Webgash - ELENA 🚀

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fucked up how colors look different depending on what screen you’re looking at them on. that should be illegal I think

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Brendon Small poses for Playgirl's "April Fool's" Special Feature, 2006.

Interview transcript below!

Transcriber's Note: Labels for speakers have been added for screen reader accessibility.

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BRENDON SMALL: Viking of Comedy

Let's face it, ladies, it's usually easier for a naked man to look funny than sexy, yet precious few comedians have seized on this by dropping trou for the camera. Not so for 31-year-old Cartoon Network star Brendon Small, who is best known for his eponymous role as an 8-year-old in the hit cartoon he created, "Home Movies." Brendon instantly embraced the hilarity of posing in a wiener mag and began growing out his porn stache; in fact, we didn't even ask him to get naked. But we're thrilled he did, and by being so funny and fearless (not to mention charming and free of that typical comedian torment), Brendon has also proven to be sexy as a Viking. Uhh, wait- make that, he's proven himself a pillage-worthy target for Valkyries everywhere.

[Photo insert of Brendon posing nude, holding a viking helmet over his loins with one hand, and a spiked chain mace with the other.]

Brendon's Viking stance is timely, since he spent part of this winter away from his L.A. home up in Sweden to film a bit part and be a musical consultant for the movie Lords of Chaos, which chronicles the bloody black-metal scene of Norway in the '90s. It was a dream gig for this nimble-fingered guitar virtuoso, who has brought his metal mania to a new cartoon, "Dethklok," about an American/Norwegian metal band, now airing on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim.

Playgirl: What's going on with you?

Brendon: "Dethklok" is the big thing. It asks the question, What if the biggest band in the world, that was like a million times bigger than the Beatles, were also a million times stupider and a million times more destructive? Metal's about brutality, I mean, death metal's about dying, which is hilarious. No one realizes it, but everyone's gonna die- you're gonna die, I'm gonna die, it's actually very funny.

Playgirl: That's very sexy to talk about in Playgirl.

Brendon: [Laughs] Yeah. It's gonna be totally sexy. That's such the wrong- I didn't even realize that. [To his dog] Ernie, no barking!

Playgirl: Are you a stern master to Ernie?

Brendon: People are like, "Oh you're his dad," and I'm like, I'm his master, shut up! I'm not his fuckin' dad. I don't want that responsibility. [Laughs] Fuck that. I would be his dad only if I could be a deadbeat dad, like take him to the circus every fifth weekend... Ernie went through a phase where he was throwing up all the time, and it was because he wanted to get into show business. I can tell when he's gonna start throwing up, like when he's stretching his lips back, his eyes kinda get like wueaahhh woahhboy, like he's not feelin' too good, and I know at that point to run over and hold his ears back.

Playgirl: Aww, that's sweet. You're an animal lover, too.

Brendon: I do like animals. I completely stopped wearing fur coats when I go to the football games...

Playgirl: Is it hard being a non-fur-wearing Viking?

Brendon: Well, you see in the pictures I opted not to wear any fur. I directed some stuff for PETA: they were talking to me about possibly doing some stuff in the future, so I don't think it'd be a good idea to... I will eat fur, I just won't wear it. I'm not against eating animals if they have been killed by natural causes. Like if one animal murders another animal, like they exchange murders. I can have one of those animals for dinner. I'm not on any diet other than trying to stop eating at some point. I just really love food; I just watch the Food Network.

Playgirl: I heard that the Food Network uses some of the same techniques as porn to create their programming.

Brendon: I saw a Thanksgiving episode, and this lady rammed the turkey baster into the turkey so hard and fast, so I think I know what you're talking about. [CK laughs] ...Can you put that in the article?

Playgirl: I think we're already alienating the readers.

Brendon: [Laughs] How about this: We'll do like that joke, and then we'll do something like, "All I think about is, which girl is gonna be the right girl!" ...So yeah, that one lady titty-fucked the hot dog-

Playgirl: [Laughs] No, that was actually porn you were watching.

Brendon: Oh, was that porn, are you sure? I can't tell if it's the Food Network or porn anymore. But she's like, "There's only one way to get a hot dog ready. Enough friction will actually change the molecular structure." [Laughs] Oh, dear... Can that be in the article?

Playgirl: What are you like onstage?

Brendon: I've been doing almost straight character stuff onstage at "The Tomorrow Show." It's what I call time-of-the-day-sensitive comedy; there's certain comedy that only works at certain times of the day. Like when I wake up, nothing's funny. One o'clock, I might laugh at something good. By 8 o'clock things are pretty funny. But by midnight to 2 a.m.? Things are just fuckin' stupid. Things may not mean a lot, but it's pretty funny.

But yeah, I try to make myself unrecognizable. I have fun putting myself in a weird place and not having a lot of rehearsed stuff. If I feel comfortable enough with a character, I don't need to know what he's gonna say; I can come up with it. Also I have little places where I can hang my hat and go to if the going gets tough. Which it never does [clears throat].

Playgirl: Tell me about one of your characters.

Brendon: I have a character called Captain Moustache. When I started doing comedy in Boston in the late '90s, all these guys had been in the comedy boom of the '80s. Some of them would get paid in beer and cocaine and spent every single night going out of their minds. They were on this kind of alcoholic stupor onstage and they would do their old stuff from the '80s. So I would see this parade of washed-up brain-damaged comics.

This character's based on them. He's pretty much out of his mind, he can hardly remember jokes, he starts in the middle and makes very little sense. I like the kind of comedy that really divides a room, like half the room is like, "Ah! Funniest thing I ever heard and I'm laughing so hard my face is hurting." And the other half wants you off stage so desperately. It isn't like living or dying by each joke. My favorite standups have a strong theme or character that they're playing with. I think standup is great, joke writing is great. [But] I think it's more interesting and funnier to be different.

Playgirl: You have really boyish interests, no?

Brendon: Yes. I do like to go to metal shows. I get rip-roaringly drunk and try to join the band after the show. Try to do an audition with no instrument, [just] air guitar and facial expressions and just bein' metal, like, "You can see, right?"

But I'm into dogs- girls like dogs, right? Ernie's a chick magnet. He loves the ladies, too. Seriously, if three girls are walking, one of them's more attractive than the other two, he'll go to that girl. And he'll maul her. And there's a lawsuit...

Playgirl: Was this your first naked photo shoot?

Brendon: Yes it was, though I've appeared mostly bakes on stage before. I was in a G-string once for this bit. I think there's a really fine line between comedy with shirtlessness and when you take yourself seriously doing it. Ben Stiller actually pumps up and is very concerned about his body. Not me!

Playgirl: How did you prepare?

Brendon: By eating a lot of Thanksgiving food. There's just more of me to love. I was surprisingly comfortable; I was in my own house, and I've been naked here before. In fact, as I speak to you now, underneath all these clothes, I am totally naked.

It was really funny, the photographer showed me the previous issue [of Playgirl], some guy was all ripped and kinda grasping his hard-on like he's gonna tear it off, you know? And I was like, "Woaaah boy. I'm gonna have a different angle on that."

Playgirl: So, being both a musician and a comedian should equal goin' crazy with the ladies.

Brendon: Yeah, sure. I'm a musician and I do comedy and create TV shows, but I'm just the kinda guy who likes to hang out and watch DVDs. Oh- and be mind-bogglingly drunk [both laugh].

Playgirl: I think the ladies would still be with you for that.

[End of article]

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April Fool's Special Feature, Playgirl 2006.

Written by Colleen Kane.

Photographed by Jeff Yarbrough.

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does anyone have that doge meme that says some shit like "WINS CUSTODY OF THE KIDS FROM MY EX-WIFE/IT'S POOP KIDS" or did i hallucinate this nonsensical image

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masterpost of horror lists

here are all my horror lists in one place to make it easier to find! enjoy!

sub-genres

action horror

analog horror

animated horror

anthology horror

aquatic horror

apocalyptic horror

backwoods horror

campy horror

children’s horror

comedy horror

coming-of-age horror

corporate/work place horror

cult horror

dance horror

dark comedy horror

daylight horror

death games

domestic horror

ecological horror

erotic horror

experimental horror

fairytale horror

folk horror

found footage horror

giallo horror

gothic horror

grief horror

historical horror

holiday horror

home invasion horror

house horror

indie horror

isolation horror

lgbtqia+ horror

lovecraftian/cosmic horror

medical horror

meta horror

monster horror

musical horror

mythological horror

neo-monster horror

new french extremity horror

paranormal horror

psychedelic horror

psychological horror

religious horror

revenge horror

romantic horror

sad/dramatic horror (i think??)

science fiction horror

slasher

southern gothic horror

splatter/body horror

survival horror

techno-horror

vampire horror

virus horror

werewolf horror

western horror

witch horror

zombie horror

horror plots/settings

road trip horror

summer camp horror

cave horror

doll horror

cinema horror

plot devices

storm horror

from a child’s perspective

final girl/guy (this is slasher horror trope)

last guy/girl (this is different than final girl/guy)

reality-bending horror

slow burn horror

foreign horror or non-american horror

african horror

spanish horror

middle eastern horror

korean horror

japanese horror

british horror

german horror

indian horror

thai horror

decades

silent era

30s horror

40s horror

50s horror

60s horror

70s horror

80s horror

90s horror

2000s horror

2010s horror

2020s horror

companies/services

blumhouse horror

a24 horror

ghosthouse horror

shudder horror

other lists

horror literature to movies

video game to horror movie adaption

video nasties

female directed horror

my 130 favorite horror movies

horror movies critics hated because they’re stupid

horror remakes/sequels that weren’t bad

female villains in horror

horror movies so bad they’re good

non-horror movies that feel like horror movies

directors + their favorite horror movies + directors in the notes

tumblr’s favorite horror movie (based off my poll)

horror movie plot twists

cult classic horror movies

essential underrated horror films

worst horror movie husbands

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⟡ s4e3 × prankklok - " it's a sign, pickles . " 1 2

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Hey could you possibly draw Sam and Max beating the absolute bullocks out of each other?

guys whose love language is beating each other up in a big cloud of dust

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asexual nicki minaj moodboard