Everybody Loves Somebody.

Damn same

me too Smoliv

as much as i love best dad diluc, im also a believer of unintentionally horrible dad diluc troupe. tonight, i choose violence. didn't do a proper post format for this one because it's just my brainrots a very long one lmao and shit but anyways

tw: horrible parenting, dark content, neglect, unintentional self-harm, abduction, torture (mentioned but not really written in detail), hurt-comfort but mostly hurt ackdjf

words: 2,022 (tf do you mean my brainrot is longer than my usual fics :<??)

single dad diluc who didn't mean to neglect you, his newborn, because he was mourning for his wife, whom he lost while she was giving birth.

single dad diluc who promised her that he'll take good care of you because that was what she'd want. giving you everything was what they both wanted.

single dad diluc who kept repeating to himself that he needs to be strong for the both of you and all he wants is the best for you.

single dad diluc who almost dropped you because you look too much like your mother. the same chubby cheeks, the same eyelashes, the same scrunch of your nose, everything. he almost wanted to look away because all he can see is her and it keeps breaking his poor broken heart. seeing you is a reminder that he had lost her. little does he know, he had lost you too.

single dad diluc who was doing fine at first. he goes to your crib every night, bottle feeds you, does everything perfectly. except he can't look at you for longer than he needs to. he couldn't hold you for more than a few hours. couldn't let you sleep in his arms because he's restless and his continuous movement stirs you awake every time. couldn't hug you to his chest whenever it gets particularly cold, instead he sits in a chair beside your crib, letting his pyro vision do the work. couldn't stay guarding you for too long because his work starts to pile up and the abyss won't kill themselves up. couldn't dote on you the way he wanted to. couldn't push himself to go to you faster when you start crying.

single dad diluc who almost dropped to his knees the moment you open your eyes and he sees the same shade of red. it reminds him that his wife is dead because of him. because what he could give her wasn't enough to keep her alive. if he had been extra careful with her pregnancy, maybe she'd still be alive.

single dad diluc who cursed himself for thinking that she'd still be alive if she didn't give birth to you, if he had chosen to save her instead of you. he runs to the bathroom, vomiting his words literally and figuratively. he digs his nails into the palm of his hand as punishment, shaking his head and shutting his eyes to keep his tears at bay. he repeats to himself that she'd hate him for even thinking of such a thing. heck, hate is too small of a word for what she'd do to him if she finds out that he even thought about that. he swears to himself that if he ever thought about it for a second time that he'd burn himself alive.

single dad diluc slowly starts to leave the responsibility of taking of you to the maids. in some way, he's unaware that the reason he did this is because he didn't want to hurt the both of you further. he didn't want to look at you and think of the worst things a parent would think of their child. you don't deserve any of his anger, so instead of forcing himself upon you, he subconsciously avoids being around you too much.

single dad diluc who didn't get to hear your first words or see your first steps. his eyes widen when he faintly hears your voice in the hallway, wondering when you started to learn how to speak. he watches you play in the vineyard from the window of his office, unaware of the slight clench of his fist whenever you trip or hurt yourself.

single dad diluc who doesn't know that you don't look at him as your dad but just someone who provides you with everything you need. he was never there for you, so he failed to build a connection with you. he's not aware that his presence brings you uneasiness and suddenly you're standing straight and looking right at the ground. you don't look like a child with an indifferent look on your face. anyone can see the tension between the two of you. yet he still doesn't look your way even as he speaks to you about your studies and your day. your fingers dig into your palm, keeping yourself from bursting into tears because all you can see is a stranger who was supposed to be your dad, but he looks nothing like the fathers you see in the city. when he turns away from you to goes back to his office, you silently pray to barbatos, "please, look at me like i actually exist for once." but he doesn't. you let adelinde guide your trembling form into your room, where your pillow catches all the tears you shed.

single dad diluc who barely knows anything about you and feels too ashamed to face you, so he sends you gifts on your birthdays and holidays through adelinde. most of the things he buys aren't exactly what you're interested in, but you learned to not care. at some point, you realize that he'll never look at you for more than a minute. but only because you've never caught him longingly staring at you, wondering when you started to grow up so fast. he sees so much of your mother in you and it's at that moment he realizes how distant he had been from you. he wants to talk to you, to be there for you, but he just couldn't push himself to do so when you don't even look interested. only because he wasn't there when you cried for your dad to save you from a nightmare and never looked at you long enough to see the small hand that was reaching to hold his.

single dad diluc who envies the close bond between you and your uncle kaeya. he wants to be able to approach you like that, but he knows it's not going to be that easy. but he's relieved to know that you're at least getting along with kaeya, the only other family you have.

single dad diluc who tries to follow kaeya's advice when trying to talk to you, but fails miserably and all he ends up doing is making things awkward.

single dad diluc who starts to wonder when you started to go out for so long. every morning, he'd see you venture out the winery by yourself and come home a little later after the sun sets. sometimes, he'd see you in his nightly patrols, fiery eyes making sure you get home safely. sometimes, he has to physically restrain himself from being all over you when he sees the small cuts on your arms and instead tells adelinde to tend to you quickly.

single dad diluc who assumes that you've been getting into ridiculous trouble and that's why you have so many wounds. little does he know, that you've been getting all these wounds from abyss and humans alike, all that have a vendetta against him. but you sealed your lips shut, you didn't want to bother him when he's already too busy at work. instead, you roll your eyes like a brat and brushed his words away, making up lies about teaching a bully a lesson. this irks him more and he questions where you learned how to be so ill-mannered, but he never gets an answer other than your door slamming shut. he never gets to see how you slide down to the floor, silent tears running down your cheeks and your eyes void of any light from exhaustion. you try to distract yourself, unconsciously digging your nails into your thighs until you hiss from pain. if diluc were to see this, he'd see himself when he was young, doing the same thing to get a hold of himself when things become overwhelming.

single dad diluc who accidentally raised his voice when the two of you got into an argument about your sudden disappearances, the amount of wounds on your person and your rebellious behavior. he'd come to regret accusing you of ridiculous things instead of calmly asking where you've been, because the next thing he knows you're stomping your way out of the house, claiming that you don't need his lectures and that you're used to doing things by yourselves. he desperately wants to chase after you, sit you down and tend to your wounds, but your words rendered him frozen. do you really not need him? are you going to leave him once you're of age? he won't be surprised if you did, but the way that you said that so easily makes his heart bleed. he really fucked up, didn't he? all the promises of taking good care of you and giving you the best, he's broken all of them. he's such a fucking terrible father.

single dad diluc who tries to comfort himself by saying that you're just staying at kaeya's. you always go to kaeya's place, you've spent more than a week there before. until the man himself burst into his office with angry eyes, demanding him to get his ass off his chair and help him look for you. he stares at diluc's confused face in disbelief before explaining that you've been missing for almost a week now. suddenly, diluc's world seems black and white and everything sounds muffled. he couldn't hear the sound of his chair getting thrown back from the way he stands up immediately, but he felt the chill from kaeya's voice while telling him everything they currently know. he doesn't remember the urgency in his steps and the authority in his voice when he orders people around to get all the information he needs. all he knows is that he's getting you back no matter what, even if it costs him his life.

single dad diluc who couldn't get a wink of sleep and barely has the time to eat. the faster he works the sooner he'll get you back. he keeps searching and searching and searching, only resting when fatigue catches up to him but immediately going back to his search when he feels the slightest better. every time he closes his eyes for even a minute, all he can see is your baby face from the first time he held you.

single dad diluc who didn't know what to do with himself when they finally found you in an abandoned abyss camp, lying broken on the ground, bleeding and barely breathing. he almost didn't want the healers to touch you from fear that they'll hurt you further. he thanks the archons for having kaeya back there, telling him that you'll need the help of the healers. reluctantly, he let's them carry you away to the cathedral, where he sits at the stone bench with the heels of his hand pressed against his eyes and elbows digging into his knees. if the circumstances were different, kaeya would've teased him from the onslaught of tears coming from his eyes, but he knows now is not the time. so instead, he places a hand on diluc's shoulder, telling him that you're a strong kid, you'll get through this.

single dad diluc who's not religious, but begs barbatos in his head to save you so many times.

single dad diluc who sits by your bed, watching over you by himself and not leaving your side for more than a few minutes. he claims that he wants to take care of you himself. in truth, he just wants to be the first one to see you open your eyes again.

single dad diluc who stares at your sleeping face, seeing his wife once again and turning sour. you got hurt because of him. he almost lost you and it's his fault. everyone he loves are going to disappear and it's his fault. if only he had been more cautious. if only he had searched for you the moment you didn't come home the next day. if only he had chased you when you left the winery.

if only he had been a better father.

I swear if this story does not end in diluc x (name)/thoma x (name)

CHAPTER TEN || COWBOY LIKE ME

SYPNOSIS (of chapter). in which today is a day for a beautiful wedding, with secrets and fears hidden underneath the naked eye.

SYPNOSIS (of series). breaking up with your first love was heartbreaking, but not as heartbreaking as getting invited to his wedding after years of not seeing him. that is, until things seem to be easier when you encounter a certain guest, who could end up being more than just a blooming friend to you.

CHARACTERS. kamisato ayato and diluc ragnvindr (w/ gn!reader)

CONTENT. angst/fluff/comfort(?), modern au, slight physical violence (slap), mentions of family problems, hints of murder, and lots of crying and anxiousness

PENPALS. @scaraslover @saving-for-xiao @dawgimsohot @kazu-topia @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @shenhesl0ver @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @owozi8 @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @nejibot @ylimeprive @sachispet @loreleis-world @sn-owo @starforecasts @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @koshiisu @ymikkos @reallysporadicarcade @elychee @rion-s @denkineptune @franini @sophisticatedleslie @thedivinepriestress @smashsubs @httpmitsuya @bl6o6dy @cottonkendi (please visit this post if you'd like to be tagged!)

WORD COUNT. 6.2k words

LINKS. EVERMORE MASTERLIST \ MAIN MASTERLIST \ EVERMORE SURVEY (come visit if you’d like to ask questions that i’ll answer by the time this series ends !)

POST-SCRIPT. 6 more chapters before evermore reaches its end !! i'm very excited to work on the next chapters as they're the ones i'm excited to write <33 id also like to shoutout to that one anon whose birthday is today, this is my gift to you, anon <33 !!

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make sure to read the full thing before looking at reblogs and replies to prevent yourself from getting spoiled !!

The day of the wedding has finally come.

It’s strange, you admit. After you and Ayato talked it out together properly yesterday, the lingering thoughts about the past was.. Quiet for the first time. It’s a good thing of course, but it’s just so new to you.

Zhongli could tell something good happened to you from just the way you’re acting today.

“Good morning to you, ( Name ).” He greeted you from his seat as he poured hot tea on his cup. “I take it that you slept well?”

You hummed happily in response, sitting down across the man with a cup of your drink. “I did. Remember when I went to visit the couple because of the wedding gift?” 

Zhongli nodded in response, causing you to add, “Ayato and I talked it out. We both settled the situation and decided that it’s fair that we go our separate ways. I’m glad we properly made up, if it weren’t for you persuading me to go up there, I would’ve not been able to talk to Ayato at all for the next few days.” 

“That’s good, I’m happy you finally made up with Mr. Kamisato.” Zhongli comments with a proud smile. It was definitely difficult to convince you to come visit the wedding couple to give them their gifts because of the fact you’re afraid of bothering them and not wanting to see Ayato, so he was glad to hear it went well for you just like he hoped it would be. “Why don’t we go to a place to celebrate before the wedding? I was meaning to visit a place that my friend’s been insisting on visiting and I think it’d be great if I could tag you along with Venti.” 

Seeing how you have nothing else to do for the rest of the day before the wedding, you don’t see why you shouldn’t refuse his offer – and besides, it’s been a few days since you’ve spent time with your dear friend. “I’d love to go!” 

–

You learned that Zhongli’s dear friend certainly knows where alcohol is. 

Unlike before when you three got lost around the city thanks to Venti, your journey to Angel’s Share was nothing but a breeze. The young man was delighted to tell you everything about the place as you’re on your way there. 

“It’s definitely a cool place! Not only do they sell the finest wines Mondstadt has to offer, they also sell lots of delicious foods and nonalcoholic beverages, you’ll love it!” Venit said enthusiastically. “I recommend you trying out Dandelion Wine or their Misty Garden – Zhongli is a fan of that one.” 

You look at Zhongli in surprise. “You went there before?” 

He nodded with a smile. “Yes I have. Though, it was perhaps a few years since I last visited.” He clarified. 

“We’re here!” Venti spoke, causing you to stop your tracks and look at the location that’s on your left, only for your eyes to widen at the sight of the name of the place. Angel’s Share…? Isn’t that where…?

“Come, come! I want to introduce you to someone before we go sit somewhere.” He spoke, dragging you and Zhongli towards the entrance.

As the three of you enter Angel’s Share, Venti takes you both to the bar area nearby, and your eyes widen at the sight of a certain familiar man who’s serving drinks for the servers to snatch away and serve it to the customers. 

It was only when you’re now face to face with him when the bartender realizes your presence.

“...”

“...”

“...Mr. – I mean, Diluc.” You spoke. 

“...( Name )...” Diluc greeted you back, surprised as well. “I didn’t know you’d be visiting here today, I thought the wedding was today?” 

“Ah, the wedding will start in a few hours, so we decided to visit here before getting ready.” You respond. “...Will you be there too?” 

He nodded. “Mr. Kamisato was delighted that everyone was pleased with the drinks I’ve served, so he and his fiancée were happy to invite me to the wedding and reception.” 

Your eyes brighten, now looking forward to the wedding more than ever. “That’s good! I’ll see you there then!” 

“I’ll see you there as well,” Diluc then looks at where Zhongli and Venti are. “It’s nice to see you again, Mr. Zhongli…. Venti.” 

“Took you long enough to realize we exist!” Venti spoke with a laugh. “We’ll be going to our table now, we better expect to see your finest wine on the table!”

“Only if you pay up.” Diluc narrows his eyes. “Might I remind you about your bill from last night?” 

The younger man pretends to not hear any word the bartender was saying, giggling as he takes your arm and walks to the nearest empty table with Zhongli following.

As the three of you shared a conversation while waiting for your orders to be served, you couldn’t help but steal some glances towards Diluc nearby, who you’d sometimes caught glancing at your direction too before you quickly looked away in embarrassment. 

You’d be lying if you said you’re not looking forward to talking to him during the reception. Could you blame yourself? There was still so much to talk about with the man, who certainly knows more than what meets the eye, but unfortunately your long conversation had to be stopped due to the venue being over already. 

Your small glances towards each other did not go unnoticed by a certain nosy young man. 

“So,” Venti suddenly spoke with a smug look on his face. “Care to tell us the juicy details between you and Mr. Diluc over there?” 

Your mouth opens in surprise, your glances towards the bartender finally stop. “E-Excuse me?” 

“Oh, I meant that I was wondering if you could tell us about you and that guy over there. I honestly didn’t expect you two to become friends because of the shop back then! I can’t help but feel curious since that man rarely makes friends.” Venti clarifies quickly with a giggle. 

You hesitantly look down at the table, fingers tapping in deep thought. “Well… I could say the both of us kept seeing each other by accident a few times after that. We got to know each other during the joint bachelor party so I guess we’re considered friends now.” You explained shyly.

“No way! Diluc tells you about himself?!” Venti exclaims. “What has this world turned into?!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his exaggeration. “I wouldn’t exactly say that. We don’t tell each other our personal lives, just our preferences and such.” 

“Tell us more! I’m dying to know if it’s actually true that he despises alcohol–”

“Here are your orders!” The waiter interrupted the conversation, serving all of your meals from the tray as you thank the waiter internally for saving yourself from revealing too much. “Enjoy your meals.” 

“Thank you, good sir!” Venti cheerfully replied, watching the waiter walk away before looking at you. “Now, what did we talk about again?”

Before you could speak, Zhongli beat you to it. “We were talking about where to go next when we’re able to hang out again next time.” Thank you Zhongli! 

Thankfully, Venti fell for it. “Ah, really…? Oh well, I was thinking about you guys visiting my place next time so I could introduce you to Dvalin – He’s a cute bird of mine, ehe!”

By the time you finished your meal while continuing your conversation with Venti and Zhongli, the three of you agreed to call it a day given that you and Zhongli only have two hours to get ready before the wedding, much to Venti’s disappointment, wanting to talk more with you two. 

“Aww it’s a shame that we have to end this way, we still have so much to talk about!” The young man pouted, watching as the two of you started packing your things once you settled your bill. “I hope we get to meet up again once you two are done with that wedding fiasco.” 

You nodded in agreement. “I hope so too, we’ll see what we can do. See you next time, Venti!” 

As you and Zhongli walk away towards the exit of the establishment, you slowly find yourself gazing towards where Diluc is, who notices you’re leaving. Once your eyes contacted each other, you gave the bartender an acknowledged nod with a smile, causing Diluc to nod back. 

And then you left the establishment, smiling to yourself at the thought of coming back to that pleasant place.

—

“Welcome, welcome! Feel free to explore the venue for a bit while waiting for the wedding ceremony to start.” One of the staff greeted you as you and Zhongli stepped foot into the wedding venue, wearing your finest outfits that won’t outshine the wedding couple as it should be.

People weren’t lying when they said Goth Grand Hotel has the largest venue in all of Mondstadt, and whoever arranged the place did an amazing job making a huge empty room into a place that’s perfect for a wedding, with some intricate designs and fabrics draped on the ceilings as well as music playing in the background that originates from Inazuma, and flower arrangements with some colors around the room that symbolizes Mondstadt. The whole wedding is entirely filled with Inazuma and Mondstadt combined in a good way. 

“I’m impressed with this place.” Zhongli comments with a hum, the two of you walking around the area. “Goth Grand Hotel has outdone themselves with the venue for sure.” 

You smile in amusement at the sight of Zhongli’s way of being in awe. The way his eyes sparkle as he looks around his surroundings with his eyes is enough for you to know just how impressed he is. 

“I agree. It feels like you’re not in a hotel anymore.” You replied, entering the aisle. You find yourself letting out a sad sigh when you haven’t seen a familiar red-haired man around. You were looking forward to having a quick chat with him before the ceremony starts, but talking to your other friends will just have to do. 

Your slumped look didn’t go unnoticed by Zhongli, who can’t help but glance at you in curiosity. 

Are they thinking about that red-haired man perhaps? He thought to himself in amusement. It seems Venti wasn’t the only one who noticed your quick glances and interactions with your new friend.

It took perhaps thirty minutes chatting with your other friends who managed to arrive early before you and Zhongli decided to come to your seats as soon as it was announced the wedding would come shortly. 

A few seconds turned to minutes, you thought there was nothing wrong as far as you know. A few minutes turned to thirty minutes, and you thought there’s just a minor inconvenience as the music begins. Thirty minutes turned into an hour, and you knew something was wrong with Chisato, not when Ayato was already standing in his position waiting for the bride to come. 

The bride never came. 

Today is going to be a lovely day, Chisato thought with a small smile. 

After so many years of anticipation and dread, the day of the wedding has finally arrived. The woman was prepared for this moment ever since her father deemed it so, and she can guarantee that she’ll try her best for the occasion.

The woman starts the day off with breakfast served in her suite by the hotel staff. She can tell her father’s the one who ordered them to serve it given that her breakfast today is her favorite Inazuma dishes, something that she hasn’t eaten for the past week. 

It’s a shame that she can’t spend such breakfast with her soon-to-be-husband, who’s now in another suite in order for the couple to not see each other before the wedding, but nevertheless, it was fine since she’ll see him later on and eat dinner with him at the reception. Now that she thinks about it, it’s quite silent and lonely here..

Perhaps listening to her favorite songs won’t hurt a bit while eating breakfast.

She instantly grabs her phone nearby and plays her playlist before grabbing her schedule as she dines in on her breakfast.

First, she has a lot of free time for the next two hours – which she’ll use to take a stroll through the garden, have some spa, check with her wedding planner and Thoma regarding the preparations of the wedding, then afterwards she can proceed to the bridal room and start getting ready for the wedding at last. 

Simple and lovely, just the way she likes it. She can’t think of anything that can make this day go wrong,

By the time she finishes her breakfast, she washes the dishes off by the kitchen sink and goes to her room to change her attire. 

As the woman strolls around the garden happily, she admires the flowers and plants displayed. The place is truly one of the things she likes about the Grand Goth Hotel, and the pictures certainly didn’t give enough justice for how ethereal the garden looked. 

She leans towards one of Mondstadt’s special flowers – windwheel asters are what they called – and looks at one of them in fascination. They really do spin!

Chisato could recall talking to Thoma about Mondstadt before the trip. The man was surely fond of his hometown from how he has so many things to talk about the lands, and one of those things are particularly windwheel asters. 

Next to the plentiful flowers are cecilias, the one she personally chose for her bouquet besides her favorite ones that have been sent straight from Inazuma, and just as Thoma said, they’re as lovely as “true love”, a quote he recited as a reference of a certain song written by Mondstadt’s most famous idol, Barbara.

Everywhere Chisato goes, her surroundings are filled with various flowers hailed from Mondstadt and even from certain neighboring lands. 

It would be lovely if she could have a garden as similar as this for her new home that she and Ayato will stay in after the wedding, then maybe she can have a safe haven to come to whenever she wants to clear her mind. 

If she’s lucky enough, maybe said safe haven would be enough to clear some of her guilt off for not working hard enough to stop her wedding for you and Ayato.

It still hurts, knowing that it took her this long to realize that she was right about this wedding being a mistake from the start. Not only is she getting married to someone who loves someone else and had the audacity to act so loving to him with the person he loves around, but was also totally clueless that her fiance was suffering from something she could’ve tried her best to prevent. 

She knew what it was like to lose someone she loves dearly – though her experience was much different unlike Ayato’s, whereas his someone is still alive – and it made everything worse for her knowing that she’s the reason that he’s going through it. 

That’s why she feels like the best thing she can do for you, Ayato, and herself is to keep everything under wraps. Which leads her to be… more conscious about herself and those around her. 

The feeling as if everyone’s eyes are on Chisato began to dawn on the woman, causing her posture to stiffen. Everyone would be disappointed, especially those who never understood the sacrifices of arranged marriages, they’d call her a snake for stealing someone’s man and feel sad for Ayato’s tragic love life, or call Ayato a shameless man for inviting the person he still loves to the wedding and they’d pity Chisato. 

Either way, the result would be too dire should anyone find out about this. 

It scares her, knowing there’s nothing she could do if this spreads like wildfire. She was just following her father’s orders, he didn’t know any better. She thought Ayato was alright with it too since he accepted it–

With a shaky breath, Chisato decides to go back inside from the garden that she no longer enjoys, her thoughts flooding with what-ifs and overwhelming guilt as she tries to reassure herself that the feeling of being watched by everyone is nothing but in her head. It’s okay, they’re not looking at me. They’re just going about their day, no one knows.

She feels sick when she makes eye-contact with a few passerbys while heading inside, not helping her reassurances at all.

She hopes a long spa session with her friends can make her feel better. 

If it weren’t for her dear friends, she would’ve canceled her spa appointment and stayed in her suite for the next hour until she visits her wedding planner and Thoma. 

“This is truly divine, Chisato.” Hanachirusato, one of the bridesmaids, commented. “Both the Kamisato family and your family are truly generous – not only did you provide free trips to Mondstadt for everyone, you also gave us a free spa treatment!” 

Chisato shyly laughed. “You’re too kind, Hana… It’s the least I can do for you guys since you’ve been here for me since college.” 

“You being our friend is enough. If anything, us treating you out to shopping and eating in Good Hunter yesterday isn’t enough to show us our gratitude.” Sakuya chimes. “By the way, I’ve checked the flowers that you’ll be carrying, and thankfully they’re all well.” 

“That’s good to hear, I was worried about that last night before I went to sleep. But yesterday was enough for me, I’ve had lots of fun thanks to you guys.” The bride replies quietly.

“Are you excited for the wedding later?” Aoi asks curiously.

“Of course, I am.” Chisato responded. “I’m just nervous… But I believe that everything will go well thanks to Ayato’s best man and Asagiri.”

“Aww, you’re too sweet, Chisato! And no worries, the wedding is almost done with the venue, we just need a few more roundchecks with Thoma and check on the guests before the wedding starts – I also made sure your photographer arrived early to take pictures before the reception.” Asagiri said. 

“I already feel relieved from just hearing that, thank you again Asagiri.” 

“By the way, speaking of guests… Consider me curious, but who was that person you were talking to during the bachelor party, Chisato?” Fushizome asks curiously.

Chisato was taken back by surprise. “Which person?”

“You know, the one who you were talking to when you walked back to the party from the bathroom! From what I remember, they have ( Hair Color ) and a cute outfit.” 

The woman’s breath hitches. 

They now know you. 

She couldn’t help but feel scared, what if they realized you’re Ayato’s ex? What would they do if they found out about your situation? Or worse, what if they think Chisato forced Ayato to marry her knowing about you–?!

“Ma’am, try to relax.” Chisato’s thoughts were cut off by the hushed tone of her masseuse, causing the bride to blink a few times and wake up in reality.

“Chisato..? Are you okay?” One of the bridesmaids asked in concern.

“..” Chisato lets out a deep breath before smiling once again. “Ah, I’m alright, sorry. I was dozing off..” 

“Again..? Are you thinking about the wedding?” 

“Yeah,” The bride lets out a fake laugh. “I’m alright, don’t worry about me. I was just recalling everything I needed to do for the wedding.”

The women look at each other with a flash of concern for Chisato before giving in to her reassurance. “..If you insist, Chisato.” 

By then, everything was a blur. 

The discussion between Thoma and the wedding planner in her suite went as smoothly as Chisato hoped, it was only until they left the room when the woman encountered a surprise visitor.

“Father? What brings you here?” The bride exclaims in surprise, not expecting to see her father visiting her. 

“Well I’ve come to visit my sweet little girl before she goes to the wedding! Is it wrong of me to visit you?” 

Chisato shakes her head, opening the door wide for him to enter. “O-Of course not, father. Please come in.” 

As Shinsuke enters the room, the woman instantly rushes over to the kitchen after closing the door shut, preparing her father’s favorite tea. 

He then decides to speak. “I’m quite proud of you, sweetheart. I hope you and Ayato will have a prosperous marriage as I hoped it would be. Carrying both the Hiiragi and Kamisato titles is no easy feat, so I hope you’re ready for it all once the wedding is over.” 

“I’m more than ready, father.” She responded, walking over towards her father with the tea set. It was fortunate the man didn’t notice the way her hands started shaking. “You’ve prepared me for it.” 

Prepared, that’s what Shinsuke thought he was. Prepared for anything, prepared for dangers to come, prepared for dealing with someone who threatens his status, prepared for removing evidence, prepared for everything, everywhere.

Prepared for all except having a daughter. 

Even though her father didn’t say anything, Chisato knew he despised the fact that he only has a daughter who will inherit everything in the Hiiragi business instead of a son. She appreciated his efforts in hiding it to not hurt her feelings – a sign that he at least cares about her – but it hurts to see the way his jaws sometimes clench at the sight of her. 

Perhaps one of the reasons why she didn’t exactly protest against the marriage back then was because of the fact it could make her father proud of her for once. 

Even if she won medals in school, knew every single thing she needed to know to handle a business,  became top 1 in her classes, won many achievements, and a truly breadwinner that’s worth being proud of by parents overall, the bride knew it wasn’t enough for her father. Not when he wanted a boy instead of a girl as his child and for his wife to come back from the dead after dying from childbirth. 

It was only when she learned that he has other ways in dealing with people who oppose him that she lost all the admiration she had for her father and didn’t bother to try and get his attention, who’s nothing but a corrupted prick. All that’s left are fear and misery. 

“Of course, I didn’t raise you well for nothing, dear.” Shinsuke responded with a laugh, bringing up the cup to his lips before taking a sip. “That’s why I better expect nothing to go wrong with the wedding and between you and Ayato.” 

Chisato feels her heart sinking, slowly realizing that the elder man has another reason for visiting here. “Nothing’s going on that should concern you, father. So you don’t have to–”

“Don’t bother lying to me, Chisato.” 

…

What?

Chisato felt her heart drop. Does he know about the bachelor party? Did he realize who you are? What will he do to you and Ayato if he does–!

The woman tries to contain her smile, keeping her act together. “Father, what do you mean? I’m telling you the tru–”

“Do you happen to know ( Name ) ( Last Name )?” 

Chisato felt her breath hitch, trying not to look shocked. “..Wh..What about them… Father?” She breathed out, trying not to panic. How did he find out about you? Did he manage to catch you with Ayato? Or was there someone who managed to tell him about your relationship with him–?!

“I’m disappointed in you, Hiiragi Chisato.” She tenses up from the way he brought up her full name. “What did I tell you about not showing vulnerability for this wedding?! What if that vile person makes rumors about how you’re miserable in this marriage?!” 

Oh thank Celestia..

“I.. I’m sorry, father. I just couldn’t help it, I was crying out of excitement that I’m getting married to th-the man I love and I didn’t notice ( Name ) until it was too late – b-but I can reassure you father, they certainly won’t do such a thing! I promise! Please don’t do anything to them!” She begged, hoping her acting was enough to convince her foolish father. 

“I won’t risk it.” Shinsuke hissed. “It’s best if we kick them out now before they try to ruin this damned wedding by spreading rumors!” 

Chisato shook her head in dismay. “Please don’t, father! I know them well enough, they haven’t spoken about this to anyone–”

“HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME!?” Chisato shrieks when she feels her father slap her face, causing her to instantly back away in fear. “Have you forgotten who raised you? Who fed you? Who gave you all of this,” He gestures around the suite, “and who helped you get to where you are now?! You’re getting married to one of the most powerful and richest men in Inazuma and it's all thanks to me!” 

The woman hyperventilates in panic, shocked from her father’s sudden violence. Never did he lay a hand on her violently for all her life – was it because she kept protesting instead of staying silent and playing along? 

Realizing his actions, Shinsuke lets out a huff. “I will go get ready for the wedding. If I ever hear a word from everyone about you and Ayato negatively, I will do whatever I want with that disgraceful friend of yours.” 

She watched in fear as he walked away towards the exit, her hand still on top of where he slapped her face.

By the time he left, she broke down in tears. 

“I’m sorry ( Name )..” She whispered. “I don’t know if I’ve done enough..” Just like how she doesn’t know if she’s done enough for her and her ex lover, Kamaji. 

– 

Chisato felt suffocated with her wedding dress. 

“You look absolutely gorgeous, Chisato!” Nana cooed as she and the other ladies stared at Chisato’s stunning figure in awe, not noticing the way the woman looked miserable. “If Kamisato didn’t fall in love with you before, he’ll surely fall in love with you now!” 

Just as Chisato wished, she’s wearing a wedding dress that those such as Mondstadt would wear on their weddings instead of a traditional wedding dress that Inazuma women would wear. The wedding dress was slim, enough to hug her figures in a comfortable way, with designs that her stylist made by hand herself that resembles her homeland, Inazuma. There was also a petal train by the end of her dress, with designs of sakura petals instead of the ordinary flower petals. 

She would’ve felt emotional on how gorgeous she truly looked, if it weren’t for the fact that her mind is elsewhere. 

“...Thanks, ladies.” She whispered, a strain smile appeared on her face. “I couldn’t have done this all without you guys, thanks again for being my bridesmaids and maid of honor.” 

“It’s no problem, Chisato. We’re truly happy for you, I wish you a happy marriage with Kamisato Ayato.” Asagiri responds, fixing Chisato’s dress a little bit before gesturing to one of the stylists in the room to put the veil on the bride. 

The bride shuffles a bit, adjusting the dress that’s suffocating her so much– or was it just her imagination? 

Hanachirusato lets out a dreamy sigh. “Ah, I can’t wait for you to come out of the entrance and walk through the aisle, you’d certainly look ethereal, people would admire you, adore you, and even envy you–”

Chisato couldn’t help but deafen Hanachirusato’s words, her palms begin to sweat as she tries not to give in to the urge to get rid of her dress from how suffocating it is. 

“What would Ayato think when he sees his beautiful bride?” Aoi asks aloud in curiosity. 

The bridesmaid’s question only made her feel even more suffocated. He’ll only wish that ( Name )’s the one who’s marrying him instead of me.. 

She slowly remembers what Shinsuke told her about you. 

The bride lets out a shaky breath. 

“I apologize, I need to go to the bathroom alone.” The bride spoke before walking towards the bathroom without letting anyone talk. 

Seeing how there’s nothing wrong with it, the bridesmaids decided to continue with their finishing touches on their outfits while waiting for Chisato.

It felt a little strange to hear nothing from Chisato in the bathroom. As far as anyone knows, this hotel was loud enough for at least the sounds of the water to be heard, signaling that there’s someone in there, so hearing nothing is strange. But since it was simply none of their concern yet, everyone decided to continue their day. 

It wasn’t until a long time had passed when the bridesmaids realized there was something wrong. 

“Chisato, are you alright?” Fushizome asks as she knocks on the bathroom door. “What happened? Do you need our hel–” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I want to continue the wedding.” The bride spoke as she continued to kneel down against the wall in the bathroom, crying softly in fear for her future and in fear for what her father will do to you and Ayato. “This.. All of this is wrong.” 

Everyone’s eyes widened from her sudden decision. “What do you mean? You didn’t do anything wrong, Chisato, you’re just nervous–”

“No, no. You don’t understand!” Chisato spoke hysterically, not caring about the fact that her makeup is now getting ruined from her tears. “Please just.. Just leave me alone!” 

“But Chisato, how can we leave you alone? We’re worried for you!” It’s for your own good, Chisato thought, breath shaking. If my father can go after anyone like ( Name ), my newest friend, then he can go after you guys too. “I can’t… I can’t talk about it…” 

“Please Chisato, let us in!” 

“Just leave me alone!” Just leave me alone, so father won’t hurt anyone I care, so he won’t hurt anyone’s lives like what he did Ayato and ( Name ) and others who were affected by him–

“Chisato?”

Her thoughts stopped when she heard his voice. 

“...” She slowly looks up at the door. “...Ayato?” 

“Yes, it’s me.” Ayato confirms, knocking on the bathroom door softly. “Care to let me in?” 

Chisato hesitates, thinking deeply for a while before standing up from the cold floor and placing her hand on the doorknob. 

With a deep breath, the bride opens the door slightly, enough for Ayato to see her and for the other people in the room to not see her. 

“...Come.” 

As soon as the groom steps foot to the bathroom, Chisato immediately closes the door, her shoulders slumped. 

The two of them stayed silent. It’s a habit between the two of them to stay silent with one another sometimes, especially at parties whereas they’d retreat to a secluded place and enjoy the peacefulness with no words exchanged. 

This time, they retreat to a secluded place for a different reason. 

 “I’m.. sorry.” She apologized softly, interrupting the silence. “I.. I know what happened between you and ( Name ). I feel ashamed that I didn’t even try hard enough–”

“You did more than enough.” Ayato interrupts. “I appreciate all your efforts you’ve done for me.. and I’m guessing for ( Name ) as well since it looks as if you two have met already.” He chuckles softly at the sight of pink in Chisato’s cheeks as confirmation of his assumption. “...If anything, it should be me who should apologize.” 

Chisato’s eyes widened, and before she could protest, Ayato quickly explained. “I apologize for not telling you anything about my situation with ( Name ) back then. I thought it was better to be quiet about it, knowing you couldn’t do anything to stop this marriage since… your father is a man who can’t be convinced.”

The bride looks away from his gaze. Although it’s true that she still couldn’t do anything about the marriage, she feels as if she still had a part in this marriage in the first place and feels guilty about it despite not being the one to suggest it to her father.

“I wanted to tell you before the wedding.” Ayato adds, smiling in sadness. “But I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and.. I was afraid that you would react badly, I don’t want to risk anything.” 

“I understand,” Chisato spoke. “I… I just feel so sorry that you have to break up with your lover for this.” 

“You don’t have to. ( Name ) and I have come to accept our fate.” He then looks at the door behind Chisato. “The one who was behind all of this is your father.” 

“I know,” she whispered. “I… I don’t know what I can do to make him pay for everything. I’m scared that if I stand up against him, he’ll…”

“Hurt everyone you love?” He finishes her sentence. 

“...”

“You’re not the only one who knows his dirty methods.” Ayato says softly, his heart aching at the thought of the Kaedehara family and Kamaji, who have fallen by the hands of the corrupted CEO. “That’s why it’s best that you and I are on the same side in this marriage. We can somehow… Somehow find a way to stop your father and bring him to jail together, even if it’ll take years to get that opportunity.” 

She feels speechless from his bold proposal. “..I’m scared.” She admits, feeling chills down her spine from the memory of Shinsuke slapping her. “I just don’t know what to do if he hurts one of my friends – or even you.” 

“He won’t. We just need to be careful and have each other.” Ayato reassures her. “If you stop this marriage now, he won’t hold back anymore and hurt everyone.”

Chisato clenches her teeth at the thought. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, the groom is right about what Shinsuke would do. “...Alright…” 

He then places a hand on her shoulder, something that’d make her shudder in fear if this was done by her father. 

But said hand isn’t her father’s, but her soon-to-be-husband’s. 

“I feel sad that I can’t love you as much as you do with me,” Ayato confesses, “I’m still not ready to fall in love, but.. But all of this doesn’t change the fact that I see you as someone I trust.”

She slowly places her hand on his. “I.. I trust you too. I want to be here for you.” 

The two of them stay silent, until Ayato decides it’s time for them to get out of the bathroom for Chisato to get ready once again. “Let’s go back and get you ready for the wedding. We can talk more about this when we’re out of here.” 

The woman nodded with a smile that’s no longer strained, and she no longer finds herself being suffocated by her dress that she loved when she first wore it. 

–

As you await for the wedding couple to come back, you couldn’t help but be curious about what’s going on behind the scenes as everyone continues chatting away. 

You flinched when you felt someone sitting down next to you, causing you to look to your right and see the man you were looking for the entire time. 

“You… You actually came.” You spoke up in pleasant surprise. 

“I’m not late, aren’t I?” Diluc asks. 

You shook your head in response, smiling. “The wedding hasn’t started yet due to some inconveniences, so you’re just right in time.” 

“That’s good.” 

As if on cue, the music started playing once more, causing everyone to instantly look behind to where the wedding couple will walk down the aisle. 

You can’t find yourself paying attention to the scene, not when you find Diluc so attractive with his outfit and hairdo. Instead of having a low ponytail with his usual polo outfit that he wears in the hotel or his usual outfit when serving drinks, he had his hair on a high ponytail instead with a neat tuxedo.

Is it just you or is the room getting hot?

When you realized you’re not hiding the fact that you’re checking the Diluc Ragnvindr out so shamelessly in a wedding ceremony, you quickly looked away and watch the ceremony in embarrassment. 

As soon as Chisato walked out of the doors, everyone stood up, all in awe at the sight of the bride at her most beautiful self. With the lights and colors around the aisle, she truly looked as if she’s glowing like a shining star in an empty night sky. 

You watched in awe as well, watching her walk towards where Ayato is, whose smile is as genuine as his love once was with you. 

You could only hope his future with Chisato is just as genuine.

By the time the bride stands next to the groom, everyone sat back down and watched the couple exchange their vows and promises. 

You never thought you’d feel so happy and relieved on their wedding day instead of dread and sorrow like you always felt about Ayato. But now that you have come to an end with Ayato and Chisato, you can happily say you’re free from the clutches of being stuck in the past after years of longing and wondering. 

“Are you alright?” Diluc suddenly asks softly towards you. 

You look back at the red-haired man in surprise, before relaxing with a smile. 

“I’ve never been better.” 

“You may now kiss the bride.” The priest announces, causing the wedding couple to lean in and kiss to seal their marriage. 

As everyone, including you, clap for the wedding couple, you fail to notice a certain man whose been eyeing your direction menacingly. 

But someone did notice.

PREVIOUS || NEXT

---

may i request an chifuyu angst, they're in a gang fight and where instead of him being shot, his s/o gets shot instead?

ROSTER . . . chifuyu matsuno

SYNOPSIS . . . you weren’t supposed to be there, but you were ; fluff pt. 2 ; angst pt. 2

CONTAINS . . . blood, death, swearing

NOTE . . . a bitch be struggling out here😭

chifuyu’s foot collides with his opponent’s face, scarlet staining the sole of his sneaker as it crunches through bone and snaps cartilage. his opponent reels back with a gurgled cry, leaving chifuyu to plunge back into the throng in search of a new target. a sea of blue and black surges around him, wild whooping and battle cries piercing the air as the two rival gangs ravage each other in pursuit of absorbing the other. he grits his teeth. the rival gang may not have the best brawlers, but they outnumber toman three to one; and, when it comes to physical altercations, numbers have a shocking way of determining the final outcome. he hasn’t yet met someone strong enough to evenly trade blows with him, which is somewhat reassuring.

as he elbows his way through the crowd, he can’t help but wonder how takemichi is doing. that kid’s so inexperienced, he’s probably--

“chifuyu!”

his ears perk at the sound of a strangely familiar voice. it almost sounds like yours, but that can’t be right. there’s no way you would be here right now. before he can turn his head, he feels something solid slam into his back and unceremoniously shove him forward just as a gunshot rocks the air. chifuyu’s heart skips a beat at the unforeseen sound of a gun being fired, and he stumbles, knees wobbly. what the hell? who brings a gun to a fistfight? almost immediately, the lingering weight on his back increases drastically, and he grunts as he’s consequently dragged to the ground and pinned beneath it.

“hey, get off,” chifuyu snaps. “what are you doing?” he rolls onto his side, causing the object weighing him down to flop to the side with a dull thump. “what’s going--”

his breath catches in his throat.

his eyes widen.

his body freezes.

the pressure on his back belonged to a body… but it wasn’t just anyone’s.

no.

it was yours.

no.

you’re sprawled motionlessly in the dirt, limbs angled awkwardly from having been shoved off by your boyfriend. your eyes are glossy and clouded over, empty and devoid of the resplendent, vivid twinkle of light that chifuyu had admired since the day he first met you. now, they just stare sightlessly at the night sky while the stars above sparkle and wink mockingly with the same luster that was supposed to belong to your soul. but in the unjust exchange for the brilliance of your eyes, they gifted you an ever-growing pool of blood that shone just as radiantly beneath the moonlight... but made chifuyu feel sick. a perfect hole has been etched into your forehead--a hole that’s not supposed to be there. blood dribbles from the wound and arches down your forehead, and it’s with a pang of dread that chifuyu realizes that the majority of the blood is originating from the back of your head. your skin is already beginning to pale, the youthful glow that you always radiated dulling into a muted shade kissed by the cold lips of death.

all around you, the flow of the battle has waned dramatically, almost every combatant falling into a shocked silence at the murder that just unfolded. a heavy silence hangs over the abandoned parking lot. no one moves. no one says a word.

“what…” chifuyu whispers, slowly shuffling toward you. his blood turns to ice in his veins as he tentatively, cautiously stretches out a hand to touch you, only to feel his stomach plummet when his fingertips press into cold flesh. it’s not an illusion. you’re tangible. this… is real? “no,” chifuyu’s voice trembles. his hands shake as they inch forward to caress the sides of your face. he flinches when your blood slithers over his fingers--blood that’s not supposed to fucking be there. “no, no, no, this isn’t--” his voice snags in his throat. his throat is beginning to knot up with quickly approaching tears, but he isn’t sure why. you’re not dead. you can’t be. you’re… you’re not even supposed to be here, goddamnit!

but the more his eyes travel over your lifeless features and his fingertips roam along your face--the same face he’d caressed and kissed goodbye less than an hour ago--the more it’s becoming undeniable. this is real. you’re really here… with a bullet through your brain.

“(reader)..?” panic begins to set in. ignoring the haze of death dimming your eyes, chifuyu seizes your shoulders, jostling you gently as if trying to rouse you from a nightmare… just as he wishes someone would do to him. tears sting his eyes, blurring his vision until all the colors in the scene before him bleed together like a smudged watercolor painting--like this was a mistake. an accident. a twist of fate. chifuyu doesn’t know what he’s feeling. he doesn’t know whether this discomfort and nausea is rage, grief, guilt, or despair. all he knows is that it’s so intense that he wants to scream. tears openly cascade from his eyes and drip onto your skin, diluting the blood and causing it to stream even faster down your skin in watered-down rivulets. in a fit of frustration, chifuyu swipes his sleeves across the blood spatters, desperate to wipe them away because they’re not supposed to be there. not on the love of his life. not on the person he already started secretly setting aside a bit of money in order to purchase a promise ring for. not on you.

“what are you doing here?” chifuyu can’t keep the tremor in his voice at bay. he carefully lifts you up by your shoulders, setting your head on his lap with such gentleness that it almost seems as if he’s afraid to disturb your slumber. he can’t bite back the pathetic whimper that slips from his lips when your head makes a sickening squelching sound and lolls like dead weight against his thighs. “you’re supposed to be at home. you’re not supposed to be here. why are you here?” voice raising, he pulls you up and into his arms, holding you tightly against his chest. “why? you... you didn't have to do that! you're supposed to be home! you're supposed to be safe!” his body wracked with sobs and shuddering breaths, he buries his head in the crook of your neck, hating how cold your skin is against the warmth of his hands. “(reader)!”

he doesn’t hear the thundering footsteps as keisuke and takemichi hurtle past him, making a beeline straight for the culprit. he doesn’t hear the crackle of bones splintering or the dull thud of the gun as it hits the ground. with his ear pressed to your chest, all he hears is… nothing. you’re heart is supposed to be beating, but it isn’t. it’s silent. it’s… silent. it’s…

all my fault.

this… is all my fault.

GRAPES ARE SO GOOD BRO GULP GULP GULP

Ew grapes, but grapes juice tho 😋

---

Im gonna have a math exam tmmrw, instead of studying im writing a scenario w childe and scara, hopefully it will finish tmmrw hshhshhs.

But pls wish me gl for tmmrw👉👈

Im so close to give up the scara part, how am i supposed to write it damn

# . . 𝗞𝗔𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗚𝗜 𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗝𝗨

blessing your tl with 2 panels of senju today. reblogs are highly appreciated! <3

© hqruchiyo on tumblr. 2021. do not repost / steal.

your big brother kazuha hcs were so cute 😭 i was wondering if you could also do hcs for either kaeya and diluc as big brothers

autophobia.

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kaeya, diluc, crepus

# — summary: “in family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” –friedrich nietzsche

# — warnings: mentions of death, fighting, panic attacks, anxiety

# — tags: hc/drabble format, slight canon divergence, hurt/comfort, LOTS of fluff, but also LOTS of angst, found family, implied (romantic) albedo x reader

# — notes: i know you liked the kazuha one because it was cute but because this concept with kaeya and diluc specifically actually crosses my mind a lot.. like a LOT a lot, this is a long one, so buckle up! as always, reblogs and reactions are appreciated, and i really really hope you enjoy!

# — tag list: @marius-z @the-gayest-sky-kid @kkiryus @keiq0 @favonious-captain

wanna join the tag list?

✧ — ❄ +🔥 — ✧

so i'm assuming you meant diluc and kaeya separately, buuuut... it's hard to put them separate when they are brother, though they behave otherwise

so let's say, for the sake of this post, you are their adopted younger sibling!

crepus took you in along with kaeya since you two were abandoned in the same place at the same time

however, you two were abandoned by completely different people, so no, you have no ties to khaenri'ah

(but, if you want smth that's like.. kaeya and the reader being sibling spies for khaenri'ah, i can make a whole 'nother post. i digress.)

as children...

you three were inseparable

kaeya and diluc bonded well to begin with, but with you added to the mixture, they may as well have been joined at the hip

diluc is the oldest amongst the three of you, and sort of gets saddled with caring for you and kaeya in subtle ways, even if crepus is present in your lives

he's kind of like the "leader" if that makes sense? he's fine with you and kaeya having opinions or dictating what activities you do for the day

but neither you nor kaeya can refuse diluc whenever he asks for something or makes a demand

(he will deny, as an adult, that he ever made demands as a boy. it's true that he didn't, but you and kaeya will sometimes tease him about it anyways.)

"kaeya, can you stop spinning them around like that? you two might break something and dad would have a heart attack if either of you got hurt." a young diluc peers over the top of his book at you and kaeya, who have been horsing around while he reads something about knighthood.

he's been taking his studies seriously these days in order to fulfill your father's dreams of becoming an esteemed knight of favonius. since crepus couldn't do it himself, diluc took it upon himself to do it in his stead. he's an overachiever in every sense of the word, and you thought he was the coolest brother in all of teyvat.

kaeya sets you down on the ground gently. "yes sir!" he salutes his brother, snickering when you copy his actions.

diluc snorts and rolls his eyes. "that's not even how the knights salute, kaeya. you'd know that if you studied more."

kaeya scrunches his nose. "hey, i take my studies very seriously, thank you very much. i just gotta make time for my siblings, unlike some people." he leans over and uses your head as an arm rest, not budging when you try to shake him off. "it's called time management, diluc. look it up."

your brothers bickered like this rather often, but there was never any bite to their words. you could always see them fighting back smiles as they went back and forth, trying to keep the upper hand on the other. a lot of the time, you were caught in the crossfire, be it physically or verbally. you didn't mind much, but sometimes they would get annoying.

you manage to shove kaeya's arm off your head. "for the record, neither of you are good at managing your time." you grumble. "diluc studies too much and kaeya studies too little."

"what, are you supposed to be goldilocks, then?" diluc closes his book, smirking at you. "are you supposed to be the perfect kid?"

you cross your arms over your chest. "well, duh. i studied for a little while today, and i'm playing with kaeya now. i'll study some more later. that's how you do it."

your brothers share a look of defeat and then turn their eyes back to you. kaeya ruffles your hair. "ah, our youngest is growing up so fast," he muses, "soon, they'll be the grand master of the knights and we'll have to follow their every command."

you sputter and try to push kaeya off of you again. when you fail, your struggling turns into an all-out wrestling match, with kaeya beating you in record time thanks to his longer limbs. "on second thought," your brother pants, "maybe i'd make a better grand master? what do you think, diluc?"

"sure, kaeya." diluc answers dismissively. "you'd be the greatest."

it's a respect thing, mostly.

never once has diluc lorded his title as eldest over the two of you, so you and kaeya came to respect and love him naturally.

diluc takes after crepus in more than just appearance.

even as kids, he was mature and responsible, but still maintained his boyish behaviors whenever you or kaeya were involved.

he's the older brother you ran to during stormy nights, since you knew for a fact that he would be awake anyways.

he's the older brother you went to for silent comfort

if you had a nightmare, diluc was the brother you went to.

(kaeya can pout about it all he wants.)

if you wanted to cry, diluc was the brother who would hug you silently until you've let it all out. he won't ask questions or push you for answers; he'll just sit there and be your rock.

i suppose in a literal sense, he's the warmth of your childhood. diluc is the sturdy, resilient, ever-burning flame that you use for comfort in times of need.

also, don't tell anyone, but diluc was definitely a hugger. a HUGE teddy bear.

kaeya was definitely the more tactile sibling

but if you denied diluc a hug or went to kaeya instead of him, he'd get all mopey and then deny it until you cuddled with him.

"you were pouting earlier."

"i don't pout. can you get out my room?"

you giggle. "i came to give you a hug, since i didn't give you one earlier."

diluc sits up with a groan, his hair wild. "is that why you're here at..." he peeks at the clock on the wall. "two in the morning?"

he sounds exhausted, but you can tell he's not going to reject you. he never does. you don't say anything -- you just stand there and wait for diluc to ask for what he clearly wants.

"you're gonna make me say it, aren't you?"

you nod.

diluc sighs and scoots over in his bed. "get over here, you brat. i'm sleepy." when you climb in beside him, he tosses the comforter over you and hugs you close. he smells like cinnamon and you sigh contently. "can't believe you woke me up for this." he grumbles.

you snicker. "love you too, 'luc."

"whatever."

as the resident middle child, kaeya took it upon himself to balance being a big brother and a little brother all at once

i know it may sound easy to people without siblings, and maybe even some actual middle children may say that it's not that hard

but middle child syndrome is very real, and when you step back and think about it, it's really hard when you're kind of overshadowed by your older and younger siblings.

he doesn't feel any sort of negative way about it, but kaeya is a smart boy -- he knows that he put himself in a difficult position by behaving the way he does

he babies you, even though the age gap between you two isn't very large.

kaeya is the older brother who seeks you out instead of the other way around.

and for some reason he never makes noise when he moves?

(is it related to his mission? find out next time on the next episode dragon ball z)

it's something he LOVES using to his advantage, by the way.

"shit!"

kaeya makes an accusatory noise. "what would father say if he heard you say something like that?" he leans on the doorway, a playful smirk on his lips. "did i really scare you that badly?"

you clutch at your chest in an attempt to slow your racing heart. "would it kill you to make a little noise when you move? for barbatos' sake, i could have died just now."

kaeya's expression falters for a moment, but he glosses it over so quickly, you think you may have seen incorrectly. "dramatic as always. anyways," he extends a hand out for you to take, "our dearest older brother is heading into the city and wants us to come with."

"it's not a request, is it," you ask, taking your brother's hand. you roll your eyes when kaeya tells you that no, diluc actually did ask. but because neither you nor kaeya can say no to him, you two were already going along. "figured as much." you sigh.

i'd like to think that by the time kaeya was in his late teens, he had adopted a particular manner of speech

specifically, the one he uses as an adult

it's corny to you, but you secretly think it makes him even cooler than he already is

because kaeya is exactly the kind of cool protagonist-like boy you read about in stories

he's always had his eye covered ever since you two met, and he's always carried himself with grace

now that you're an adult who knows of his past, it makes sense

but little you just wanted to be like their big brother

and honestly, kaeya did what he could to mold you in his image

not to say he told you his secrets, but whenever he saw his habits in you, it made his heart break and swell at the same time

truly, the most painful parts of his childhood was realizing how much he loved you and diluc

"...why are you wearing an eyepatch?" diluc raises a brow at you. "is there a secret costume party in the mansion that i don't know about or something?"

just as you're about to explain why you're wearing it, kaeya comes stumbling into the room, his hand covering his right eye. "there you are!" he yells.

diluc snorts so loud he has to cover his mouth. so that's why you had an eyepatch on -- you took it from kaeya. from the frantic look in his eye, diluc thinks you may have just taken it off of kaeya in his sleep or something.

you shriek and duck behind diluc, who's failing at masking his laughter. "don't hurt me!" you yell from behind your brother. "i just thought it looked cool!"

kaeya growls. "then you should have just asked to try it on, you dirty thief! who takes shit off someone's face like that?!"

diluc actually barks out a laugh and kaeya fixes him with a glare capable of freezing over anything. "sorry, sorry." he tries to apologize as he makes a face in an attempt to school his expression. "it's not funny, i'm sorry."

"you're still smiling." kaeya deadpans.

"to be fair," diluc snickers, "you've got sticky fingers as well."

it's true; kaeya definitely has a habit of taking the belongings of others -- yours in particular, actually -- and hiding them in the most absurd places. he must have never thought someone would return the favor like this. he sighs, the fight and frustration leaving him.

now that he's looking at you from behind diluc, kaeya can't help but feel proud of the fact that you're acting like him. it was an amateur heist on your part, but with some more practice, you could be just like him someday. he sighs fondly at the thought of it.

"fine, you got me." he concedes. "but can you give it back now? i kinda need that."

kaeya will forever be grateful to have you and diluc as siblings, because even though you were all young and curious, neither of you asked why he wore an eyepatch -- or at the very least why he worked so hard to keep it hidden from view. you step out from behind diluc, the cloth still over your eye, and kaeya feels his heart stop for just a moment. he loves you so dearly, his precious little sibling, but...

remember your purpose, something hisses at him. don't get too attached.

it's too late for that, he thinks. kaeya hold out his other hand, thanking you when you place the eyepatch in his hand. "don't do that again, yeah?" he says softly.

surprisingly, kaeya's gentle tone makes you feel scolded -- mostly because he doesn't speak like that often. you duck your head and murmur an apology.

"hey." kaeya flicks your forehead. he's wearing his eyepatch again, and that warm, brotherly smile that makes you feel safe. "it's okay. i'm not mad at you; never have been, never will be. it's okay."

you nod shyly. if kaeya says it's okay, you think, then surely, everything will be as he says.

to you, kaeya was the brother that helped you with everything

for example:

while diluc helped you master your swordsmanship, it was kaeya who taught you the basics

from stances to defensive maneuvers, kaeya covered everything

he even taught you the basics of other weapons as well -- somehow he was adept with all of them, and he didn't hesitate to share his knowledge with you

it's kaeya who uses you as an arm rest and uses his height to keep things away from you

it's kaeya who steals from your plate when you aren't looking

it's kaeya who teaches you how to swear

but it's also kaeya who stays up all night whenever you say you feel unsafe

it's kaeya who doesn't judge you when you ask him to check under your bed or in your closet for intruders or hilichurls

it's kaeya who shares everything with you and diluc

it's kaeya who helps you catch and bottle crystalflies in the vineyard during sleepless nights.

it's kaeya who braids crystalflies into your hair, and let's you do the same to his as gets longer.

(it's also kaeya who manages to rope diluc into these crystalfly braiding sessions.)

it's kaeya who comes to you when he's having a bad day -- kaeya who asks you to just hold his hand and say nothing while he calms down

"having another moment?" you ask quietly. you were in the middle of painting something for adelinde's birthday when kaeya suddenly walked in and sat beside you, dropping his head on your shoulder.

you never knew what it was that tormented him so much. you hated whatever it was that turned your brother into a shadow of himself, but no matter how much you wanted to fix all of his problems, you couldn't. kaeya wouldn't talk about it, and you knew better than to pry.

so, you did what you could.

kaeya nods silently. you can feel him shaking ever so slightly. you move to put the paintbrush down so you can hug him, but he shakes his head.

"don't mind me," he chuckles despite himself. he sounds fine, but you know better. he takes your free hand in his, tangling your fingers together. "do what you're doing. i'll be fine soon."

every time. every single time kaeya has his moments, he pretends like it's nothing or like it's bothering someone. you have to swallow back the comforting words.

kaeya's always preferred physical comfort, anyhow.

you give his hand a light squeeze and keep painting. "remember the breathing exercise diluc taught you." you murmur. when you feel kaeya nod again, you hum.

your brother dozes off on your shoulder after half an hour. at least he's calm for now. you glance down at your fingers.

even in his sleep, his grip is still tight.

so... what changed?

you all know what happened the day crepus died.

if you don't, allow me to paraphrase:

when your father died, your brothers' respective personalities took a hard left.

diluc, having watched crepus' life come to an end right before his eyes, became vengeful after the knights of favonius instructed him to hide the truth.

as for kaeya, it was as if all of the traits that you admired so much in him became amplified in all the wrong ways.

you always knew he was keeping a part of himself locked away, but you didn't realize just how much until he came clean about it.

and you... well.

kaeya and diluc weren't the only ones to receive their visions that night.

but, for the sake of brevity (and accuracy), allow me to share some of kaeya's lore with you:

and this is verbatim, mind you.

"if khaenri'ah and mondstadt went to war, which side should he support? to whom should he offer his assistance: his birth father, who had ruthlessly abandoned him? or his adoptive father, who loved him and raised him?

"for the longest time, kaeya had agonized over these impossible questions, caught between the opposing demands of loyalty and duty, faced with an impossible choice between truth and happiness.

"but now, crepus' death upset this delicate balance. he felt liberated, but also ashamed of how selfishly he was responding.

"as an adopted son, he should have saved crepus, but he had arrived moments too late. as a brother, he should have shared in diluc's grief, and yet as their father lay dying on the ground he had hung back behind his brother, that ancient plot running through his mind."

- kaeya's vision lore.

so where do you fit into all of this?

you were somewhat like kaeya -- a child ruthlessly abandoned by their parents during a stormy night to fend for themself

unlike your brother however, you had no internal strife. you had no attachment to a destroyed nation -- no questions of loyalty to follow through your adolescent years into early adulthood.

you were just... you. another grieving child of the ragnvindr family.

but because you weren't like kaeya -- because all you knew was the dawn winery, diluc, kaeya, and crepus -- it might have been you who felt the fight between your brothers the most

you shouldered most of the pain from their separation, probably even more so than your brothers would ever admit out loud

because they were your only family. you may have been too young to understand the concept of abandonment when it happened, but as you grew older, the fear only grew with you

you fought so hard to keep your brothers and father close to you -- to keep your family intact

what you fear most isn't hilichurls or abyss mages or even the fatui

it's abandonment.

i'm sure you've asked this at some point, but what does the title of this request even mean?

autophobia (n.) - the fear of being alone.

your knowledge of khaenri'ah isn't very expansive.

all you know of the fallen nation is what's been taught to you through history books, but even then, there wasn't much to cover. as kaeya speaks, you try to remember all that you could from your history lessons as quickly as you can.

khaenri'ah, as you recall, was godless nation. not because they were abandoned by one, but because they had no need for one. the nation was thrown into ruin by monsters and gods alike, and as far as you knew, there was nothing left of it.

so, at first, you reach out to kaeya to comfort him for his loss. he's lost so much in his life, hasn't he? but as you're reaching for his arm, he jerks away from you, regret and shame pooling in his eyes. "kaeya..?" you whisper brokenly.

your brother's expression is pained as he tells his story to you and diluc.

none of it makes sense to you. you can't seem to wrap your head around the idea that your brother was sent to destroy mondstadt from the inside out. he would never do that -- he couldn't. as tough as he seemed, kaeya was just a big ball of fluff on the inside. the boy you grew up with wasn't capable of being a--

"traitor." diluc's voice is hoarse and low, coming out as a growl. you snap your eyes over to your brother, glaring at him to shut him up, but he pays you no mind. he looks furious enough to kill, and all three of you can feel the hostility that rolls off of him in waves.

kaeya doesn't help the situation as he opts to provoke diluc. gone is the remorse he once had written all over his face; in its place is a false sense of amusement. you'd think he was seriously enjoying diluc's anger if you didn't know him any better. kaeya shrugs nonchalantly. "if that's what you wanna call me, so be it." he says.

diluc's hackles rise and you instinctively place yourself between your brothers. "you lied to us," he seethes, "for decades, you've been lying! to me, to our family, to-- to mondstadt!"

kaeya has the gall to chuckle. you feel diluc surge forward, but you force him back. "honestly," he tsks, "our poor father is dead and that's what's got you upset? you really do take your job as cavalry captain seriously, don't you?"

you feel your jaw drop. this entire time, you've been trying to convince yourself that this conversation wasn't actually happening -- that kaeya was just playing a really poorly timed joke to lift your spirits. but the longer it goes on and the angrier diluc gets, the more it sinks in that this... this isn't a joke.

your father wasn't the only one to die that stormy night.

diluc shoves you to the side seemingly with all his strength as he lunges for kaeya, his weapon materializing his hands. you crash into the wall hard, but when you groan, disoriented by the impact, neither of your brothers stop to help you. you're strong enough to handle pain like that on your own, but kaeya and diluc vowed to never harm you -- or each other -- on purpose many years ago.

you're forced to watch as the vow dissolves into nothingness as diluc stabs the floor where kaeya had fallen.

"is that the best you've got, captain?!" kaeya taunts. he's light on his feet and his eyepatch is missing, allowing you and diluc to see what he's been hiding since he was a boy. his right eye glows an ethereal shade of yellow in the dim lighting of the hallway. he looks unhinged and hysterical, a wild, carefree grin marring his once gentle features. "you won't be able to stop me like that!"

"stop it!" you scream. "please, don't do this!" the words come out so loud, they manage to rip your throat raw in an instant. your brothers pay you no mind as they mercilessly attack each other; if someone didn't know they were brothers, they'd think they were fighting to the death. belatedly, you realize that they are.

"we took you in," diluc shouts as he parries kaeya's blade, "fed you, cared for you, loved you, only for you to stab us in the back?!"

"to be fair," kaeya grunts in response, "i haven't stabbed you in the back just yet. stay still, though, and i will."

you watch helplessly from the side as your family crumbles before your eyes. you give up on trying to stop your brothers. in terms of strength, they've got you beat; if you were to try to insert yourself in this battle, they'd likely do more than just injure you. the very thought of them accidentally killing you instead of each other makes you gag.

your childhood shatters with every clash of the swords that you hear. with every clang, another part of your relationships dies. all at once, your lungs stop functioning. you can't breathe -- it's as though someone is stepping on your chest with no intent of letting up. your stomach is about ready to rid itself of its contents as one thought becomes clear.

you're going to be left all alone again. left to fend for yourself in the same storm you were abandoned in all those years ago.

suddenly, a searing heat and a biting chill overtakes your senses, forcing you to take a deep breath. the shock of the temperature change makes you look back at kaeya and diluc, whose weapons are now encased in cryo and pyro elemental energies respectively.

you're struck with a sinking feeling of dread as their swords press against each other with diluc's flaming claymore starting to overtake kaeya's broadsword. kaeya's fingers are slowly being frosted over as his elemental energy spirals out of control, and you see diluc's hands starting to blister and peel with the heat of his pyro.

at this rate, they're likely going to kill themselves.

you're on your feet and holding your own weapon before you can even stop and contemplate the consequences. you understand that diluc and kaeya have you beat in terms of strength.

but your strength, however, comes from your speed.

your brothers are blown off their feet in opposite directions with the force of your slash. the three of you remain motionless for a moment, each of you panting with exertion and emotion. you stare down at your trembling hands, amazed by the power you had, and nearly faint at the sight of an anemo vision resting comfortably in your palm.

you'll process this later, you decide. right now, your brothers were more important.

"enough!" you cry. "that's fucking enough!"

diluc scowls at you, but it's weak. he must be exhausted from having burnt out so much energy so quickly due to the vision activating on its own. "you heard that asshole," he growls at you. "he would've killed us all a long time ago! and now you're stopping me from killing him?"

"the cavalry captain of the knights of favonius doesn't kill people, diluc." your words are punctuated by embarrassing sobs, but you don't care. "especially not their siblings. can we just--"

diluc spits out some blood, interrupting you. "if you're going to stand here and preach to me the value of a family that no longer exists," he pushes himself to his feet with the help of his weapon, "then we're done here."

"diluc fucking ragnvindr, don't you dare walk away from this." you try to threaten him, but it doesn't work. diluc starts walking and you swing your sword in his direction, leaving a clean slice in the wall he was leaving on. your anemo energy is unstable and volatile, but you have enough control over it to use it at will. you hate that that is what gets your brother to stop and listen to you.

"look," you pant, "we're all hurt in more ways than one. c-can we just... i don't know... try to heal together? please, i-- diluc, you never explained what happened to father, a-and," you turn to kaeya with tears on your cheeks, "you were there. you never explained either! why?!"

for a second -- for just a split second -- you see the kaeya you grew up with. "i..." kaeya catches himself, ridding himself of any vulnerabilities. his face darkens, and your stomach twists at the sight of this stranger wearing your brother's face.

"i don't owe you any more explanations." he says. he jumps to his feet with ease, but it's obvious that he's in excruciating pain. "i told you everything you needed to know. do with that information what you will." kaeya's voice is so distant.

on the other side of the hallway, diluc glares murderous daggers at kaeya. "i'll handle you someday. mark my fucking words."

you don't think you can take much more of this. "diluc," you try, "we're siblings! could you just--"

"i have no siblings."

you go completely still. every part of your body halts and stumbles as it tries to start again. you let your weapon dissolve as your lips begin to tremble. "w-what?"

"are you deaf?" diluc's crimson eyes burn right through you. this isn't the man you grew up with. you're not sure who you're looking at. "i said i have no siblings." he groans as he stumbles away. "whatever. i need to prepare for my father's funeral."

you don't put up a fight as you watch diluc hobble away. you turn to kaeya, still unsure if you heard correctly. maybe you were so overloaded that you were having auditory hallucinations. "k-kaeya," you stammer desperately. you don't even know what to say to him. "please."

the last glimmer of hope is extinguished as kaeya turns on his heel and walks away without a word.

for the second time in your life, you are abandoned.

this time, though, you know you will never forget it.

so... what happened? what now?

diluc buried himself in work and set off to travel the nations in search of answers for crepus' death

and a few years after that... well, we all know the tale of mondstadt's beloved "darknight hero".

you ran away from home about two days after the fight, joining the adventurer's guild and wandering the nations at a leisurely pace

which meant that diluc had the dawn winery to himself.

kaeya went on to become cavalry captain of the knights of favonius. diluc never did rat him out.

he's notorious for his reckless, yet clever and cunning behavior, his charm, and his super high alcohol tolerance

you make a point to avoid the city of mondstadt at all costs. there's no point.

there's nothing there for you anyways.

but the story doesn't exactly end there.

things don't get better as the years go by, but your brothers do mature.

they're... cordial with each other. sort of. enough so that they can hold conversations with each other, even if they do escalate into super passive aggressive arguments

they each hold enough regret to fill an ocean about the night you all separated.

kaeya is less conflicted about his choice between mondstadt and khaenri'ah, but he wishes he chose a better time to say it all.

he regrets brushing you off when you tried to unify them when you needed each other the most.

diluc lies awake at night thinking about how crushed you looked when he denied having siblings at all. your face haunts him well into his adult years.

he wishes he had listened to you -- if only he just listened.

as for you... you don't hate them.

at least you don't think you do. you haven't seen your...

you haven't seen kaeya or diluc in years. you don't know how you'll act if you ever come across them again.

you've mastered your vision and perfected a style of swordsmanship that you created based off of what kaeya and diluc taught you all those years ago

maybe someday, you'll be able to show them how much you've grown.

you wonder if they'll be proud of you the way they used to be.

will you ever see each other again?

inevitably, all roads lead back home.

after completing a difficult bounty in dragonspine, you make your way into the city of mondstadt for some much needed rest and relaxtion without much thought. it's a lot more... desolate than you remenber it to be. perhaps the quiet will do you some good; you just want to relax for a while, anyways.

after collecting your rewards and locating an inn to stay in during your time here, you decide to wander the streets. mondstadt is certainly less lively than you remember, but there are a few new and familiar faces that you come across during your stroll.

you run into aether, the blonde traveler who took a liking to you when you met in inazuma. he felt indebted fo you since you were the only person in inazuma who made a genuine effort to get him connected to the raiden shogun without trying to involve him in internal political affairs.

"not my home, not my business," you told him with a shrug. "the same goes for you. you're an outsider and people love to remind you of that, so use that to your advantage."

paimon tells you with a mouthful of food that aether started running into more trouble since he took your advice, but that he's stronger because of it.

"if you ever need my help again, you know you can commission me, right?" you nudge aether before you two part ways.

the traveler raises a brow at you. "are you asking me to pay to hang out with you?"

you whistle quietly. the aether you met in inazuma wasn't this brazen. you laugh, impressed. "i gotta make a living somehow." aether punches your shoulder lightly and you wince jokingly. "okay, okay! your presence is payment enough. happy?"

"extremely so." the traveler grins. you two part ways after that, with you laughing at paimon's enthusiastic waving. you continue your trip down memory lane as you walk the streets of mondstadt.

you come across amber, eula, and lisa, who you've met in passing before that day; you greet jean, who welcomes you with open arms; you even happen across albedo, who actually hesitates to speak to you.

you stayed with the chief alchemist for a few weeks up in dragonspine, basically helping him clear out any dangerous spots so he could conduct some research. during that time, you two grew quite close, and only three days before your departure did you two realize that there was something more than just snow in the air.

eventually, your trip ends at the angel's share. you're not much of a drinker, but something light wouldn't hurt, would it?

it would, you realize once you step inside. most of the patrons are off to the side, far away from the stools. but, there's a knight with long, blue hair sitting on the stool teasing the red-haired bartender on duty.

"welcome to the angel's share," the bartender sighs, seemingly on auto-pilot. "can i... oh."

"yeah. oh." you shoot back on impulse. too many years have passed for your biting tone to be interpreted as a joke, because both diluc and kaeya flinch.

what were you thinking, coming in here?! you knew you weren't a drinker, but you just had to pick now to try and start?

you weren't mentally prepared to look these two in the face -- not after what happened. you tried your hardest not to blame them, but no matter how many times you looked at it, they were in the wrong every time. bitterness grew old and sour deep inside you -- it was the main reason why you and albedo were stagnant at the moment; your fear of abandonment was too strong for you to commit to something like a relationship.

the chattering of the bar patrons continues in the background, but as the three of you stare at each other, it all seems to fade into silence.

"you're home," diluc speaks after a long pause. he's a lot bigger than you remember him. if you weren't so pissed at yourself, you'd tease him about when he was a scrawny boy. he looks almost relieved to see you -- did he think you were dead or something? "it's... been a long time."

you blink at him and hold your tongue. if you speak, you fear you may say something you regret.

"you're all grown up now." kaeya speaks next. you see the same regret start to swim in his blue eye, only this time, it's been amplified by time. he sounds so fond and proud -- he sounds like a brother. "i see you've got control of your vision."

you hiss internally. all three of you are in control of your visions. why did he feel the need to bring that up? and why did he sound like that? the time for praising one another has long since passed.

"are you two done pretending like you care?" you snap. diluc and kaeya wince, but don't answer. you march over to a table in the furthest corner of the bar and put your head on the wooden surface.

all the enegy you thought you had for the rest of the night pretty much bleeds right out of you after that. you don't have what it takes to face them, and you certainly don't have what it takes to walk anymore. you doze off, exhausted by your thoughts.

when you come to, you're in a familiar bed. the panic that rises doesn't last very long. you know exactly where you are, and you have a pretty good feeling you know who brought you here.

the sun is pouring through the floor-to-ceiling windows, filling your room with its light. judging by its height, you'd estimate that it's about midday. were you really that tired? you bury your face in your hands and groan loudly. if your hunch was correct and diluc and kaeya brought you here -- brought you home -- last night, then that meant they were planning on talking to you today.

either they were going to talk to you when you left the room, or they would come to you.

the latter ends up being true when you hear knuckles rap an old rhythm on your door. bitter as you may be, you can't help the smile that crosses your face. that was your code when you were kids. "what's the magic phrase?" you manage to say after a while.

kaeya's voice comes through the door. "would you believe me if i said i forgot?" he cracks it open and sticks his head inside. "it's been so many years, you can't blame me."

you shake your head fondly. "get your ass in here before you piss me off." kaeya slips through the door but doesn't close it. you raise a brow. "diluc, i know you're out there. weirdo."

your eldest brother pushes open the door and strides inside. neither of you speak for what feels like forever. the two of them have spoken to each other over the years, but with you back in the loop, they feel as though they're back where they started. you fix your eyes on your hands as you try to organize everything that's flooding your brain.

"i'm sorry." diluc finally says. he's sitting on one side of your bed and kaeya's sitting on the other, and both of them are looking at you with so much sincerity that it makes your chest tighten.

you narrow your eyes. "do you even remember what you're sorry for?"

diluc swallows thickly. "how could i forget? it's only been in my nightmares for about five years."

nightmares? you look away, suddenly ashamed by your callousness. "is that so." you mutter.

"i think it goes without saying that i'm sorry too," kaeya says next. "to both of you. i don't.. i don't think any of us would be in this position if it weren't for me."

neither you nor diluc answer right away because in a way, he's right. if kaeya had just waited a little longer, or delivered the news a little more delicately, things may have played out a little differently. you sigh through your nose.

"it's... not okay." you answer bluntly. you could never lie to them -- not then, not now. "it's never going to be okay."

"i understand." diluc nods stiffly, his voice tight. "truthfully, i don't know how to apologize properly. for years, i thought about how i'd reconcile with you two, but.. nothing ever came to mind."

"i wasn't finished." you level your brother with a glare. "it's never going to be okay, but... i don't mind talking to you guys." your brothers start to look hopeful for a second, but you shake your head. "it'll take a very long time to forgive you, and even longer to trust you again, assuming that i choose to do that at all."

kaeya reaches for your hand slowly, tapping his fingers on yours experimentally. when you don't pull away, he intertwines your fingers with his the way he used to when you were kids. a fresh, unwelcome set of tears rushes to your eyes. you hate it -- hate being so emotional after all this time, but...

sitting here before your brothers makes you feel like a kid again. you feel smothered by the amount of love you once received and gave them in return. you curl your fingers, tightening your grip on kaeya's hand. he's so much colder than you remember, but there's an unmistakable warm that's seeping through.

"i could never handle you crying," he chuckles shakily, reaching over to wipe the tears that escape. "especially if i was the one who made you cry."

diluc grabs your other hand. he doesn't say anything; when you look at him, you see that he's got his other hand covering his face. "i don't even know what to say to you." he says, his voice muffled. "you shouldn't even be giving me the time of day -- not after what i said."

you sniff. "you're right, i shouldn't. but," you squeeze his hand twice. "at the end of the day..."

at the end of the day, you were still siblings, whether diluc believed it or not. your experiences together were too real, too fresh in your mind, even now, to be fake.

"at the end of the day, we're family." you sigh.

you were going to need time -- a lot of time -- to heal and to forgive. it was going to be a slow, painful process as you try to heal a wound that's long since scarred over, but you were still willing to do it. you weren't going to let this final glimmer of hope slip away from you -- not again. and neither were your brothers. deep down, you still trusted and loved them, and they, you.

clinging to that faith, no matter how small, you decide to take the first step.

✧ three hours.. no proofreading (nothing is ever proofread on this blog LOL)... im going to bed now, gn <3

[ 𝟏:𝟓𝟕 𝐀𝐌 ] — 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐓𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐀

it’s cold.

that’s the first thing kisaki thinks when he wakes up, eyebrows furrowing when the bed is empty and devoid of you and your usual warmth beside him. sitting up, he groans as he stretches his muscles out, hastily climbing out to find you. he tries to convince himself not to panic.

the bathroom lights are off—he notes all your things are thankfully still there—and so are the hallway lights, and so are the living room lights, but the kitchen seems to be lit. sighing, he walks in, watching from the entrance as you sit at the table, swirling a cup of tea around in your mug glumly.

“you should be in bed,” he says dryly. you don’t even blink, staring off ahead.

“what’s it to you?” you scowl. he grits his teeth, eyes narrowing as they stare down at you. it’s scrutinizing—everything seems to be when it comes to kisaki. he’s always got something to say, and it’s grown tiring for you.

“watch it,” he warns, making you roll your eyes. staring up at him, there’s a small pool of tears at the corner of your eyes, and his anger slowly ebbs away. for the first time, he takes in how hallow your eyes seem and how disappointed you are. and he feels himself fearing your withdrawal from him—the rejection seems unbearable if it comes from you.

“you go back to bed,” you wave off. “i’ll come in a bit.” you try to hide the shakiness of your voice, but he catches it immediately. and as scrutinizing as kisaki can be, as nit-picky to every detail as he can seem, as hard to please and even harder to decipher as he is, he’s always known exactly what you needed and exactly what to do.

“won’t be able to fall asleep,” he mutters quietly, sitting beside you at the table. he snatches your mug from your hand, taking a long sip of your tea.

“tetta, seriously?” you groan. his lips curl into a smirk, the mug meeting his lips again as he finishes the contents in one large gulp. you should kill him, you think, he’s gotten away with enough anyway.

but his smile is pretty, and the messy bed hair that frames his face is prettier. it makes you smile despite yourself.

“i see you grinning, dumbass,” he says cooly. “you’re not mad.” reaching over, you take the mug from him, giving his shoulder a good shove in the process. it’s halfhearted and it wouldn’t do anything, but he leans his body to the side anyway, his theatrics giving you the satisfaction of seeing him lose his balance slightly.

“i won’t forget the things you said to me,” you whisper. the words underneath are clear. they’ve left a scar. his heart cracks a little, and he wonders if you’ve realized you have the power to batter it until it’s weak. it wouldn’t be hard—one foot out the door and kisaki’s lost all that makes him a man, but he hopes it doesn’t come to that.

“they weren’t true,” he mumbles. “nothing i said was true.” his hair falls onto his eyes, and even though you’re mad, and hurt, and incredibly tired, you find it second nature to reach forward and brush the strands out of his face.

he immediately presses his own palm to the back of your hand, holding it in place and leaning his face into it. and it’s rare to see a small bit of vulnerability from kisaki, to see him so openly hint that he wants—that he needs an ounce of affection, but you know he craves it, and he’s lost without it on most days.

so, with a sigh, you brush your thumb over his cheek, shaking your head at how soft you are for him. loving him’s not easy, but perhaps that’s why you do it. the difficult tasks are always the most rewarding ones in the end.

“tetta—”

“baby,” he corrects. a small grin etches across your lips.

“how about gumdrop?”

“don’t push it,” he purses his lips, and you laugh. and it’s beautiful, he thinks, the soft glow of your face as the dimly lit kitchen illuminates your skin. your head thrown back in your laughing fit sends waves that crash over his heart. he’s casted away from everything else for a moment, all he can focus on being you. and he’s not mad, couldn’t ever be.

“okay, fine,” you agree. the smile on your face slowly falters, but his grip on your hand doesn’t. “baby, i’m just…i can’t deal with the things you say sometimes,” you whisper. “i’m not cut out for this,” you admit.

“you don’t have to be,” he soothes. “i’m working on it. i won’t say things like that anymore,” he promises. and it’s hard to tell if it’s the truth or not, but he sounds determined. and kisaki’s never given a reason not to believe him, he’s always gone great lengths to give you what he promises. so, with a shaky sigh, you lean into his embrace, hearing the beating of his heart in his chest. it’s the same heartbeat that soothes you to sleep each night and matches the rhythm of yours. he kisses the crown of your head, and nothing has ever made him feel as whole and seen and complete as the feel of your skin against his.

“promise?” you whisper.

“yeah, whatever. i promise,” he mumbles. pulling away, you cup his cheeks, taking in the sleep that’s still laced in his eyes, smiling gently at the sight. kissing his nose, then his cheeks, then finally, pressing a lingering kiss to his lips, you stroke your fingers through his hair as he leans into your palm.

“okay,” you nod. he glances at you expectantly. “what?”

“and…?”

“and…?” you tease.

“say it,” he glares. rolling your eyes, you hug his waist, feeling his hand rub over the small of your back.

“i love you,” you murmur. and with an equally as demanding tone, you add, “say it back.”

and it’s his turn to roll his eyes as he mumbles “i love you too.”

Things I Wish I Could Say Out Loud...

¬ Not beta read

Lee x Commandant/Reader

Summary:

There are many things that Lee has documented into his data library. However, lately he has been taking a different method of documentation. This time it's with a voice recorder.

Tags: bittersweet, one-shot, potential spoilers for affection lvl.

"XX of XX, year 21XX, Construct: Lee. Location: Babylonia...... Recording session no. 108 of things I wish I could say out loud..."

*******

It was a small gift from Murray.

Lee took a look at it in his hand.

"What is this for?" the construct asked.

Murray smiled. However, Lee didn't find his own question funny.

"It's something I think you would like. You can record anything you want with it." the man said.

Inspecting the device, the construct only kept a neutral face before replying, "It's not necessary for constructs like me to have these things. My data recording mechanics works just as perfect, if not, it yields 30% more effective than of devices such as these. Output quality, file formating, and sound mixing are all put in consideration when you buy products like this. Constructs have many built in functionality, rendering these thing useless to them..."

Lee's voice faded as he spoke. A dead silence settled between them. The harsh words that Lee put forward didn't seem to hit Murray in anyway, a smile was still kept drawn on his face.

The silence, however, gave Lee an uncomfortable feeling. His synthetic skin mimicked goosebumps. He should say something to ease the silence. That's when he added, "... I don't need this, Murray."

He handed the device to his brother.

Murray shifted and a small laugh escaped his lips.

"I know it's useless, in a technical stand point. But," Murray gently pushed the device back into Lee's hand, "I ought to think that maybe, as useless as it may be, this is exactly what you need."

Lee, after thinking about it, decided to accept the gift out of courtesy. "Very well..." He replied and pocketed the gift.

After receiving the device, Lee gave it a go and tried it out a few times. He didn't like it, and was planning to disassemble the gadget instead.

However, he went against it due to a small talk when he bumped into Murray one day. Who, asked him about the gift, and Lee felt a reluctance to treat the device as it was intented.

He began finding use for the voice recorder. Using it, as a means to record logs or data, however, he found no joy in doing that.

During his weekly frame maintenance check, Lee spotted Asimov, owning the same model of voice recorder on his office desk. In fact there were two.

There was an urge to ask about it, seeing it was a coincidence. Asimov, his look as sour as ever, reply with a sarcastic flare, "One," he held up the left one, "is to document research logs. The other," he held up the right one, "is to collect all my disagreements and complaints against everyone here, hoping that one day I would drop this and have Hassen or someone pick it up and listen to it."

Disputes between departments in the council wasn't unheard of. However, Lee was interested at Asimov's latter use of a voice recorder. It wasn't a bad idea.

Sure, Lee himself has disagreements and verbal fights; especially towards Kamui. But, there were times he restricted his tougne for the sake of his Commandant.

So, when he returned to his quarters, he took the recorder and began to spew his complaints.

*******

"... I dislike the way you always put others before yourself..."

*******

The notification in Lee's system alerted him it was time for a special mission debriefing. The Grey Raven Squard were called in by Celica. Lee left his resting quarters as he headed out to the meeting room. There the rest of his team were waiting for him.

Celica came in last and placed a pile of paperwork on the table. Without hesitation, she began working on the control panel.

Lee noted that this usually means this particular mission is either important or it has a special status in the Babylonia database.

The lights dimmed. Images and information were projected up for everyone to see.

"Operation Underground..." Celica handed out her report file to you, "President Hassen wants the Grey Ravens to be dispatched as soon as possible, " she said.

"After some consideration and thorough analysis, it was concluded an archaic type of memory data is located under this ruin civilisation," the slide show propped up an image of a satelite map, "It was thought, back then, people had been toying about the concept of creating Constructs. Maybe that's why there are so many traces of memory data found there."

"you mean, memory data from the golden age?" you asked.

"Technology -wise yes, but the data... It could be a span ranging way before the golden age. The Science council had send teams to conduct excavation in the ruins, but through out the years corrupted levels are getting higher in that area," Celica said.

"Let me guess, Nikola wants us to investigate the area on the Science Council's behalf?" Lee asked.

"Actually, the main objective isn't to investigate the ruins , more so, President Hassen requested you guys to retrieve an archaic memory data. During the last excavation, the team found a Supercomputer, it was believe it stores the raw data. " she replied.

"but the supercomputers are so old, would the data even been salvageable upon retrieving?" Lucia asked, "As we know, technology back then has a higher probability of crashing and produce incomplete data."

"As long as the data is stored in a super computer, the percentage of data lost during extraction is small, compare to a data chip or a transferring port. Normally, supercomputers have two to four back up drive. If one drive or server courrpts, the other drive will immediately download the data. So extracting straight from a super computer is much safer. But, it's best if data loss can remain below 1.273%." Lee spoke.

Impressed by Lee's analysis, you closed the file and stood up. There was no time to waste in this operation.

"We will look into the details during our descent, Grey Ravens, move out." you ordered and your constructs followed.

As you all walked out of the meeting room, Celica said, "Oh, I almost forgot, this ruin is consider a danger zone, so please do not hesitate to retreat when necessary."

*******

"... I always do my best to serve you, even if my logic and words may make it sound the opposite. Please know, all that I am doing is all for your best interest as well as your future. You have to live, Commandant. At all cost... "

*******

He had been waiting for three hours, twenty four minutes and forty five seconds.

The door in the emergency wards was still closed. Lee could only sit in the waiting seat as his other teams mates were also rushed to the repair room.

He, himself, was considered lucky to have taken minimal damage, in comparison. His arm was ripped off and was given a temporary one for the time being. Although, it was advise to return to the Science department as soon as possible to replenish his vital fluids.

The door automatically slid open and the medical team, along with Asimov came out.

Lee turned his head and waited for the news Asimov had to deliver.

"Calm down, Lee, your Commandant is fine," Asimov huffed, he seems a little exhausted.

"I see, what's the condition?" Lee asked.

"You really need to look out for that Commandant of yours. "Brain damage" might sound a little too harsh, but that's the non techincal diagnosis." Asimov waved his hand, " a much techinal term would be, minor brain scarring."

Lee did not reacted.

"Don't worry about it too much. Your Commandant's condition is consider minor, the situation has been stablize. All that is left to do is to rest and recover."

"May I see Commandant?" Lee questioned.

"..." Asimov heasitated, "... Normally, I don't advise visitation, but, I guess I will let it slide this time." the man narrow his eyes a little.

"... But, I want you out in five minutes, understood?"

*******

"I am doing all this is because..."

*******

"Commandant..." Lee spoke in a small voice. You were asleep on the bed. Monitors and devices all plugged up to you as you slumber in the dimly lit room.

Seeing there was no response emitted from you, Lee spoke once more, "Really, Commandant, why do you have to push yourself again? How many times have you visited the medical bay this month? You know it worries us greatly..." He paused.

He was glad he went against your orders this time. If he hadn't called for Babylonia's retreat plan, you would end up in a much serious condition. Linking with the M. I. N. D beacon for an overwhelming amount of time, is not wise.

For sure, he knew you would get a little annoyed by that, and he played a fake scenario in his head that you were actually awake.

Talking to him, asking him why did he went against your orders, to retreat and not push through. He will agree everyone is close, so close to retrieve the data.

But monitoring the linking time, as well as, asking Liv to scan your physical condition once every 15 minutes. Lee can predict you won't last.

And, his prediction was right, and he should call for retreat much sooner. As soon as you arrived back at the base, you collapse on the floor. You nose bleed as you were rushed to the emergency ward.

His answer would have been the same as of Lucia's and Liv's. To protect your well being is a duty of a construct. However, he wasn't satisfied with that anwser.

There's more he wanted to say.

He knows he's not good with words, often making blunt jabs and spilling out harsh realities. Often times, he felt a little misunderstood because of it.

However, he tries. He really does. And, to be alone with the Commandant, in which, you were in a comatose state, might made it easier for the construct to say something.

Say something that he always wanted to say out loud.

He opened his mouth, lips forming shapes that helps projects words, yet no sound came out from his bionic voice.

He immediately gave up and went out of the emergency ward. That five minutes was over anyway.

*******

"... I want to be with you, be by your side for as long as humanly possible. I don't want to lose you, Commandant... "

*******

After a long break, you peak your head into the Grey Raven's Common room.

There, you saw your constructs resting together as usual. Putting up a big smile you playfully jumped out and reveal yourself at the door.

"I am here!"

"Commandant!" Lucia was surprised and quickly rush towards you Liv followed, happy to see you healthy and well.

As both constructs bombarded you with questions on your well being. Lee only approached and stood with a bit of distance.

"Lee?" you looked at him.

As usual, Palefire wore his signature scowl and crossed his arms, "... I see you are alive and well," he cleared his throat, "Welcome back, Commandant."

"Thank you, Lee."

*******

" Commandant, I...I... Humph..."

**Recording ended**

------------------------------------

Author's note

Hi, I like Lee a lot :)

BTW, the I. T stuff are all based on my limited knowledge of backing up my drawing files. Lol.

©Punishing-eden