The Beginning. (Part 2)

The beginning. (Part 2)

Alright, so where do I begin with part 2...

So most of part 1 was my thought process through changing my relationship status to monogamous to having some side boy-toys for added pleasurable kicky fun. I’ll cover a little more my thoughts, but also moving forward into looking for the right kinda guy for my transformation fully into a Vixen.

So another pretty hard adjustment I had was my self imagery, my self hate makes me think “Are guys even going to find me attractive?” I’ve never had the best self esteem since I was a teenager. By the time I was 13 I was a double D’s (I’m currently an H), I’m naturally curvy, I got a lot of unwanted attention by older men, went to a private school which caught even more attention, and it caused me to run down this crazy rebellious life of dying my hair vibrant colors, piercings, tattoos, the “I don’t care what you f**cking think of me look”. Currently, still rocking the same style, but now after having two beautiful children, my body changed...although I’ve worked really hard to loose the baby weight, your body’s just not the same. I’ve tried very hard to convince myself of my beauty, but its a process, it takes time. I can say I love myself more then I have in a long time and after I started chatting online, and sharing some photos around, I got a lot of positive feed back so it became a bit easier. A wise man once told me on here that sexy is a state of mind, and it’s a chant I try and keep in my head.

[Side note: My husband tells me I’m the most beautiful person in the world almost on a daily basis, and never forgets reminding me how sexy he finds me by whispering it in my ear, or going for some feels and grabs through out the day. He does so much to help build me up, and I love and appreciate it all. But I’ve had some trauma in my younger life that’s made such a negative impact, so healing is taking some extra time.]

So finding the guy...

So finding the right guy for me had a lot of fun chats, but it also was really frustrating at times. You would think finding a guy that wanted to take another man wife in front of her husband that would end up turning into a threesome would be easy, but no...I was very wrong. It ended up almost being a very niche market, so hard to find that there was a couple times I just thought about quitting and letting this live on as a fantasy. So many guys seemed to just want to get off to the idea over chats, or I got a lot of guys who would assume my husband was a cuck and that was an automatic conversation ender. One of the first apps I used to attempt to find guys was Whisper, it’s completely anonomous and I actually received a couple messages from wives wanting me to sleep with their husbands, one wife like it was a favor for her. I received messages from husbands cheering me on to my commitment to this lifestyle change, they would offer advice, and answered questions I had about why they loved the lifestyle (every time Id ask why they want there wives sleeping around which help my insight). 

As frustrating as it got I kept going, Id post, filtered through hundreds of replies, weeding out the ones I didn’t want, and do it all over again. The most fascinating part to me was so many guys I got to know I never exchanged face pictures with right away, we’d get to know each other only through messaging first, and the guys I started putting on my list of potential firsts, weren’t guys I imagined I’d be picking. These guys I talk to on a daily basis just caught my attention, they respect my relationship, they respect that this is all new to me, they never make me feel rushed to do anything, advise me to take it slow, they help try and build me up, they would offer advice. I developed this level of trust with them that overlooked a lot of features of a man I typically wouldn’t go for, like the man who goes by Beard-o, who was the first male on my potential first list. Why wasn’t he typical for me, well, cause he has a beard and for me...my husband stays a with a nice clean shaven face because that’s what I like. But beard-o and I have been talking over a year now, and hes been a lot of support and fun...but hes a story for another blog...