Wasted-life-musings - Musings Of A Wasted Life

Here’s a video made by my Japanese girlfriend, she just doesn’t know shes my girlfriend yet...

Infact, i grew up in a shit neighborhood, and something like 75% of the people i knew in childhood grew up to be junkies.  Glad I dont have these kinda problems...

*drinks til he passes out, wakes up, drinks*

I'm left in misery, the girl I love's gone across the sea I'm all alone, I ain't got no home

Mandy was her name, sleepin' was her game She didn't care about me oh God, baby can't you see

I'm a lonely boy, I'm a lonely boy....

“ 20 - bisexual - I'm here to get high and have fun. be my sugar daddy and ask for my PayPal “

man, am I tempted.  Thank god for that feminist movement eh ladies?  It did wonders. ( this is why we haven’t had a woman president yet, teehee ) I mean, err, something something susan B anthony, i love your mind as much as your body yadda yadda can I get your number?  Oh your friend i don’t know did something not funny but you think its funny because you have an ascued vision of the world and the things in it?  Do tell me all about that funny story at lengths disproportionately long for even a good story.

I’m a very angry depressed sort of man, though I’m very Buddhist and level about it.  I have major moral conflicts with the people and the world around me, how it runs, the motives therein.  Though loved, and loving, I am a very un-affectionate person, I also have very little sympathy for people though lots of empathy.  I dated for too long too young, and have now been alone for a very long time, being a child of divorce I’ve come to have a very cynical view of love.  I distrust all humans and when I look in their eyes I usually see deceit, either of me or of themselves.  But it sure is good to just, laugh at stupid shit sometimes isn’t it?

Here’s a song I posted awhile ago, these are random people doing it, but this is probably CLOSER to the original 1800s version of the song.  Little Pretty Anna...

I never could think of prostitutes as human beings or even as women. They seemed more like imbeciles or lunatics. But in their arms I felt absolute security. I could sleep soundly. It was pathetic how utterly devoid of greed they really were. And perhaps because they felt for me something like an affinity for their kind, these prostitutes always showed me a natural friendliness which never became oppressive. Friendliness with no ulterior motive, friendliness stripped of high pressure salesmanship, for someone who might never come again. Some nights I saw these imbecile, lunatic prostitutes with the halo of Mary. I went to them to escape from my dread of human beings, to seek a mere night of repose, but in the process of diverting myself with these 'kindred' prostitutes, I seem to have acquired before I was aware of it a certain offensive atmosphere which clung inseparably to me... I had, quite objectively speaking, passed through an apprenticeship in women at the hands of prostitutes, and I had of late become quite adept. The odor of ' lady killer ' had come to permeate me...I remembered now clumsily written letters from bar girls...with all of them I had been extremely negative and it had gone no further. But it was an undeniable fact, and not just some foolish delusion on my part, that there lingered about me an atmosphere which could send women into sentimental reveries. It caused me a bitterness akin to shame to have this pointed out by someone like Horiki; at the same time, I lost all interest in prostitutes

Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

Watching Childs Play, Playing as a Child

Childs play ( you know, chucky, killer doll )came out in 1988, and im watching it and realize:

A.) Im nostalgic about my late 80s early 90s childhood

B.) My childhood sucked

C.) My adult life is so bad im nostalgic for my shitty childhood.

I have these stories that make me already sound like an actual old man, but when i was young i lived in a 2 room house heated with a kerosene heater and life was well, pretty gay, but lifes pretty gay now and i had to do less back then, teehee.