Wasted-life-musings - Musings Of A Wasted Life

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My blog is going to be nothing but ranting basically, but i LOVE reading other peoples rants, and how fuckin unimportant the shit they care about is.  Gays and Lesbians crying about microgressions on how theyre genderfluid and not some other made up word or whatever stupid bullshit their special club comes up with.

Weebs bitching about Anime, Housewives bitching about their favorite fictional characters beings killed off from their faggy where has my life gone housewife shows.  Fat girls crying about sexual harassment, who you kiddin honey, you WISH you were being sexually harassed, hell so do I.  Yes I called you honey sugartits, cry about it on your blog.

Oh this ones my favorite ( and once i get some followers im sure the comment flames will be epic ) people bitching about people bitching in their comments about posts bitching about things. Though I’m bitching about people bitching about people bitching at their bitching, lifes all very grey area-ish.  No the stranger online didnt like you or what you had to say, no one on the internet or any other medium likes you either, hang yourself, I’ll teach you how to tie the noose if you want, start by putting the rope down like an “S” then you take one end and start wrapping it around...

It is really a puzzle what drives one to take one’s work so devilishly seriously. For who? For oneself? One soon departs this world, after all. For one’s contemporaries? For posterity? No. It remains a puzzle.

Albert Einstein

(via

entheognosis

)

Ladies, Gentlemen...

This is Tumblr, this is not a safe space, expect to be spoken to, expect to have your ideas challenged, expect it, especially from me.

Dream Journal

Last night I dreamt that I was trying to create matter and life, I’m not sure if I was rebuilding the Earth because it was destroyed, if I was god, or what.  I was in a place filled with bags of powdered material, which I had to combine with water to make different things.  Like, for example I had a bag of cow meat dust, and a bag of bone dust, and I would measure these out and mix with water and shape to recreate a cow.

Your guess is as good as mine.

oh ive been there...

And the road was like a ribbon, and the moon was like a bone.

Don’t ever cry for those who want to be cried for, for those who cry for themselves, only cry for those who are unable to do so.  You can apply this to any social situation of your choosing.

I think humans take the disarray of nature, the winding path and make it into straight lines, we take clutter and sort it by descending heights or contingent colors because we fear the chaos of ourselves, nature being chaotic and us being a product of said nature.

I think we obsess over pretty things because we are so very ugly inside, and we hoard items because we are forever left so very empty.  I think we live our lives in fear of everything real, our nature, our demise, that we strive to fill our lives with only the fake, we live our lives in accordance with these fears and these fears all stem from our need for immortality, which comes from a selfish nature to be special.

I think everything in our lives is the fear of death, which is just nothingness, and we fill our lives with constant trivialities of somethingness, and that is the thing we should fear, we work jobs we hate and go through bizarre rituals to impress those around us that we dont really even like because we dont even really like ourselves.

The Human story: When you’re very young, the world is confusing, you struggle to understand the meaning of life, and therefore life is an abstract, fairly meaningless.  In the middle of your life, you have brushes with death maybe, health problems, near OD’s, your parents die and suddenly you’re very alone.  You work through it, but you start to fear death. 

Maybe I skipped a chapter already but at one point if you’re lucky you stop fearing the unknown, you realize everytime you sleep you die and hope you’re reborn, some people find god, and try to right all their wrongs out of fear, but death is the great equalizer, and is necessary.  Unlike Humans, Earth recycles everything and there are only X amount of resources therefore only Y amout of things can live on X. 

Do I fear death?  Sorta, do I also contemplate death as a release from the sufferings of the world?  You bet, but really it all comes down to how stubborn you are, I’m not in love with life, life has been shitty to me, and now that I’m old enough to do something about it I’ve lost all ambition therein.  At the same time, unlike some hot topic teen goth I dont romanticize death, death is grizzly and horrible. 

Most adults make a life via their vocations and families, they dont have to contemplate their mortality or the nature of the universe, not often, but I dont have that luxury, and as I sit here in my little self made cell, high or drunk on whatever, I think my perspective is different than alot of people. 

Every angsty teen is in love with death because they have a goldfish like brain, and they’re just finding the ocean, most adults are affraid to swim, so they only swim for reasons they make up, money, career advancement, what have you, and some pull the trigger and sink.  Death comes to us all, how you handle it is what makes you you, and everything you say do or think will be defined by this one basic premise, youll either be reckless or fearless, and both are really a sham.  You WILL die, your loved ones will die, in 200 years no one will remember your name, anyone who would will die, invent a heaven or live with it, live to youre old and pissing yourself in a bag, die at 20 from an OD it really doesnt matter you’re just a building everyones waiting to fall down so they can use your bones to shape a new building, you matter completely and you dont matter at all.

I refuse to cry for the people I know that have died young from drugs, i refuse to cry for the people that lived to be old enough to drain excess resources to prolong their inevitable demise, I refuse your concept of reality, I refuse.