that Mary Ann was the only person to ever kiss you on the cheek. "I'll definitely come back soon." Darla batted her eyes at you.

You felt yourself be pulled back roughly, the hand on your arm sending a shiver down your spine, only for your eyes to meet the glare of Mary Ann as you seemed to turn. Her glare hadn't been directed at you, but Darla whose eyes looked at the hand on your arm, meeting Mary Ann's glare with one of her own. You would've called Mary Ann's glare adorable if it hadn't been for the palpable tension in the area. "Or don't come back at all."

The hold on your arm stopped you from stepping back from the tension emitting off the two girls, Darla's smile turning sickeningly sweet, "I bet Y/N would like me to come back," she turned back to batting her eyelashes at you, "Wouldn't you?"

You looked between them both with a gulp, "I-"

The hand on your arm moving down to your hand squeezing it stopped your words. Mary Ann seemed to step forward in front of you as Darla and she squared off. "There really isn't any point," Firestar was being held in only one of Mary Ann's arms at this point as if he was also a part of the battle, with what looked like a scowl on his own face, as he hissed towards the other girl. "She'll be too busy to even talk with you." The devilish smile took over her face as she spoke.

Darla scowled at that, Alfalfa and Spanky backing away from the group, not wanting to be in the middle. "I think she can speak for herself," Darla's glare turned deadly, and her attention moved back towards you as she smiled, "Can't you Y/N?"

You cleared your throat, "She's right though, Darla," you scratched the back of your neck with your unoccupied hand, "I usually am busy running errands and making sure things go right."

Darla pouted at that, "Well that's a shame," she then thought for a moment, "Maybe we can hang out by ourselves another time then".

Mary Ann's hand tightened around yours as she gritted her teeth, "I'm sure Alfalfa is free to hang out with you," she then looked towards the boy in question, "Isn't that, right?"

He chuckled nervously at that, "Yeah, of course" he blushed, "I'm always free."

Darla reluctantly agreed with a roll of her eyes, before seeming to storm off with Princess Flufferina in her arms.

"Not even a goodbye, how rude" Spanky grumbled.

You raised an eyebrow, "You did kind of turn her cat green."

Spanky let out an exaggerated sigh, "What are we going to do"

"You mean about Grandma's bakery?" You frowned.

Spanky seemed to reciprocate the expression, "Yeah."

You knew how he felt, being as upset as the rest of them when it came to Grandma potentially losing the bakery. So you did the only thing you thought to do, you smiled softly, "We'll figure it out," you then paused, "Just no more green pets."

Spanky nodded his head, Mary Ann started to lean her head on your shoulder, and Firestar curled up in her free arm as she stood next to you. "We can figure it out in the treehouse later."

Spanky rose a brow at Mary Ann, "Why not now?"

"I think I've seen enough green today, and Alfalfa is covered in it" You grimaced as you motioned towards the boy who still had green dye all over him.

Mary Ann began pulling you towards her home, as you said goodbye to the other rascals. "You're sleeping over tonight remember?"

You chuckled as you smiled the bright smile that was only reserved for her. "How could I forget?" You let her pull, following her lead every step of the way. You hadn't noticed when Firestar had been let down, as he seemed to follow the both of you. You did notice when she seemed to use her now free hand to wipe your cheek with concentration, receiving a smile from you.

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You looked around Mary Ann's room, the orange cat making himself at home on her bed, curling up comfortably. It hadn't been the first time you had been here, sleepovers remaining a constant action in your friendship with her.

Your fingers seemed to trail across the abundance of plush toys that seemed to litter the head of the bed, your eyes catching on to one in particular. Your fingers brushed it, before grabbing a hold of the small polar bear.

It still looked brand new even though you had won it for her a few years ago. You remembered the day like it was yesterday, it was the day that you had made her smile, a smile so beautiful that it would forever cloud your mind.

"I'm never going to win this," Mary Ann grumbled sulkily as she tried the claw machine again, tongue poking out slightly, the arcade they were in already bustling with the sound of people playing other games.

You stood beside her, watching as she tried and failed to capture the polar bear plush that seemed to escape her grasp. "Don't say that," you smiled softly at her, "my mamma always tells me that I should never give up, and that if I wish for something hard enough. Then I'll be able to catch it."

Mary Ann smiled slightly, "Does your mom actually believe that?"

"I mean, I don't think she would've told me it if she didn't" You scratch the back of your neck nervously.

She laughed softly, before going back to the machine and putting another quarter into it, before having another go. It was so close, the way the claw captured its target. Mary Ann's eyes brightened as it slowly came towards the exit, before it dropped back into the pile of other plush toys, leaving her to groan.

Mary Ann pouted, "This is stupid".

You just stood there watching and supporting her as she used quarter after quarter to try to win the polar bear. By her last quarter, it had already hit the afternoon, having been there since morning trying to capture the plush that you assumed just didn't want to be caught.

It was already time for her parents to arrive and pick her up, so instead of leaving with the bear, she left sad and with a dejected look on her face as she sighed, giving you a hug and a kiss on the cheek as she left with them.

A look of determination seemed to take over your features as you pulled out your allowance and put a quarter into the machine. You spent hours, trying and failing to get the plush, you knew that these machines were rigged, it felt almost impossible. It didn't deter you as you prayed upon your final quarter.

It popped into the machine with a 'clang', your hand shaking as you placed it on the joystick. You took a deep breath to calm your shaking nerves. The claw began to move as you tried getting it into the perfect position, it was in slow motion as you pressed the button and the claw began descending, capturing its target in what seemed to be a loose grip.

The polar bear shook in the claw's clutches, seemingly on the verge of falling, your heart was in your throat as you watched it slowly make its way to the exit point. Your breath had caught, the claw getting ever so close. The plush dropped.

You were on the verge of screaming in happiness, tears welling up in your eyes as you grabbed the plush from the prize flap. You hugged it close to you, ecstatic that after hours you had finally caught it. You were grinning like a complete idiot as you waited for your parents to finally arrive.

Rain was pelting outside as you held the plush under your jacket. Your smile didn't seem to drop as you hopped into the car making sure to hold the Polar bear incredibly close as you asked if your parents could drive you to Mary Ann's quickly. It took a little convincing as you explained that you just wanted to give her the plush as soon as you could.

It didn't take long, her home came into view as you got out of the car quickly, running out to knock on the front door. It wasn't Mary Ann who opened the door though, it was her mother, your mother who had caught up behind you and was quick to apologise.

You waited as Mary Ann's mother let you both in and out of the rain, your smile grew bigger as you caught sight of her, a look of confusion on her face as she saw you there and not understanding why you had been grinning so big, but it had felt infectious as a smile seemed to take over her face too as she ran and hugged you.

"I got you something" You pulled away from the hug.

She smiled in confusion, "What?"

You pulled the plush out from your slightly soaked jacket, presenting the polar bear to her. You watched her reaction closely, as tears of happiness seemed to begin forming in her eyes. "Think of it as an early birthday present" your voice shook nervously.

"You got this for me?" the dimples came out as her grin grew bigger.

"I don't like seeing you sad," you expressed as you pushed the polar bear into her arms, "It makes me sad".

"I wasn't sad" Mary Ann mumbled, rolling her eyes as you raised an eyebrow at her.

You watched as she examined the polar bear closely, before tackling you to the ground with a laugh as if she didn't mind the fact that you had been previously soaked by the rain. But you didn't seem to mind either as you looked up, it was the smile that you had hoped for, how the dimples were almost so pokable, you loved that smile. It was the brightest smile you had ever seen, and to you it was beautiful.

You heard the door open as you looked up at Mary Ann coming back into the room, "Do you think my mamma was right?"

Mary Ann tilted her head in question, "About what?"

"That if I wish for something hard enough, that I'll be able to catch it." You questioned with a small smile.

"I think it depends on what you want to catch," she replied with a smile of her own.

You smiled as if you had a secret, an answer to that question as you stared at her dimply smile. The one that if you could, you would capture it, because it was beautiful and one you hoped you could watch forever. And so, you wished and hoped that maybe one day you could. Capture it in a moment and keep it forever close. You hoped that the smile she presented to you would forever be reserved only for you.

You watched her as she petted Firestar gently, the ginger cat purring and melting into her hand, a sight that you had always enjoyed. Your eyes shone brightly as they admired the girl.

"I think I've already caught it."

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Jamie Speaks:

Mary Ann is just the cutest.

Your child calls her mom for the first time

Jenna Ortega x fem!reader TW: just pure cuteness <3

Jenna glanced away from the TV and to your little girl on the couch beside her, noticing that she was so tired that she was struggling to keep her eyes open despite how excited she'd been to watch this movie a little while ago.

It was no surprise though.

Bedtime is always eight o'clock for Amelia but since you had to work late tonight, Jenna let her stay up a few extra minutes, as long as it was their little secret.

Amelia had been pretty excited about that. But it's ten minutes after eight and she's already falling asleep.

"Are you tired, honey?" Jenna asked, and Amelia nodded before reaching out to Jenna to pick her up.

She chuckled before turning the TV off and bringing her into her arms.

"I've got you", she carried her up the stairs and turned the light on in her room so she wouldn't trip over her toys scattered across the floor.

"I'll help you pick those up tomorrow", Jenna whispered as she gently placed Amelia on her bed. She brought her blankets up to her shoulders and sent Amelia a little smile.

"Go to sleep. Your mom will be home soon and I'm sure she'll come tell you goodnight when she gets here."

"Okay," Amelia said before reaching for Jenna's hand. It melted her heart.

She's been trying so hard to form a bond with your five-year-old daughter because your relationship is getting stronger day by day. Since Amelia's dad hasn't ever been in the picture, having left months before she was born, you've been anxious about letting anyone get too close because it doesn't impact you if they leave, it impacts Amelia as well.

But Jenna's the one for you and you're the one for her, you both know that wholeheartedly.

All that Jenna wants is for Amelia to love her and know that she's always going to be there for her whenever she needs her and she'll never leave.

"Did you have fun today while your mom was at work?" Jenna wondered.

The two of them had spent the whole day together.

Jenna let Amelia decide how they spent the day and it mostly consisted of watching cartoons, having a tea party, and Jenna reading her stories from Amelia's bookshelf.

"Yeah," Amelia replied with a bright but tired smile.

"Good, so did I. Now go to sleep, okay? I'm just going to be down the hall if you need me".

Amelia nodded and Jenna pulled her hand away from her tinier one and kissed her forehead softly, making her giggle.

"Goodnight princess. Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite"

"I love you, Mom," Jenna froze as she stared at Amelia, her heart about to burst as she replayed what the five-year-old had just said.

"I love you too" Jenna whispered.

"I love you more, Mom" Jenna giggled and blinked away the tears in her eyes as she shook her head.

"Impossible. I love you most, now go to sleep" Jenna held back the tears of happiness in her eyes as she turned on Amelia's nightlight, turned off the light over her bed, and then stepped out of the room after closing the door almost all the way.

She went down the hall to your room, knowing that you would be home soon.

Through the blur of her tears and with her big smile on her face, she texted you excitedly.

"She called me mom!" she grinned proudly.

This was the very first time Amelia had ever called her that and it meant everything to her. Her phone chimed and she picked it up again to see you had texted back.

"That's so adorable! I knew she would in time. I'll be home in about ten minutes and I want you to tell me everything! I love you!"

"I love you too, baby" She texted back before setting her phone down and laying back on the mattress.

She'd never forget this day for as long as she lived.

You and Amelia are her whole world and hearing her call her mom meant the world and more to her.

She was truly the happiest woman in the entire world and felt so thankful for you and Amelia; her beautiful little family.

halfmoonaria's masterlist

started: january 21st 2024 last posted: january 3rd 2025

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im giggling

not mine yet so funny

ah, look at all the lonely people...