Lost But Just My Queer Headcanons

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Someone on tiktok asked me to post this here, so!!!!!!

swan station died at the age of 27.. true rock star

Ben Pincus:How he and his paranoia are portayed in Chaos Theory, from the viewpoint of someone with paranoia.

Ben and his paranoia has both pros and cons in CC/CT, in this I will be focusing more on CT, but I will be comparing it TO how it was handled in CC to highlight certain points. I'm going to try to separate this into specific points so I don't ramble but also, it's me, I'm gonna ramble, lmao.

So to split this up, little table of contents:

-The PROS of Ben's paranoia

-Ben's paranoia in CC vs CT

-The Class Clown-ism of Ben's paranoia

-Ben's Trauma and how it affects his Paranoia

-How other Characters treat Ben's paranoia

(Those last three are all gonna overlap lmao)

Okay so to start, just so this doesn't feel like a total Hater™️ post, I will give the pros of Ben's paranoia in CT. As someone who does have major paranoia, I do appreciate seeing rep in media, it's pretty few and far between when it comes to characters who actually HAVE paranoia vs characters who just experience paranoia once or twice, so I appreciate when it is done. The basis of CT literally stems from Ben's paranoia, if it weren't for him deep diving DJR and getting those messages, the camp fam would be Atrocikibble, and CT wouldn't have happened. His paranoia plays a major part in the show no matter how you look at it, and I do appreciate that it's done in a way that you really cannot erase his paranoia, sure, you could say he was right and therefore “it's not paranoia” but also, no you cannot, lmao. Yes he was correct in the long run, but that doesn't negate the fact that all of his fears STEMMED from his paranoia, the way he handles things STEMS from paranoia, Ben very clearly HAS PARANOIA and has since day one. One moment in CT I really appreciate is in s1 ep2, specifically the scene where he and Darius have that conversation about his fears and how he immediately assumed Mo was after them. The line “Don't you think I want to? But I can't!” Really got me in a slash pos way, having paranoia is a lot of knowing the things you're afraid of aren't worth the fear, it's wanting to stay calm, whether the situation you're in is GENUINELY dangerous or just a manifestation of your paranoia, but being unable to control it because no matter how times you or anyone around you tells you that you're okay or what you're afraid of isn't real, your brain will STILL be convinced that YOU ARE IN GRAVE DANGER or SOMETHING is going to go wrong, and I appreciate how that was shown in that scene.

Now, the unfortunate part of this, the cons, which is what most of this post will be.

To start, let's compare how it was handled in CC vs CT. Imo, CC Ben's paranoia was taken SO much more seriously, not even in the sense of the class clown-isms, which I will get into later, but in the way it was actually written. In CC, yes, Ben's paranoia is poked at, especially by Kenji lbr, but it's realistic, it's other teenage kids being shitty, and that happens irl, a lot. HOWEVER. As the camp fam gets closer, as they experience these traumas together, they learn to take his paranoia more seriously, as does the actual plot. The dude went from heavily sheltered to being thrown into an INCREDIBLY dangerous situation, got torn out of a moving monorail which lead to him nearly FALLING TO HIS DEATH, and then on top of all that, had to survive assumably around a month alone as someone with, lbr, next to no survival skills. When he came back, yes he was different, he was “tough” and not that paranoid little dude from s1, HOWEVER AGAIN, you do see multiple moments where his paranoia shines through, the entire plotline of him wanting to stay on the island was a major part of that, to him, the island was—ironically—a safe place, not only because he found himself there, found a way to escape his paranoia, but because he wasn't being constantly invalidated for having those fears. Ben was ALLOWED to be afraid on the island, and while I could be reading into it too hard, that feels like one of the reasons Nublar specifically was a safe space, aside from the typical self exploration plotline. Then in s4, you have the plotline on MC, where Ben's masking starts to falter, because that's what the Jungle Boy™️ personality is/was, a mask, that paranoia comes back now that he's been taken from his safe space, he doesn't know how this island works, he's not knowledgeable on it the way he was with Nublar, he's lost the control he had on Nublar, and that allows the paranoia to take that control back. The other's see that, clearly, esp Darius (which I will get into, once again) and they take it seriously, they help him, they don't belittle him for it, because they understand. His paranoia is handled through the entirety of the show, it shows itself both in large bouts and little trickles throughout the plotline, which is realistic to paranoia, it doesn't ALWAYS show itself but it's always there. Plus, CC takes it seriously, yes they crack a few jokes here and there, but its a kids show, they've gotta, fuck they crack jokes about Kenji's abusive father nothings going without a crack being made, but even with the cracks, it's not made out to be a joke.

That leads into the Class Clown-isms of CT Ben's paranoia. While there are parts of CT that takes Ben's paranoia seriously, like in ep2, so many scenes that involve Ben's paranoia are turned into the butt of the joke. The entirety of s1 leans off the “We're being hunted!” Gag, which sure, in itself is funny, but when its repeated over and over again, and even being played as a joke after they know they are. Quite literally. Being hunted. Kinda feels off to me. One part in s1 that stands out to me is the “Your favourite” line, yes on surface level, it is just a haha funny dark joke between friends, but at the same time its one of the lines that really shows to me just how— unseriously? They take Ben and his trauma. We need to remember, Ben wasn't just flocked by pteranodons at some point where he got a lil scratch or something like that, after finally being brave and facing his paranoia, he was RIPPED OUT of a MOVING MONORAIL that was multiple metres off the ground, TOSSED AROUND by those pteranodons, in which he thought he was about to become their FOOD, before being dropped, where he probably thought he was going to fall to his death, mind you, HE NEARLY FELL TO HIS DEATH. Not to trauma olympics the camp fan, but arguably, that event in itself puts Ben pretty far near the top for most traumatized in the group, and that's not even taking the month he spent alone on murder lizard island into consideration. From the looks of things, Yaz is the only one who really got therapy, yes Ben helped Mae on MC, but that doesn't count as actual therapy. So let's take this dude, with major trauma, on top of already there major paranoia, with zero therapy, and suddenly he's just— totally unphased? It'd be one thing if it was just that one off joke, but they do it again in s3, when he gets dragged by the Dimorphodon. No he wasn't getting flung around like in CC, but you mean to tell me that wouldn't be a little triggering? I mean, in CC he has the tablet run in with the pteranodons and the way his panic attack is handled and shown is SO well done to me, down to the little details like the way his hand trembles when he hears them calling, but in CT he's just gonna make a little joke to Davi like “haha yeah man getting dragged by carnivorous flying reptiles amirite?” WHAT. They make SO many cracks at the monorail incident but NEVER address it in a serious manor, even the joke about the pteranodon stealing a freshmans backpack was a crack at it. While the other characters’ traumas are taken seriously, Yaz’ ptsd, Sammy's family issues, Kenji's— life, Brooklynn's arm and near death experience, and Darius finding Brooklynn, well what was left of her, Ben's traumas are always played down to a joke. Any time Ben experiences negative emotions it's played down to a joke. Look at the panic attack in s2, my guys was very clearly tweaking out, but the only one who noticed anything was legitimately wrong was Yaz, while the others made.. potty jokes? Okay.

On that note, the way the characters treat Ben's paranoia is another things that's changed so heavily since CC in an UNBELIEVABLE way. Sure, you could say “oh 6 years dif!” time doesn't change that your supposed best friend has a debilitating mental illness that should be taken seriously, but okay. Imo, a lot of the character writing and relationships were.. fumbled, in CT, but that's another rant for another day, this is SPECIFICALLY about Ben. The characters treat him like he's a comedic punching bag, from the whole we're being hunted thing, down to him having a gf, so much of it is just— cruel and ooc? Darius used to match Ben's freak hard and you're telling me he's gonna sit there and mock him for every little thing he does? The girls, who BEN HELPED GET TGT, and used to be so supportive of him, even made jokes. I will say the way the lead up was written added to it, because wdym Ben hadn't told anyone from probably at least a year that he had a gf, and then when he DID, he gave them the most sus “She lives in… europe?” And called it a day, it was yet another thing that was inserted despite it making zero sense just to fuel an unnecessary plotline, but I digress.

Now Gia, oh Gia. Listen, I don't want this to come off as a “Let's shit on Gia!” Thing, because that's not what it is, as I've stated before, Gia's writing definitely leaves things to be desired (Like yk, a character outside of being “Ben's girlfriend”, but that's neither here nor there), but I don't think she deserves hate. Character criticisms and hate are very different things, especially when it comes to women in the media. However, let's talk about her and her relationship to Ben and his paranoia rq.

Tl;dr, it doesn't. Fucking. Work.

The WORST thing to do when it comes to a person and their paranoia, is to reinforce those fears, it's one thing to reassure people that what they're feeling is valid, but to outright tell them that “yeah so everyone is after you and you're in constant danger” IS BAD. Starting out their relationship with them making a silly little quip about phones and being traceable does not sit right with me, at all. All that scene tells me is that their relationship is based off fuelling that paranoia, reinforcing unhealthy habits, and just— terrible writing decisions. Which is so funny considering how ignore Ben's paranoia is in s3. To put it simply, imagine your partner having a paranoia induced hallucination, are you going to a)reassure them that it's not real and they are safe or b)start screaming and going “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?”. If you chose b, maybe cozying up with someone who suffers from any sort of psychosis is not for you.

To give a rundown of all this, yes, I am glad paranoia is being represented in the media, and no, not all of the writing surrounding Ben's paranoia is bad; However, a lot of the writing, specifically in CT, runs off ableist stereotypes surrounding paranoia and utilizes them to make Ben, a character who DID have incredible character writing in CC, the butt of the joke. So much of Ben's character in CT is dumbed down to be comedic relief, whereas the others are taken so much more seriously, yes, there are jokes made with them, but it's not their. Entire. Goddamn. Character. It's clear that the writers of CT can write trauma and fear and take it seriously, but they missed the mark with Ben, hard, which sucks because CC Ben is genuinely one of my favourite instances of paranoia represented in media.

I really hope at least some of this is addressed in s4, but I don't have high hopes, for now I will simply run with canon CC and the canon CT I have created in my head 🙏

I haven’t been able to look up anything about LOST yet because I haven’t finished the show but I just finished ‘Left Behind’ and I was so convinced while watching that this episode was going to reveal that Kate was bisexual 😭 the tension with her and Juliet was crazy. The forbidden toxic yuri. Ladies pls stop fighting over stupid Sawyer and Jack who gaf about those boring dudes you’re both so much more beautiful and interesting just kiss each other.

The flashbacks of the episode being about her meeting Sawyer’s baby mama and hanging out also seemed like it was going to reveal that she was gay I’m dead. She had more chemistry with Cassidy than Sawyer and she was dressed gay as hell. I kept waiting for them to hook up and then they never did??? My balls are so blue.

Anyways, bisexual Kate and Kate x Juliet live on in my dreams.

about Ben being queer coded

I must start saying this post won't be about ships. This is about some of the things in Ben's character arc that can be paralleled with queer experiences. Feel free to add more parallels on the comments or reblogs.

These are just some general observations that I already pointed out before and that I wanted to put in a single post.

For me, seeing queerness in Ben is not about simply putting him in a relationship with a men. For me, it always has been about Ben's identity as a person, about how his queerness could be inherent to his character.

Now talking about Ben's character during JWCC, the first thing we should mention is how his arc portraits a journey of self-discovery.

The way he changed after the monorail incident. The way he transformed himself and started doing things he hasn't done before. He clearly was trying to achieve more freedom by doing that.

When he turns into his "island boy" persona in season 2, his identity is not clear for him yet. He tries to perform some confidence, constantly trying to affirm himself as brave, but he doesn't know who he is.

In season 4, he freaks out about it and starts thinking he is not good enough for being that persona he was trying to be, and to protect camp fam.

This identity "crisis" is so common for queer people. Not just that, but the feeling of displacement he expresses in S4 when he's thinking that who he already is is not enough, really resonates with lgbtqia+ realities.

When he turned into an "Island Boy" we finally thought Ben was feeling free to do whatever he wanted. But the truth is that he kept feeling insecure about who he was and S4 shows this to us.

That's why I used the word "displacement" to describe his situation. I know he had his friends' support. But anyone in his situation would feel out of place, after all, he was questioning his own identity.

When he advises Yaz after she came out to him on season 5, it looks like he knew what he was talking about. For me, what justify he having that specifically knowledge about life is that he has been questioning himself too. And I'm not even talking about Ben questioning if he is queer himself, I'm talking, again, about him questioning his own identity in general. And this is already enough for us to make a parallel with queer experiences.

In conclusion: questioning his own identity, having a journey of self-discovery, feeling out of place, wanting to achieve more freedom to be who he is, giving advises about coming out...It all feels queer coded to me.

lost was like what if we put the autistic guy of ever on Fuckup island. oh and throw on the beautiful personification of tracy chapman’s fast car. and a sex cowboy. and an old fucking bald gay dude. and a washed up britpop bassist. huhhhh oh well we obviously also have to include my weird pregnancy fetish at least once a season. duh!! and to round it off let’s throw in 2 of the best characters on modern television ever, hurley and Sayid

it's been like a month since I drew this and I finally decided to post it

I fucking love Lost. For a show that's all about black vs white symbolism, good vs evil morals, light vs dark attitude there's not one (1) single character that perfectly fits into any of those dichotomies.

biggest lie ever told on that damn crazy island.