Wasted-life-musings - Musings Of A Wasted Life

Hellraiser Directed by Clive Barker (1987)

" Walter Benjamin, he wrote an essay titled: ' The Destructive Character ' in which he said ' The destructive character is cheerful and friendly, and knows only one motto, make room. ' and there is no moral value whatsoever in that...no good, no evil.  No apocalyptic ulterior motives associated with it, no war and destructive wrath." " There is nothing more than the need thereby recognized, that for all, for every, for anything new to emerge, the preconditions must first be created, the old must be eliminated, room must be made, and that's simply why destruction is needed. " - Blixa Bargeld, Einstürzende Neubauten

Concerning Life

I really have 30+ plus more years of this shit?  Probably closer to 30, but holy shit.  I dunno if it’s because I’m smart, or because I’m dumb, but it seems like traditionally we all died by 40-50 for a reason, holy shit is this life thing a mind numbing experience.  Buy shit ya dont need, pay to much for a roof to sleep under when ya not working, dread work the time ya under the roof, work to keep the roof, and so on and so on.  Just fuckin, just fuckin kill me already...

Rap started as African American expressionism, done in minimalist fashion due to lack of equipment, it started as early as the 50′s in one form or another.  It has since gone from expressionism to capitalism, but we wont get into that.  I find though, ironically, Shakespearean English may have rolled off the tongue nicely but modern English is very bumbly and flows only due to added suffixes, in my opinion anyways.

I find it amazing all the international rap I hear, Russian I think is THE perfect language for rap ( really I’ve always thought Russian was a beautiful language anyways, French is very overrated ) but English being the bastard Child of low German and Scandinavian dialects, you’d think say German rap would be just as bumbly as English, yet somehow even IT flows very nicely in poetic verse.  I’m actually a German speaker, but that has nothing to do with this post other than i know the lyrics to this song aren’t overly deep or creative, BUT, the flow for a language usually considered ugly is, incredible to me, and Sido has always done it well.

2pm and I’m already basically shitfaced.  Happy sabbath jesus, love the hair.

“The Quiet Vessel” by Bryan Olson

When I was young, 7-13 maybe i fought at the drop of a hat.  then after a few random ass whoopings I found a slight fear, not that it stopped me.  At 30, I now have zero fear.  Thats not true really, it is so to say that at this point, i dont value life enough to fear losing it, and Im not a dangerous, or even a violent person, but in a way I am.  It scares me, this isnt me trying to be tough to an empty audience on my dead tumblr, this is a real musing.  My opponent scares me, any opponent, not because im afraid of them, but because im afraid of what ill do, of what I may become. 

As a child I would shake in conflicts, i would cry, and it was never fear, it was always the same emotion less articulated.  I’m a bit of a drunk as I’ve made clear, and i get into barfights often, something im neither ashamed nor proud of, but i will say I win usually not out of an unjustified sense of self worth, or that im that strong or smart ( which really im quite a bit of both ) but because i wont let anyone take anything from me, coming from and still having nothing.

People often give me shit for hating addicts or whatever, life is all about beating yourself, when you fear another, when you only think of blocking and not of attack you will never land a blow, if you fear another its because you dont fear yourself enough, others are of minimal consequence. 

Fear another and you lose yourself, fear yourself and you discover yourself, fear opposition in either forum and you lose, fear not, and you win, but you still lose, it comes down to if you want to die by another hand or by your own.

Fear no evil, but fear the evil in yourself

The vampire squid is neither a vampire, nor a squid.

Its Latin name translates as “the vampire squid from hell.” And while its crimson skin and glowing eyes support its title, deep sea ecologists like Bruce Robison of the montereybayaquarium Research Institute have come to see the vampire squid as the antithesis of a bloodsucking predator. In fact, studies have shown that Vampyroteuthis infernalis is actually a gentle steward of the ocean’s depths, gracefully foraging on marine detritus.

Watch the video:

The only good cops a dead cop

My Terrible Upbringing

Not long ago I posted a video about graverobbing I saw as a kid.  I remember when I saw it and other videos like it, which organs sold for what, how long said organs were good, etc.  I remember being messed up on whatever the fuck one night and I’m talking to my dad, who was drunk of course, and I told him about said videos and i remember it like yesterday, my father looked at me inquisitively and he said to me, “ well how do they make money at this? “

Not the response a parent should give and i gave the answer of you know, found trinkets and or the skull being of an important person, and he said well, if you can get away with it, sounds good to me.

I have no moral qualms about anything, and this is why.  I worked in a graveyard as a teen, to me a body is a body, and apparently thats generational.  Anyways so you know, when i presented my parents with graverobbing they said pretty much sounds great if ya dont get caught.  I aint got much to work with here people...

fun fact, movies asside, no one will ever notice you in the back of a large graveyard, get to it kids...