Latest Posts by xo-fangirl-xo - Page 2

star do you like dem

she drew a little star in the air for “you drew stars around my scars” but being an obsessed fan means i know that’s actually not how she draws her stars

House of Flame and Shadow 1/30/2024!!!

SJM interview TRANSCRIPT

Below is the transcript of SJM's interview with Katherine Webber on LiveTalksLA. A hell lot Cresent City and ACOTAR spoilers will be included

SJM's been planting hints in acosf and cc1 (question of the day: how blind am I to not see the hints in acosf)

WILL EXPLAIN HOW THE WORLDS CONNECT WITH EACH OTHER IN CC3

okay sjm said the hints in acosf includes the eight pointed star

(also you all im literally crying rn im that excited oh my gosh)

the world that kicked out the Asteri IS THE WORLD WHERE RHYS AND FEYRE LIVES

in acosf there's talk about a group of people who lived in Prythan before Rhys and the bunch ("the overlords and the high fae)-- they're the ones who kicked the Asteri out

we'll find out more abt the eight point star

cc3 will have NON STOP REVEALS AND CONNECTIONS

CC3 picks up right off where CC2 leave off cuz sjm can leave us hanging bahahahaha

first draft is split between acotar and midgard

"book three is going to be so long... maybe my longest book ever"

"you'll see what happens with Ruhn and Day" (im sqealing)

"you should be worried [about Ruhn in the dungeons]"

"what goes on in the dungeons might be too much.. I'll see what my editors say about it"

"poor Ruhn and Hunt and Baxian" (im scared for my babies)

confirmed Aelin sees Rhys and Feyre in KoA

The "star" (Aelin) Rhys sees gets fully mentioned in CC3 (im crying even harder now so exicted omigosh)

Rhy's already been thinking about them not being alone in the universe.. he been "kinda of ready but not really for it"

Bryce from a modern world with technology in a world without it (sjm's biggest concern is "toilet paper" and "that" (im assuming how people in acotar shit) will be answered in cc3

Hunt's lineage and bat wings and angel wings will all get explained in cc3

I KEEP CRYING

"avengers level crossover"

"how they get along and DONT get along"

"Nyx definitely features...so far... in book three" (dont cut Nyx out im beggin)

timeline could shift a little but Bryce falling through the world happened around six months after silver flames ("so Nyx is still like a little baby")

Will see everyone being very protective of baby Nyx

“Who else can open up gates to” “That is a big question” (suggestive expression😉)

NO BUT SJM’S LOOK WHEN Katherine mention WYRM GATES asdfghjkl

cc3 will be released in 18 months to 2 years

“Set up for future books..future acotar or cresent city books” (I’m waitingggggg)

Sjm be nodding so enthusiastically when Katherine said “im sure their be new people for us to meet” and “shifting perspectives from Nesta’s perspective to Feyre” asdfghjkl

i think that we're too busy talking about how "problematic" it is that Rhys didnt tell Feyre her baby could kill her that we don't appreciate how gut wrenching the scene where Feyre almost dies is. Like look at these quotes:

“But Rhys was crying, and tears began pouring down Mor’s face as she gazed at the silent babe in her arms. And then Madja swore, and Rhys— Rhys began screaming.”

“Rhys began shaking his head, his power a palpable, rising wave that could destroy them all, destroy the world if it meant Feyre was no longer in it, even if he only had seconds to live beyond her”

HE LOVES HER SO MUCH. the most powerful high lord started screaming and crying and about to destroy the world because his mate and child was going die and I simply cannot handle this amount of angst (jokes sjm pls give me more angst)

my heart cannot

SJM couples + “I’d walk into the burning heart of hell itself to find you.”

(contains HOSAB spoilers)

Elide + Lorcan, Empire of Storms

Rowan + Aelin, Empire of Storms

Lysandra + Aedion, Kingdom of Ash

Nesta + Cassian, A Court of Wings and Ruin

Bryce + Hunt, House of Sky and Breath

+ Bonus: Ruhn & Lidia, House of Sky and Breath

chapter 2 has been in the works for two months and i didnt really know how to proceed without making the story drag on so i decided to write the part where LoA and Helion broke off their relationship and it's probably still four/five chapters away but WHEN I TELL YOU THAT THERE WILL BE ANGST I MEAN IT. you just have to wait a while for it (give or take a year or two AHAHAHA im only half kidding) because i hurt myself writing that scene.

Won't You Run Away With Me Chapter 1

ITS ABOUT HELION AND LOA!!! IM EXCITED FOR MYSELF

it's a short chapter, 1K words

Summary: Based on Helion's conversation with the IC in ACOWAR, what happened between Helion and Lady of the Autumn court (because ms sarah janet maas takes two years to finish a book and I cannot wait for her big reveal and no one wrote a fic on this so i'm doing it)

Read on AO3

CHAPTER 1: BEFORE THE WAR

“I heard her family wanted internal ties to power, and that they didn’t give her a choice before they sold her to Beron.” - Helion to Mor, ACOWAR

The fire in her blood is her damnation, for she was about to become the Lady of Autumn, the pretty, silent wife to Beron Vanserra.

There was no choice in the matter really, her father needed the political alliance that came from selling his youngest daughter to the cruel High Lord of Autumn. No matter that she was just 20- a child, barely past her first bleed- and Beron was nearly a century old. And war… war was looming, and her parents certainly couldn’t afford for their alliances with the High Lord to drift. She begged her family for more time, to wait just a few years.

-

“I’ll find another High Lord to marry,” she had pleaded on her knees, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. Her father sneered, the room heating with his rage. “What do you know about alliances? To be married to Beron Vanserra, what more could a female like you want?” She flinched. What more could a girl like you want. Love! She wanted to scream. I want to marry the male I love! But what did she know? Her sisters, watching behind a half closed door, looked at her with eyes full of pity and knowing. Knowing, for the male she had met at the equinox ball who had charmed her with his warm smile and bright eyes. The son of the High Lord of the Day Court. Helion Spellcleaver. Her father barely gave his weeping daughter another look before winnowing out of the room. He did not notice the crumpled letter she held in her hands and the unfamiliar necklace hidden beneath her dress. He did not wait for her to reveal the male that has been courting her for almost a year. She threw the letter into the fireplace and weeped. The fire eagerly swallowed up the letter. A declaration of love, a promise turned into ash. - The wedding is a relatively quiet ceremony with just Beron’s most important lords. The commoners would hear of this later, through an official proclamation. It was a relief that no one else would witness her humiliation, though she supposed no one really cared who she was as long as she kept Beron happy.

That was her job now, to keep a high lord happy. To look pretty, have a few children and pray and hope the lord would not tire of her too soon. She supposed there were worst things in the world. Beron’s servants were silent as they prepared her for the wedding, they kept their eyes down, deft hands dressing her without so much as an extra glance for the female marrying their high lord. Perhaps they were glad that with her as Beron’s wife, he would be otherwise occupied, in the bedroom at least.

She was not oblivious to Beron’s temper and the commoners’-- and rest of the court for that matter-- contempt toward Beron. For good reason too, she had heard of how he treated his servant, and how he ensured that people who spoke against him promptly disappeared. The few times she had gone to the countryside were even worse- though she secretly agreed that the farmers’ outright hatred for the lord was justified- they were paid barely more than what it took them to buy their crops, while Beron and other lords in the capital were drowning in finery and wasting the food that should’ve gone to the hungry people.

She was also under no illusion that the lord would grow to feel even an inkling of love for her, knew that she was nothing but a prized breeding mare. She wanted to ask the servant girls how they survived, how she could survive. But as the servants finished putting her hair into twist on her head, the words stuck in her throat. She gave them a thankful nod, and looked in the mirror. She did not recognize who stared back. She was led out by an armed sentry, as she looked back at the servant girls, she was surprised to find that there were tears brimming in their eyes. The girls caught her staring and promptly looked down, expressionless once again. She wondered whether someday she would look like that too.

Suddenly, she couldn’t help but wish that a certain amber eyed male would come a save her.

- She did not remember what happened exactly during the ceremony other than the murmured thanks to the halfhearted congratulations thrown her way. She had been lost in a crowd of lords trying to gain Beron’s favor, the dress making it her for her to disappear back into her room.

Her room.

She did not share a room with the lord, even now that they’re married. Beron had barely spared her a second glance after the crowds had dispersed. He winnowed away to cauldron knows where, as if he could barely stand the sight of her. It was a sentry who saw her confused expression and led her to her room, then told her that Beron would seek her out when he wished. Or she would be summoned to the High Lord’s quarters.

To be summoned like a dog. She almost let slip. But the sentry did not deserve her anger. So she simply nodded her thanks and went into her room.

-- The first night was the hardest. Beron had, in fact, seeked her out. She did not make a sound as Beron made her undress. She did not let out the tears that threatened to spill out. She did not let herself feel what was happening. But it was afterward when the door slammed shut and she was left alone in that cold, unfamiliar bed that she realized, truly realized, that this was her life now. She was the High Lord’s possession, his to treat however he wished.

And there was not one damn thing she could do about it.

im really bad with checking my tumblr following (funny bc its not like i have alot of followers anyways. i dont mind bc i rant alot here but its funny LMAO) but if you want to be mutuals feel free to dm/comment/ask whatever me!!

always lookings for new people to interact with 🫶

"this is me trying" i sing as i scroll through instagram telling myself ill study for that math quiz tmr

@taylorswift @taylornation

What I haven't realized before re-reading ACOMAF is just how soft things had gotten between Rhys and Feyre after the Summer Court. It is described in a very understated way in the book, but it is clearly said that they started to spend time alone practicing Feyre's magic, mind-to-mind but also other things, and that whenver they had to spend time apart, they'd pass notes- and the notes, the notes... It did start flirty, teasingly, snappish, yes, but further along the line we see Rhys just wondering if Feyre could tell him about her love for painting, and she asks him back about his dreams - and they just use this time to wonder about and to get to know each other. And I cannot stress enough how this particular scene made my heart swell - because it shows how they started to get soft around each other. And even before Hewn City, when all is going to shit, and they have to sell out Velaris, it is said that Rhys tells Feyre about the Veritas "over a quiet dinner". And I'm just...

Somewhere in-between, Rhys and Feyre started having quiet dinners, and sharing silence, and wondering about one another, and just growing this sense of shared comfort.

And honestly, it makes the steamy scene in Hewn City look different when you keep that in mind. It's easy to overlook but they did not go from Summer Court jealousy and flirtation to getting intimate, but rather they went from jealousy and a fear of never getting a chance with each other, to getting closer emotionally, getting to know each other - to sharing intimacy and being unable to resist the closeness. And I just love this so much more.

i feel like sjm is writing a romance novel, so it makes sense that elain ends up with azriel because three sisters and three brothers and everything. but she might also just make azriel end up with gwyn and elain with lucien just for funsies.

who knows? i certainly dont. it ms sarah janet mass. at the end of the day, we'll still eat up whatever she writes and beg for whatever crumbs she offers us

but in the meantime, ill entertain myself with the anti (whomever you dislike) tags and wait for the agonizing five years it takes for sjm to finish two books to be over

ngl but Arobynn's got rizz fr 😍🤭 (jk dw i hate him)

“Arobynn continued to pin her with that lover’s gaze. He brushed a kiss against her cheekbone, his lips soft and warm.“Tell me what I must do to atone; tell me to crawl over hot coals, to sleep on a bed of nails, to carve up my flesh. Say the word, and it is done. But let me care for you as I once did, before … before that madness poisoned my heart. Punish me, torture me, wreck me, but let me help you. Do this small thing for me—and let me lay the world at your feet.”

sassy aelin >>>

maeve: a blood oath is eternal

aelin:

Nesta Archeron

art: kallycreates [instagram]

this. this is why sjm is superior

that part in acowar where feyre Finally gets to come home and she hears rhys’ voice and when she turns and sees him her face crumples and she falls to the ground sobbing- yes i cried then too.

she had to ask to sever their bond through the bargain, hear rhys’ roar of anguish, see him get dragged out snarling and scratching, see her friends- her Family- on the verge of death, see her sisters be turned into the beings they always feared in the most traumatizing way possible AND THEN LEAVE. she had to look tamlin in the face and smile at him, be close to him, go to his house with him. she couldn’t even Truly let herself miss and mourn the (temporary) loss of her family, her mate, her Home, for fear that the scent of it might reach the wrong people. she had to put all those feelings away and FIGHT. and then she had to fight her way back home on foot.

when she sees cassian and azriel (when they save her and lucien) she bursts into tears FROM SEEING THEM ALIVE, from seeing them okay. and then the reunion she had with cassian was so sweet, when she was flying with him and he says “hello, feyre” and then she just fiercely hugs him and cass murmurs ‘i missed you too’ softly, my heart MY HEART. and then when she RUNS to morrigan (sob)

so when she finally sees rhys, it’s like FINALLY, finally REALLY arriving home. she is Finally safe to let go of her her mask and just Mourn. she is home but she hasn’t mourned the loss she previously suffered. so when she finally sees him, is finally safe, she sobs.

AND THE WAY RHYS GOES TO HER (sob). the way he gently pulls her hands away from her face and wipes her tears away, looks into her eyes silently giving her that reassurance of, Yes, you are HOME, you can let go now. and then his murmured “my love,” as he kisses her gently- UGH I CANNOT TAKE IT

(foaming at the mouth)

this kind of Soft scenes, emotional scenes, scenes where rhys LITERALLY bursts into tears from how much he loves feyre, those are the scenes that Really get me, more than the smut.

His throat bobbed. “I missed you. Every second, every breath. Not just this,” he said, shifting his hips for emphasis and dragging a groan from deep in my throat, “but… talking to you. Laughing with you. I missed having you in my bed, but I missed having you as my friend even more.”

and you just know he MEANS IT TOO

maybe it’s my toxic issues but i absolutely loved rhys when he was the bad boy villain (im only slightly ashamed to say he was incredibly hot even then- but not really because from day 1 i knew tam was garbage and there was much more to rhys than he let on- but that’s a story for another day) . anyway while he was super hot even as the villain, I just absolutely melt for the soft boy baby illyrian he actually is inside <3

oh also when i said i read 145 books last year no one believed me because i think even the librarian doesnt read that much.

i genuinely dont understand why some people can proudly tell me their reading goal for the year is 20 books and that they FAILED TO REACH THAT GOAL LAST YEAR which is why it's still their goal this year.

and i just sit there nodding and being supportive while internally screaming bitch i read 145 books a year what do you mean 20 books 😭

i genuinely dont understand why some people can proudly tell me their reading goal for the year is 20 books and that they FAILED TO REACH THAT GOAL LAST YEAR which is why it's still their goal this year.

and i just sit there nodding and being supportive while internally screaming bitch i read 145 books a year what do you mean 20 books 😭

she broke out of the lover house is everyone happy now

do you blame shakespeare for any of it? i blame him for all of it.

“Bread and Roses” 🍞🌹

Elain, Feminism, and Deeper Implications?

Disclaimer 1: This is my first time posting! I am very new to the “fandom.” I got a Tumblr after finishing the ACOTAR series and wanted to delve deeper into underlying theory, mythology, folklore and themes. I found such thorough and beautiful analyses and theories on here, so I decided to legitimize my lurking and just get an account. I’m not really sure how Tumblr works with the tags. Please be forgiving and kind if I did all of this wrong!

Disclaimer 2: I have read all of SJM’s books. I am “pro”Elain, Feyre, Nesta and every character in the series (yes- even the “evil” ones). I say that bc I have noticed (as a newbie) this fandom has a tendency to get nasty so quickly and we miss the essence of such psychologically complex and dynamic characters. I am a clinical psychologist, and have a great appreciation for how SJM writes all of her characters (villains included). That being said, this is a pro-Elain/pro- woman post. If you don’t like Elain, then don’t read this!

Ok so 🚨 Major HOSAB spoiler below 🚨

Let me just be honest, I knew the ending of HOSAB before reading it (LOL). I couldn’t help but look online and spoil it for myself. I am who I am. I am totally and unapologetically the girl who reads the last page of the book before starting. Guilty as charged.

Anyways, let’s talk about mf’n bread and roses. I tried to look around and see if anybody was discussing the MAJOR sociopolitical and historical implications of this, but didn’t see anything (so sorry if I missed somebody’s post and this was previously discussed). Bread and Roses is a slogan tied to feminist advocacy and the suffrage movement.

On a surface level, “bread and roses” is OBVIOUSLY alluding to Elain who is not present in the scene. I don’t see how anybody could argue that this symbolism is heavily associated with Elain. What I am talking about is the deeper implication for Elain with SJM assigning these symbols to her throughout the series. For whatever reason, I never put it together on the deeper level until it was literally in print, in front of my eyeballs, and I read aloud multiple times “BREAD AND ROSES!!!!” It was in this moment that I realized SJM is more brilliant and, potentially, politically bold than I originally thought.

Because…BREAD AND ROSES!? Let’s briefly chat about the implications of this and how I think this totally ties in with Elain, our most “feminine” coded character in the SJM metaverse. So the slogan “Bread and Roses” was coined by labor organizer Rose Schneiderman in a 1911 speech encouraging women to fight for more than bare minimum pay for necessities (bread)..we also deserve love, beauty, art, and MORE (roses). We deserve to not just survive, but to live: “The worker must have bread, but she must have roses, too.” This inspired the poem “Bread and Roses” by James Oppenheim, which later became a song, as well as a feminist/civil rights/labor rights slogan that is still relevant and readily used today. In fact, the 2019 Women’s March theme in London was…Bread and Roses. And..just read this:

Bread and Roses

By James Oppenheim

As we go marching, marching, in the beauty of the day
A million darkened kitchens, a thousand mill lofts gray
Are touched with all the radiance that a sudden sun discloses
For the people hear us singing, bread and roses, bread and roses

As we come marching, marching, we battle too, for men
For they are women's children and we mother them again
Our days shall not be sweated from birth until life closes
Hearts starve as well as bodies, give us bread, but give us roses

As we come marching, marching, un-numbered women dead
Go crying through our singing their ancient call for bread
Small art and love and beauty their trudging spirits knew
Yes, it is bread we fight for, but we fight for roses, too

As we go marching, marching, we bring the greater days
The rising of the women means the rising of the race
No more the drudge and idler, ten that toil where one reposes
But a sharing of life's glories, bread and roses, bread and roses

Notice any parallels? Any buzzwords in there from any specific prophesies you noticed? 😉

The slogan “Bread and Roses” was a rallying cry during the Lawrence Strike, aka “Bread and Roses Strike,” aka “The Singing Strike(!!)” in 1912. The Bread and Roses Strike was a large strike of women textile workers in Lawrence, MA. Many women were beaten and soaked with firehoses in the dead of winter. What was unique, at this time in history, was the “spirit” of the workers who were singing and chanting. I read that singing was an integral part of the success of the strike, as many could not read or speak English. Song was used to bring women together and help others learn the English language.

Are you seeing any possible parallels here, but in a fantasy world with magical powers, yet? Perhaps some “singing” powers as it might pertain to Elain developing more understanding and fluency of her powers? Because…I am!

(I’m going to stay away from shipping bc I am honestly terrified to go there with the fandom and don’t want to get my head ripped off…but yea.)

Ok so how does this tie into Elain, you ask? Elain is disliked by a lot of the fandom (from what I can see) bc she’s seen as “boring.” She’s seen as a bland/vanilla girl who just enjoys her flowers and baking. People use this to justify their stance in the ship war. She’s “too much” in regards to domesticity and simplicity (by perspectives I have read). She’s a very traditionally feminine coded, gender-loaded character..kind of like these symbols which have been used throughout the women’s/civil rights movement to fight with and rally behind. I think people are about to be VERY surprised by Elain. I was already sure of this and then I read that last chapter of HOSAB..and I’m convinced!

Rose Schneiderman in 1911: “What the woman who labors wants is the right to live, not simply exist—the right to life as the rich woman has the right to life, and the sun and music and art. You have nothing that the humblest worker has not a right to have also. The worker must have bread, but she must have roses, too.”

Sun, music, art…hmmm.

SJM is an unapologetic feminist. In the dedication to KOA SJM wrote:

“For my parents--who taught me to believe that girls can save the world”

Her using Bread and Roses and connecting Elain to bread and roses as symbols throughout the ACOTAR series was intentional. It was not an accident. It is not in place to stand that she is weak and boring. That she is naive and simple. I truly believe SJM has a (large) percentage of the fandom believing that Elain is a simple and domestic woman who just wants to garden her flowers and bake her bread (“she belongs in Spring!”), but Bread and Roses are so much more than that. There is hope for more. There is hope shining through the void to not just survive! But to live! You will not tell me otherwise after that slapped me in the face. Bread and Roses is a rallying cry, still used in civil rights movements to this day! Used to advocate for racial, gender, and social equality. LGBTQ rights, labor rights, politics….Bread and flippin’ roses.

Women do not have to settle for the bare necessities. Women do not have to settle for surviving. We (Elain included) deserve to live! Bread and Roses is a slogan representative of egalitarianism. Balance. No matter our sexual orientation, race, religion, gender, or hobbies…we are ALL deserving of love and beauty. Joy and wonder. Art and song. That’s what Bread and Roses is about.

And…because I can’t resist…an author who has associated such STRONG feminist symbols with a character would never pit that character against another woman over a man. SJM is not going to make this next book about a man’s choice of what woman he wants. It will be Elain ‘Bread and Roses’ Archeron’s choice to get her damn roses. To not simply settle for the bread. I have never been more confident in where the direction is going. Shipping aside, Elain’s book is about the serve.

“Hearts starve as well as bodies, give us bread, but give us roses”

I would love to hear thoughts or if anybody else picked up on this!

this post needs more attention !!!

More ACOTAR Psychological Musings

Part II: Future Directions re: Trauma

TW: sexual trauma (seriously: huge TW!)

I am writing this in response to questions and commentary I’ve received subsequent to my original post regarding Gw*n and sexual trauma.

Disclaimer: I am a licensed clinical psychologist. I’m not here to diagnose fictional characters with mental illness via the DSM. I am simply sharing some clinical insights from a professional lens.

Several people wrote to me directly expressing thoughts regarding Rhys and his sexual trauma history. Specifically, there was commentary about how Rhys was able to jump into a sexual relationship within 1 book following 50 years of sexual trauma by Amarantha. For context, I had argued that this would be challenging for Gw*n to do the same from my professional lens. Let’s dig into this some more.

First, let’s talk about what trauma is.

Connectivity and exposure to mental health via social media has been a blessing and a curse. I love the destigmatization of mental health that has come from honest conversations and normalization via social media platforms. Many people suffer and never discuss it; living their lives doing the best they know to do with what internal/external resources they have at their disposal. I will, again, repeat that sexual trauma survivors are brave, resilient, and capable people. They are deserving of love and capable of having healthy sexual relationships. I work with sexual trauma survivors daily: These are facts I speak. Not opinion.

The metaphorical “curse” of social media has (partly) been the spreading of the definition of certain diagnostic terms and diagnoses so thin that we are slowly losing the essence of what clinical/statistical significance means and looks like. To the point it has become harmful and hurtful; oftentimes, weaponized irresponsibly and ignorantly against others. Throwing buzzwords as an assault against others who think differently, even in this fandom. I can’t look on social media these days without seeing somebody’s ex being labeled a “sociopath” (which is not a MH diagnosis btw) or a “narcissist.” Without somebody saying “so and so needs therapy” (more on this later). I have seen it a lot about fictional characters, as well. Especially having journeyed into this fandom. None of SJM’s characters have been safe!

But we’re here to talk about trauma. And trauma is something I see thrown around so loosely and used in our common vernacular so much, that I truly fear we are starting to debase what trauma actually is and undermine the struggle of people who have actual clinically significant trauma. When we talk about clinically significant trauma and trauma symptoms we mean a few things:

That the trauma meets the criterion to be considered a traumatic experience. What does that mean? Threat of death or severe bodily injury. Exposure to death or severe bodily injury of others. Compromised physical integrity. Hearing about a close friend or family member go through said traumatic experience above. I often differentiate between a “traumatic experience” and a “tragic experience.” Tragic experiences are normative difficult life experiences. Stressful? Yes. Traumatic? Not necessarily. Traumatic experiences are non-normative life experiences.

Functional impairment. Say it with me: just because somebody has been through a traumatic experience does not mean they have ptsd or clinically significant symptoms that necessitate treatment. A trained MH professional will assess the extent to which functional impairment is involved in a trauma response. I have seen plenty of people go through the most unfathomable experiences in their lives and not meet diagnostic criteria for PTSD.

I’m not going to show my true geek hand and bust out statistics, but just know that the base rates of PTSD in highly trauma exposed populations are quite low (like the combat Veteran population, for example). Meaning- even in populations with a ton of trauma exposure, it is rare to have PTSD.

ACOTAR is filled with traumatized characters who have variable trauma responses. Some of these trauma responses are more severe (Gw*n) and others are present, but I wouldn’t consider them severe (Rhys). This is not to say his trauma isn’t “as bad” or “easier.” It is not a reflection on the trauma itself. I am speaking to the symptom presentation. Clinical significance is less about the nature of the trauma itself and more about the response. Rhys is not written as a trauma symptom laden character; whereas Gw*n is.

“So and so needs therapy”

Even in a fictional universe this bothers me and it should stop. You want to know why? Because every single human being on this planet probably could benefit from therapy in some form. We have all had hurts and aversive experiences. We have all struggled. We are all subject to experience these pesky human emotions of ours that are distressing. The reality is that some people do not actually *need* trauma-focused therapy. For some people, it might actually be harmful if their symptoms are not impairing their lives. Treatment actually can make symptoms worse before they get better. Just because you don’t understand something or it doesn’t fit your narrative, it does not mean other people need to change to align or “just go to therapy.” Obviously I would love for anybody who feels they need therapy to go, but who are you to determine that? And therapy doesn’t exist in ACOTAR world anyways so can we just stop? Please.

Trauma is Subjective

I have worked with trauma survivors who endured the exact same situation and came out with completely different presentations, symptom manifestation, and impairments. There is a sexual trauma spectrum and it is inclusive of an array of different traumas associated with compromised physical integrity. Notice I didn’t say that the spectrum was a severity spectrum..bc trauma is subjective. It’s comparing apples to oranges to compare the MH of 2 people and to compare their respective trauma. Sexual coercion and sexual assault are both sexual trauma but they are also different.

This is how I view the parallel I was asked about with Rhys and Gw*n. How I can say that for Gw*n, it would be difficult to get there in 1 book while Rhys did. First, they have different trauma on the sexual trauma spectrum. Rhys was more of a coercion situation whereas Gw*n experienced a violent sexual assault with the associated death of her sister. I’m not quantifying these by saying one is worse than the other- that is by the subjective perspective of the person having endured the experience.

With Rhys, he does not demonstrate the same level of symptom severity that Gw*n does. He isn’t uncomfortable around the opposite sex who perpetrated his trauma. He isn’t homebound for years. His circumstances were terrible, but his reaction is simply different. Now he does have some symptoms- the nightmares. Possibly a little re-living and hesitation while physically intimate. Some insecurity and issues with worthiness. But Rhys has also had healthy physical relations in his life predating his trauma. He is written as a sexual character. His relationship to sex is different than somebody who has no sexual experience outside of trauma, as far as we know (which is not sex). Again, our reactions to trauma are different bc we are all different- different experiences leading into trauma, different proclivities in thinking and feeling, different levels of emotional reactivity, different traumas, etc etc.

With Gw*n, she is essentially agoraphobic, is uncomfortable around men, has to be warned about different men even being present for the qualifier..and even after all is said and done is still at the library. These are severe trauma symptoms. She was violently assaulted. Her trauma reaction is simply and understandably different.

Comparing readiness for on-page sex between Gw*n and Rhys is comparing apples to oranges. People who question the narrative and have concerns about the sensitivity of an adult romance novel featuring a sexual assault survivor, who is still extremely symptomatic, is not dismissive of any individual trauma journey. It’s also not dismissive of the character. It is not belittling of real-life sexual trauma survivors either. To the contrary, I think it’s extremely sensitive and in-tune to offer the thought that this is something that might be very uncomfortable to read about for a variety of reasons. Trust. Intimacy. Power dynamics. If Gw*n was leaving the library and had even willfully entered Velaris, I might have a different perspective. There is a lot of ground to cover that would have to be navigated very carefully and sensitively to get there.

I, yet again, argue that this would be a huge leap for SJM to take on with where we left off with Gw*n. To get to smut in an adult romance novel in a timely manner, it would cheapen this trauma journey so much, that I don’t think I could read the book. I honestly cannot fathom a way to responsibly give the proper recovery journey owed for this character without repeating the plot/romance from the last book and deviating significantly from the overarching plot that has been set before us: Koschei, Queens, Dread Trove. I cannot see a way to responsibly and respectfully give this the sensitivity it requires. Further, it would cheapen the experience of so many men and women who have endured and severely suffered.

I truly hope this clarifies some of the questions that were posed.

"Rhys - it's too much."

"Not for you. Never for you. He slid his arms around my waist, kissing my temple." Build a House with a painting studio." He kissed my other temple. "Build a house with an office for you, and one for me. Build a house with a bathtub big enough for two - and for wings." Another kiss, this time to my cheek. "Build a house with a garden for Elain, a training ring for the Illyrian babies, a library for Amren and an enormous dressing room for Mor." I chocked on a laugh at that. But Rhys silenced it with a kiss on my mouth, lingering and sweet. "Build a house with a nursery, Feyre."

I AM NOT CRYING YOU ARE

Acofas chapter 22

ᶦ ˢᵖʸ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵐʸ ˡᶦᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵗᶦʳᵉᵈ ᵉʸᵉ ᵗᶦⁿʸ ᵃˢ ᵃ ᶠᶦʳᵉᶠˡʸ ᵃ ᵖᵉᵇᵇˡᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʷᵉ ᵖᶦᶜᵏᵉᵈ ᵘᵖ ˡᵃˢᵗ ʲᵘˡʸ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ᵈᵉᵉᵖ ᶦⁿˢᶦᵈᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖᵒᶜᵏᵉᵗ ʷᵉ ᵃˡᵐᵒˢᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵒᵗ ᶦᵗ ᵈᵒᵉˢ ᶦᵗ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵐᶦˢˢ ʷᶦᶜᵏˡᵒʷ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗᶦᵐᵉˢ

im sorry i think i was high on the coho hate train and the i hate people who hate on acotar train when i wrote this.

I swear y’all acotar haters who compare sjm (who writes masterpieces) to Colleen fucking Hoover only read the first book. (Which is still a problem because the first book is still >>>>> anything coho can ever conjure in that tiny brain of hers)

And throne of glass!! like ok if y’all hate acotar cuz Rhys fucked in a war tent Rowaelin fucked on a beach I hope thats more acceptable for you. (no but fr tog is also a literal masterpiece. The ending of EoS???? KoA????? hello?)

Helping Taylor With Her Set list as if she doesn't already have more professional people helping her

@taylorswift @taylornation whoever is doing this job i admire you and i feel so bad for you

Debut:

Picture to burn/Teardrops on my guitar

Our song/The Outside

Fearless

Fearless/Mr Perfectly Fine/Love story

You belong with me/The way I loved you/forever and always

Red

State of grace/Red/Treacherous/I knew you were trouble

ALL TOO WELL

Sad beautiful tragic/the lucky one/Begin again/ Ronan (underrated fr)

Speak now

Speak now/Mean 

Enchanted/ Dear John/The story of us/Haunted

LONG LIVE!!

1989

Shake it off/blank space

Style/out of the woods/Wildest dream

This love/Clean/New Romantics 

Reputation

Ready for it/Call it what you want/Don’t blame me/ dancing with our hands tied

Delicate (confirmed)

Getaway car/ king of my heart/Dress/Gorgeous

Lover

Cruel summer

Lover/The man/ ME!

The archer/ daylight

Paper rings/ Cornelia street/London boy/Afterglow

Folklore

Cardigan/august/Exile/My tears ricochet

Mirrorball/seven (IM BETTING ITS ON THERE)

This is me trying/illicit affairs

Betty/mad woman/hoax/The lakes

Evermore (if Taylor forgets evermore during tour I will cry.)

Willow/Champagne problems

Gold rush/ ’Tis the damn season/Tolerate it/No body no crime

Coney Island/ivy/Evermore/Right where you left me

Midnights

Lavender haze (pretty much confirmed)

Anti hero (pretty much confirmed)

midnight rain/Maroon/mastermind/Question/vigilante shit/Bejeweled/karma

You’re on your own kid/Would’ve couldve should’ve 

Sweet nothing/the Great War/ Paris /high infidelity

I swear y’all acotar haters who compare sjm (who writes masterpieces) to Colleen fucking Hoover only read the first book. (Which is still a problem because the first book is still >>>>> anything coho can ever conjure in that tiny brain of hers)

And throne of glass!! like ok if y’all hate acotar cuz Rhys fucked in a war tent Rowaelin fucked on a beach I hope thats more acceptable for you. (no but fr tog is also a literal masterpiece. The ending of EoS???? KoA????? hello?)

ok i think we can all agree that chain me to a tree was the hottest thing azriel ever said

why the fuck does english have a word for

but not for “the day after tomorrow”

???

I posted 119 times in 2022

That's 50 more posts than 2021!

40 posts created (34%)

79 posts reblogged (66%)

I tagged 44 of my posts in 2022

#sjm - 15 posts

#sarah j maas - 14 posts

#acotar - 14 posts

#tog - 10 posts

#rhysand - 8 posts

#a court of thorns and roses - 7 posts

#throne of glass - 6 posts

#feysand - 5 posts

#looking for alaska - 3 posts

#paper towns - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#would love to try hating on acotar someday cuz yea sjms not perfect but in the meantime lemme enjoy my smut without having to justify it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

no but you all need to imagine future Lana Myers and Logan children bc child be like: so Mommy how did you and daddy get married

Lana: Oh sooooo I was a ✨serial killer✨ killing my rapists and then daddy was investigating my case. then I meet daddy and then three books later we kinda broke up because he thought I was Kennedy Carlyle, you know, the girl who's identity I stole. Oh also you never see us on *enter Lana Logan anniversary date* because daddy's finding me a criminal to torture 😌. Yeah so sleep well children that's your bedtime story for tonight.

12 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#4

I find it so funny that acotar people go "I want to hold Feysand accountable because etc etc/ they shouldn't have etc. etc it's selfish/ they're bad leaders" but y'all they're fictional??? Like yea uh sure go hold fictional people accoutable but like uh what's the point? And hold the author accountable??? Waitttt is sjm gonna rule Velaris someday and suddenly vow to die together with her husband cuz that's gonna be so cool.

21 notes - Posted January 10, 2022

#3

I don't think sjm did any other interviews from 2021~ now (or if she did it's not public so I can't see it) and since I've only first read acotar during January of last year and only acosf and hosab came out when I was actually a part of the fandom, I've never actually seen any of sjm's interview until this recent one with Katherine Webber and I have to say.. the way sjm haters villainize sjm one would think sjm is some kind of heartless psycho that 1. purposely created Danika Fendyr solely to be used as a plot device because she's dead 2. purposely designed Rhys and Feyre to be selfish rulers who will be the doom of Velaris 3. purposely made Feyre such an irresponsible mother and ruler 4. purposely made Rhysand such a manipulative and irresponsible ruler 5. purposely made nesta such a evil and uncaring person not even bothering to redeem her (you all, nesta's human, she makes mistakes and it's not always okay but that doesn't make her an evil person who doesnt deserve a second.. well fine maybe third... chance) 6. purposely killed the thirteen (this one's a joke you people who take everything so literally) 7. purposely made Rhys and Feyre seem so heartless they could have sex when people are dying (bro it's supposed to be romantic not a personal attack on the dying people 🙄 it's supposed to symbolize how "people in find hope in others [in sex, yes] during the hardest times" 8. purposely created the IC as a toxic enviorment and toxic family who "keeps things from each other" and "don't trust and open up to each other" (eg: Mor not being willing to admit she's gay, telling feyre her preganacy can kill her WELL IF YOU WERE IN THEIR POSITION YOU PROBABLY WOULD DO THAT SAME THING) 9. purposely made Bryce curvy without "proper representation" because she's fatphobic 10. purposely didn't give any of her characters god forbid THERPY and had them magically get better (you all fun fact no one believes in therapy where i live and im suicidal but obviously im not dead yet and probably also less messed up than HALF of you sjm haters so one doesnt require therapy to get over trauma or to just... not be dead✨) 10. purposely gave Rhys and Feyre power (and from one of the acotar hate chain I quote) "so they can fucking waste it" 11. purposely had Nyx conceived out of fear (not true but I'll humor you all)

I could go on and on and on but i think this sufficient don't you? You all, acotar and tog and cc are books. in a world designed by a single human. characters have flaws, it doesnt mean they're horrible people, it doesnt mean the AUTHOR is a horrible person or transphobic or fatphobic or anti lgbtq.

also note that before every single point there is a "purposely" as in the things these characters do maybe arent totally correct, but it isn't done because of "problematic intensions"

I don't think SJM is problematic. she's human like any of us, and that means she has her own viewpoints or writes about things she finds acceptable but you don't. that doesnt make her a bad person or a problematic author.

29 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#2

54 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

SJM interview TRANSCRIPT

Below is the transcript of SJM's interview with Katherine Webber on LiveTalksLA. A hell lot Cresent City and ACOTAR spoilers will be included

SJM's been planting hints in acosf and cc1 (question of the day: how blind am I to not see the hints in acosf)

WILL EXPLAIN HOW THE WORLDS CONNECT WITH EACH OTHER IN CC3

okay sjm said the hints in acosf includes the eight pointed star

(also you all im literally crying rn im that excited oh my gosh)

the world that kicked out the Asteri IS THE WORLD WHERE RHYS AND FEYRE LIVES

in acosf there's talk about a group of people who lived in Prythan before Rhys and the bunch ("the overlords and the high fae)-- they're the ones who kicked the Asteri out

we'll find out more abt the eight point star

cc3 will have NON STOP REVEALS AND CONNECTIONS

CC3 picks up right off where CC2 leave off cuz sjm can leave us hanging bahahahaha

first draft is split between acotar and midgard

"book three is going to be so long... maybe my longest book ever"

"you'll see what happens with Ruhn and Day" (im sqealing)

"you should be worried [about Ruhn in the dungeons]"

"what goes on in the dungeons might be too much.. I'll see what my editors say about it"

"poor Ruhn and Hunt and Baxian" (im scared for my babies)

confirmed Aelin sees Rhys and Feyre in KoA

The "star" (Aelin) Rhys sees gets fully mentioned in CC3 (im crying even harder now so exicted omigosh)

Rhy's already been thinking about them not being alone in the universe.. he been "kinda of ready but not really for it"

Bryce from a modern world with technology in a world without it (sjm's biggest concern is "toilet paper" and "that" (im assuming how people in acotar shit) will be answered in cc3

Hunt's lineage and bat wings and angel wings will all get explained in cc3

I KEEP CRYING

"avengers level crossover"

"how they get along and DONT get along"

"Nyx definitely features...so far... in book three" (dont cut Nyx out im beggin)

timeline could shift a little but Bryce falling through the world happened around six months after silver flames ("so Nyx is still like a little baby")

Will see everyone being very protective of baby Nyx

“Who else can open up gates to” “That is a big question” (suggestive expression😉)

NO BUT SJM’S LOOK WHEN Katherine mention WYRM GATES asdfghjkl

See the full post

162 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Sure, Night Court drama is interesting. You got that whole thing with Cassian, Mor and Azriel. You got Cassian and Nesta ETL. You got whatever is going on with Azriel, Elain, Lucien and potentially Gwyn. You've got the Archeron sisters fighting like cats and dogs. You've got Rhys thinking he's doing the right thing but he's actually fucking up majorly. It's messy as hell. It's a trashy reality TV show that's kind of cringey to watch, but you watch it anyway because you can't look away from the clusterfuck.

But the Autumn Court? The Autumn Court is in a league of its own. You got Lucien being the product of an affair between the LOA and Helion that spanned centuries. You've got everyone knowing that Lucien is the product of this affair except for Lucien and Helion themselves. You've got LOA hating her abusive husbands guts but not doing anything about it besides probably plotting his death with her eldest son. You got the Vanserra brothers actively despising each other and throwing each other under the bus every chance they get. You've got the whole shit with poor Jesminda that Lucien spent centuries blaming Eris for, even though Eris did what he could to try and help. You've got an entire court running on shitty policies that someone needs to do something about. You've got centuries of bad blood in a family, where truly anything could have occurred. The alliances, the betrayals, the scandals.

That is a reality TV show that I would watch the shit out of.

Won't You Run Away With Me Chapter 1

ITS ABOUT HELION AND LOA!!! IM EXCITED FOR MYSELF

tw: noncon (not graphic)

short chapter, 1K words

Summary: Based on Helion's conversation with the IC in ACOWAR, what happened between Helion and Lady of the Autumn court (because ms sarah janet maas takes two years to finish a book and I cannot wait for her big reveal and no one wrote a fic on this so i'm doing it)

Read on AO3

CHAPTER 1: BEFORE THE WAR

“I heard her family wanted internal ties to power, and that they didn’t give her a choice before they sold her to Beron.” - Helion to Mor, ACOWAR

The fire in her blood is her damnation, for she was about to become the Lady of Autumn, the pretty, silent wife to Beron Vanserra.

There was no choice in the matter really, her father needed the political alliance that came from selling his youngest daughter to the cruel High Lord of Autumn. No matter that she was just 20- a child, barely past her first bleed- and Beron was nearly a century old. And war… war was looming, and her parents certainly couldn’t afford for their alliances with the High Lord to drift. She begged her family for more time, to wait just a few years.

-

“I’ll find another High Lord to marry,” she had pleaded on her knees, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. Her father sneered, the room heating with his rage. “What do you know about alliances? To be married to Beron Vanserra, what more could a female like you want?” She flinched. What more could a girl like you want. Love! She wanted to scream. I want to marry the male I love! But what did she know? Her sisters, watching behind a half closed door, looked at her with eyes full of pity and knowing. Knowing, for the male she had met at the equinox ball who had charmed her with his warm smile and bright eyes. The son of the High Lord of the Day Court. Helion Spellcleaver. Her father barely gave his weeping daughter another look before winnowing out of the room. He did not notice the crumpled letter she held in her hands and the unfamiliar necklace hidden beneath her dress. He did not wait for her to reveal the male that has been courting her for almost a year. She threw the letter into the fireplace and weeped. The fire eagerly swallowed up the letter. A declaration of love, a promise turned into ash. - The wedding is a relatively quiet ceremony with just Beron’s most important lords. The commoners would hear of this later, through an official proclamation. It was a relief that no one else would witness her humiliation, though she supposed no one really cared who she was as long as she kept Beron happy.

That was her job now, to keep a high lord happy. To look pretty, have a few children and pray and hope the lord would not tire of her too soon. She supposed there were worst things in the world. Beron’s servants were silent as they prepared her for the wedding, they kept their eyes down, deft hands dressing her without so much as an extra glance for the female marrying their high lord. Perhaps they were glad that with her as Beron’s wife, he would be otherwise occupied, in the bedroom at least.

She was not oblivious to Beron’s temper and the commoners’-- and rest of the court for that matter-- contempt toward Beron. For good reason too, she had heard of how he treated his servant, and how he ensured that people who spoke against him promptly disappeared. The few times she had gone to the countryside were even worse- though she secretly agreed that the farmers’ outright hatred for the lord was justified- they were paid barely more than what it took them to buy their crops, while Beron and other lords in the capital were drowning in finery and wasting the food that should’ve gone to the hungry people.

She was also under no illusion that the lord would grow to feel even an inkling of love for her, knew that she was nothing but a prized breeding mare. She wanted to ask the servant girls how they survived, how she could survive. But as the servants finished putting her hair into twist on her head, the words stuck in her throat. She gave them a thankful nod, and looked in the mirror. She did not recognize who stared back. She was led out by an armed sentry, as she looked back at the servant girls, she was surprised to find that there were tears brimming in their eyes. The girls caught her staring and promptly looked down, expressionless once again. She wondered whether someday she would look like that too.

Suddenly, she couldn’t help but wish that a certain amber eyed male would come a save her.

- She did not remember what happened exactly during the ceremony other than the murmured thanks to the halfhearted congratulations thrown her way. She had been lost in a crowd of lords trying to gain Beron’s favor, the dress making it her for her to disappear back into her room.

Her room.

She did not share a room with the lord, even now that they’re married. Beron had barely spared her a second glance after the crowds had dispersed. He winnowed away to cauldron knows where, as if he could barely stand the sight of her. It was a sentry who saw her confused expression and led her to her room, then told her that Beron would seek her out when he wished. Or she would be summoned to the High Lord’s quarters.

To be summoned like a dog. She almost let slip. But the sentry did not deserve her anger. So she simply nodded her thanks and went into her room.

-- The first night was the hardest. Beron had, in fact, seeked her out. She did not make a sound as Beron made her undress. She did not let out the tears that threatened to spill out. She did not let herself feel what was happening. But it was afterward when the door slammed shut and she was left alone in that cold, unfamiliar bed that she realized, truly realized, that this was her life now. She was the High Lord’s possession, his to treat however he wished.

And there was not one damn thing she could do about it.

“My name is Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, and I will not be afraid.”

I am screaming over my own art right now. This came out 10x better than I had initially envisioned and I am so damn proud of it✊🏻